


Odi Et Amo (Hate And Love)

by rivaillin



Series: Hate And Love [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Shingeki no Kyojin Fusion, F/F, F/M, M/M, ereri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 16:03:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 135,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1353415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivaillin/pseuds/rivaillin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A gay couple with no remedy, two psychotic twins, a horse faced idiot, a freckled jesus and a ghostly girl. Eren has never regretted his decidion to join the dorms so much. And the worst part is: he's falling in love. COLLEGE AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mitsucchi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mitsucchi/gifts), [Irrationalix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irrationalix/gifts).



> I was only supposed to post this once I was done with Sprouting Wings, but well, the map is already all done and the amount of chapters has already been annonced for that one. Besides, Nini is excited (and so am I, ugh). Here goes nothing!
> 
> There's not much of a plot. It's all up there in the summary. There's nothing fishy about this, just another way for me to have fun and contribute to this amazing fandom. This is also a gift for Mitsu (I did say I would get you something better) and it's dedicated to my best buddie (Suzu).
> 
> But hey, guess what! Levi and Mikasa are twins, and Eren is actually a cool winner in this one. Dayum, I love sass Eren. Don't you? Riren is needing some love.
> 
> And well, if you have any questions, please, do visit my blog ([ **_here_ ** ](http://rivaillin.tumblr.com/)). Feel free to ask me anything you want.
> 
> Have one juicy first chapter.
> 
> PS: I'll probably add more ships to the tags as the fic goes on.

They say college changes you. It’s a period of your life you will never forget, either for the positive or the negative side. And that’s maybe why people expect so much from it. Because for most of us, freshmen, it’s that one moment when we leave the _nest_ to discover new boundaries, it’s a breath of freedom.

As you pack your bags and say goodbye to all your high school friends, though, you may start feeling a little apprehensive. You’re getting ready to start a whole new phase of your life, and yeah, you’re excited, but leaving your room, your friends, and the barista who knows your Starbucks order by heart can be a little scary.

Armin was thrilled, of course. He always was. He’d been talking about college ever since our first year in high school. Well, he liked to aim high, I couldn’t judge him. Actually, his joy was what gave me the courage to leave my house and family behind.

Shiganshina was a kind district. It was the perfect place to be raised in, and I was certain that if I ever had kids, I would want them to grow up there. True, it wasn’t some sort of rich neighborhood, but it had what all kids needed.

Still, back to the point, college was a scary topic to me. I never really liked change. Change was foreign and foreign was bad. But well, change was required, so I had to swallow all the hardships and keep on moving forward towards my goal.

I always liked history. It was probably the only subject I had enough motivation to study for on my own. I just loved it. And the Department of Modern and Classical Languages offered a wide range of courses in the language, literature, and culture of the languages. Pretty neat, for someone like me.

But oh, well. In order to do it, I had to move from Shiganshina to Trost. And since Armin and I couldn’t rent a house for both of us, considering everything in Trost was fucking expensive, we both moved to the dorms. Just our luck, though, when I found out we’d be staying in different sectors. Armin had been placed in Block A, and I had been placed in Block B (5th floor, door A1, to be more precise).

So there I was, after three months of preparations, waiting for the doorman to give me my keys so I could proceed to take my bags to my respective room—which, by the way, I would have to share with some unknown fellow.

Keith Shadis was his (the doorman’s) name. He had that intimidating look. There was something scary about the way his eyes looked. I’d heard weird stories about that guy, but I was also quite certain that looking scared would only make things worse.

“Eren Jäger, is that correct?” He asked, eyes jumping between my face and the computer screen over his desk. “Tell me your student ID code.”

“104T5.”

With a quick flick of his hand, he threw a set of keys above the desk. There was a blue strap attached with the number of my room on it. I took it and gave the man a small bow before grabbing my stuff and heading towards the stairs.

Yes, _stairs_ , because a building with 7 floors had no need of elevators.

Took me about ten minutes to get to the fifth floor, thanks to the weigh I was carrying. And Christ, I hated my mother for the shitton of clothes she’d made me put in that bag. “It’s going to be cold!” She said. “What if you dirty your clothes?” It wasn’t like I wouldn’t go back home, besides, there was a washing machine in each house. I was pretty sure I could wash my clothes without any problems—even if it was something I’d never done before. But hey, need calls expertise.

But well, after arriving at my respective floor (and losing 10kg along the way), I was faced with another problem. I had no idea which one of those three keys was the one to unlock the front door. I could start trying to barge in, trying all the keys I had with me, or I could just ring the bell and wait for someone to open the door.

_Someone would open the door, right?_

I hoped so, because that’s what I did: ring the doorbell.

The person who came in my rescue didn’t take long. He opened the door, eyes flashing with joy and a friendly smile spreading across his freckled features. He looked nice. He looked alright. That was a wonderful start.

“Hello,” I started, “I’m Eren. I’m here for the—”

“You’re the freshman, right?”

I gave him a look. “Yes…” _Suspicious, too suspicious…_

The guy innocently blinked at me before realization came to him. “Oh, right. I’m Marco, Marco Boldt! Nice to meet you, Eren.” There was a hand in front of me before I could reply. I shook it. “Please, do come in.” He told me, making space for me. “Do you need help with those?” I followed his eyes. He was looking at my bag (bags, considering my laptop and backpack).

No, I didn’t need help. Or maybe I did, but I wouldn’t tell him. I could do it on my own.

I gave him a half-smile. “No, it’s alright. I can do it.”

“Alright,” he replied with a grin, “come in, then!”

The house was huge. There was a long corridor that went from the front door to what seemed to be the kitchen. Along that corridor there were a couple of doors, some with drawings on them, some with sentences and others just plain simple.

The freckled guy, whose name I had already forgotten, was leading the way. I had no idea how he knew which one was my room, but oh well.

“You know,” he started, “it’s pretty bad that you’re the only freshman in this flat.” He chuckled, taking a look above his shoulder to see how I was dealing with the _performance_ of dragging my bag along the hall. “We’re basically all seniors in here; you’re going to get bored soon.”

_Is that so…?_

Fuck, after climbing all those stairs with that huge bag, there was no more strength left in my arms. I was already sweating like a horse.

“Do you need help with that…?” The freckled guy asked again. That smile of his wasn’t leaving his face. He was probably the nice kind of guy. Too nice was a bad thing, though. Too nice was always a bad thing.

“Ahm, well…” I leaned against the wall to try to catch my breath. “This is a bit heavy…”

He laughed. “It’s alright. So… let’s see…” He tried to pick it up. “Wow, this is really heavy. How did you drag this all the way up here?” There was a surprised tone in his voice. Why always that tone? I wasn’t a weakling. “Help me on that side, will you?”

We passed by a couple of doors until we were almost at the very end of the corridor. The freckled dude knocked on the door that I guessed to be my room and then waited. The guy who came to open it almost made me sneer. There was something about that face and that haircut of his that made it all pretty funny in my head. Plus, the way he was dressed didn’t really help me. He looked like some British rich kid. A rich kid with a really long face.

“Yoh, what’s up?” He greeted, giving me a quick look.

“Hey,” the freckled guy greeted back, “help us out, will you, Jean?”

Jean, I guessed, blinked at us for a few seconds before deciding to lend us a hand. He helped us carry my bag inside, and I took the chance to look around the room.

There was a bunk bed by farthest wall, two different wardrobes and two different desks, all distributed one per wall so there was some privacy. It wasn’t a big room, and that was cool. I was already prepared to whatever shit life had prepared for me, but that was actually alright. There were a few posters on the left wall (The Beatles, actually), next to a big bunch of photography boards. I could see that guy had been to a lot of places. He seemed like a winner in life (and maybe he was one). There was also a guitar standing by the bed. An acoustic one, for as much as my understanding in music went.

“Alright,” Jean started after we placed the bag next to what I guessed to be my wardrobe, “I’m Jean, nice to meet you, kid.” He extended me a hand. I shook it, but not without giving him a look.

“I’m Eren.” I said. “Eren Jäger.”

“Woh, are you German?” He asked.

“My father is… was… whatever.”

“Oh, alright…”

There was an awkward silence falling on us for a few moments. Gladly, someone caught our attention by knocking at the door. He was a tall, broad-shouldered guy with really short blonde hair. His eyes looked scary if it wasn’t for his silly-looking face.

“Yoh, Jea—Oh, hello there!” He greeted. “I’m Reiner. Are you the new kid?”

Why were they all calling me _kid?_

I bowed my head in response.

“Anyway,” He went on, “the movie is on, come on!”

“Which movie did you guys pick?” Jean asked.

“ _Species_ , that creepy movie Levi talked about.”

“Ugh, alright. Give me a sec.” He waved at the blonde guy who quickly disappeared with a grin on his face. “So, ahm, Eren… As you’ve probably guessed, I am your roommate.”

_Wow, really? Hadn't noticed._

“That side is mine,” he pointed at the wall on the left, full of posters and pictures, “that side is yours. I am on the top bed,” he motioned to the bunk bed, “so you take the bottom.”

The bottom was ok. I was actually hopping for it anyway. I never really liked heights.

“And well, welcome to our flat!” He applauded with a wide smile, before patting my shoulder. “Anyway, duty calls. I’ll catch with you later. Marco, give him a heads up.”

I was left quite perplexed. Nothing was fitting anymore. I gave a look to my bag and then another to Marco.

“Sorry about that…” He told me. “They’ve been doing this movie afternoon thing… I don’t know.” He chuckled. “Anyway, I think you could use some help, right? Also…” He paused and blinked at me. “We need to go get some washed sheets for your bed… and oh, first of all! Maybe I should show you around?”

Yes, that was actually a good idea. Suspiciously nice or not, I supposed he was the only one I could count on that moment.

“Alright,” He started once we stepped into the long corridor once more, “so the first door you face once you get in is Reiner’s room, that guy you just met. He shares it with Bert. Then, the door next to it is my room. If you ever need something, just knock.” He smiled. “I’m a Law student, so that means I am usually in there all the time. Law students don’t have much free time.” He laughed. “Then, there’s the girls’ room, that one door with the _Pulp_ _Fiction_ poster.” He paused to point at the door in front of it. “There is the bathroom. There’re two showers and one toilet in it, you can go check it out. That other door right after is another bathroom but we never really use it.” He pointed at the door next to us, then. “This is your room, obviously, _right_. Your roommate is Jean. He’s a senior in Media Communications, so I’m pretty sure you’ll have company all the time.” He patted my shoulder and gave me a selfless look. “Believe me, I know how being a freshman in a new place sucks.”

Finally, I mastered myself to give him a decent smile.

“Is that the kitchen?” I asked, tilting my head to see what was behind him.

Marco turned around almost in a jump. “Oh, yes! Come on, come on!” He waved his hand for me to follow him.

The division next to mine was the living room, it seemed. It appeared quite the place. There were three sofas, all big enough for at least three people to fit in them, a wide screened TV, a table, and a—a Christmas tree? What the hell was a Christmas tree doing there? We were in September, not even a month away… I had to make a mental note to ask Marco about that later on—bunch of guys gathered around a laptop in one of the sofas.

But well, the kitchen… It was a really nice kitchen, between how nice kitchens can be. It leaded to a closed balcony, where the washing machine and the drying machine were, right next to some tiny table.

Marco walked me all the way to a few shelves and then tapped on an empty one. “This is for your stuff. There’s also an empty place in fridge.”

I nodded at him and then took a look out the balcony’s window. It was a beautiful day outside. Fuck my life for having to spend basically the rest of that afternoon in this place.

I wondered about Armin, hoping he’d had better luck than me.

“Uh,” Marco went on, “there’s this lady who comes every other day to do some cleaning. She used to come by on Mondays and Thursdays but now she only passes by from time to time. Anyway, no need to worry if you suddenly see a strange woman walking into the bathrooms, alright?” He laughed. “We all got scared when we saw her for the first time.”

“Oh,” I nodded, “I see. Why doesn’t she come that often, though?”

Marco looked quite oblivious for a few seconds while he blinked at me. Then, he just looked away with a sheepishly expression. “Well, you see… Levi happened.”

Ah, that name again.

“Who’s Levi?” I asked.

“He’s… ahm, he’s my roommate.” He scratched his cheek with his finger. “You see, I am glad you asked because I should warn you about a few things regarding Levi…”

Oh, boy.

“So you see…” Marco started. “He’s a really _nice_ person, but there’s some sort of rule about how we need to keep this place as clean as ever, you know…? Otherwise, Levi will just look at you as if you are some sort of rapist who hasn’t been arrested yet. Not to mention he’s not all about staring…”

I frowned. “What do you mean…?”

“Well, Jean always had this weird habit of leaving his jackets in the living room. It got to a point he had no more jackets hanged in his wardrobe. We all warned him about it, but he kept doing it from time to time… And well… One day he woke up to find out that all the jackets he had left in the living room had been thrown out of the window… into the backyard of the building…”

Wow, that was seriously hardcore. I mean, not that what Jean or whatever did wasn’t a bit annoying in a way, but just— _wow_.

“Reiner, on the other hand, had the bad habit of not washing the dishes he used… One day he came into his room to find all of them above his bed… unwashed…”

I tried not to laugh. Marco did seem serious about the whole matter, and I didn’t want to sound disrespectful. But, in a way, it was funny. Maybe not so funny if it had been done to me. It was much of a punch in a person’s ego.

There was no way anyone would sucker punch my ego.

Anyway, after a few more instructions about how things worked around there, Marco and I went back in what was _finally_ my room (yes, not only mine, but whatever). He opened what was now _my_ wardrobe and took a few white sheets out. He asked me to go on with setting those on my bed while he went to get some covers. He also asked if I had any sort of color reference, but I just looked around the room—and at Jean’s sheet covers—and mumbled “brown”. I didn’t want that room to look like some rainbow colored circus so I preferred to keep the whole brown theme going. Brown was a nice color.

When he got back I was already undoing my bags. My computer was already set above my desk, charging, after I had exhausted all its battery on the way here.

I was always glad buses had Wi-Fi.

While I kept working on emptying my bags, Marco did the favor of keeping me some company. At some point in the conversation, I realized it wasn’t just a favor, though. He hated horror movies, even more Sci-Fi movies with alien related plots. That was why he hadn’t joined everyone else, but he did thank me for being around so he wouldn’t have to be alone. He was just too nice.

Suspiciously nice.

He also complemented me on my choice of career, though all I could muster as reply was “I feel sorry for your choice, though.” He didn’t sensor me, he actually laughed at that.

There was still this uneasy feeling wrapped around my insides. Kinda like having butterflies in your stomach, see? This entire new environment, all those new people, that was as scary as hell. Even so, Marco was doing a good job at keeping me distracted. A job that should have been Armin’s, actually… I was almost done and he hadn’t even called me. Maybe he was having fun? Or maybe he was late? There was no way Armin would have any sort of fun without me, was there?

“The good thing is,” Marco chuckled, snapping me out of my thoughts, “the praxis around here is not that abusive. Unless you’re in the science department… those guys do like to abuse power.”

I looked at him. “I am actually glad to hear that, frankly…” Yes, I was. Praxis was not my thing. “Though, Armin once told me the guys from the arts department had it worse.”

“Armin?” Marco asked with pure curiosity showing in his voice.

“Ahm, my best friend.”

“Oh! Well, he’s kind of right.”

“How was it for you? I mean, the whole thing.”

Marco looked up as if considering the question. “Well, you see… Law students are usually a bunch of conceited idiots, truth to be told. And if they are not by the moment they enroll in the course, they end up getting spoiled enough to be it by the end of their final semester. So well, they do enjoy playing that kind of thing on freshmen. It’s like playing Lawyer, instead of Mom and Dad.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t been corrupted yet.” I admitted. “How do you manage?”

He laughed. “Well, I don’t really want to be a lawyer, you see… I am following jurisdiction.”

“Oh? Is that any different? They all look the same to me on TV.”

He closed his eyes and smiled warm-heartedly as he shrugged. “I believe I can make the difference. I know, it’s pretty naïve. I get that all the time. But it’s nice to believe, right?”

Well, probably. I seriously had no idea, so I just shrugged at him. That’s how far I could go in understanding human behavior. Or should I say human philosophy? That guy truly was a freckled Jesus.

_May God spare him of the same end._

I finished unpacking by the time Jean came in the room again. He walked up to his desk and sat there as he watched Marco talk about some funny things he had experienced as a freshman in college. I didn’t say anything either, simply sitting down on my bed since Marco was occupying the chair next to my desk. I guess there was some sort of silent agreement in the air. We would only get to talk once Marco was done.

And he did finish, eventually, giving Jean the chance to address me.

“So, Eren—was it—classes only start in a week. I wasn’t expecting you so soon…”

My eyes shifted from Marco to him. “You were expecting me?” I asked, again, suspiciously.

“Well, Keith gave us the warning last week. But we already knew the chances this bed could get occupied were high. These dorms are always full.” He shrugged. “The guy who was here last year did sound like some mob guy, though.” He laughed. “I’m glad he’s gone.”

Marco chuckled. “Oh, come on. Nac wasn’t that bad.”

Jean arched an eyebrow. “ _Wasn’t that bad_?” He echoed. “The guy peed on his bed on his first night. How’s _that_ not bad?”

Marco gave me a quick look. “Science department.” He explained. “I don’t blame him.”

“Yeah. That’s because you weren’t on the bed under him. Can you imagine if it actually started raining pee on me? How about that?”

“Jean, you’re exaggerating. Have you considered that maybe it was you who put him miles away from here? You kept on nagging him about it!” There was a severe tone showing in Marco’s voice I didn’t expect, so I just stared at him. “Anyway, what matters is that he’s probably in a better place, right now.”

_If it has an elevator it definitely is a better place._

“That’s pretty morbid.” Jean threw in with a sneer. “But oh well, rest in peace, Nac Tius.” His gaze was somehow lost between Marco’s head and the ceiling when it suddenly snapped to the door. “Hey oh, Mikasa! Good afternoon.” He grinned at someone I quickly recognized to be a girl. She was probably passing by when Jean caught her presence.

Mikasa turned to lean her shoulder against the doorframe and glance at us with two bored-bed-eyes. But even so, even with all that bed hair, I had to admit she was pretty—if not hot. She was wearing some white shorts and a grey top, clearly displaying her shaped figure to all of us. She had abs, oh yes. Probably more abs than I could ever dream to have. She was hot, alright? And I was almost caught up in the moment for a second if she hadn’t spoken.

“Morning…”

Jean snorted and pointed at her with his thumb. “ _Morning_ , she says.”

The raven girl rose one of her feet to scratch her calf, still looking at us as if we were the most boring sight ever. “Is my brother awake?” She asked, grey eyes rolling to Marco.

He half-smiled. “Still asleep it seems. You guys arrived pretty late, I don’t blame him.” Did he ever blame anyone? That was the second time I’d heard him say that sentence.

“Is Annie here yet?” Jean asked, eyes going between the other two.

Mikasa shook her head. “Nah, she’s only arriving by the end of the week.” There was something about her voice that was really soft, probably silk-like soft.

Reiner and some other guy I didn’t know passed behind the girl, raising their hands just slightly at the group. “We’re going out.” Both of them said at the same time. I noticed, though, Reiner gave Mikasa a heavy look before walking away. And well, Jean was quick to explain.

“Those two are so done now that Levi is back.” He snickered. Marco threw him a look. “What. It’s true, right?” He looked at Mikasa, probably trying to get some reassurance.

She shrugged. “Not my business.” And then, turning around with a graceful swing, she walked away into what I guessed to be the kitchen.

“Oh, by the way!” Jean got up and followed after her. “We watched that movie your brother told us about. Creepy stuff, man!”

I blinked, in my own confusion. So Mikasa and Levi were siblings? I hadn’t pictured Levi in my head yet, but if Mikasa was of any reference, I could only guess Levi was another majestic piece.

“Ahm…” I started, with no intention to finish.

Marco’s eyes shifted to me. “You should probably be headed to the supermarket.” He told me.

“Huh?”

“Well, dinner is on the house. We all end up having this one day to show our cooking skills to everyone else—it’s just a way not to lose our touch in the kitchen or just develop it, actually—but lunch and whatever snacks you need are on you.” He smiled. “There will probably come your turn to show us your skills as well.”

Cooking, huh? That wasn’t my thing at all. I had always been too dependent on premade food. That or I’d be eating mom’s cooking, which was always good. But oh well, anything to fit in, I guessed.

Anyway, Marco was right. It was probably a good idea to go get some stuff. I picked up my phone to take a look at the time. It was already past 5pm. That whole unpacking sure had taken some time. And Armin hadn’t called me yet. Maybe I could wait for him so we could go to the supermarket together. Yeah, that was a good idea.

Marco slapped his tights and got up. “Well, I will leave you alone now. If you need anything, I’ll be around.”

I nodded at him. “Thanks.”

He did me the favor of closing the door so I could have some privacy. Still, I had to laugh at the thought since now privacy was something I wouldn’t get so easily.

Even so, I took the time to process my whole new situation. I was basically living on the 5th floor of a 7 floored building with—what—seven other people, each one of them so different from the other I had no idea how they could all get along—or maybe that’s why they could. There was Marco, the freckled Jesus, probably the nicest person I ever had the chance to meet. He was still suspiciously nice, though, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a serial killer under all that fine façade. There was Jean, who struck me as that normal bohemian guy. I had no idea what to think about him, to be honest. There was Reiner, who from what I’d heard and seen seemed like someone who had a stick up his asshole or something. His friend, whose name I couldn’t remember anymore, didn’t look any better though. I hadn’t even caught him on a good perspective yet. There was Mikasa, the top model girl with a very distant personality—or maybe just a bad morning mood—and her brother, Levi, who I’d heard a lot about but had yet to meet. And then, there was Annie. That one was a complete mystery, but from what I’d seen so far, I wouldn’t be surprised.

I threw my back on the bed, quickly frowning at the unfamiliar scent that was spread all over me. Knowing myself as I did, I supposed that night and the next two to follow would be really hard ones in matters of insomnia. Unfamiliar scents and environments were one of the major causes to my unusual but factual sleep deprivation. Not to mention there would be someone sleeping right above me.

I had just arrived and I was already homesick.

My phone buzzed next to me, making me reach for it in a hurry. It was a text from Armin saying _“I’ll be waiting for you by the gate in about five minutes.”_              

_Finally!_

I got up and looked around. My wallet was above my desk, just like my keys. As I grabbed them I remembered that maybe I should have called my mother. We had spoken on the phone when Armin and I had arrived at the campus, so I was debating myself when to call her again. What was kinda funny, considering that just a few weeks ago I would have given everything to get her out of my legs, but the sudden distance made everything different.

Shaking my head at the thought, I just grabbed whatever I had to grab and exited the room. However, right after I closed the door behind me, a sudden thought invaded my head.

_I can’t just leave my stuff exposed just like that. What if someone gets in the room?_

_Come on, Eren, stop being so suspicious about every little thing._

_But well, I don’t trust Jean. I don’t trust anybody!_

_Alright, but they’re just a bunch of seniors._

_That’s exactly why I am worrying. I am the freshman here._

By the corner of my eye I spotted Marco standing by the kitchen door. He and Jean seemed to be talking about their holidays to the so bored girl sitting on the balcony—she actually looked quite bored, as she beautifully munched some toast— _ugh, Eren, stop looking._

I wondered if I should have said something to them, but opted to keep my mouth shut and just get the hell out of there. After going down a shitton of stairs, I passed by the doorman, who was looking at me as if I’d committed a crime. I gave him a nod to show I had acknowledged him and then ran the hell out of there.

It was so warm outside… Running was definitely a bad idea, especially after that entire stair climb I had to do with a bunch of bags attached to my body.

Armin was by the gates. He waved when he caught me in his sight.

I huffed as I slowed down and threw my arms around him. “Armin!” I moaned, completely dropping a full bunch of limbs around him.

“Oh, my god… let me go! You’re so warm!” He whined, trying to set himself free. “What’s going on? You’re all sweaty… Gross.”

“I wanna go home…” I kept moaning.

He chuckled. “What? But we just got here. Come on, get a hold of yourself. It’s too hot outside already, I don’t need you around to make it worse. And you do need a shower.”

_Shower? Ah, I completely forgot to check out the bathrooms!_

“Can I shower at your place?” I asked, making the face I usually would when I really wanted something and had to play nice in order to get it. “Can I sleep at your place?”

Armin looked at me with an altruistic expression. “Come on, Eren… stop fooling around.”

“I am not fooling around!” I shouted as I grabbed his shoulders. “They’re all so weird! Plus, they’re all seniors! Why do you have to be in a different block, I hate you for that!”

He laughed. “Well, too bad, I guess. I was going to treat you to McDonalds, but since you hate me, no can do…” The grin he threw in was too much to take. I just stepped back and nodded as if whatever he had said made any sense.

“I take back what I said. Let’s go eat. I’m actually thirsty…” My hand reached for my neck. “All dried out… fucking stairway…”

“Stairway?” Armin asked as he motioned for me to follow him. “Why didn’t you use the elevator?” He asked in surprise and amusement.

“Well, maybe because—wait. You. Have. An. Elevator.”

“I have an elevator.” He nodded.

“Why don’t I have an elevator…?” That was just insane. “My karma surely sucks to no end!”

“Oh, Connie explained that to me—someone from my flat, you see—it’s because both blocks were constructed in different decades.”

_No, not really. I just have really bad luck._

We both went to McDonalds. Apparently, Armin was well informed about where everything was already. Not much of a surprise, though. He had spent the last three months doing research about the whole place. Not to mention he was a brain. He had to know all that stuff already. What would I do without him? Probably show up dead in some alley by the end of my first week.

I told him about the people from my flat and Armin just listened in pure daze. Then, he told me about his experience. He told me about a really nice couple I would probably be glad to meet. Their names were Connie and Sasha. He also told me there was a really pretty blonde girl in the room next to his, guarded by her roommate who looked like a freckled lieutenant on a moody day; amusingly different from my experience with a freckled person; Jesus versus Satan’s offspring.

Armin was smart, and he knew me. He always discerned that a nice little chat and a good meal were enough to put me at ease. We walked around for a while, with him telling me about his plans for the week. Classes wouldn’t start in a week, so he said he would take his time to get to know Trost a little better. I offered to stick along. Usually, I would prefer to stay at home, but that place was no place to call home. Home is basically where you can take a dump and just feel good about it. There was no way I would be able to do that in such a place.

We ended our walk by passing by the nearest supermarket. Armin bought the usual, while I just filled my basket with noodles and whatever instant meals I could find.

As we got back to the dorms, though, that uneasy feeling I’d had for the whole afternoon returned. I gave Armin the look of a completely lost puppy, but he just scoffed and patted my back.

“Come on, Eren. And call your mother before you go to sleep, alright?” He smiled. “I’m just a text away—or a phone call, though I know you prefer texts.”

I grudgingly made my way back to my block, climbing each stair with a grain of salt under my tongue. As I got in, though, after trying all the keys I had with me, there was a strange breeze around the whole hall. It was refreshing, in a way, and somehow nostalgic.

I walked up to the kitchen so I could place the things I’d bought in their respective place. The windows from the balcony were open and the raven girl from that afternoon was there. Her eyes rose up to mine once I entered the place and she gave me this thin smile that only looked sunny if I considered her eyes.

“You must be Eren.” She said. She was still wearing the same clothes she had slept in. “I’m Mikasa. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.” I mumbled, not even making any effort to sound one bit nice. “Where is everyone else?”

She shrugged as she looked out the window. The sunset made her look ever prettier. “Marco and Jean went out to buy some shit. Dinner is on them tonight, it seems.” There was a pause. “I think they want to make some tacos.” She looked at me. “Do you like tacos, Eren?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I like tacos too.”

_Huh. Alright._

“Mexican food and Indian food are my favorites.” She said. “It’s a shame we can’t eat those at home.”

I leaned my back against the shelf. There was no reason to stay, but there was no reason to go away. Besides, it seemed alright, even though the company was kind of weird, but I definitely didn’t want to be alone. “Why is that?” I asked, actually curious for once.

She shrugged. “Levi and mom don’t like spicy food.”

Levi, uh? There was that name again.

“Levi is your brother, right?”

Mikasa looked at me and blinked. “Yes, twin brother. I suppose you haven’t met him yet, right?”

“Right.” A pause. “I’ve heard a lot, though.”

“Is that so.” She didn’t seem surprised. It wasn’t even a question. “Well, maybe if your reference was Jean, you’ve heard a lot… yeah.”

_What? No, actually it was just Marco. Jean didn’t say much._

“Well, I—”

“Jean has been trying to get in my brother’s pants for quite a while.” She shrugged with one of those smiles again. I was guessing that was her trademark smile.

 _But more importantly…“_ What _.” I didn’t need to know that._ “So Jean swings that way…?”

“Jean swings all the ways.”

Well, I could relate to that. Sexuality was overrated.

“So ahm,” I started in an attempt to change the subject, “what do you study?”

“Physical Therapy.” She raised her hand, making a V with her fingers. “If you ever get cranky, come talk to me. I’ll fix you up.” Her poker face was really comical, in a way.

I chuckled. “Thanks.”

Jean and Marco joined us a few moments later. They were carrying a bunch of bags from the same supermarket Armin and I had gone to.

“I hope you like tacos.” Jean mumbled.

I shrugged. “I do. I hope you can cook.”

He raised a finger to point at me. “Don’t you test me, Eren. I will make the best tacos ever. You’ll cry for more, you’ll see.”

“Jean,” Marco warned, “you’re supposed to make this to welcome the boy, not turn it into a competition.”

I stepped away from the shelf. “Wow, wow, what? I don’t need any special treatment!”

“See?” Jean said as he pointed a carrot at Marco. “Eren doesn’t need special treatment.”

“If you make it too spicy you’ll have to deal with Levi.” Mikasa threw in with another of her trademark smiles. “That’s all I am saying.”

“Well, my lady, how about you go get him out of bed?”

“What? You do that. I don’t want to die today.”

“Ugh, whatever. Marco, call the straight boys and ask them if they’re having dinner with us.”

_Straight boys? Is he talking about Reiner and his friend?_

Mikasa patted my shoulder and gave me a nod. “Come on. We take care of the table.” As she passed by Jean, I saw her brush her fingertips against his neck. “Not too spicy.” She sang in a low tone.

It was just for a moment, but I saw Jean blush.

I smiled. For some reason, even though I was still feeling quite uneasy, it was getting easier to breathe around here. Maybe I’d have to step out of that defensive posture of mine and learn to enjoy things a little bit.

Just a little bit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Levi is finally here? This fic is finally starting to roam in different directions from what I'd planned. Anyway, being in London was nice. The awkward part was that I felt I wanted to write basically 99% of the time. I was going to update Sprouting Wings first but, OEA was calling for me.
> 
> By the way, Reiner is not a loser, and Bert will reach the spotline further in the story. I wanted to make Erwin a well-known, perfect gay butt around these parts of town, but Idk who to ship him with, help (??)  
> Also, Isabel and Farlan (from A Choice With No Regrets) will be part of this story. And the tomatoes thing will be explained quite soon.
> 
> Nevertheless, let's lock the belts. The plane is taking off. Thank you for chosing Ereri Airlines!

“Minor in what you love, major in something practical. My father always told me that.” Jean alleged as he placed the pan above the table. It smelled really good, to be honest. But well, food was my weakness. Nothing would ever beat those chili dogs Armin and I would get on our way back from school back in Shiganshina, but food would always be food.

I was leaning against the doorframe when Mikasa passed by from the hallway, snapping the air around me. She smelled nice. I noticed she was wearing something different, light denim shorts and a white top. Her hair was also tied up in a messy up-do and she was putting on some earrings when she regarded me with her half-standard look.

“You finished on your own?” She was probably referring to the table set.

I shrugged and smiled small. “No big deal.” We’d done most of the job together, napkins and cups wasn’t something I couldn’t find on my own. Besides, I seriously needed to start getting a hold of myself around here.

A distant sound of a click caught my attention. The front door opened and Reiner and Bertholdt—the _straight_ boys, I guessed—got in with a bunch of bags in their hands. Jean was quick to jump to my side and pop his head out of the living room as the curious idiot he was.

“Wow, what’s all that?” He asked. He was sort of invading my tiny private ball of air, leaning all over my shoulder so he wouldn’t fall, but I tried not to make a big deal out of it.

Reiner and Bertholdt exchanged a look and shrugged. “Clothes…? Bert needed a few shirts so we took the chance. They were on sales downtown!” Reiner raised one of the bags to make his point clear. The word _SALES_ could be seen from that far.

Jean hummed in confirmation and then turned his head to me. “Hungry?”

“Starving.”

He smirked. “Nice,” and then he rolled away but not before shouting “no sex before dinner” into the hallway. I tried not to roll my eyes, but he made it impossible.

Marco came from the kitchen with a bowl full of lettuce, and quickly resumed the conversation he and Jean were having about majoring. Turns out, Marco was reluctant about going beyond the usual five years of college. He wanted to start working as soon as possible so he could support his family. Jean, on the other hand, wanted to go further with his studies. Though, from what I’d seen and heard, I could only guess he just didn’t want to step into the next level of responsibility that working on a full-time job brought along.

I didn’t stay behind when Reiner and Bertholdt joined us and started surrounding the table. I sat between Mikasa and Jean, right in front of Marco.

“What about you, girl?” Jean asked, already serving himself. “Last year as well?”

Mikasa shrugged. “I don’t know. Levi and I haven’t discussed that yet.” She paused to stare at the pan in the middle of the table for a while and then sighed. “If he decides to stay to major in something, then I might do the same.”

“I always thought Levi had a major in _assholeness_ but maybe I’m wrong.” Reiner muttered under his breath. “No offense, Mikasa, you’re great. But your brother certainly has a mental illness.” He explained, giving the raven a few looks while he prepared his own taco. “Are you certain he didn’t kill innocent animals when he was a kid? That’s how psychopaths behave, you know?”

I side-glanced at her, but she didn’t seem bothered. Maybe she didn’t care, or maybe she was pretending she didn’t care someone was talking like that about her brother. Well, I’d care. But still… so much about Levi, I wasn’t certain of what to think yet.

“Sure,” she finally started, “you’re just lucky he didn’t meet you back then. Maybe you would have been his first experience.”

Jean snickered around his food and I took that as the cue to start eating as well.

I seriously didn’t want to give Jean any more reasons for him to act like a cocky bastard, but I had to admit he worked magic in the kitchen. Those were definitely the best tacos I’d had in a while. If I told him this, he’d probably make this whole novel around it, just like he did the whole time while he was cooking. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be faithful to my own character.

“It’s really good…” I trailed off once I finished my share.

Jean threw me a look. “ _Really_ good?”

I rolled my eyes. “I take it back, just good.”

“Yeah?” He smirked. “Then here you go! Second round!”

“Wow, wait—I don’t—!” Before I could help myself, my plate was full with two more tacos. I stared down attentively at the amount of food. “You do realize I can’t eat all this, right?”

Jean elbowed me. “What, come on, you need to put some fiber in that body of yours.”

“You mean _protein_ …” Mikasa corrected with an evil grin.

He considered it and then shrugged it off. “Whatever, all the same to me.”

We laughed, and that’s when the butterflies I’d been feeling all day in my stomach disappeared. They were all pretty weird, but they were also making it easy for me. Maybe, if things kept going so smoothly, I wouldn’t think so badly of the dorms anymore. And that’s being optimistic. But well, at least I shared a room with Jean. From all of them together, he was the only one unable to hurt a fly. Not saying he couldn’t throw a punch, but well, Jean was… _Jean_. _Jean_ was a new adjective in my dictionary. Cheerfully annoying and familiar with everyone—even me, someone he just met—always speaking his mind before he thinks.

“So, Eren,” Reiner called out chirpily, “tell us about you!”

I dropped my stare to the table and hummed for a while. Having all the attention on me was suddenly weird and I couldn’t help but blush. “There’s not much to tell…”

Mikasa was holding her head between her hands and giving me a rather jovial smile. “Where are you from?”

“Ahm… S-Shiganshina…”

She went dead serious all of a sudden. “Eh? Seriously? We live there as well.”

That was surprising. I was pretty sure that I’d covered all the pretty girls from Shiganshina already. No way would I have skipped _her_. “Really? I’ve never seen you there…”

“It’s hilarious how I am the only one from Trost.” Jean threw in before giving a hard gulp on his drink. I looked at my cup to see it empty.

_Why is he the only one drinking?_

“ _It’s hilarious_ how someone from here needs to occupy a room in the dorms.” Marco countered with a sigh. “You could spare that bed for someone who really needs it, you know?”

_Freckled Jesus in action._

Jean coughed. “W-What? I _need_ that bed! You have no idea how controlling my mother is.” He seemed mad. “A guy can’t even jerk off to a pretty magazine first thing in the morning! She’ll barge in saying I have to clean my room! Clean my room! At 9am!”

My eyes flew directly towards Mikasa. Talking about jerking off in front of a girl was something I was clearly uncomfortable with. Even other guys—even Armin—made it seem all awkward. Girls were definitely a _no_.

“What,” Reiner snickered, “you still wake up with awkward boners in the morning?”

Jean slammed his elbow on the table and pointed a finger at him. “Look here, you asshole—” while he engaged in a full monologue about boners and possible relationships, I caught another shadow in my field vision. _He_ was leaning against the doorframe, the exact same spot I’d been occupying before we sat down; eyes craved on me and furrowed brows as if I was a really boring TV show.

I stared back nonetheless, probably a bit awkwardly, but he didn’t move. There was a mug in one of his hands—he was holding it in a really awkward way, I must say—and he seemed to be hugging himself with his other arm. He seemed… small—short? And pale, and dreadfully sleepy, but his bed hair made me consider the word _cute_ for a long while. My eyes dropped a bit, down his white and wrinkled t-shirt to his dark and baggy pants and then back up again to his face. He seemed familiar, but I was certain I’d never seen him before.

“—and just so you know—!—” Jean stopped abruptly and his silence made me snap out of my daze “—ah, ghost, when did you wake up?”

Everyone turned to the door, but that didn’t seem to bother _that_ person one bit. He just kept staring at us without a word.

“Levi…” A shiver went down my spine at Mikasa’s plea. That was a tone I’d never heard before. “Sorry I didn’t call you for dinner, but it’s—”

“Fine.” He interrupted. His voice was just like Mikasa’s: smooth and velvet-like, devoid of emotion. “I’m not hungry.”

“Yeah, and you’re filling your stomach with coffee already.” Jean barked.

It was just for a moment, but I was almost certain Levi’s lips curled up just a tiny bit. He stepped away from the door and wandered towards the table, placing his mug right next to Reiner’s plate and dropping his arm around the guy’s chair. Reiner obviously seemed to have turned to stone, and it wasn’t because of Jean’s speech.

“Tacos.” It wasn’t a question. Two gray orbs rolled to Jean. “This feels like home.” That sounded sarcastic as hell. When Jean shrugged, Levi threw his attentions to me again. Now that he was closer, I realized he was really pretty. I hated admitting this about other guys, even though it wasn’t the first time it’d happened, but he was _really_ pretty. It was like seeing Mikasa’s male version, only two stores shorter and with a sharper expression. “Who’s this?” He asked bitterly, no curiosity showing in any of his features.

“This is Eren,” Marco introduced with a warm smile, “our newly added member.”

Levi didn’t reply. He just stared at me as he dragged one of the empty chairs next to Reiner and sat down without avoiding my eyes even once. But then he broke eye contact and just looked at the blonde next to him. I couldn’t really understand if he was doing it on purpose, but Reiner seemed really bothered by his presence.

“Anyway, Reiner-boy,” Jean coughed, “don’t compare our situations.”

_But this guy never shuts up?_

“I wasn’t comparing.” Wow, the guy finally talked. “I was just—”

“Being an unfortunate ass! All guys have the right to wake up with awkward morning boners, right, Eren?”

I suddenly didn’t want to be sharing a room with him. My eyes widened at the question. “W-What? I don’t…” My senses passed by Levi one more time. He acknowledged my attention by cocking up an eyebrow as if waiting for the answer to Jean’s question. That definitely made it worse. “I don’t know…” I could feel the heat on my face.

The silence became awkwardly heavy and I got back to eat my second taco before it got unbearable to the point I’d lose my appetite.

“I know Annie is not here yet, but going from Eren’s personal life to boners in a matter of seconds does give me the feeling of nostalgia.” Again, Freckled Jesus saving the day.

_Someone give this guy a Nobel Prize._

“I can’t believe it’s our last year all together…” I had to pause because that was the first time I was hearing Bertholdt’s voice. He sure was the quiet type.

Jean dived in his chair. “Well, I’m still staying for two more years.”

“I’m staying at least four,” I added, “Can you beat that?”

They laughed.

“We can still meet once in a while.” Marco cheered.

“Hah, that’s pretty idealistic, don’t you think?” Reiner countered. “The same thing happened back in high school. All pretty promises and then everyone forgot.”

“For the first time in my life I have to agree with you.” Jean admitted.

I couldn’t sympathize with them because I never had any close friends besides Armin, and we were still together. But getting to imagine what would happen if for some reason we’d have to follow different paths sure got me depressed. I finished my second taco and was left staring at the third one.

The mood was heavy again but I still tried my luck. “Jean,” I started, “I seriously can’t finish this…”

He raised his eyes to my plate and his expression quickly lighted up. “Heh, I wasn’t even expecting you to eat the other one. Nice job, Eren.”

“Huh, jerk.”

“Do you mind if I eat that?” Reiner pointed at my plate.

I raised my hands and shook my head. “Oh, no! Be my guest.”

I hadn’t really touched that one, but the moment it landed on Reiner’s mouth, I saw Levi pull a face. And it wasn’t just any face, he seemed _really_ disgusted. His expression didn’t change when he caught me staring. He just blinked slowly and then looked away.

Surprisingly, everyone helped taking everything back to the kitchen. Jean and Reiner were still bickering around, but Marco was quick to interfere. I offered myself to wash the dishes, but Mikasa didn’t let me, saying she and Levi would do that. Usually, anyone in his place would be bothered to wash something they had nothing to do with, but the guy seemed really into it.

When Reiner and Bertholdt finally vanished into their room, Jean and I dropped ourselves on the sofa. He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. What started as a slow-flipping through channels, turned into a _compulsive-flipping through channels_.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked; rather annoyed because he wouldn’t even last more than three seconds without changing channels. “That’s getting on my nerves.”

Jean tsked me. “All useless, there isn’t one show worth watching airing right now.”

“How the hell can you know that if you won’t even let them complete one damn sentence?” I gave him a flat look.  “Jean, it’s the third time passing by the news channel, stop that.”

He stopped, though, when he felt someone else behind us. Fingers were quickly laced around his hair, brushing it softly. “You’ll break the remote if you don’t slow down, big boy.” Mikasa mumbled.

If there wasn’t anything going on between these two already, I could only guess Jean wouldn’t have to wait much longer for _something_ to happen.

“We’re going out, you guys wanna come?” She asked.

Jean wrinkled his nose. “Hum, I don’t know…”

She looked at me. “You?”

I shrugged. “Maybe…” Going out in my first night was not my plan but it wouldn’t hurt either. “When you say _we_ , you mean…?”

“Levi and I.”

Jean snorted. “Not going.”

Mikasa stayed silent for a while before sighing. “When classes start, you’ll be the one complaining I never have time for you.”

Ok, _that_ just said it all, they were _definitely_ dating. I could slow down my horses because I wasn’t going anywhere with her. As if I ever had a chance anyway. I wasn’t sulking, no. I just didn’t want to go anywhere anymore besides my bed. Not _the_ bed in _this_ house, no, the bed back at home.

“I’ll go if Eren goes.”

I threw him a _no, don’t you dare throwing that responsibility on me_ kind of look, but it didn’t work. All I got in reply was a stare. “No, forget it. I won’t go.”

Thirty minutes later I was side by side with a really well dressed Levi, sitting across from Mikasa and Jean who were still deciding about their _poison of choice_. And no, I repeat, _no_ , it wasn’t Jean who made me melt around my previous opinion about hanging out with them. It’s just, at some point, I had no idea if Mikasa was plotting my death or actually just looking sad.

On the way there, I kept imagining the worst case scenario. If Mikasa and Jean were dating, that made me and Levi the chaperons. And to be honest, I highly doubted someone as unapproachable as Levi would be a good company. All about that guy’s aura said _“go away”_ ; even when he was dressing like that— _like that_ , come on Eren, he was dressing normally. Everything just probably suits him. Anyway, the point was that this was the worst hang out group ever.

“What the fuck is a _Blue Tomato_ cocktail?” Jean asked while his eyes ran hastily through the menu. “These guys sure love coming up with weird stuff…”

“Probably a blue drink that tastes like tomatoes?”

They all stared at me. _Right, Eren. Captain Obvious._

“Talking about tomatoes, the Folks will gather next week. I’m probably going, you guys wanna join?” That had nothing to do with tomatoes but Jean was the brain.

“To-Ma-Toe Party again?” Mikasa asked. Ok, maybe it had something to do with tomatoes after all.

Jean shrugged. “It seems they won’t get tired of it. But well, it’s fun. What do you guys think?”

Mikasa blinked at the menu and the raised her stare to Levi. “What do you think?”

He shrugged. “If Isabel and Farlan go then I’m in.”

“I see…”

“I’m surprised,” Jean mumbled, “you’re supposed to hate people.”

“And yet I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?” Levi shot back.

Mikasa rolled her eyes. Probably this backbiting was something usual between the two. She got up and looked at us. “I’m going to ask for our drinks, what was it that you wanted?”

“The Invisible thing…” I trailed off.

“ _Invisible Drop_.” Jean tittered. “I am having what Levi has.”

When Mikasa left to place our orders, she left a really crabby atmosphere behind. I had no idea why those two were glaring at each other, but I didn’t dare asking. Levi was the first to speak.

“I want to say one word to you. Just one word.”

“What.”

“Are you listening?”

Jean rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

“Dead.” Levi said dryly.

“And just how do you mean that?”

“I mean _dead_ , as in _the state of your body if you fuck this up_.”

Jean laughed dramatically, but the glare he got in return made him shrink visibly. It didn’t take a genius to figure what they were talking about. Still, it seemed like a complicated subject. If I wasn’t mistaken, Mikasa had clearly stated Jean was eager to get in Levi’s pants. Then, turns out she was dating him? Or maybe they’re not dating and are just doing whatever people do when they’re together but not exactly as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Part of me, was screaming internally for Armin to appear out of nowhere and save me. Of course I was asking for the impossible. But my wishes were heard somehow, and the man who showed up with Mikasa as the savior was indeed blonde as well—and _wow_ to his eyebrow game.

“So eager to start classes, are you?” The man’s voice was deep and strong. Even the guys by the table next to ours drifted their eyes towards him. Only Levi decided it was better to look at me instead. “Getting the lady to ask for the drinks is really low.” Blondie added. Damn, if anything he’d be _Blondebomb_.

 _What a huge guy_.

“And you haven’t seen what’s under his pants.”

At first, I wasn’t certain I’d heard him, but then I noticed he was still looking at me. “What?”

Levi’s lips curled up. “You said that out loud.”

“Ah…” I looked around, but no one else seemed to have caught the conversation. “Ugh.”

He raised an eyebrow at me, amusement showing for the first time in his face. “Good luck not looking at his crotch now.”

_Exactly my point… Ugh._

“Last time I tried to argue with her about that, she pulled this feminist shit on me, man…” Jean trailed off. “I would like to keep my balls, thank you.”

A smug smile crossed Mikasa’s features as she placed down our drinks. She seemed hella proud of that one, by the looks of it. She sat down next to Jean again, adding space for the new arrival to sit as well.

“And who might this be?” The man asked when his eyes finally landed on me.

I bowed my head just slightly. “Eren Jäger.” The table was still hiding half of his body, but I trained my eyes on his nevertheless.

_Damn you, Levi._

“Oh, nice to meet you, Eren. I’m Erwin Smith, welcome to my bar.” He tossed his hand across the table for me to shake it. And he had a strong hold. Dad always said those men were trustworthy. Mom seemed to think otherwise.

All our drinks were colorful, and from what I could see in other’s tables, it was this place’s specialty. Jean and Levi’s were of a really bright orange, while Mikasa’s was light blue and mine was of a really _gay_ pink. Replaying the drink’s name in my head made it all seem like a hidden message. I already hated that drink, no matter how good it tasted.

“So, Eren,” Erwin Smith called, “I’ve never seen you around. Are you finishing as well?”

 _Finishing?_ “Ah,” I shook my head, “no. I’m a freshman in the Modern and Classical Languages department. Nothing serious, I guess.”

Jean snorted. “Oh, another useless person in our society…” I’d heard this one before. “Talking about useless… didn’t you have some ancient shit to search for a project this year or whatever?” He looked at Levi.

“Ah,” the raven reached for his pocket, “yeah… I chose this thing. Some creepy stone that was displayed in one of my father’s books…” He showed his phone to Jean and Erwin. “I suppose it covers most of the requirements for _weird and unusual_.”

I caught a glimpse of the picture and quickly recognized what it was. I’d read about it somewhere. “That’s a stone offering vessel.”

Jean blinked. “A what?”

“A stone offering vessel. The Aztec chronicles record that eagle vessels were served as receptacles for sacrificial offerings and were used in the solemn state ceremonies of investiture and enthronement of new kings. From the looks of it… I’d say that one dates somewhere between AD 1300-1600. Or maybe 1500…?” When I raised my eyes, they were all staring at me. “What…?” I asked.

“ _What?_ _What_ , you ask? Are you a fucking encyclopedia? And what does AD even mean?” Jean snarled. “And here I thought you were normal.”

“Hey,” I snapped, “I’m normal, I just read a lot—well, Armin reads a lot, I just tag along—anyway, AD means Before Christ for people like you.”

“What do you mean by _people like me_?”

“He means dumb people.” Levi said, already withdrawing his phone. “AD is Latin for _anno Domini_ and that means _in the year of our Lord_.” Well, I didn’t necessarily mean dumb, but whatever. Levi looked at me from a certain distance. “It’s from 1300-1521. Nice memory you have there…”

_Why always the tone of surprise?_

“Thanks…”

Mikasa gave a content sigh and slurped at her drink, gaining a glare from Jean. “Ah, I’m staring at a bunch of dorks.”

“You stole my words.” Erwin chuckled. “What’s that vessel thing for anyway?”

Levi shrugged. “Last year one of our sculpture teachers challenged us to draw something _ancient_ so we could, just maybe, reproduce it this year in class.”

“Are you in Arts?” I asked

He side-glanced at me. “Yes.”

“And he’s a hell of an artist.” Erwin nodded at his own statement.

I turned in my seat to face Levi. “Really?”

He didn’t seem to like the sudden attention and he looked away. “I’m not _that_ good.”

“He _is_ that good.” Mikasa added, slurping at her drink again and gaining a glare from Levi this time. “Come on, show him.”

“Show me what?”

Mikasa reached for her bag and pulled out what looked like an agenda and a blue pen. We all stared attentively at where she’d placed them on the table until Levi, after a _really_ deep sigh, reached for it and opened it on a blank page above his lap.

“What do you want me to do?” He asked. His frown was bigger than usual.

She shrugged. “I don’t know, something pretty.”

Levi pokerfaced her, but his eyes soon dropped to the paper and he considered the white sheet. Then, he started doodling something. At first, I couldn’t understand what it was. But soon the draw started to gain shape and two really well-drawn, if not really realistic, hands appeared in a matter of minutes. The traces were all perfect and even the shadowing was correctly done. I knew nothing about art besides what I’d seen in museums and learned in school, but I couldn’t spot a flaw in that sketch. When he finished, he placed the pen between the pages and placed he agenda back above the table. Everyone stared at the draft with curious eyes.

“You keep getting better by the day.” Erwin’s eyebrows shot up and I thought, for a moment, they were gonna rocket out of his forehead.

Mikasa chuckled. “And you say hands are hard to draw.”

Levi leaned back in his seat and looked away from us. “Hands _are_ hard to draw.”

With the owner’s permission, I grabbed the tiny book to take a closer look. “Wow, this is like… Jack Dawson all over again.”

“Please,” Levi rolled his eyes, “the guy died and Leonardo didn’t get an Oscar yet. I hope I can get something outta this at least.”

“Well, if you make this a profession I am definitely buying all your work.” I admitted.

He regarded me with the same smile Mikasa used as trademark. One of those that’s nothing close to sunny. “That’s pretty genuine.”

“I am glad I am family,” Mikasa chortled, “I get it for free.”

“And I am still waiting for my mural, Levi.” Erwin remembered. “That wall in my house needs a new painting.”

“And I want a Ferrari. Anyone giving me that?” Levi shot back.

Jean coughed. “My dad has a Ferrari.”

“I have a Bugatti parked right outside.” Erwin said with a corny smile.

“My dad has a dusty Station Wagon parked in his garage.” I face palmed and sniggered in my hand. “Now I suddenly feel small.”

Jean laughed and pointed at me. “I don’t know why, but I see that fitting.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Damn, you’re such an ass. Do you even have friends?”

He shrugged. “Well, maybe… Maybe not…? I do have a girlfriend though.” He threw his arm around Mikasa’s shoulders (who wasn’t sure if she should allow herself to smile warmheartedly at his comment or not).

Erwin’s eyes widened. “Oh, so you two finally started dating? Congratulations.”

“They spend more time arguing than having sex.” Levi muttered, looking at me when I chocked on my drink over his observation.

The conversation that followed was rather interesting. Turns out everyone involved was into cars, so we resumed our previous talk but by indulging in our personal likes. I found out Levi was into fast cars. Mikasa knew a lot about the mechanics as well. Whenever we had to share a story about our problems with our vehicles she didn’t seem lost at all. In fact, she seemed to know more than I did. And that certainly left Jean heads over heels for her all over again. Erwin was more of a passive guy. He really didn’t like speed (even though he had a Bugatti). Still, he liked to show off. So when he started talking about his tiny car collection, we all stared dumbfounded at him.

I also found out the reason why a man like Erwin was so friendly with them—now us. Mikasa and Levi both worked there as part-timers. The two of them knew Erwin since their freshmen year, and the promise of free drinks ended up bringing the rest of the house to the bar.

In the end, we weren’t such a bad hang-out group after all. Levi wasn’t the type of person people portrayed him to be. And even though he seemed abrasive and had that cranky expression always on, he had no problem in giving a smile or two when necessary. Plus, maybe I was crazy, but his sarcastic humor was a favorable point. He never said much, and seemed more interested in listening than actually talking, but he was ok. He could go from hot-as-fuck to cute and then back to fucking hot in a matter of seconds. If that wasn’t ok, then I didn’t know what was.

We left with the promise of coming back before classes started and so as well the free-drinks period once Levi and Mikasa started working there again. On the way back, Levi and I fell behind a bit. Finally, Jean decided to show some affection towards Mikasa, so we gave them some space.

I was watching them from behind, and throwing a bunch of mental curses at Jean for being so goddamn lucky, when Levi’s sudden loud exhale through his nose snapped my attention away from the other two.

Now that we were walking side by side, I could finally see how short he actually was. But just as I thought it, he shot me a side glare. “What.” He asked.

“Ah, nothing… I was just wondering… you and Mikasa are twins, right?”

He stopped and frowned at me. “Yes. Why?”

“Well, I was wondering why you are so small compared to her. I mean, she’s almost my size and you’re like—”

“ _Eren_.” I swear, I _really_ swear no one had _ever_ called my name like that. I was suddenly scared for dear life when I felt the daggers Levi was shooting at me with his eyes. It was also the first time I’d heard him say it, but that wasn’t as important as the situation I was in.

“Y-Yes…?”

He got closer, until he was right in front of me, looking up as if he didn’t really care how small in stature he was compared to me. “ _Never_  talk about my height in front of me.” He voiced. “And this is not a warning, or a request. This is an order.”

I looked at everywhere that not his eyes. “A-Ah, ok. Got it. I’m sorry.”

Levi didn’t strike me as mentally ill, but he was definitely scary when he wanted to. It didn’t change my previous opinion about him, it just added an under note about never mentioning his height ever again.

When we reached the dorms and I checked my phone for the first time that night, I realized I had completely forgotten about calling my mother, and it was already past midnight. I quickly started writing a text so she wouldn’t think anything weird. Mom always had that tendency to worry too much, but maybe that was a mother’s thing.

Climbing those stairs all over again was easier this time, since I wasn’t carrying any bags. Still, I couldn’t help but complain.

“You don’t wanna do this drunk, then.” Jean advised. “You better sleep by the entrance or you’ll spend the whole night trying to climb this shit.”

“Armin told me his block has an elevator because it’s a more recent building.”

Levi huffed what seemed like a laugh. “Lies,” he spat, “they only had money for one elevator so they spent it on the other block because of some guy who lived there. He had some sort of problem that required him to wander around with a wheelchair.”

I frowned. “Ugh, I wish I would have been placed in the other block.”

“What?” Jean looked down at me from a few stairs above. “But you wouldn’t have met this amazing family if you had!”

I sighed. “I am still considering the _amazing_ , so you better behave.”

We all forgot our keys, so Marco was the one to come and open the door for us. Jean made his way to our room to grab his things. It wasn’t surprising he was going to sleep in Mikasa’s room, considering her roommate wasn’t here yet.

“Yes, go away.” I chortled. “Like this I won’t have to wake up to your jerk off sounds.”

“Hah,” he cackled, “it would be your best morning ever, Jäger.”

I stared at him. “Keep dreaming.”

After getting in my pajamas (or what I used to sleep, they weren’t exactly a sleep attire), I grabbed my toothpaste and my toothbrush and made my way to the bathroom.

Levi was standing right in front of the bathroom’s door, basically naked, only wearing his (damn tight) boxers and a towel over his shoulders. He seemed impatient. When I got closer, I quickly understood why in hell Jean would want to get in his pants. There wasn’t anything about that guy that wasn’t doable. I had to keep my mind from wandering off, so I ended up trying to establish a conversation.

“What’s wrong?”

He didn’t even look at me when he talked. “Reiner _Fucking_ Braun has been here for ages; that’s what’s wrong.” He kicked the door. “You have five fucking seconds!”

There was a muffled sound coming from inside that sounded like Reiner’s voice but I didn’t understand what he said.

“What’s wrong?” Another random thought crossed my mind when Mikasa showed up in shorts and a bra. These guys certainly didn’t have any self-restrain, did they?

“Ahm…” I trailed off. “Reiner is occupying the bathroom and…” I looked down at Levi.

“And it’s getting late, and I need a fucking shower.” He completed.

I looked at Mikasa and nodded. “What he said.” I was starting to believe he had an OCD problem.

Jean (also in boxers, damn him) popped out of his girlfriend’s room and joined us by the bathroom’s door. “You guys realize we have two bathrooms. And one of them has four toilets, so if you all wanna take a dump, it’s over there.” He pointed at the other door a few meters away.

“Levi wants to shower and I wanna brush my teeth.” I explained, raising my toothbrush to make a point.

Mikasa sighed. “My creams are also in this bathroom.”

Jean rolled his eyes and groaned. He threw his hands at the handle and opened the door, leaving us all staring at what was happening inside.

Reiner’s eyes shot worriedly at us, but unfortunately, he was just as shocked as we were to find out that guy was basically… well, shaving his ass. We all just stared at him without moving, while he stared back at us not moving as well, just pausing his movements like a goddamn Greek statue.

The time Jean took to excuse himself and close the door again cost me a bit of my sanity. “I think I’ll use the sink in the kitchen.” I informed as I slowly started to walk away.

“What the fuck…” Jean sang in a very disturbed way.

Levi followed me in silence to the kitchen, and kneeled next to the sink to grab a few bottles.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

He didn’t seem anything close to perturbed when he spoke. “Grabbing some bleach. There’s no way I am stepping barefoot into that bathroom without cleaning away Reiner’s pubic hair.” And with that he walked away, leaving me with disturbed thoughts about Reiner’s ass, Reiner’s pubic hair, but also his (Levi’s) own ass in those blue boxers of his.

_Damn, I really wanna go home._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has influences of Depeche Mode (because I was blasting that all night), Siouxsie being a diva and making me dance like a queen, and a high percentage of coffee (in my veins).
> 
> Happy Ereri Week! And to all those of you, europeans, have fun with Eurovision tonight.

With all _the_ _valuable_ experience I acquired during my first week in the dorms, Monday seemed a bit less scary to me. Actually, I was a little eager about it now, and Armin noticed this when I dropped by his apartment on Sunday before dinner.

“I thought you regretted this,” he started with a grin threatening to come out, “but now I don’t know anymore. Glad to see you so excited.”

“Pft, I am _not_ excited!” I was going to mask my enthusiasm with bravado, but that didn’t seem to work with Armin the way it had worked with mom over the phone. “I am nervous, like, you have no idea!” And I really was.

The whole thing was way too unfamiliar to me, and I was afraid of what those seniors could come up with if they got their hands on us. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a tad too fiery as well.

“Hu-huh. I think those _freaks_ from your block are healthy for you.” His voice sounded sarcastic, but I didn’t know about which part. “I’d like to meet them, someday.”

I waved my hand in the air, willing the idea away. “Huh, sure. Someday.”

“No, seriously,” Armin laughed, “there’s so much going on all the time. Here everyone is too calm.” Now he was rolling in his bed. _Yes_ , Armin had a bed of his own. I looked at him over my shoulder in disapproval, but he kept on being a cute little ass. “I will appreciate the silence when I have to study, but I wouldn’t mind some rashness.”

“Watch your mouth. Don’t make stupid wishes.” I turned on heel so he could see my scowl. “You have no idea how loud Reiner and Bertholdt are in their heated moments…” There was no reason to hiss, but here I was doing that exactly. “I am glad my room is the last one, and I’m glad Jean snores like a pig. Now I understand why Levi hates them so much…” The last part was muttered but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“Levi, huh…? That guy you told me about?”

“Hn,” I nodded. “Do you know them? I mean, Levi and Mikasa. They’re from Shiganshina as well but I’d never seen them before.”

Armin went quiet all of a sudden. Then, he started making that distant face he does when he’s lost in thought and, finally, after considering whatever he had to consider he looked at me. “Maybe I am just confusing things… But I do remember the twins from pre-school. I don’t know if their names were Mikasa and Levi, but I remember they were a bit weird. The Ackerman family always seemed odd to me but well…”

Odd, huh? That sounded like them.

“Why don’t I remember a single shit from pre-school?”

Armin smirked evilly. “You were always so angry about every little thing… I highly doubt your brain had time to process anything else, like, y’know, faces and names… or people in general.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ok, just stop. Leave my childhood alone.”

“Hah, it’s not just your childhood, Eren. The moment someone riles you up, you go all crazy-bull on us. If you and I lived together, I would need one of those signs saying _beware of dog_ hanging by the door.”

I was too shocked to talk back, so I just stayed quiet and did exactly what people in shock do: _stare wide-eyed_. Armin didn’t always talk to me like that but, when he did, I was always too busy exploding inside to even consider an answer. Still, I couldn’t help but frown and shake my head while the words “you didn’t” had their way in my tongue and then out my mouth.

Armin just shook his head slowly at me as if complementing the fact that he had, indeed, called me _bull_ and _dog_. “Wow,” he started clapping and laughing, “I’m surprised you’re not making me eat my words right now.”

I glowered at him. “I’m surprised, too. I guess I am just sparing you because tomorrow is Monday and you need to be at 100%. Fuck you for that, though.”

He wiggled his eyebrows at me in that cocky way I hated and then bounced back in his bed, acting like a cute little pansy all over again. “I’m so excited. You can pretend you’re not but, wow, this whole thing is so… endearing!”

Slowly, I wandered to the bed and sat next to him. “I think _endearing_ is not the word you should be using, you know… You can’t possibly call this lovable.”

Armin grabbed his pillow and rolled to my side while tugging at it. “Aw, shut up. We can basically do whatever we want. I don’t know… Shiganshina was fine but,” he kicked the air in excitement, “I just wanna try life a little, get me? I don’t know. College seems like the last chance I have to open up a bit, and I want to do it.”

I frowned. “When you say you want to try life, you’re not referring to drugs, are you?”

“Oh, wow, no!” He giggled. “I wanna see people try drugs while I laugh at them, though. I can totally imagine Connie smoking weed like a chimney during the exams, keeping me company while I seat and study. I want to burn the midnight oil and stress over for a whole week only to feel saint-like once holidays come.” He gently kicked my arm barefoot. “I wanna hang out with you while I still can and all… and… _maybe_ crush on someone, I don’t know.”

“ _Crush on someone_?” I scoffed. “Seriously? _You_? I highly doubt you can love anyone unless they look like a real book. You know, book cover and legs and all…”

“Well, shut up. I love you. You don’t look like a book.”

My hand rose instantly to touch my chest. “I’m so flattered. You know I am, right?”

Armin smacked me with his pillow and I took the chance to steal it away. “Damn, Eren. You get in Trost and you start checking out some guy's girlfriend out of the blue and I am not allowed to day-dream about a possible relationship?” His voice was quivering with laugher, but he kept a straight face nonetheless.

“What? I was—I didn’t check anyone’s girlfriend out!”

His questioning eyes pierced mine. “You didn’t?” That was a rhetorical question. “You definitely did. Everyone in here is dating, I can’t check anyone out!”

I rolled my eyes. “Since when do you check people out? _Since when_ do you want to fall in love?” I dramatically grabbed his face and shook him slowly. “You’re Armin, you can’t be normal! You gotta be Armin!”

“What? I am Armin! And you’re Eren and I want you by my side when I get depressed over my first heartbreak!”

Going through the emotional rollercoaster for someone else was something I’d avoid doing unless they were someone important to me. I already had enough to deal with, considering my own thoughts, so of course I would avoid digging someone else’s concerns. But well, Armin was important, and I knew that he’d worry his problems to me in any given chance. I couldn’t imagine my childhood best friend doing something so remorseful. He was supposed to be innocent, even though I was being naïve by considering he was ever innocent in the first place. But if he wanted to open up to such things, then I was no one to stop him. I should, in fact, be supportive, just like he always was of me.

Suddenly, Connie, Armin’s roommate, slipped inside and closed the door softly behind, pressing himself against the door as the latch clicked into place. The corners of his lips curled up when he saw me and Armin tangled in a bunch of limbs. “Am I interrupting something?” He asked, not even regretting not knocking.

Armin waved at him from between my strong hold. “Hey, yes. I think you just saved me though. Eren,” he patted my arm, “let me go, come on.”

The bald guy strolled to his desk and then sat backwards in his chair, looking at us in amusement. “What kind of sexual assault is that?”

When I didn’t reply, Armin did it for me. “The kind in which I die for no reason.”

Connie pointed at me. “So you’re the violent type?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not violent. And there was nothing sexual about that.” I leaned back and snatched the pillow away before Armin could get it. “Anyway, Armin tells me you smoke some pot…” I wasn’t trying to be a dick; I just wanted to make sure my best friend was in good hands. Which, by the way, he seemed to hate, considering he was already giving me a glare. “I don’t want you influencing him.”

Connie raised both his hands as if he had a gun pointed at him. “Wow, no. I burn some trees once in a while but no way I am sharing.”

Armin shrugged. “He won’t even share with his girlfriend. Are you seriously concerned I might start getting high or something?”

My turn to shrug. “Medic School is hard. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had the need to kiss the sky once things start to pile up.”

With his two feet on my tight, Armin started applying _(not)_ enough strength so I would end up falling. Of course, he still had a long way to go, so I just laughed at him. “Go away, Eren. You’re making this all awkward. I’m not smoking anything, or taking anything. Jesus, go away!”

“Well, you can stay if you want. Sasha is making some huge lasagna, I’m sure it’s big enough for one more.” Connie offered.

I took a look at Armin’s wrist watch. “Nah, I’m cool. I didn’t warn I wouldn’t dine with them,” I motioned to the window in the direction of the other block, “so it’s shitty if I don’t show up.” At that, I got up. Armin’s legs slumped against the bed and he huffed. I laughed because he really was a weakling. “Anyway, yeah, I should get going.” After grabbing my keys and my jacket, I walked to the door, but I still launched a glare towards Connie. “Hey, man, I am watching you. No sharing shit with Armin.”

“Oh, my god… he’s on my ass!” He regarded Armin instead of me.

I pulled a face at that. “What. Ugh, no.”

Armin laughed. “Oh, he has his eyes on some Mikasa.”

Connie’s eyes flared at me. “What? No! You live with her? Damn, not that I am not quite happy where I am but, wow, Mikasa is the goddess of war.”

“Well, yeah,” I agreed, “but she has a boyfriend.” I was going to add I didn’t have my eyes on her, but whatever. I could leave them thinking that for a while longer. They wouldn’t be convinced of anything else, anyway.

I left in a hurry. Usually, dinner was around 8pm, and I was already ten minutes late. I climbed the stairs of my block in a hurry, almost bumping against Mr. Shadis who was coming down for the night watch from who knows where.

Luckily, dinner wasn’t ready yet. Turns out it was Levi’s turn to work some magic for us, but he ended up losing his love for some money and ordered three family-sized pizzas. They had just arrived; Keith Shadis had brought them all the way there.

“Yeah, I met him on my way up.” I informed as I dropped myself on a chair. “Almost bumped into the man… damn… He would have castrated me.”

Jean snickered and sat next to me. “Damn right.”

“You should have seen his face when Levi opened the door to get the pizzas.” Reiner laughed. “If it was any one of us there would be blood.”

“He’s a bit scary.” Bert added.

“He really is,” Jean agreed, “a scary motherfucker.”

There was music in the background I didn’t recognize, but my eyes quickly widened when I noticed a stereo right next to the TV. That wasn’t there before. The music seemed old, like something from the old 90’s.

“Who brought the sound system?” I asked, turning my head so quickly towards Jean I felt my neck snap.

“Ahm, Annie did.”

_Annie? She’s here already?_

“Oh… And that’s a vinyl player?”

“Yeah. That’s Depeche Mode.”

Mikasa smiled at me when she got in the living room. _Of course_ , she ignored Jean. I had started to realize Levi was probably right when he mentioned how frequently these two argued. Mikasa wasn’t one to show her feelings, and even though sometimes she’d display a bit of emotion crossing her eyes she’d swallow it right away. Jean, on the other hand, acted like a _bitch_ and pretended nothing had happened in the first place.

Finally, I saw Annie for the first time. She was talking to Levi when she got in, looking as stoic as Mikasa when I first met her. There was something very rock-like style about her clothes, but that was more appealing than I would have ever thought. And, _now that I thought about it_ , Mikasa dressed just the same way, though not so dark, and so did Levi, just a lot simpler.

I only noticed I was staring when Levi’s eyes rolled to me. We had shared a couple of awkward stares already, which always looked like a war to see who’d give up first, but when Annie’s eyes also shifted to me after following the other’s gaze, I was thrown aback and looked away.

“Pizza, this is so you Levi.” Marco laughed.

The inquired didn’t even retort. He sat next to Annie, who was still talking about something I couldn’t catch because of how low she spoke.

“Who’s going to watch the freshmen spree tomorrow?” Reiner asked after a while.

Jean raised his hand, followed by Annie (though the latter kept quiet). “I will,” he said, “it’s always a way to start a day.”

“I was thinking of going as well.”

“I’m sleeping in,” Marco snickered. “I really want to enjoy my last chance to sleep until late. After tomorrow it’s going to start hurting.”

Reiner shrugged. “They do say last years are supposed to hurt but then they only ask us to do a stupid paper work to deliver by the end of the semester.” Reiner and Bertholdt were in the sports department, just like Mikasa and Annie, but they had a lot more rhetorical subjects than the girls.

“Before you say anything else, I have no idea what I’m doing with that,” Marco huffed. “I seriously hope it’s nothing difficult because I still have exams this year.”

“Wow,” Jean awed, “that’s shitty.”

“Well, yeah, I—”

“Guys,” Mikasa interrupted, “stop stealing Eren’s spotlight. He’s the freshman here.”

I was instantly apprehensive. “Oh, no. Please, don’t mind me.”

“Do you think he’s gonna get back alive?” Reiner mocked.

Jean laughed. “Probably missing a limb or two… But dead? Nah, never.”

“What?” I hurried in shock to catch up with the conversation. I rose to a straighter posture on my chair and cleared my voice. “It’s not that bad is it…?”

They all stared at each other with heavy miens. I was starting to freak out when a long and heavy sigh caught mine and everyone else’s attention.

“You scared the kid.” Levi mused. His orbs moved from his plate to me. There was a look of reassurance in his eyes, one I would probably not get so often. “It’s not that bad.”

That was all I needed to hear. And I was so relaxed all of a sudden I ended up losing track of the conversation again.

When I finally got in my bed, I was glad everyone else had decided to go to their rooms as well. Jean was also a little tired so he ended up excusing himself right after me.

“I hope those two stay quiet tonight…” He muttered from above right after I turned off the lights. “I seriously need some sleep.”

“What did you do to be so tired?”

I was certain I heard him growl. “Uh, well… right after you left this morning, Levi made us clean the floor and I stayed in charge of the kitchen. He made me restart that shit twice; I seriously wanted to kill him.”

Lucky, I hadn’t yet been caught up in one of Levi’s bossy moments. I smiled. “You didn’t, though.”

“That’s right, I didn’t.” He paused. “Maybe that’s his revenge or something.”

The only possible understanding I got from that was “Mikasa?”

“Huh, I really don’t want to talk about this with you.”

I rolled my eyes even though the act couldn’t be seen. “Right. Just—ugh, whatever. You’re so damn lucky. Don’t fuck that up.” Mikasa was an ended possibility ever since day one, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t nag Jean if he got to break them up. Considering, of course, Jean was the one at fault.

“Shut up about my girlfriend, Jäger. You have Levi drawing your hands right in your first day here and you’re drooling over some dude’s girl?”

“I’m not—what?” Jean’s words were slowly pasting to the cavities of my brain, but I wasn’t sure if they made sense. “What do you mean by that?”

At that, Jean actually rolled to pop his head into my line of sight. I could feel his eyes on me in spite of the darkness. “What. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice those were _your_ hands…”

If my memory didn’t fail me, Mikasa had asked Levi to draw something pretty so he could show me how full-fledged his gift was, and he had, indeed, sketched some hands in her tiny book, but I didn’t recall ever hearing those were _my_ hands.

“What the fuck are you getting at?”

“Oh… you’re so damn clueless. It’s almost cute to watch.”

“Don’t you dare call me _cute_ …” I growled at him.

Jean slumbered back to his bed. “Well, I only noticed because Mikasa told me about it. But yeah… There’s this mole in your index finger, right?” He mumbled in a groggy way.

“Right.”

“Right. That’s in the draw too.”

The conversation died there. Soon, Jean was snoring, already growing into his sleep. And I was turning around in bed because I couldn’t stop thinking about why in hell Levi would draw my hands on his sister’s agenda book.

The last thought in my head that night was that I had to ask Mikasa to let me check that sketch, just in case Jean was fucking with me.

The alarm in my phone rang exactly at 7am, and I jumped from bed as if my life depended on it. It hadn’t even been three hours since I’d managed to fall asleep. I couldn’t believe I’d stressed so much about it to the point of neglecting sleep.

Jean hadn’t moved one inch when I returned from the bathroom after a shower. And while I decided what to throw over my head, I took the chance to text Armin. We’d agreed to meet by the front gate, but I knew he’d be counting me late so I had to warn him that _yes_ , I was on time.

After taking a look at my backpack and what was inside it, I walked to the kitchen in the most silent way I could manage. Annie was already there, dressed in her black clothes. Her t-shirt caught my eye though. There was a big red sentence where one could read _SEX DRUGS & ROCK N’ ROLL_. I was frowning in spite of myself.

“Good morning.” She mumbled from the fridge, not one bit concerned about who she was addressing.

I looked at her over my shoulder. “Good morning.”

After grabbing some milk and some cheese, she slammed the fridge closed and walked to the counter where I was preparing some cereal. I watched her actions by the corner of my eye while I poured a bowl of Corn Flakes. After pouring the milk, I paced to the balcony and sat down by the tiny table. The morning sun was suddenly depressing and it hurt my eyes.

As I shoved a spoon-full of cereal in my mouth, I started thinking about why I felt so damn horrible in that particular morning. That’s when what I had been thinking about during the night came to me. I rolled my eyes. Hungry as I was, I wasn’t going to let those thoughts stop me from eating.

I noticed Annie was looking at me. I stopped the spoon halfway to my mouth and we looked at each other. Now that I actually gave a damn, I noticed she was skinny. Not the kind of skinny Mikasa was, not the kind of skinny Levi was. She was probably between them.

Being weird was something I couldn’t avoid, though I was lost in a world of unexpectedly having some outlook on just how weird things really got. Everything ever since coming to Trost was weirdly-weird. Nothing made sense anymore, not people, not relationships, not girls in rock-band clothes and a heavy appearance.

To make things better, Mikasa joined us. She ducked in the fridge and stood there as she considered what she was going have for breakfast. After what seemed like a while, she took out some eggs and went to grab a frying pan.

“Do you want  eggs?” She asked in a muzzy voice before she looked at Annie.

The blonde shrugged. “I could eat some eggs.”

I rushed to finish my cereal and got up to wash my bowl. Certainly, the last thing I wanted once I got back was to get Levi biting my legs to wash something I’d forgotten.

“Leave it there.” Mikasa said simply without looking at me.

I blinked at her. “Huh, but…”

“I’ll wash it.” She raised her eyes when she noticed my restlessness and gave me one of her trademark smiles. “Trust me, I’ll wash it. Get going, already.”

I didn’t waste any more time around there. Just brushed my teeth, got my things and left before Jean even started to get fidgety in his sleep.

Armin and I arrived by the front gate almost at the same time. He’d brought Sasha along, Connie’s girlfriend (also a freshman). She was in the same department I was, which made things easier. Armin, on the other hand, was all by himself.

“You sure you don’t want me to go in with you?” We weren’t even there and I was already stressing. “I can totally do that!”

Sasha smiled. “I don’t mind.” She seemed like a nice girl, even thought she said that around a huge piece of strawberry pie.

“Oh, no, guys. It’s ok. Please, don’t even dare doing that.”

I walked to his front and started walking backwards so I could face him. “Armin, I was told the science department is a bit crazy with the freshmen…”

He rolled his eyes. “Please, Eren. It’s going to be fine. I appreciate your concern, but I seriously need you to stop being so overprotective all the time. Let me breathe a little, will you?”

My shoulders slumped at that. In a way, I wanted to apologize because that was a subject we had already discussed before. But at the same time, I felt a little hurt. “Ok,” I sighed, “but if something happens, you better tell me!”

My worries went away for a few moments when we reached the center of the campus. I’d walked around that place for the past week and, well, I knew it was pretty. It had a lot of green to compensate for the amount of buildings. Still, I couldn’t help but gape in surprise when I saw the place so lively and so full of people.

Armin was right; it was _(maybe)_ a little endearing and a little too big at the same time, which made me glad to be with friends. If I had started alone in this place, I wouldn’t be able to take this whole universe in.

Or maybe I just felt incredibly small in that particular morning, for some reason.

We ambled around for a while, mostly enjoying how eager the environment was. Some of the seniors were already making groups of freshmen, and we tried to avoid those at all costs. Walking around as if we belonged there was a nice tactic—praise Armin for that—and it got us out of possible trouble. At some point, though, we had to drop Armin by the medic academy, since his meeting started an hour earlier than ours.

Without anything else to do, Sasha and I sat by the stairs of our college. She was already devouring a second handful of chips that morning. At some point I wondered where the hell she could save all that food. She didn’t strike me as fat, but maybe that’s because her clothes were too baggy for me to notice.

“Today is going to be boring,” she murmured after a while.

I couldn’t agree less. I knew she was referring to the meeting, just like I was. To be honest, I preferred classes to a half-assed assembly, with some seniors showing us around the place. Which, I should add, went by without any sort of problems.

When we were done, Sasha and I skillfully avoided the seniors that surrounded our group and rushed out of there. She was quick at spotting the easy way out of things, so she just yanked me around by the hand until we were finally outside.

_Talk about being good at dealing with the unpredictable._

“Ok,” she blew, “I should tell you… I was so off I don’t even know where the library is.”

I laughed. “Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone knows. The guy just pointed at some stairs and said the library was up there. I am betting it’s not a one way stairway. If you know what I mean.”

She smiled wide. “Oh, yeah. He was so offhand about the whole thing. Connie warned me they’d do it like this anyway.”

“Connie is from here as well?”

“Yep. It’s so stupid, right? Having my boyfriend as my senior…”

I shook my head. “Heh, no. No way! That’s actually really good. I wish I had someone from our department back at the dorms. It could turn out to be really helpful.”

“Well, feel free to ask for something then.” She offered with a warm smile before she dramatically slapped her cheeks. “Ok, I am hungry! Let’s grab Armin and go eat something.” It was already lunch time, but I was surprised anyway since she basically spent the whole morning eating like a cow.

As we approached the medic academy, I started to feel uneasy again. My eyes almost darted backward to see him surrounded by other people. At first, I threw in my defensive mood, but then I saw him laugh. My face fell and I closed my eyes slowly when I remembered the conversation from this morning.

No, I really didn’t want to be _that_ guy.

He saw us before we could get closer, though, and was quick to walk our way. Maybe he did it to spare himself from my awkward being. Or maybe it was a genuine action. Even though I would have preferred the latter, I knew it was a raw thought.

Sasha was totally craving noodles, so we passed by Wok To Walk and grabbed something to take away. I watched in almost full concern as she ate her share in less than five minutes. Armin just laughed at my stupid face, telling me that was normal coming from Sasha.

I wondered, at some point, if the bench we were sitting on would break due to a sudden overweight situation.

The day went along at the same pace, to varying degrees of strangeness. Even in the moments I got to sit and really think about things, I just ended up thinking about Levi, and his good-looking face, and why in hell he had sketched my hands, and then back to how shitty running away from all those crazy groups of seniors was altogether.

When we got back to the dorms it was already past 5pm. I wondered why I felt so tired even though we had just wasted a day walking around like crazy quitters. Armin told me it was the sun, but I had a whole different idea about what it was, like my not-so-good-night of sleep.

We hadn’t even covered the whole campus, but my legs were complaining after the first handful of stairs. It couldn’t get better.

It didn’t get better.

I got in the kitchen after dropping my bag in the bedroom. I was thirsty and I needed water, but my needs quickly decrease at the sight of Levi sitting by the balcony. His eyes rose up to me the moment I stepped in the division but he didn’t say anything so I just ignored him.

After what seemed like five minutes, though, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I had to ask him and I was going to blow a vein if I didn’t. I grabbed my glass and walked slowly towards the tiny table, sitting in front of him after taking full consideration over the chair.

“There’s something I wanna ask you,” I informed him.

Levi had a mug in his hands, but I only noticed it when he made a show of placing it above the table and crossing his arms as if bracing himself for whatever I was going to say.

“This is going to sound weird but—”

“You always sound weird. Go on.”

I blinked at him; I didn’t even have time to consider the insult. “Well, I… I was wondering if that draw you made when we went to the bar… I mean, those were my hands, right?”

First, he didn’t move. He didn’t even blink, which made me feel completely fried up in the brains. Secondly, he proceeded to look away, slowly. Then, he moved one of his hands to his mouth and covered it in a failed attempt to muffle a strong breath. I glared at him. “Maybe?” He asked; voice husky but smirk evident.

I felt my eyebrow twitch. “Are you mocking me?”

“No.” He was quick to put on the emotionless mask again. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re not. What makes you think I’d sketch your hands out of nothing?”

“That’s what I’ve been wondering.”

He cocked one eyebrow up. “Don’t waste your time. So, how was your day? Got bullied?”

“No—what, wait. Did you just change the subject?”

“Did I?”

“You didn’t?”

“Stop replying to my questions with more questions.”

“But you’re doing it as well!”

This was probably our first real conversation ever since we went out that night, and it was turning out to be a lot more complicated than I ever expected it to be. I was tired and frustrated and he wasn’t helping my case. Instead of being annoyed, however, stupid as I was, I just dug my grave even deeper.

Levi kept a certain mystery around him, in a more eloquent way than Mikasa did. That salty nature didn’t scare me. Unluckily for my own sake, and Armin could attest to this, I wasn’t one to be intimidated by glares or any sort of edgy personalities.

I held my hand up and closed my eyes for a while. “Ok… Whatever. You win. My day was just like all first days are, strange and shitty, but it was ok.”

He hummed in reply. “Still scared?”

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone noticed you were shitting your pants when you got here. Aren’t you perhaps a bit too upright?”

I sighed. “Says you.”

“Says I. I’m not upright.”

I leaned above the table and looked him in the eyes. “You’ll have to do a lot better than that to convince me otherwise.”

Once again, we shared one of those stares in which we hoped one of us would look away first. I was caught off guard, though, when Levi’s gaze deepened and his lips curled up.

“Will do,” he said.

When he left with the excuse of needing the bathroom, I was left in a state of wonder about a lot of things. One of them was why in the world I felt so rapped over a single look. The rest was just a mess of feelings and emotions around my whole day and the frustration over realizing I was back to zero in matters of satisfying my urgent curiosity regarding the contents of Levi’s sketch.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well... I've been procrastinating too much. Sorry about that ~
> 
> Anyway, here's the new chapter. The next one will probably be uploaded soon since it's supposed to be this week's chapter. Ah, why do I procrastinate? I'm so sorry...
> 
> Thank you Suzu (as always) and also Ro for giving up some of your free time to hear me out and help me out whenever I got stuck <3

A few days into my first week of classes and I was already feeling like a divine disgrace. After Monday, the next days followed with an amount of stress that got me occupied from sunrise to sundown. Paperwork about scholarships, books and more books (mainly dictionaries), homework the teachers didn’t spare us from right in our first week, Armin and his rants, mom and _her_ rants, Jean and more Jean, and the list goes on.

Everything and everyone was eating up my time.

On Friday, though, I got out of classes earlier. I didn’t even spare Armin a call or a text since I knew he’d be ditching me to go out with his _new_ friends—no, I was _not_ jealous, mind you—so I just ran to the dorms, up the stairs and into my room so I wouldn’t be bothered.

The schedules had been published right after the first day. I had my whole week full from 9am to 5pm except for Friday, when I got out at 1pm. People like Armin had a better agenda. He would get out every day at 1pm and had the afternoons all for himself. I was jealous, yes. But maybe it would get better next year.

Jean was going out as well. He’d been talking about that party with tomatoes for a while, _or whatever that was_. And while he was leaning down to tie his shoes, back turned to me, I spared his ass a frown from where I was, resting on my bed.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come?” He asked, glancing at me over his shoulder one more time. “It’s going to be fun.”

I sniffed for no apparent reason and looked away. “Huh, thanks but I’ll pass. I’m really tired,” I had to shrug the last one off. I was tired, but not that tired. I just felt like staying there, like the home stuck deal I was.

Mikasa popped her head into our room after giving a soft knock on the door. “Are you guys ready?” The circles around her eyes were way blacker than usual. She had probably finished her eyeliner for that one. “Eren, are you ok?” Her voice quickly went from stoic to full concern as her brows furrowed.

She did this a lot. Worry about me, I mean.

“I’m fine, I’m just tired. Hope you don’t mind if I don’t go…”

Now she was spreading the door open, revealing a really bored Annie and another even more bored Levi, both leaning against the wall. “Oh, ok. You better get some rest, then. It goes on until next Monday, in case you’re interested in going.”

“Ah, no. I’ll pass. Thanks anyway.”

Jean grabbed his wallet and waved at me with a half-assed flick of his hand. “See ya later.”

I waved him and Mikasa off, stopping when my eyes moved to look at Annie and how she was regarding me, just pure dread. I withdrew my hand and crossed my arms.

There were a few giggles while they headed for the door. I could already hear Jean and Reiner complain about what the other was wearing. I almost, _almost_ smiled but then my eyes perceived the heavy presence by the wall and I noticed Levi was still there, (probably) looking at them while they headed out.

I knew Marco would be staying as well, he had some work to do (he was also full of it already even though it was just the end of the first week). Other than that, it seemed it was just me and the lethargic hottie over there.

“You’re not going?” I asked, smiling small when he looked at me. “I thought you said you loved gatherings, the other day.”

Levi’s expression didn’t change; he just faced me up front. “That was last week.” He simply said. I saw his eyes twitch when the front door finally closed and then he spoke again, “Besides, I was being ironic.”

“You do that a lot, don’t you?”

He’s gaze sharpened. “Do what?”

“Use irony without _sounding_ ironic.” _And answer my questions with more questions or just change the subject._

The silence lasted for a while, and the tension in his gaze was challenging. Actually, every look he ever gave me _was_ challenging, and I was always up to it. Unfortunately, ever since our little conversation on Monday, we didn’t get the chance to talk much more. It was all but this, interesting stares—typical.

After what felt like an eternity, Levi rolled his eyes and moved away from the wall. “You’re boring,” he mumbled as he walked away.

“Hey,” I sat up and was about to bounce up when my head hit the bed above mine, “shit…” I hissed, brushing the pain away with the tips of my fingers.

_Bunk beds, seriously, go figure…_

I had seen enough of Levi during these first two weeks, but I couldn’t get enough of the way he always stood, doing whatever he was doing.

When I turned into the kitchen, he was there, clicking some buttons in the washing machine. It was maddening how he did everything so strictly yet still gracefully. Such shouldn’t be allowed in a man, _it just shouldn’t_.

“What are you doing?” I asked to make my presence known, even though I was sure he was always aware of when I was around, for a reason or two.

He clicked another button and the machine started working. “Not you,” he said as matter of fact. I almost wanted to face palm at the comment but I opted to ignore it and let it slide. My silence was probably a giveaway, and he sighed. “Washing clothes… or, better, getting the machine to wash clothes.” He gave me a fair look and then turned to open the window from the balcony. “Why didn’t you go with them?” He didn’t sound interested.

“Why do you care?”

He paused and then shrugged. “I don’t.”

 _Ah, bristly son of a_ —“I’m upset, and when I am upset people are not my forte.”

Levi turned in heel and gave me a flat look, mouth open just slightly to engorge the facial expression of disbelief as if saying _and here you are talking to me_. When he turned to look away, though, I caught a slight smirk blooming in his lips. Also something he did a lot, turn to smile so I wouldn’t see; mostly when I did or said something stupid.

He slid one chair and patted its back, not even looking at me when he said, “Ok, I’ll bite. Why are you upset?”

My mind turned blank, like it always did when I was confronted with a personal question. One thing was if I started to rant away my thoughts, a natural outcome of built trust, another thing was if someone, anyone, asked me what was going on.

I still wandered to the chair and sat down, while Levi propped himself on the window and spared me a not-so-apathetic mien, for a change.

I looked him in the eyes and debated myself with an inner conflict I was almost sure he could _see_. There was something really weird about the way he was looking at me. All about his face said the contrary, but his eyes were rather curious, despite the dullness.

It probably took too long, though, because he looked away. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” It sounded sincere enough.

After considering the situation one more time, I gave it a go. “I decided I wouldn’t spare it much of a thought. It’s just stupid, not even worth worrying.” My eyes locked with his when I had his attention once again. “But… It’s just everything. Busy week, Armin feels like a stranger each day that passes, and then here it’s like… I don’t know. I’m not saying it is bad per se, I am just saying it’s not—forget it.” I waved the subject off. “It’s stupid.” I looked down at my feet, but the silent retort had me raise my orbs to him again.

The understanding feeling in his eyes was almost surprising, and I didn’t know what else to say. Maybe I didn’t need to say anything, and that was good.

He looked away, though, and we stayed in silence. A rather comfortable one, I might say. Fumbling with words in my head, I managed to find what I wanted to say. It was simple, really simple. I just felt a bit lost. I was always a lot too fixed, a lot too stable, and so many people, so many things to do, everything was driving me crazy. While Armin was floating along the flow with a smile on his face, I was just struggling to find a good place to anchor and take a breath.

And it was only when the sky started to turn yellow that Levi spared me another look. “You haven’t done your laundry, have you?”

I blinked, reminding myself of all the days I had managed to skip Levi’s cleaning wrath that everyone kept complaining about. “Huh, no…”

“Figured…”

“Eh…”

His lips curled down and he took a peek at the washing machine. “My turn is almost over. Then I’ll put them in the dryer. Go get your stuff and give them a wash.”

I wrinkled my nose. “But I don’t know how—”

“I’m telling you,” his voice sounded way more authoritative than before, “I’ll help you out. Now, go get your shit, fuck face.”

_Fuck face…_

Really?

I replied to his insult by sticking my tongue out at him, but when his glare turned murderous I simply dashed out of there.

A few minutes later, Levi was standing right next to me, watching me closely while I tried to guess what buttons to press. “So,” I started when I finally managed to get the washing machine working, “can I ask you something?”

“No.”

“Your haircut, how did you come up with that?”

He blinked, slowly, and then looked up at me without moving his head. “It was a bet…” He trailed off, almost rolling his eyes when I grinned.

“A bet?”

“Yes, and that’s also the story behind Kirschtein’s cut.”

Ah, Jean… though that one didn’t fit him at all. If anything, it just made him look gay.

Not saying Jean was bad to look at. He was ok… neck down.

“You lost a bet and had to get _that_ haircut?”

Levi shrugged. “Sort of… But I like it so… it kinda stuck.”

I hummed while I leaned back to take a look at his trimmed cut. “It really suits you, though.” I didn’t even dare ask what kind of bet it was.

“Of course it does.”

“Hm,” I slid my hands in my pockets and grinned as I leaned over a bit, “so you _do_ have a cocky side.”

A hand flew to my face, pushing me away. “You’re annoying.”

“But you’re talking to me,” I said, muffled by Levi’s palm on my lips.

He looked disgusted but didn’t take his hand away until I was at a considerable distance. “Still annoying,” he threw in as he strolled away.

I followed. “And you’re still talking to me.”

Maybe I was brash a little too much. So when he turned around and looked at me as if he wanted me dead, I just raised my hands and walked around him in defense; got in my room and closed the door. I really didn’t want to die and that was pushing my luck.

The sound of a loud knock on my door startled me, though. “Don’t forget to pick your clothes in about an hour, little shit.” Levi didn’t have to raise his voice to be heard. I liked that. The _little shit_ part almost sounded like a nickname when he said it. 

He worked that night and the night afterward, so I ended up having the house just for myself (and Marco, but ignore that because he was in his _chamber_ just about as much as a whole twenty-four hours period). Of course I didn’t leave my room, but it was still a nice thought. I took the chance to use the bathroom as freely as I could, without having to worry about whoever was passing by the other side of the door.

Somewhere between my thoughts at night I considered taking a stroll to the bar where the twins worked. It would be a nice distraction, besides I (too) needed to start making _new_ friends (as if these guys weren’t that already).

On Saturday morning, I woke in a lighter mood. Jean was snoring in the bed above, and I sincerely had no idea when he had gotten back.

I stared up at nowhere in particular for about half an hour, until I finally got out of bed. I didn’t feel like it. I knew if there was a phobia of getting out of bed, I probably had it.

When I sat down at my desk with a bowl of cereal in one hand, I had intentions of starting homework. It was just slightly ten minutes past nine and no one was awake yet. Procrastination hit hard when it hit, anyway, so I spent my precious time looking for spoilers of the shows I was too lazy to watch. Like the third season of _Game of Thrones_ I had decided I’d watch during summer holidays and ended up forgetting about.

“What the hell are you doing, up so early…?” Jean groaned from his bed as he rolled to his side to look at me with beady eyes. “You woke me up.”

I took another spoon of my cereal to my mouth. “You were snoring just five minutes ago. Turn around and you’ll be sleeping again.”

“Fuck you, Jäger.”

After scrolling down the tumblr dash a couple of times I spared him a bit of my attention. “So, how was the party?” The grin that blossomed on his face was so weird it had me roll my eyes. “Oh, god… Don’t tell me.”

“I met someone really interesting.”

“Is that so,” I pitched. I really didn’t want to know. “Didn’t Mikasa go with you, though?”

“So?”

I paused and turned to look at him. “ _So_ , she’s your girlfriend.”

“Wow,” he propped over his elbow, “calm down. I didn’t cheat on her or anything. I’m just saying I met someone interesting. I don’t even know his name though… But well, fuck it. You just killed the mood.”

 _His_ name? Oh, boy.

“No, come on. Go on.”

“No,” now he was being a child. “You broke the whole thing.”

“Oh, shut up, you fuck.” He was probably the only one in the house I could insult at my free will. “I didn’t _break_ anything, go on. You clearly wanna talk about it.”

Jean gave me a threatening glare. It looked more like a sleepy glare, but whatever. He went on, “Well, at some point Mikasa and Annie disappeared, and I was left on my own, basically.”

I crossed my legs over my chair and looked at him while I finished my cereal. “Alone? Doesn’t sound like you.” Maybe I should pity him. But then again, I couldn’t.

He snapped his fingers. “Right? Anyway, then I found Connie, some guy from the other block, and he presented me to a few friends of his,” I didn’t like where this was going, “and then I met this guy, I don’t know his name, but he’s a freshman. He was really nice and had this appealing way of talking with his hands… I don’t know. Besides, he was cute.”

Now I was the one hesitating, looking at him with a threatening glare. “Wait a second… describe me that _cute_ guy.” I wondered if _maybe_ Jean was too drunk to remember. I just hoped I was mistaken.

“Well, he had blue eyes… and… blonde hair and—”

“Ok,” I held my palm up, “stop it right there.” I still couldn’t help feeling little to no sympathy for Jean, but Armin inspired far more substantial emotions in my heart. If this was really happening, then, no matter how hurt I was about Armin’s behavior lately, I had to step in. “That _cute_ guy just happens to be my best friend, you know.”

Jean blinked slowly at me. “You mean that Armin you keep talking about?”

“Yes.”

“Eh… he’s your friend?”

“ _Yes_. Why are you making that face?”

He sneered. “No reason.”

I turned towards my computer again. “Well, you know what? Forget about cute blond guys. You _have_ a girlfriend.”

“You know, I didn’t tell you this so you could judge me, fucker.”

That one I took to heart, but munched it along with my breakfast and swallowed it because I deserved it.

I spent the rest of the day ignoring any sort of social contact. Everything just went between my homework and my computer and some food Jean was kind enough to bring me (just because he got some for himself as well). I only decided to move my ass out of that room when it started to smell nice.

I looked over the kitchen when I turned into the living room. Marco and Reiner were around the oven, while Bertholdt just stood by, watching them. Mikasa was sitting on the table in the common room, scribbling something into a notebook, and Levi was on the sofa watching TV, doodling something over his sketch book at the same time. More hands, I noticed.

I also noticed that he was chewing on the inside of his cheek while he traced lines above the paper. I leaned my head back and looked at him. “There’s ink on your ear, just so you know.”

Levi froze. It was almost delightful to watch. “What.”

“On your ear, here,” I said, poking his earlobe.

He slapped my hand away, “ _Eren_ , do you have a dead wish?” He growled, looking as terrifying as ever.

I shrunk back a bit. “No… but seriously, I am not lying. Ask your sister!”

Mikasa raised her eyes to us but was quick to ignore our existence.

Levi muttered something I couldn’t understand, a curse most likely, got up and stomped out of there. For someone so small, he sure walked fast when he wanted, but just when I thought it he threw me another glare right before he disappeared into the hall.

Dinner was homemade pizza. Turns out, Reiner was a pro at doing pizzas, and it wasn’t half bad. He made two large ones, just as large as he could get in the oven. There was still enough for us to eat on Sunday at dinner. I couldn’t complain, but Mikasa did mention she wouldn’t be able to eat pizza again so soon. The others agreed.

On Monday, I overslept. Sasha got me the first period covered and told me about what our Greek teacher had been going on about for the first hour I had missed.

When I got to the dorms, I had more homework to do than I’d ever had in high school. College was going to be the end of me.

While Mikasa ironed some of her laundry and watched a repetition of _How I Met Your Mother_ , I was sitting by the table, mind melding meanings and words from the few poems and sentences my Latin teacher asked us to translate as homework.

Annie was sitting in front of me, reading some book about psychology of sports, and Levi was sitting next to her, probably doodling something, as usual, and biting his nails every time he got stuck.

The house was basically empty without the most eccentric ones around.  They had attended to the so called To-Ma-Toe party that was still going on since Friday. I had no idea what that thing was about yet, but Armin had told me the name came from the original purpose of the gathering: throw tomatoes at the bands that sucked balls. Now, of course, they didn’t throw tomatoes at anyone anymore. First, because it was expensive; second, because they sent more people to the hospital in a night than a serial killer to the morgue in a whole year.

_The things they come up with._

I had opted to ignore the whole thing with Jean. Actually, I think it was a mutual agreement. Also, Armin didn’t say anything when we finally talked that morning, so I didn’t bring the subject up either.

I looked over my homework once more and sighed in distress. Any party, no matter how shitty, would be better than having to translate Latin quotes.

“I don’t want to sound rude,” Annie’s eyes rose from her book and Levi’s followed suit but to look at her instead, “but you’re getting on my nerves with your heavy breaths.”

I tsk at her. “This is so frustrating… I can’t even read half of a damn sentence without feeling like slamming my head on the table.”

She blinked at me. “Hardly doubt that would change anything.”

_Was that an insult?_

“Just… hear this,” I cleared my voice and frowned as my eyes considered the lines I was about to read out loud, “ _Nam, displosa sonat quantum vesica, pepedi diffissa nate ficus_ …” I looked at her. “Do you know what this means?”

She snorted. “Enlighten me.”

“It means _from my cleft bum of fig-tree wood I let out a fart, which made as great an explosion as a burst bladder._ ”

Levi grinned around the nail he’d been biting at for a while but didn’t comment. Annie, on the other hand, looked at me as if I had just grown another head.

Mikasa laughed. “Oh, my goodness… What the hell was that?”

I shrugged. “And that’s not all. There’s this one that says _your penis and your nose are so large, Papylus, that you can smell it whenever you have an erection_.”

“Oh, my…! What do you do in Latin classes?” She was looking at me with pure disbelief.

I looked at the ceiling as if that would help me remember my experience so far. “Well, we talk about some dudes… we translate some shit and learn how to pronounce some stuff and… our teacher is a dirty minded person, but people back then were either dirty minded or fucking depressing,” I growled, “no wonder he’s like that. He talked about orgies in today’s class. I don’t know… It’s a weird subject to talk about considering it’s only a professor-student relationship.”

Annie pulled a face. “Ew,” she looked at Levi. “Ok, I think I know where your shit comments come from.”

“Shit comments?” I asked.

“They’re originals.” Levi mumbled around his finger while he stole my rubber for the 8th time that evening to erase something in his sketch book.

Mikasa went around the ironing table and leaned next to Annie. “What else do you have there?”

“Uh,” I looked down and took a look at the last one I’d translated, “ _Your ass is purer than a salt-cellar; you probably only take a dump ten times a year._ ”

Annie rolled her eyes. “I’m so done.”

“Wow, wait, that’s a really deep statement.” Mikasa informed. I couldn’t see anything _deep_ about it but maybe I was being obtuse. She looked at the book I had opened next to me. “Is _that_ a horse?”

I face palmed. “Yes, a horse being… you know, by two men—ok, I should take this to my room.”

“Oh, no. Please, stay.” She stepped back with a creepy smile that quickly vanished. “I should tell you, Latin is suddenly very entertaining, though.”

Entertaining or not, the time it took to look for meanings in a dictionary and get the sentences translated correctly was draining, especially after a full day of classes.

If I was already tired in the first few days, I didn’t want to know my state by the end of the semester.

“What are you doing?” Annie asked before taking a peek at Levi’s sketch book.

When he noticed she was eavesdropping, he automatically assumed an indulgent protective posture, like he didn’t want her to see but he didn’t want that fear to be too obvious. “It’s a thing… A project,” he muttered.

“It’s their project of the year,” Mikasa explained in monotone.  “They have eight months to work on some oil painting.”

Annie blinked. “Hm, and what’s that?”

Levi bit the inside of his cheek and chewed. It was almost too cute to watch but I tried to avoid the thought, since he had a sixth sense towards other’s perceptual considerations.

Slowly, he turned the sketch book towards her. “It’s just a scribble. I’ve been trying to get some ideas, but I’m kind of clueless about what to do.” He clicked his tongue. “Some people have already moved towards the next step and I am still stuck here.”

Annie’s lips curled down more than they usually would. “I can’t understand a single thing of what’s in here. Is this a tree?”

He glowered at her. “There’s a reason why it’s a scribble. There’s nothing more than a couple of straight lines. And no, it’s not a tree. It’s a flag, you philistine brute.”

_Philistine? Is this guy an encyclopedia of insults?_

She frowned, not one bit concerned with the affront. “How in hell can you see a flag there?”

“ _Well_ , I’m not blind.” He sounded offended. He _looked_ offended. Maybe he really was offended by how far from understanding his sketch Annie was. “How can you _not_ see it’s a flag?”

She rolled her eyes and groaned before getting back to reading her book. “Whatever.” Right, this was probably the best thing about Annie, she’d never argue with anyone. She was passive by nature, and a little outgoing with Mikasa and Levi around. But she was mostly always bored, too bored to argue.

“Can I see?” I asked, sliding my hand across the table to touch the ends of the sketch book.

Levi regarded me as if he was standing in a high pedestal and I was the lowest of the scums he’d ever seen crawl above the Earth. “Depends. Are you going to be an asshole about it?”

“Uh, no,” my disappointment was obvious, “I really just wanna check it out.” I leaned my head over my arm and stretched it a little more. “Come on, Mr. Dawson, can I see that sketch?”

“Very funny.” He slapped my hand away and threw the book over my head.

Despite being folded, I could see there were already a lot of used pages in that book. I admit I was a bit curious. But if I started peeping at each page without Levi’s consent, I wouldn’t survive to see the sunrise again.

“What’s the idea?” I asked while my eyes surveyed the draw. “Is this a… battle scene?” I looked up to get any sort of confirmation but I was received with a scowl of uncertainty.

Levi considered me for a while and then cocked one eyebrow up (he did that a lot too). “You tell me. What do you see?”

“Ahm,” I looked down again, “I see… Ahm, a landscape and I think these look like swords. Are they swords?”

“Ignore that. Go on.”

“Well, this is probably the said flag. I suppose these are corpses, since you seem to have wasted enough time to detail their heads,” I mocked. “And… that’s it, I guess.” I looked up again. “Did I get it right?”

Levi raised a hand to scratch the back of his neck. “Something like that…”

“It looks a bit empty, though.” I slid the sketch back at him.

“Empty?”

Mikasa came to stand behind Levi, giving a fair look at the sketch. “He’s right. You should add something there.”

He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t ask _you_.”

She fisted her hand and softly bumped his head. “Sorry, midget.” Maybe if her face was one tad gentler she could have sounded profound. As it was, she only sounded sarcastic. Besides, the glare Levi gave the wall was almost powerful enough to dig a hole there. He clearly hated being mocked about his height. If it was any of us doing, we would not be alive.

“By the way, did you finish that thing with the vessel we talked about, ahm,” I paused to think, “two weeks ago…?”

Levi blinked slowly at me and then his mouth opened in a small “O”. He cracked his sketch book open and fumbled between a few pages before he found what he wanted. “Here,” he said as he slid the sketch book back to me.

I took a look at it and almost wanted to squeal. “This is just too good… Damn, can I cut your hands and replace them with mine? It’s a fair exchange.” It was just so well done. For a coal draw, it was simply perfect.

“That’s gross,” Annie offered.

I passed the book back to Levi, who didn’t meet my eyes when he held it. And something about the way he acted made me remember today’s Greek class. Our teacher was going on about how Socrates himself wrote nothing, but his thought (or a reasonable presentation of it regarding philosophy) had been preserved in the `Dialogues' of Plato. Even in translation, Plato's style was one of matchless beauty.

_A matchless beauty._

If I had been looking for the right description of him, this was it. Because sometimes it’s not just about what we see first but what’s there to be seen. This guy was definitely catching my interest in a lot of scary levels.

I was about to get back to my homework when Mikasa mumbled a rather creepy “wow”. We all turned to her, even Levi (who tore part of his nail off in the process and looked totally horrified by it).

Mikasa grabbed a piece of clothing from the amount she still had to iron and turned to us. As she spread the piece of clothing open, her face turned blank. “It’s pink…” She muttered.

“Are those…” Annie trailed off.

“Boxers,” Mikasa completed.

“Whose boxers?”

Mikasa scowled. “Jean’s… he asked me to take care of his laundry but…”

I had to throw my hand over my mouth to muffle the laugh that was threatening to come out. I made a guttural noise instead, and Levi looked at me. But then his eyes rolled over to his left and he covered his blooming grin with the back of his hand.

Annie propped over the back of her chair and bounced it. Her face was lit up with certain brightness and she looked totally amused. She pointed at the rest of Jean’s clothes. “And looks like it’s not just that one.”

“What the fuck did that idiot do?” Mikasa whined in her velvet and usual tone.

“Fucked up his clothes, that’s what.” Annie laughed before she bounced the chair back.

Mikasa turned to us; she looked terrified in her own way. “We won’t hear the end of him. You realize that don’t you?”

That’s when it hit me.

“Oh… we share a room.” I said; looking between them as realization sunk. I would be the one listening to him complain most of the time. “I’m so not sleeping in that room tonight…”

Annie snorted. “You’re _so_ not sleeping anywhere else either.”

“Levi, do you mind sharing a bed?”

“You can go fuck yourself,” he replied slyly.

I rolled my eyes, “Charming.”

Annie closed her book and leaned over the table. “Who’s gonna tell Jean?”

“I’m still deciding if I should iron these,” Mikasa admitted.

Annie stole my rubber from Levi’s hand and started rubbing it on the table. “Just leave them like that; he’ll decide what to do. You’re not his mother, you know?”

Mikasa sighed and dropped Jean’s boxers back in the amount of white (some pink) clothes. “Sometimes I do wonder,” she said as she leaned her hip against the ironing board.

The episode of _How I Met Your Mother_ reached its end and the cheerful music made me lose it once again. Actually, I couldn’t help but feel light headed until I finally got in bed.

I didn’t hear Jean get back. Even though I wanted to mock him to no end.

I didn’t hear anything. I just fell asleep.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really small, but that's cuz it's a double-chapter. I'm still reviewing the other half, but it will be up tonight. And don't worry, the other part is basically full of Eren and Levi. This one is mainly dialogue.
> 
> Also, thank you guys, all of you, for the amazing words and all the kudos. You have no idea how much that alone helps me out. It even saves my mental artist blocks! You're all amazing.
> 
> Big thanks to Diana for her sharp eye. And once again, thank you Suzu and Ro <3

It was early October and the days were finally starting to get chilly. In my opinion, September had passed by in a blink of an eye. I was so busy all the time I didn’t even get a hold of it. Everything between that first day and today seemed like a rushed version of my whole life. It felt surreal.

It was all blending together.

In the dorms, Armin and I were already defining our boundaries. In my case, they started with Jean and ended before Levi. In Armin’s case, they went beyond everyone (he was always like this, a mysterious charm that allured everyone around him).

Mikasa turned out to be a real deal in the past few days. We’d go shop together, watch movies together and study together in the company of Levi and Annie (who were either quiet or throwing remarks at one another). Said Annie who I’d just met on my way back from the campus, wearing a tracksuit that reminded me of my times back in high school.

“Are you _that_ cold?” I asked as we both crossed the front gate of the dorms. It was chilly but not that icy. I could still get around with a t-shirt without a single problem, but then Armin always told me I had temperature issues— _go figure._

Annie, carrying that unimpressed expression of hers, shifted her eyes to me. I had to, I just had to admit it, that pose of hands-in-pockets and that kind of look in that kind of suit made her look really cool. But well, maybe I just had a thing for cranky people.

_Maybe?_

_Eren, you definitely do._

“I had practice. Feels colder than usual because I’m cooling down,” she muttered, pursing her lips forward. “Are you _that_ hot?”

“No, not necessarily. I’m ok.”

The blonde hummed in reply and then proceeded to ignore me again. We climbed the stairs of our block in silence, a really comfortable one too (I was starting to realize her type was probably what made me so comfortable without having to yak about bullshit—more than I already did, naturally).

I offered myself to open the door, plain courtesy that was greeted with a glare but no words. Maybe next time I’d let her open the door for me. Or even hold it. The girls in this house sure took these things seriously but, to be honest, it had nothing to do with their gender. At least not coming from someone like me.

“So you play something? I mean, a sport or…?” I asked as she passed by.

Annie didn’t reply until she was facing her room’s door. “As for what I do, I play any sport,” she paused to blink slowly at the closed door and then peeked at me, “but I’m in a basketball club.”

“Uh? Really? That’s really cool.”

She nodded slightly and then excused herself, but not without adding “Maybe you could tag along, some other time.”

I smiled internally at the invitation and then walked to my door. My hand was already on the handle when someone popped their head into the hallway from the living room, startling the shit out of me and making me yelp as I stumbled back.

“Reiner,” I huffed, reaching for my chest, “don’t you ever do that again, shit… You want me to have a heart attack?”

Reiner leaned his forearm on the doorframe and smiled small. “Ah, sorry about that. Anyway, are you done for today?”

I had to poker face him. We hadn’t had enough time together, but I knew that whenever Reiner talked to me it was because he wanted something from me as well. How did I know this? Well… mostly because he’d call my name at dinner time just to pass him a drink or the salad or whatever. Other than that, he’d just butt into my arguments with Jean but not to address me directly.

“Why do you ask?”

He shrugged. “Well, I was waiting for Jean but he’s not back yet,” his face twisted and he sucked in a breath, “he and Mikasa left for a while now, things were not looking good…”

_Again?_

_It’s the third time in a week that this—_

“Anyway,” he waved the subject away and then smiled wide at me, “come here for a second, will you?”

I sighed and pointed at my room. “Just let me…” I trailed off.

He raised both hands. “Oh, sure. Go ahead!”

In the living room, sitting by the table, were Bertholdt, Marco and Reiner. Levi was sitting on the couch. Which reminded me—

“Do you ever have classes?” I asked him once we crossed gazes. My tone was sharp but he seemed unfazed. I knew he wouldn’t reply so I just directed my attention towards the group by the table as I sat close by. “So, what is it?”

When Reiner looked me in the eyes with a rather familiar expression, I had a flash of what had happened during my first night in this place. My face screwed for a second and the guy seemed confused.

“ _What_ ,” he questioned.

I blinked away for a second and then proceeded to _forget_ about the whole incident. “Nothing.”

Marco slid a list into my line of sight and smiled. “So, there’s this thing… It’s our last year all together and it came to mind we could just go somewhere.” He shrugged and looked up all saint-like, “it’s something that requires planning anyway so the sooner the better. If everyone agrees, we just have to pick a destination and then the three of us will work it out.” He breathed out all hopefully as his finger circled to point between him, Bert and Reiner, and then looked at me. “Where would you like to go for a holiday, Eren?”

To be honest, it was an interesting idea. I could feel a little delight when I propped over to give the list a look. I’d never left the country before, and the idea of spending holidays out with friends was totally out of reach—until now, that is.

I gave the three of them a quick look. “Ahm, why are you asking me though? I’m… I just got here. Besides, it’s _your_ last year, not mine and I—”

“I told you he’d act like a little bitch,” Levi said under his breath from the sofa.

My eyes quickly snapped to him and I frowned. Of course that didn’t discourage him, if anything, he just looked more pissed. Marco gave a chuckle and then patted my shoulder lightly.

“Well, well… It’s fine. It’s only natural you’d think that way, but it’s just like I said. It’s our last year all together and, Eren, you’re part of our long stay here so of course we’d want you in. We’re friends right?” Marco’s eyes wrinkled at their ends and my stomach hurled.

Even after all the shit I’d been piling up inside considering how weird and out of place these guys were, they still had the will to consider me one of them. I seriously needed to stop being so suspicious about everyone.

This to say, of course, I was totally overwhelmed right now and I couldn’t even open my mouth one inch or I knew something totally embarrassing would happen.

As if he sensed it, though, Levi replied in my stead, “Ever since Facebook you guys make friends at the speed of a click. Gross.”

Reiner spared him a look over his shoulder. “Well, we can’t all be introverted assholes.”

Levi tilted his head and gave the guy a flat stare. “You alone make three extroverted queers. I guess your light fazes me.”

Bertholdt gave a nervous laugh and Marco snickered.

“Don’t label me, Levi.” Reiner replied turning around to face the table again.

“That would be very hypocrite of me, wouldn’t it…?” Levi mumbled before he reached for the remote and turned the TV on.

_Hypocrite?_

I stared at him.

_Wait a second. Levi is—_

“So, Eren,” Marco caught my attention again, “what do you think?”

I looked at the list one more time. It wasn’t big. Only one city caught my attention, though. “Venice,” I said while my eyes sparkled at the thought. “Venice is my choice.”

Marco invaded my private space and stared. “Eh, that’s two for Venice,” he then looked at Reiner, “now we have to ask Jean, Annie and Mikasa. If there’s a tie then we must choose between the winners.”

I leaned back on my chair and spared Levi a glance. It wasn’t surprising to find his eyes run to mine once he caught me staring.

One second.

Two seconds.

Five, and he looked away.

But just as I was about to look away as well, I caught a glimpse of a grimace I wasn’t expecting. Levi wasn’t necessarily looking at the TV, his eyes were too low for that. He seemed troubled, for a second, but then the passive mien returned in the next moment.

I sighed and looked at Marco. “How do you expect that to work, though? I’m not exactly swimming around in money, you know?”

He crooked his head. “Don’t you think you could save up some money in time for Easter?”

“Hardly, but we’ll see. I can talk to my parents about it.”

The three of them looked between each other and smiled.

“Ok, then.”

I stayed around for a while longer, surveying the TV, but then I got impatient.

While Reiner and Marco debated between which place was a better choice, I excused myself and left for the bathroom.

The idea of a trip was nice. It was unexpected, really, and even more unexpected that they invited me too. Maybe, just maybe, I had been considering (unconsciously) that just because I was a first year, they’d cast me out. Actually, on a side look, I’d done the same with my outlook on praxis and university life alone as well.

Expecting the worst and beings suspicious of the unknown was something I had always dealt with since I could remember, but now that I was actually conscious of how bad it was, I wanted to change.

“Where are you?”

I blinked at the tap water running down my hands and then raised my eyes to the mirror, only to see Levi’s reflection by the door.

“What do you mean?”

He raised his brows. “You’ve been washing your hands for five minutes straight.”

“Were you watching me?” I asked suspiciously as I turned around.

His eyes cleared out for a moment, as if the usual dark nebula in them had dissipated and was allowing me to see more than most. But then he closed his eyes for a second and opened them again as sharp as ever. “Don’t waste water, Eren.” And with that, he turned around and left, only losing me from sight once his neck couldn’t cope turning anymore.

I had to slap myself mentally out of daze.

_Venice…_

_We’re going to Venice. We have to._

The thought kept haunting me. Even as I gave a look through some papers, just to make sure I wasn’t missing anything.

Of course, I ended up texting Armin about it.

It was while I delighted myself (or irritated myself) with League of Legends that Jean arrived. He got in the room without a word, closing the door in a swift move and walked up to his desk, only to start making more noise.

I took a look at my status in the game and frowned. I made a recall to the base and then turned around to look at Jean. He was standing by his desk, hands slammed down and head dropped between his shoulders.

I tilted my head and stared. “What’s up?”

He rose his left hand in the air, as if trying to pause life. “Not now, Eren.”

My eyebrow twitched. Knowing myself, that’s when I wanted to spice things up a little bit more. But being considerate, I just turned around and resumed my game.

I managed to finish with a good score, for someone who didn’t play for days. I loved video games, but I sure lost my touch whenever I stayed out of the game-geek life for too long.

I got up and stretched. All the stress or excitement or whatever it was left me thirsty, so I ignored Jean and left the room.

Maybe he needed some privacy.

Maybe I’d give him some.

Mikasa was in the kitchen, holding a mug in one hand. She was leaning against the counter, looking down at the same list Marco had passed me. Said Marco who was basically sheepishly growling at Levi for whichever reason I wasn’t aware of.

“Pick Venice,” Levi muttered, staring at Mikasa with rather hopeful eyes. “It’s Italy, you dumbfuck.”

Mikasa scowled, but not at her brother. “I know it is.”

Marco sighed. “Like I said… stop trying to manipulate her!” He whined.

I stared at them while I poured myself some water, but none dared to acknowledge my presence.

“London is a nice idea too, though,” she wondered.

Levi clicked his tongue. “Too mainstream. Pick Venice.”

Annie appeared right next to me and crossed her arms. She appeared to have showered, and I couldn’t believe her hair was actually that short. It seemed longer when she had it tied up.

“What’s going on here?” She asked.

I finished drinking before imitating her pose. “Picking a destination.”

She side glanced at me. “Destination? For what?”

I shrugged. “A trip.”

She hummed in reply and we both stayed there staring at the other three.

“Come on, you have to decide,” Marco muttered but not low enough to go unnoticed.

“Pick Venice,” Levi insisted again.

Mikasa slapped the paper in Marco’s chest and sighed. “Madrid for me,” she said dryly before her eyes rolled up and she saw me. Her trademark smile came around the corner, “Eren.”

I acknowledged her with a slight bow. “Hey, what’s up?”

She opened her mouth, but Levi spoke above her tone, “Such betrayal.” And he did sound betrayed. He looked _it_. And he walked out irritated with Marco following him.

Annie followed right after, actually interested in what was going on, leaving me and Mikasa alone. It was an opportunity, an opportunity to ask what I wanted to ask. But then again, I didn’t want to sound self-righteous.

She seemed to have picked up on this because she smiled again. “Are you busy?”

I sighed, my shoulders slumped down. “Well, I should be.”

“Me too. Let’s do homework together.”

 _Well, here goes nothing_ —“Is everything ok?”

Mikasa’s eyes widened for a bit but then returned to that mellow stance they always had. “Everything is fine.”

I frowned. I dared it. “You know, we don’t know each other that well and we’re not even close friends or whatever. We’re just mates. You’re a really nice person and all, I kinda like you. But don’t you dare tell me you’re ok with that sort of expression. You’re allowed to lie, do whatever you want. But do it properly. I’ll worry if you don’t.”

_Ah, I said it!_

Maybe it was all but my own response to her behavior towards me. She would always read me well, know when I wasn’t ok, even when I lied and told her I was. She could see through my uneasiness, and if that wasn’t a connection, then I didn’t know what was.

“We are friends, you know?” She said flatly, close to no emotion except for her eyes which were sparkling enough for me to understand I’d reached her.

“Well,” I chuckled, “I have a different view on that stuff.”

“Do you? Well, I guess you’re a smart one then.”

“Wow, hadn’t you noticed? That’s… ouch.” I patted my own chest and gave her a smirk. “You’re so mean when you want to.”

Mikasa took her mug to her lips to hide a quirk in her lips. “Whatever.”

“Ok. I can start stepping into this friendship by saying that you left pinky pants there in a real bad state.” I shot a finger back and grinned. “Teach me, master.”

Her eyes widened and then she was clutching her stomach and laughing. It wasn’t an enthusiastic laugh, but it was Mikasa’s laugh. Smooth and girly enough.

“I could teach you,” she hardly said. “But I doubt you need any teaching.”

“Oh, we can talk about that on the way down.”

“Down?”

I smiled. “Down. Come on, follow me. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

Honestly, I had already intended to leave the house for a while and go for a walk just to space out. Armin would tag along as well, so there was no reason to not invite Mikasa. And well, it was a great idea, really. First, she was smiling, second, Armin was being really open around her and third… well—

“We were classmates?” I yelled as I shot up from the grass.

We were sitting in the garden behind the dorms when Mikasa revealed this piece of information.

She shrugged. “I hardly remember anything from pre-school but there’s no way I’d forget Armin. I remember you,” she pointed at him, “from most of our group pictures.”

_Why just Armin?!_

Said Armin bounced up to sit, legs crossed. “So you are the Ackermans?”

She nodded. “Mikasa Ackerman.”

Armin and I exchanged and look. I slowly sat down again and gaped.

“I heard your family was crazy…” I mumbled.

“Eh?”

Armin face palmed. “ _Eren_ …”

“Ah, that would be because… of Levi and dad.” She paused for a moment and then simply added, “They have a couple of issues but it’s not a big deal.”

_Issues?_

“I guess our neighbors never liked us that much, to be honest. Those rumors probably started there. But well, we really never cared so it’s fine.”

“Whatever,” Armin waved his hands in the air and then bounced back again. “Anyway, it’s pretty amazing, isn’t it? That we met here again.”

I sighed. “What’s amazing is that no one remembers me.” I pointed at Mikasa, “You failed me. You should have recognized me too. And you want us to be friends… How dare you.”

Armin laughed. “Come on, Eren. You didn’t remember her either. Don’t be a hypocrite.”

_Hypocrite… Ah!_

Which reminded me of a train of thought I had been pushed away from. Just earlier, I was certain I hadn’t misunderstood what Levi meant when he talked about being a hypocrite himself. Because if I didn’t then—

“You guys should definitely come to the bar this weekend,” Mikasa suggested with a small smile. “I’ll buy you each a drink in the name of our long lost connection. Anyone from Shiganshina is most likely a good person.”

I wobbled a bit and then bowed down until my forehead was hitting the ground. “Mikasa, you’re my best friend from now on.”

She laughed, “Wow, you are easily bought with your stomach aren’t you?”

Armin joined her laugher, “Like, you have no idea.”

“Ok. Now I know what to do to get on your good side.”

I squinted at them and then pointed. “That information is confidential.”

“It doesn’t take a genius to find out. You were like this even as a kid.” He poked my arm and smiled. “In case you don’t remember, the only way I’d ever find to be able to talk to you whenever you were mad at me was by offering you food.”

I leaned back on the grass and threw my arms up. “True. That or marathon Pokémon with me. Damn, I wanted to catch them all too.”

Both of them laughed.

It had been a good day so far, but what’s a good day without a bit of friction? Well, the friction came once we stepped into the house again. Levi was walking into his room when he saw me and his sister walk in.

He glared, “You two. Next time you leave cups scattered around the counter, I’m going to slaughter you. Anyway,” his eyes went from me to Mikasa, “Jean was looking for you.”

“Tell him I’m not interested in—”

Levi glared. “ _You_ tell him.”

“Levi…”

“No.”

Mikasa flinched at her brother’s sharp tone but quickly regained height and presence, staring down at him as if she wanted to kill him. “You’re so charming…”

It was the first time I’d ever seen them behave like this. Usually they ignored each other or just quietly accepted each other. Seeing them getting worked up over each other’s attitude was like an eminent clash of titans.

But just when things were starting to get beyond tense, Levi sighed and looked at me. “Venice won, by the way.”

I blinked, “Eh?” Had he just changed the conversation?

“How did you manage that one?” Mikasa asked, already pulling out a smile.

Levi actually _grinned_ , eyebrows slowly climbing as he looked at her. “You still doubt I can get whatever I want?”

“Who did you intimidate this time?”

“Jean.”

There was a long pause in which they stared at each other again, probably communicating in a thousand ways I wasn’t aware of.

“Fine,” Mikasa finally said, “I’ll talk to him. _Again_.”

When she walked away in the direction of the living room, I gave Levi a blank stare. “You two work at _some_ speed… I don’t understand how your mood swings go.”

Levi looked at me as fazed as he’d usually be. “When you live with someone as complicated as you, you either learn to let go or you move out.”

That was probably the most personal thing he’d ever told me. It didn’t imply anything special, and maybe I was reading too much into it, but there was something about that one sentence that made me understand both him and Mikasa a lot more.

I crossed my arms and looked at Mikasa’s retreating back until she got in the kitchen instead and disappeared from my sight. “Soooo,” I started a bit too playfully, “I have like twenty questions for you and I don’t know where to start.”

What was a passive stare turned into a sharp glare. “Kid, you fill me with dread.”

I followed him into his room, not giving much of a thought of how pristine it looked even though it was also Marco’s room. They both had their own beds. I was surprised to find the one with all the pillows was actually Levi’s.

“Soooo, I found out Mikasa, Armin and I went to the same pre-school,” I sang. It wasn’t surprising to get the silent treatment. Levi was actually busy organizing some papers by his desk. “Which is funny, because I seriously don’t remember any of you. Except for Armin, obviously.”

“I never stepped into school until I was six.” Levi said a matter of fact. “It’s not strange you don’t remember. Besides, the age gap is…”

I laughed, and Levi seemed surprised for a second because he looked at me as if he’d never seen me before. “I know. I always lived in my own world, it’s not surprising I only remember whoever had a direct impact on my life.”

Levi’s gaze softened, and my chest squeezed. “Tell me about it.” He said with half a chuckle that quickly vanished when the usual mask returned.

_Ah, Eren, you’re so royally fucked up._

“I was a kid with anger management issues,” I said.

“That’s something hard to believe.”

And then, just because he probably finally noticed I was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, Levi slid his chair to me and leaned back against his desk, papers in hand. I looked at him, probably awkwardly staring, and when his eyes shifted to mine again I decided to sit down.

There were no words, but it was an invitation. More importantly, he looked partially annoyed but I was certain he looked a bit relaxed too.

“I would swing my fist at whoever stared at me… like you do.”

Levi tore his eyes from mine and looked down at the papers in his hands, quickly resuming what he was doing before. “How do _I_ look at you?”

“Like I am a thorn in your shoe but you don’t want to stop looking,” I nodded at my own phrasing. Usually, it would be a hard one to pull.

Levi didn’t reply. His eyes going back and forth between the lines in those documents.

It was too early to tell if this sort of tension I always felt when he was around was mutual. But damn it, if it was just curiosity then it was of a really painful kind.

After what seemed like a good five minutes, Levi raised his eyes to me again. “I guess that’s why you don’t have many friends.”

“What do you know about my friends?”

“I know you only talk about Armin, and hang out with Armin when he’s not ditching you.”

I scowled playfully, “And? Are you judging me?”

“No,” he said before he returned his attention to his papers, “I really don’t care.” A pause. “But I guess… You’re an interesting person.”

My curiosity peeked over the limit. I leaned over my thighs and placed my elbows on my knees to hold me up. “Is that so…”

“And Venice? You like it?” He asked, finally ditching those freaking pages aside and sparing me his full attention.

“Did you just change the subject?”

“No. I’m trying to make a point.”

_Who the fuck can keep up with this guy?_

“Italy is the birthplace of Renaissance,” I said as I leaned back, “which is already awesome. But Venice has a certain magic about it… It’s hard to explain. I’ve never been there, but I’d really like to visit. I hope my parents agree to let me go.”

Levi’s lips twitched up but just slightly. “Exactly.”

“Damn those late mid ages,” I scoffed as I looked up. “Imagine the dump we’d be living in if that cultural movement didn’t happen. Though, I suppose we’re crawling back to how it was before.” I frowned, “Don’t you think people are getting incredibly dumb, lately?”

“People are dumb. But to them, you might be just as dumb. It’s a matter of perspective. We’re all of the same bag either we like it or not.”

I looked at him and smiled. “Even you?”

“As far as I know, even me.” He stepped away from the desk and walked to his wardrobe, cracking one of the doors open. The color grade went from black to a dark green but nothing too shabby. “My point is…You’re kind of simple, but you know a lot about things that are interesting to me. And even though someone’s likes say very little about them, it’s clear you’re a bit too passionate whenever it’s something cultural related.”

Deep down, I questioned myself if this attention towards someone else was normal. But it wasn’t, not in so little time. Not when we didn’t even talk on a daily basis. But maybe it was just what Levi did. He spent half of his time watching us, me, following us around as he quietly studied us. And taking this into consideration made it less surprising.

He grabbed a jacket and tossed it over my head, taking out one for himself. “Dress that and follow me. There’s something I want to show you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is! Ugh.  
> A chapter full of (mostly dialogue again) Ereri! 4200 words, to be more precise.
> 
> I had no beta testing for this one, so if you spot any typos, tell me. I'll build you a golden statue ~

“What about dinner?” I asked as I tried to match Levi’s fast stride. He had basically dragged me out of the house without telling a single word of where we were going. He didn’t even warn anyone we were leaving. “And what’s the jacket for?” I scowled at the dark blue jacket he’d thrown over my head, almost missing a step down the stairs. I doubted it would fit me, Levi was a lot slimmer and smaller in stature than I was.

With a graceful jump, Levi skipped three steps at the same time and landed without a sound, then looking at me over his shoulder with two sharp eyes. “Hurry up, loser.”

I quickly caught up with him but he didn’t give me a chance to consider him. He just started walking out of the building, outside. I followed, trying to dress the damn jacket which fit perfectly (I found myself gasping at how neat it fit). My eyes were so lost in my own clumsiness that I ended up bumping against Levi.

A strange _huff_ escaped my lips when the back of his head hit my chin. It hurt and it was discomforting.

I glared down at him, “Don’t stop so suddenly.”

Levi shoved his hands into his jacket’s pockets and gave a small sigh. “It’s going to rain,” he said before he started walking again.

I looked up at the already dark sky and frowned. There were no clouds, and I could see the stars perfectly well. My eyes lowered slowly to Levi and my eyebrows raised.

_Weirdo._

It was still chilly nevertheless, and the warmth of the jacket was welcomed. We walked side by side, with a certain distance.

Between the few glances I spared Levi, I noticed he looked rather calm. The usual frown was gone, his eyes were mellow and his lips would part sometimes when he exhaled small breaths.

The campus stood in the highest point of Trost, and Levi was taking me down into the city. I found myself smiling at the way the lights were illuminating the streets. There was no apparent reason why, but it felt… peaceful.

And it wasn’t because the streets were empty. Even at this hour, there was a lot of traffic. But there was something about the smooth change of seasons and the feeling of the end of a day that left me quite languid, in a good way.

“We’re missing dinner,” I said totally out of the blue.

Levi sighed, this time louder, and stopped at a red sign before he crossed the road. “We are.”

I looked at him. “Jean’s going to kill us.”

He made a noncommittal noise. His eyes seemed to be taking him far away from here. Like he was daydreaming or his thoughts were just not with me.

A cold wind coming from down the street made me flinch and shiver. I ended up zipping the jacket up and burying my face down in it. It smelled _clean_ and _fresh_. It was the same detergent mom would use at home so it made me feel really nostalgic and safe.

When the light turned green, we were walking again, but slower. The amount of people in the streets was increasing as we reached the busiest part of the city, and Levi seemed slightly disturbed. He was walking closer to me.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” I started with a shaky breath, “what’s up with Mikasa and Jean?”

Levi’s brows furrowed when he avoided an older lady, gracefully enough to make him spin and grunt in annoyance before he almost ran up to catch up with me. Then, he glowered. “Why do you care?”

The words that first came to mind made me shudder. I opened my mouth to reply but then found myself closing it again. It’s not that I didn’t care, I just found myself wanting to care. Trying to explain this was a waste of time, though.

“I want to understand. I know nothing about you, any of you. And maybe I’m rushing it, even though I don’t like rushing into anything, but it’s like Marco said, it’s your last year.”

Levi completely turned his head to me, his expression showing nothing. “It has nothing to do with you.” His tone wasn’t accusing, which made it hard to take it personally.

“You’re right. But that’s exactly why I want to know.”

He didn’t say anything. Not a sound.

We kept walking as if the conversation never took place until we reached the main plaza by the river. It was a big open space between a few bars and restaurants that led to the big river.

I’d never been there before so of course I was amazed. It was so open, so _free_ , it made my jaw drop as I looked around.

“This… this is amazing!”

As if those words had sparkled Levi’s cocky side, he leaned his head slightly down and smirked. “Damn right it is.” A pause. “Come on,” he kicked my knee harder than one would have expected and started walking again, “just a few more steps.”

I rubbed at the spot he’d hit and followed.

We crossed the large square to the riverside. There was this viewpoint just ahead, and that’s where Levi was headed. I arrived first, climbing into one of the benches to have a better look. The sight went from horizon to horizon, and if it wasn’t so dark I was certain I’d be able to see the sea at the farthest point the river went.

“Do you like it?” Levi asked as he sat right next to where I was standing, leaning into the view as well. “Well, besides the shitty smell coming from the water, that is.”

I laughed. That was just expected of him. “You know, it’s supposed to smell like this.”

“I know.”

I sat down next to him, legs crossed. “Still, it’s pretty and relaxing. Armin took me to a lot of places already, but we never came here. I’m surprised he overlooked this place.”

“Well, then next time you have to go there,” He tossed his arm in front of my face, pointing at somewhere between the buildings. “It’s an old church, but it’s some huge ass relic.”

I could only spot part of it, but it seemed indeed huge. I turned around and looked at him. “Will you take me there?”

Levi blinked in surprise first and then what he probably wanted to look like annoyance but didn’t. Maybe he was just making a show of it. “Sure. Not now…”

“Hn,” I nodded, “not now. I feel like this is your worst germ nightmare, though,” I said as I eyed the place up. “Aren’t you a freak about these things?”

Levi went dead serious all of a sudden. “There’s a line that if you cross you enter the ridiculous _zone_. I’m well aware you can’t help certain things.”

“You still bleach the whole house whenever you have free time, though.”

“Shut up before I bleach your mouth too.”

I grinned and looked at the water. It was coming ashore in small waves that would grow bigger with the small boats that were still sailing around.

“About Jean and Mikasa…” Levi trailed off, reverting his eyes somewhere else that not me. “Jean was always a piece of shit, ever since day one. And he had the hots for my sister ever since day one as well, what started to be annoying after some point.” That, without a doubt, sounded like Jean. “But he grows on you, I guess. And in all that futile effort of trying to impress her, I think Mikasa started to like him.”

“Mikasa must be a saint…” I muttered, gaining a huff of a laugh in response.

“She’s no saint. She’s responsible and she feels responsible for those close to her. Even you,” he looked at me, “so even when it starts getting complicated, the decision to just leave the situation unattended never crosses her mind.”

I leaned down to lock our eyes. “But they fight so much… And Jean is—”

“Not the problem.”

My body expressions were never that hard to read. His, on the other hand, seemed like a paradox. Sometimes he’d glare, meaning _go away_. But some other times those looks just wanted to shut someone up. Or convey an opinion he didn’t want to be refuted, which was the case right now. But I had also found him glaring at cleaning products, which he apparently loved, or at the food he was enjoying (by enjoying I meant not complaining about).

“What do you mean?” I asked, taking in his look as a challenge.

Levi rose one of his eyebrows. “Have you _seen_ him?”

“Seen who?”

“Jean.”

The expression on my face was too obvious but I still said, “I’ve seen enough.”

“Then you know he doesn’t give a goddamn fuck about how you eat your breakfast. But Mikasa does. Maybe not with you, but she likes to control everything, considering she lives solely on expectations.”

That made sense. Without noticing it, she could be suffering from the myriad ways in which expectations can undermine her life. Too much of something was always too bad. Expectations plague one’s daily life, causing them to be irritable, disappointed, and disillusioned. Many times they lead us to say unkind words, act unskillfully, or make poor decisions. Expectations are so insidious that we can persist in maintaining them even after we have clear evidence that they are unfounded.

I never had that problem before, but Armin did. And sometimes it still haunted him when he was more fragile than usual.

I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “That sounds…”

“It’s a terrible way to live, if you ask me. But she feels responsible for everything and everyone around her. It might not look that way, but it is how it is.”

“Is that why she didn’t want to talk to Jean? Because she thinks she’s right?”

“Basically.”

Damn it. Deep down, I still wished I could blame Jean for it, but then again it wasn’t his fault. Mikasa didn’t make it seem like she blamed him, I guess she wasn’t judgmental with that one, but…

“And what does that make you?” I asked.

Levi’s lips curled up a bit and he blew out a breath. “The black sheep of the family.”

I laughed. “Oh god, yes. I was expecting something like that. Because, come on,” I waved my hand at him, “you have this whole thug aura around you, but you’re actually a nice person.”

His face screwed. He looked totally disgusted for a second, but the smile from before returned for a brief moment until the usual mask was finally on. “You seriously kill me sometimes.”

“Huh? What did I say?”

Levi shook his head and leaned back a bit. There was a faint breeze coming from the riverside, and he seemed to be turning in its direction, tilting his head up just like a cat sniffing the air. And it took me a while to realize that the sky was getting cloudy. It smelled like rain.

_He was right._

It was just when I was about to check if my voice was still there that a fat rain drop hit right on top of Levi’s head, making him flinch. He shivered, eyes shut closed and lips turning down before he took a hand out of his pocket up to his head.

“Damn… That was totally unnecessary.” He was already pulling his hoodie up. “We should go back.”

I groaned as we both got up, my muscles protesting from disuse and the stupid position I’d be sitting in. “Say, have you ever watched a sunrise?”

The question was sudden, just like many things going on in my head at the moment. I’d said it before I could help myself. It was just a blatant idea.

Levi looked at me, betraying nothing. “Once or twice. Why?”

“Once or twice?” I mocked, “In your _whole_ life?”

He frowned, “My _whole_ life is not that extensive for now.”

I gave three steps back. “Aw, that’s cu—”

“Finish that sentence and you’ll know what it’s like to receive a midnight kick.”

My hand quickly slapped over my mouth, but I was still laughing internally. It wasn’t even midnight, it was just a few minutes past nine.

It was strange that no one had called yet, but maybe they’d guessed I was with Levi. My stomach growled at the thought of the dinner we’d skipped. I had no idea if Levi was hungry, but I definitely was.

“Hey, let’s go eat somewhere.”

Levi was already walking ahead of me when he stopped. “Eat where?”

“I don’t know, I just know I’d have a cow.”

He blinked, “Figuratively speaking or…”

“Come on, I lead now.”

At first, I had no idea where I was taking him. My sense of orientation sucked balls, and I still knew nothing about how the roads went, where they ended.

Levi kept quiet for a long while, only rolling his eyes from time to time. It was like the sudden socialization had him needing a pause. It’s without a doubt I say, though, he was a totally different person when the world wasn’t watching him.

I, on the other hand, was acting like a total child. Which is why I didn’t mind the little comments of _brat_ and _kid_ whenever they came. I kinda always hated superficial interactions, which Levi seemed to agree with. It’s not like I trusted him, not yet, even if he inspired a certain level of confidence. But to be able to see his little reactions contradict his usual heavy presence was something I wouldn’t pass for the world.

“Do you ever wonder when you’ll slip and hit the ground?” He asked after a while of watching me jump between the different pavements on the sidewalk. “It would be amazing to watch.”

“Do _you_ only feel good by the misfortune of others?” I asked over my shoulder.

“Other’s misfortune is my fortune.”

“ _Jesus_ , what are you? Satan’s offspring?”

“That’s yet to be decided.”

_No wonder._

“Soooo,” I started, not able to contain the beam when I saw Levi roll his eyes, “Venice. I guess we have a lot in common.”

“We have nothing in common.”

“You said it yourself, that we share the same interests.”

His orbs were suddenly black. “Not in everything.”

I had never understood why his eyes were able to give me the chills whenever he was being abrasive. They were of a light gray, a color I’d also seen before, in Mikasa’s eyes. But now the color was barely visible and he looked like a predator.

My breath caught in my throat and I turned around, ignoring how I could still feel him looking at my back and giving me the creeps.

We walked a few more minutes in silence until something caught my eye. It wasn’t my favorite thing in the world, but I had enough money with me.

“Starbucks is open,” I said as a matter of fact.

Levi stood right next to me and followed my gaze. And even though his tone was conversational, I noticed he was glaring a lot. “That’s expensive as fuck.”

“Well, I have money.”

He glared at me now. “So do I, but it’s still fucking expensive.”

“But you totally want it.”

Levi went quiet all of a sudden and I wasn’t being able to read his expression. He quickly looked away, turning around to search the area, probably for some other place where we could eat.

“Wow,” I chuckled, “did I read you right?”

“Shut the fuck up, Eren. I’m thinking.”

I raised my eyebrows and smirked, “Can’t you, like, think and talk at the same time? I’m starving here and I need food.” No answer so I went on, “Ok, I’m going ahead and get something to eat and drink.” I mumbled, pointing at where Starbucks was.

I was already turning around when Levi said, “Oye, Eren, wait!” It was a bit louder than usual. I’d never heard him raise his voice that much.

Nevertheless, I walked up to the shop without paying attention to him.

He was totally pissed off when I finished ordering and paying (for his share as well).

“Why did you do that?” He asked.

I shoved my wallet in my pocket again and looked down at him, innocently. “Do what?”

“Pay for my food.”

“Because I want to. Now shut up and don’t be a hypo—” _fuck_.

I had completely forgotten. Ever since I’d gotten home I’d been starting and dropping this line of thought without ever completing it.

Levi looked up at me, totally horrified. “Did you just call me… hippo?”

I blinked in confusion. “Huh? What?! No, I… I wasn’t… I didn’t mean it! Ouch! _Ah_ — _heyheyhey!_ That hurts!”

Our names were called, but Levi didn’t let go of my ear until he needed both his hands to grab everything.

We ate on our way back. Mostly in silence, and one I didn’t dare break. The rain started falling heavily. We were already close to the dorms, but not close enough.

I sat by some stairs of an old building, guarding myself from the rain, and Levi stood next to me, leaning against the wall.

“I know you’re not complaining,” I said as I finished the rest of my Vanilla Latte, “but if you do then I’m going to say this was your idea. Not mine.”

“Do you hear me complaining?”

“No.”

Levi met my gaze steadily and dropped his hands from his pockets, opting for fold his arms above his chest. “Then shut up.”

“Weeell—”

“I’m seriously starting to hate you when you do that.”

I grinned, “What about when I don’t do thaaaat?”

“Still hating you.”

Honestly, I wanted to stretch the rope and see until where I was allowed to go. I wanted to see the end of his patience with me, which seemed endless by now. But taking it upon a closer look, he just _always_ made a show of being impatient, when it was actually the other way around.

He looked about as relaxed as he could when I said, “It’s raining pretty hard.”

Levi stared, blinked, and with painful slowness and then flickered his eyes to me. “Smart.” That was his trademark sarcasm.

“No, I mean… I didn’t expect it to rain so soon. September was a hot mess all the way until the end and it’s just the beginning of October and it’s raining like this.”

“Well, summer is long gone.”

“ _Wait_. Summer is already _over_?”

He sighed and dropped himself slowly to sit next to me. “I swear to god, your brains were mixed in a blender when you were young.”

I face palmed. “Oh, my god. I totally forgot there’s autumn before winter.”

“See? Mixed in a blender.”

“In retrospect? That’s totally plausible,” I admitted. “Mom had a car accident when she was pregnant. She went rolling down some hill, or whatever.”

He stared at me. “It’s shocking how lightheartedly you said that.”

“You don’t looked so shocked.”

“I’m not listening to you.”

I leaned my head over my hand and stared at the bunch of poodles on the ground. One of them was three times the size of me. Then, my eyes followed a slim line moving right between my feet and I almost jumped when I saw a bunch of ants circling around.

“Woah, shitty bugs,” I took another step up and sat there.

Levi’s eyes went from me to the line of ants and then back at me. His mouth quirked briefly. “Are you afraid of them?”

“No. I just don’t like the idea of them climbing up my legs, ugh.” If the word vomit could be expressed in any other way, I think I’d just done it. “And don’t look at me like that, I’m pretty sure that if you found this crawling around the house you’d quarantine the whole building!”

“Something like that, but that’s my house. I don’t go barging into their nests either.”

I tried to look at him with a sober expression, but I was failing pretty hard. “Despite your size, I hardly doubt you’d fit any—” I felt a sharp pain on my knee “— _ouch!_ Ok, sorry!”

I got up and jumped over the line of ants. The rain was stopping. I looked down at Levi and saw him stare down at the bugs.

“Having fun?” I said, leaning closer to see as well.

In that same second, though, Levi raised his head, brushing his nose against my lips and quickly backing a few inches right after. He didn’t seem fazed, he looked totally normal. I, contrariwise, was totally screwed by that action alone.

“Sorry,” he whispered. He was still close enough. Close enough for me to feel him talking.

“It’s fine,” I masked with bravado. I was glad it was dark, otherwise my flush would be too obvious at that distance.

_What the hell are you going on about, Eren._

Levi studied me for a while and then got up, making me take a few steps back to give him space. “I suppose we can go back now.”

I looked over my shoulder and saw no rain. “We _should_ go now.”

We walked in silence. And I was feeling totally sick all of a sudden.

It was Levi who opened the door for me as we stepped into the house. The lights were all out, except for the one in the living room and the one in my room.

I wandered to take a peek into my room and saw Jean sitting at his desk, typing something into his computer. Everyone else was in the living room, though. Mikasa and Annie were studying by the table and Reiner and Bertholdt were watching TV. Marco was ironing his clothes.

“Oh, look who’s there,” Annie said, as stoic as ever.

Everyone turned to look at me and I blushed for being the sudden center of attentions. “Hey,” I waved.

“Where were you? We thought you died.” Reiner snickered.

I got in, scratching my chin, and sat next to Mikasa who eyed me suspiciously. “Ah, no. Not yet. Sorry about that.”

“Did you eat at least?” Marco asked.

“As if I wouldn’t,” I replied with a grin.

Annie sighed, “We wanted to call you but then we remembered we don’t have your number.”

“You want my number?”

“Not necessarily, but it could come in handy.”

I pointed at one of her papers. “Can I write it there?”

“Go ahead.”

Reiner waved from the sofa. “Hey, I want your number as well! What the hell. You have preferences?”

I felt like a rock star all of a sudden.

When I left to my room, Jean was already getting in bed. And he was about to address me when Mikasa suddenly appeared standing right by my side.

“That’s not yours,” she said.

I flinched.

Jean raised his head. “What’s not mine?”

“I know,” I said, already shrugging the jacket off my shoulders, “it’s not mine.”

“ _What’s_ not his?” Jean asked again from his bed. He looked lost.

“Why are you wearing it?”

_Ugh, controlling woman. Levi was right._

“Because I—”

“Because I shoved it on his face,” Levi said from the door. He was already dressed to go to bed. “And I wanted it back because I like it. So give it back.”

I sighed and frowned. “I wasn’t planning on keeping it.”

The quirk in his lips was hardly noticed. I was glad I was looking when I shoved the jacket at him.

“Thanks, by the way.” I mumbled.

He was already going away but I still heard him say, “Don’t mention.”

Mikasa and Jean were staring at me, both particularly interested. I looked at them one at a time and then stared at the floor.

“What.”

“Should I comment?” Jean asked. His cocky grin was pissing me off. “I’m about to pass out, but I can still totally comment.”

I raised a hand. “No. Shut up, pink pants.”

“Stop calling me that!”

Mikasa’s lips curled up, but she didn’t say anything. She turned around and exited the room closing the door behind her.

The silence only lasted until I was already in my pajamas.

“Is there something I’d like to know going on?”

“No,” I replied dryly, “there’s nothing you’d like to know going on. We went out, we had dinner and we came back. Is that a problem?” I dared to glare at him.

“Are you gay?” He sing-sung.

“Why do you ask?”

He stared flatly at me. “Because _he_ is.”

_Ding dong. Shit’s going down._

I was glad Jean was in high spirits again. It wasn’t pity, it was just as it was. But he never stopped annoying me, not matter how good of a person he was.

“Well, you gotta tell me what you did to get him to have dinner with you _alone_.”

I sighed, “Jean, _you_ have a girlfriend.”

He shrugged and turned away, facing me with his back.

It’s not like we were ever going to be _something_. But I had a feeling there was a marriage happening in both Mikasa’s and Jean’s heads already.

To be honest, though, I had no idea of what to think about it. So, I opted not to think at all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're curious, Levi is afraid of thunderstorms. But in a way it doesn't make him too ooc.  
> (Another small chapter, but wow. The baby is growing.)
> 
> Also, if you haven't checked out Delta Rae, you should.

“Eren. _Eren_. Hey, Eren!”

“What!” I jumped up in my seat with a piece of paper pasted to my cheek and looked around, confused. “What the…” My head was hurting too much. I felt as if I was having a tequila hangover after receiving a good kicking.

Two big brown eyes inspected my face, following the paper when it finally fell above the table. Sasha had her chin above my desk and was looking at me with curiosity. “Eh, what a face.”

“What happened?” I asked, looking around the room. We were still in the classroom. No one else was there and the clock told me it was already lunch break.

She tilted her head a pursed her lips, “You fell asleep. And I’m so hungry right now. I could just devour you!”

I tried not to mind the phrasing and started gathering my things. “No one noticed?”

“No, not really,” she shrugged, “I made sure they didn’t.”

“What did I miss?”

“Hm, there’s this group work but I’ll tell you about it later. And we have a mock test scheduled for next week.”

I dropped my notebooks all over the table. “A mock test?” My forehead was quick to hit the wood with a dramatic sound. “I quit.” I didn’t really mean it and I think she knew that. But I wasn’t ready for a test—mock test—whatever it was just yet.

Sasha laughed, “Come on,” she patted my head, “let’s go grab something to eat.”

Due to my little late stroll with Levi, I had completely forgotten about my homework. Not wanting to slack off just yet, though, I had spent a considerable amount of time awake to finish everything I’d been assigned. And now I was falling asleep in classes. Of course, that adds up to the _other_ things I took time to do, considering I couldn’t take my head out of _certain_ ideas. Actually, with all honesty, homework was not what kept me up so late. What really kept me up so late was the fact that I spent about half an hour trying to shake off some stupid boner I had for no reason at all (or maybe the reason was related to how I’d managed to neglect myself for the past few days—which was a given), and then the other hour post boner trying to place thoughts into something that didn’t even make sense.

Just like I’m not making any sense. If I ever made sense before, that is.

_Just great._

All I wanted to do was sleep. And even when food was finally in front of me, I found it hard to will it down my throat.

Connie had joined us for lunch. We usually ate at the cafeteria because it would save up some time. The food wasn’t that bad. But I really would have preferred a bed instead of a plate.

“Don’t drop your head,” Connie snickered around his fork. “What’s it to you?”

I leaned back and massaged my forehead. “I stayed up until late to finish some stuff.”

“You don’t have more homework than I do. What happened?”

Replaying the events of the previous night in my head I found myself frowning. “I went out and got back later than what I expected.” It wasn’t a lie. And I wouldn’t even try lying since I was pretty bad at it when I tried.

Sasha wide-eyed me. “You went out at night? But it was raining!”

“Yes,” I said, vaguely moving my hands, “it was raining. It’s _still_ raining and I hate rain.”

Connie took a sip of his drink and stared. “There’s a thunderstorm coming. Saw it this morning on the news. You all know what that means, right?”

I blinked, “No. What does it mean?”

Sasha spread two fingers around her jaw and smirked, eyes turning into two thin lines but still slightly open, “Darkness happens,” she whispered.

“Hah…” That wasn’t enlightening at all. “And what does that mean?”

Connie chuckled. “It means there’s a high chance the power might go down.”

“In the dorms?” I asked.

“Yes. It always happens. It’s pretty funny because if you explain this to the teachers they excuse you from all the work you had to do. And I suppose we’re the only ones with such privileges, considering it’s the university’s dorms we’re talking about.”

That was absolutely amazing and I sure as hell was going to pray for a goddamned thunderstorm. Or even a blackout. It was no wonder that a guy like Jean was so fond of this life. It was, _indeed_ , a privileged life.

It was still raining when we finished classes, but no sign of thunder anywhere. Sasha, Connie and I had to share a tiny umbrella all the way back. My left shoulder was completely wet when we arrived at their block.

While Sasha flailed her umbrella around the main hall, Connie and I considered the elevator.

“What if the thunderstorm starts when we’re inside?” He asked, arms crossed.

I looked at him. “That would be a hell of a coincidence.” Internally, I said a lot more. I thought about movies and some inside jokes I could make. But I got lazy to move my mouth to voice all those things, so I let the silence follow right after.

Sasha broke free in a run up the stairs, “While you decide I’m going on ahead!” She shouted back.

“I’m betting my luck she’s eager to get some food in her mouth.” Again, everything sounded a lot better in my head.

Connie grinned and started walking towards the stairs. “Yep. She’s that simple.”

I followed him. Honestly, I wasn’t certain if I was growing sick of all the stair climbing lately, or if I simply didn’t mind it anymore. But considering I passed away a chance to use the elevator instead, maybe the latter was a better way to see it.

Armin was in the kitchen making tea when I walked in— _lucky_ , he finished classes earlier. He was talking to a tiny blonde _pretty_ (and melancholic) girl. Her nails (both hands and feet) were painted in a very bright orange, giving her a really fresh look (despite her face).

“Oh, Eren,” Armin smiled at me, but not the usual smile, just a washed-out grin, “tea?”

“Yes, please.”

Sasha popped her head out from between the shelves and stared at me. “You took long enough!” It was admirable how this person woke up thinking about food and went to bed thinking about food.

_Maybe she thinks Connie is a walking sausage and that’s why they’re together._

“Who else wants tea?” Armin asked out loud.

“I do,” Sasha waved before she turned around to fumble between some of other things.

Connie appeared right behind me and dropped an arm around my shoulders. “I want coffee or whatever too.”

I side glanced at him. “It’s tea.”

He pulled a face. “Tea? Doesn’t that taste like pee?”

We all laughed, except Sasha who was too busy trying to open a package of cookies.

“That wasn’t for the sake of the rhyme, was it?” Armin asked. And well, I sincerely hoped it wasn’t, otherwise it would be lame. “Because if it was then I’ve reached my level of _done_ with you.”

Connie cackled, “I’m not that smart. _Yet_.”

“Yet,” I repeated with a grin.

Armin served four mugs of tea and handed them to the blonde girl who passed them around. I noticed, on a closer look, that her nose was a bit red and dripping. Maybe she was sick.

Sasha passed by with a bowl of cookies and pointed into the living room. “Come on, fellows, let’s play some Wii.”

“You have a Wii?” I asked, already following after her.

Everyone else tracked after us as well. Armin sat in one of the two sofas with the blonde girl and Connie sat on the other one watching Sasha thrash around with the TV’s remote.

I had only been at their house twice, but to them it was as if I lived there myself. They were all so carefree and it was all so contagious that even I felt at ease. The environment was different from my block. Everything seemed a little too lax over here. But, on the other hand, a little too detached as well. Not like they were actively trying not to care, like it happened back at my place, but like they _really_ didn’t care.

Which worried me, on a certain level. Armin was growing more and more detached from things he usually would mind. Maybe it had something to do with the environment, or maybe it was just a phase in which he’d detach himself from his own experiences as a defense (he did that a lot). An example? _Well_ , he didn’t start conversations with me anymore. And I was left to feel like an eyesore who wanted attention whenever we talked.

It was only the beginning of October, though, and we weren’t even half way through the first semester. I didn’t want to think about it, and if I thought about it I didn’t give the feeling a name. I just hoped, deep down, it didn’t turn into a problem. And that’s why I pretended everything was fine. And I’d keep pretending until I couldn’t anymore.

“Oh, god. You have Wii Sports Resort?” I said as I flipped through their games. The white console was right next to their DVD. _Yes_ , they had a DVD Blue-ray and I found myself thinking it was a waste of money, since they could just use their computers and connect them to their TV.

Sasha turned to look at me. “Yeah! You like it? I’m totally up for it!”

“Sure. But I should warn you I suck in the Swordplay mode.”

“Oh, really?” She laughed. “I’m a _primadonna_ with these.”

_A what?_

She turned the Wii on and passed me one of the controllers. “Let’s do a tennis match.”

Connie laughed. “You’re going to lose, Eren!” Sometimes, just sometimes, his voice sounded just as annoying as Jean’s. “She’s the games queen in this house.”

I winced at him and rolled the white controller in my hand. “So much faith in your girl,” I sang.

He shrugged and smiled. “She’s the best. A complete goddess while playing Mario Kart as well,” he admitted.

Sasha stood up, remote in hand, and started swinging her hips. “You heard him,” she scoffed, “You’re going to lose.”

“Don’t worry, Eren,” Armin muttered low tone, “I’m cheering for you.”

“You have no other choice, mister,” I scoffed.

He wiggled his eyebrows and then looked at the pretty girl. “Christa, pass me that pillow.”

She complied. And _smiled_.

And damn.

_Damn, stoic girls with pretty smiles._

_Damn, Armin and pillows…_

Sasha bumped my shoulder, “Hey, Eren point your remote now and press A!”

I did and the match started.

It was her turn to serve first and I managed to return the ball without flailing too much. The second time it was returned, however, I swung my hand too soon and the ball passed by before I could try again.

Sasha pointed her remote at me and posed, totally proud, as if that was all her doing and not a result of my own clumsiness.

“You’re going to lose by default,” Connie shouted from behind.

I gave him a quick glare from above my shoulder. “Shut up!”

Second service from Sasha and I managed to send the ball back for about three times. On the fourth one, though, it was out and it was her point.

“Two-zero!” Connie shouted again.

Armin propped over his knees, “Come on, Eren, you can do it!”

And well, so much for encouragements, but I totally fucked up when it was Sasha’s match point. There was not even a point in looking at Connie, I knew I would just get the _told ya_ look. I was up for a rematch but, at the same time, I knew a lost cause when I saw one.

I went around the sofa and passed the Wii’s remote to the _blondie_ who took in my place. Armin was _smiling_ at me when a propped over him from behind, holding my mug.

“Don’t drop your tea on me,” he warned all too playfully. “And what’s with those eyes? _God_ , did you sleep?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Please, no need to call me that. I know I look fabulous,” I mumbled with enough emphasis to my voice.

“Yeah, you know what? You’re just like one of those celebrities who looks good even if they’re a corpse. And you need to give me your secret.”

I gaped at him, “Wow. _Wow!_ Thanks, Armin. You always know how to raise my self-esteem.”

“You do have self-esteem problems, in case you forgot,” he whispered. There was no need to say that out loud, but it’s Armin we’re talking about.

I rolled my eyes and leaned down to kiss his head. “Yeah. Sure. I hate you too.”

Honestly, blondie wasn’t half bad playing sports games. She’d managed to score more than me by the time I checked their game status.

“By the way,” I looked down at Armin again, “I have to go to the supermarket to buy some stuff. I’m out of shampoo for a week…”

He wrinkled his nose, “Whose shampoo have you been using?”

I shrugged. “Marco’s, it’s not that bad, honestly, though Jean’s been sniffing me more than usual so I kinda want _my_ own shampoo.” I noticed, however, that at the mention of Jean’s name my best friend quirked his lips.

“Does Marco know?”

“Obviously.”

“Does Jean know?”

I widened my eyes. “Like I care. I could bathe in shit and he’d probably jump on me.”

Armin cackled, “Oh my god, I don’t know why you hate him so much.”

 _Well, because he’s kind of into you, you piece of shit_. Besides, Jean was, well, _Jean_. As if I didn’t know that Jean was part of Armin’s hang out group. As if.

“That’s an offense towards whoever Jean’s dating.” Connie said as he nodded to himself.

“Yes, well, that would be Mikasa,” I informed.

Armin actually bent forward and turned around to look at me and Connie just stared, eyes wider than I’d ever seen in someone. It got me wondering why Armin hadn’t been told, though. And even more alarming was how Connie didn’t know, since he and Jean seemed to know each other pretty well too.

I raised both hands, one still holding the mug, “You two were the ones fantasizing about me and her. I didn’t tell you shit.” A pause. “Anyway, I am telling—was telling you this because I wanna know if you want to tag along.”

Armin blinked too quickly for me to count how many times. “Tag along where?”

“The supermarket, Armin.”

“Ah, no.” He turned around and leaned back. “I’m not leaving today again, too lazy for that.”

“I can go with you,” Connie said. He still looked a bit shocked.

I considered. “Uh, sure. Ok—” _Why not_.

It wasn’t raining anymore when we stepped outside. I was thinking about what I could get from the mart. Sure, it wasn’t _the_ supermarket, but at least it was closer, in case it started raining again. I just needed some basics, like cereal, milk, water _and_ the damn shampoo.

Connie was making a mess out of his jeans by walking straight ahead without avoiding the puddles. He was already wet up until his knees, but he didn’t seem to mind it so I kept quiet about it.

We ended up walking all the way to the supermarket at Connie’s request. I was glad the place was rather empty, comparing to all the other times I’d went there.

“Have you ever tried to make pancakes?” I grabbed a box of premade pancake mix and gave it a look. “My mother never used these so I don’t know if they’re good. But lately I’ve been having the needs to eat something like this.”

Connie passed behind me and dropped one of those packages in his basket. “I’ll get one and next time you’re over we’ll give it a try.” The smile he gave me then was a bit mischievous, “Feeling homesick?”

I rolled my eyes, “I’ve been feeling homesick ever since day one.”

“That explains your eyes.”

“My eyes are another story.”

He laughed, “No one told you to go out in the middle of the night, princess.”

I tossed my sweater over his head, “Princess my ass.”

We walked to the hygienic products section so I could get my shampoo, but I ended up getting a new deodorant as well, since mine was almost finished.

“Hey, where’s the bread?” Connie asked, spinning around to try to find the respective section. “I swear I can never find it when I come here. And it’s my second year!”

Took me a while, but I found it, and called out for Connie who came running from who knows where. Just as I was about to throw a bag of bread to him, though, Levi—who had _probably_ teleported himself right next to me in that same second—gave me a glare.

“Don’t throw that,” he muttered so quickly I almost didn’t understand.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I probably sounded too alarmed because Levi’s eyes screwed in distaste and he looked away. “You weren’t here a second ago.”

“I’ve been here for the majority of time, shut up.”

Connie huffed and placed his basket down on the floor before he side glanced at me. “Who’s that?” And by _that_ he didn’t mean any harm, but Levi probably took it as such since he sent a glare flying towards Connie.

I gave a step back. “Levi, this is Connie, a colleague of mine in his sophomore year. Connie, this is Levi, a—” _We’re not even friends. Shut up, Eren_ —“that…” I trailed off, giving Connie a quick smile.

Connie stared and then wide-eyed the unimpressed Levi in front of him. “You’re Levi? I’ve heard a lot about you but I thought… I mean, I thought you were older. Wasn’t your sister 22 years old?”

Levi dropped his stare to the floor, “I’m 22.”

“ _What_?” Connie almost shouted, “No shit. Do you even have pubic hair?” Despite the stupid, unrelated question, I was more worried about the way his hand was suddenly measuring Levi’s height.

“Hn,” Levi replied, not even looking at him and starting to walk towards another shelf, “it’s a forest.”

_Ok. Why do I even worry? This guy doesn’t take anyone’s shit._

“Hey,” I started as I followed after him, making sure Connie was tracking us from a certain distance, “I’m—I’m sorry about that. Sometimes I don’t understand what’s going on in his head.”

Levi grabbed a bag of bread and gave it a look—more like a glare—before he threw it in the basket. “Eren,” he muttered, looking away instead of looking at me.

“Yes?”

His gaze snapped in my direction so suddenly I found myself needing to swallow. He looked annoyed, but at the same time he didn’t. His eyes looked like an old glass, bewildered and cold. “About ye—”

“Eren!” Connie’s arm flew around my shoulder, “Look, they have a Froot Loops promotion. I can’t eat them all myself, though. So I pay for mine and you take the free one?”

I gave a look to the box of cereal that was almost plastered to my face and then looked at Levi who was now as passive as ever, looking bored. We considered each other for a while until Connie started to look between us and made it uncomfortable.

“Sure, I’ll take the other one. But don’t you think Sasha would like it?”

He went thoughtful for a second. “Yes, but I doubt she needs a collection of cereal. It has already extended to her room.”

I shook my head. “Is she part of a cartoon? Because I swear to god I can’t understand her overenthusiasm with food.”

A shrug, “No one can,” he said with a smile.

As if we’d all agreed to it, silently, Connie and I followed Levi around while he finished getting what he wanted. It was mostly relaxing, since Connie seemed intimidated enough by Levi’s presence, meaning it was quiet. At some point, though, I noticed there was a lot more food in that basket than one person would need for a week (yes, I’d noticed Levi shopped weekly).

So, I asked, “What’s all the food for?”

Levi sighed but didn’t look at me. It gave me the feeling that talking was giving him some inner pain of which we, on the outside, weren’t quite aware of. But then again, he’d spoken to me just fine the night before. “It’s for Mikasa as well,” he said.

“Oh.”

Connie and I were done with the shop register lady way before Levi was. But we waited for him out of courtesy. I was so into my own thoughts that I didn’t notice them walking away until Levi called out for me in that way he usually would. “Eren” always sounded differently when he said it.

“What the hell are you doing? Standing there looking gorgeous?” Knowing him, I knew there was no meaning behind the phrasing, but it was still awkward to hear it. He glared, nevertheless, “Hurry up.”

It was only when we were climbing the stairs of our block after saying goodbye to Connie that I dared to stop, stare and ask, “Are you gay?” The question itself wasn’t graceful. It had a horrible sound in my mouth since it wasn’t even my own business. But I could as well just take it out of my system and move on.

Levi, who was already a few steps ahead, stopped and turned _very_ slowly to glare down at me. His expression betrayed nothing, but he looked a bit unsure in that stance of his. “What kind of question is that?”

“Jean told me.”

“Of course he did. Why do you care?”

That was a really nice question as well. Levi certainly had it all figured out. But I didn’t, so I just shrugged and received a pointy glare in return. He passed the bags from one hand to another and sighed, _again_.

“Yes, I am,” he said. “Want a pony?”

I frowned. “No. I just asked for asking.”

“Yes,” he mumbled, already turning away, “that’s a lot like you.” He didn’t say anything else, and started climbing the stairs again, leaving me behind.

The house was a bit agitated. All the rooms had the doors open, even the girls’ room. Out of curiosity, I took the chance to take a few glances here and there. Reiner and Bert’s room was really tidy, well, at least half of the room was. Marco and Levi’s was still pristine. I also noticed there was a punch bag right in the middle of Mikasa and Annie’s room. It wasn’t surprising but it still made me flinch, visibly.

Annie was in the kitchen, together with two people I’d never seen before. One was a rather tall guy. Another long face for the collection of horse faced idiots in my life. His eyes were probably the only thing that was normal about him, since even his hair had this really funny and straight undercut making it almost seem like he wore a wig. The other person was a girl. She was laughing in a devious way when Levi and I got in. Even her eyes looked deceitful and I felt defensive all of a sudden.

It was maybe out of surprise as well that Levi stopped by the door, bags in hand, not opening space for me to move in any further either.

Annie stepped away from the balcony and smiled small. “Wow, what’s with those faces?”

The other girl laughed again. “Who’re they? They look funny.”

I frowned. I wasn’t even trying anymore so I just let my face do what it would do by instinct.

“That’s what I should be asking,” Levi muttered under his breath. He finally moved to the balcony to place the bags above the cold stone and then proceeded to glare at the two unknown presences.

Annie sighed. “This is Hitch,” she pointed at the devious looking girl first and then the guy, “and this is Marlowe. They’re friends of mine.” It was a first but I supposed even stoic Annie could have friends. “They’re the ones I told you about. They’re gonna help you out this weekend so be nice, Levi.”

Levi raised an eyebrow and then turned around. “I thought I’d said I’d ask Farlan and Isabel for help. Where’s Mikasa?”

“Taking a shower,” Annie replied.

Hitch’s eyes shifted between Levi and Annie for a few seconds and then landed on me. “What’s your name?”

I had no idea why, but everyone was suddenly looking at me. Even Levi, which made me go from confused to troubled in less than a second.

“Eren,” I replied. It was just a feeling but I was almost certain my frown was increasing.

“Oh, Eren, you look cu—”

“Then again,” Levi talked over Hitch, “I’m not agreeing to this.”

Annie shrugged. “I’m pretty sure they both do a better job than Isabel, at least. She’s a bit clumsy. I doubt she won’t cause any trouble.”

Levi took the bag of bread out of one of the supermarket bags and turned to walk towards the shelves, “I really don’t give a shit. I trust Isabel, and I don’t trust Marley and Hitch.”

“It’s Marlowe,” the tall guy mumbled, quickly shutting up with the two glares he received coming from both Annie and Levi.

“That’s rude”, that was Hitch.

“What are you guys talking about?” And _this_ was me. Not that I wasn’t used to staying out of _basically_ all the subjects, but at least I didn’t want to. Not anymore.

Annie crossed her arms, “There’s going to be a free entrance show this weekend at the bar, and Erwin trusted Levi to talk to the drama club from arts school to get some props and all but,” she glanced a Levi, “he’s being a little shit.”

I blinked, “What kind of show?”

This time, despite the grimace, Levi’s lips curled up a bit and he side glanced at me. “A drag show.”

And he wasn’t the only one. Hitch actually cackled and Annie and Marlowe snorted. Apparently, there was no reason. I was well too informed on drag shows (I’d actually seen a few before, when I discovered I could sneak up at night into a certain bar back in Shiganshina), so I had no idea why they were laughing.

That was, of course, until Levi explained. “Have you ever heard of Hanji Zoe?”

I placed my bags on the floor and rolled my shoulders, “No. What’s that?”

He bit his lower lip and looked away as if trying to collect himself. “Exactly, _that_. You should just show up, then.”

“Well,” I glowered, “Mikasa did invite me and Armin to pass by but—”

Annie exhaled loudly, “You twins suck. If you care for Eren’s sanity you should never suggest something like that.”

Levi shrugged and walked back to where he’d left what he bought, “I really don’t care about anyone’s sanity besides my own, though.”

 _Typical_.

“Thanks a lot,” I whined.

He ignored me and looked at Annie, “But then again, Isabel and Farlan are enough.”

“ _But then again_ ,” she echoed, “I’ll still have Hitch and Marlowe help.”

I rolled my eyes and decided to ignore them all as well while I organized my things in my shelf. The conversation wasn’t even worth listening since it was just Levi and Annie bickering over the same topic all over again.

As I was about to leave for my room, though, someone called my name. I turned to look and saw Hitch give me one of those creepy smiles of hers.

“See you Saturday, Eren,” she sang.

I ignored her. And I also ignored Levi’s glare and Annie’s stupid face and went to my room. I turned my computer on, put my headphones on and ignored all the noises coming from the hall while I listened to my Delta Rae playlist on YouTube.

The thunderstorm hit around 9pm, but the power didn’t go down. We had just finished dinner when we saw the first lighting out the balcony’s window. Levi was washing the dishes and he dropped a plate in the water, making a loud splash and wetting everything around it, including himself.

I was sitting by the tiny table, playing cards with Jean as another excuse to avoid homework, when the sudden flash had my head snapping towards the window and then towards the sound of the plate hitting the water.

“Who’s taking pictures?” Jean grunted as he went through his cards. This game was going really bad for him, which I thought was a charm since I wasn’t the best card player in the world, at all.

“Did you seriously just say that?” I looked at him. “What a kid.”

“Excuse you, Eren. I’m too busy making an awesome play to pay attention to you.”

I smirked, “Uh-uh, hurry up and throw a card. I’m done waiting for y—woah!” Another flash caught my attention again, “I seriously hope the power goes down.”

Levi tsked. “Are you retarded?”

“What. Isn’t washing the dishes, in the dark under the moonlight, your dream life?”

Jean raised his eyes to me and then threw his head back and laughed. Levi dropped the plate again, but this time he glowered at me as if I was the culprit of him wetting everything again.

“Go out and get struck by lightning,” he growled.

Mikasa walked to the counter and placed the rest of the plates we’d used over the stone before giving a quick look outside. “I hope the power goes down…”

I raised my thumb and grinned, “See? I’m not the only one.”

“What?” She smiled, confused.

Jean snickered and then looked at her. “Levi is being a pussy about the—”

“Mikasa,” Levi interrupted, “I need to talk to you later.”

“Oh, yes. I know.”

He raised an eyebrow, “You know?”

“Yes. Annie told me you’d want to talk to me about Marley and Hitch or whatever…”

_It’s Marlowe, though._

“If the power goes down, I’m skipping classes tomorrow,” Jean said.

I nodded. “I’m count me in was well.”

But the power never went down.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Wow! Throw tomatoes at me...  
> Hanji is a divine person undergoing a change.

Another week had come to an end. Armin and I decided to accept Mikasa’s offer and go to the bar on Saturday night. Of course, in part, Armin only accepted to go because I told him about the upcoming show. He’d never seen a drag show before (because he was an affectionate of the law and didn’t agree with sneaking into bars at night like I did), and that had his curiosity peaking over the edge.

And even though, usually, Armin would be the one to wait for me, this time he was taking a considerable amount of time to get ready.

“Explain something to me,” my fingers trailer the ends of my shirt, “why are you taking so long?” I’d been leaning against that door for a while now and my legs were beginning to feel numb.

_Topless_ Armin threw me a look. “Unlike some people, I do study.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Are you implying I don’t?”

“Uh-huh. Eren, which one?” He was holding up two different shirts. One I had no knowledge of and another one I remembered too well since I’d been the one giving it to him.

I pointed at the obvious choice. “Left,” I said.

Armin laughed softly by himself as if he’d anticipated it.

“That color suits you,” I admitted. It was a dark blue button up shirt he quickly covered with a grey cardigan. “Ready?” I asked, grinning when I saw Armin eye himself up in the mirror.

He nodded. “Let’s go.”

Of course, we weren’t going alone. Sasha, Connie, Christa and Ymir (Christa’s girlfriend) were going as well. And, surprisingly, Ymir—who I’d only seen once by glance—was the most excited of the group.

“She’s a diva,” Ymir reminded for the third time in a row. Her voice was so tuned it echoed down the empty street.

“Have you seen her before?” Armin asked. He sounded curious. But I wasn’t really paying attention since I’d been busy emptying my pockets to count my money and trying not to drop anything on the ground at the same time. “I’ve never seen any show before.”

“You mean you’ve never seen a _drag show_? Really?”

Connie, who was starting to stay behind, caught up with us in a quick run. “I’ve seen one, once, but it wasn’t a big deal,” he said. “Though, the best thing about Hanji is that she spends so much time dressed as a woman everyone naturally sees her as one.”

“Is Hanji Zoe, like, her real name?” I asked just to take part in the conversation.

“Nah,” Ymir answered without really addressing me, “it’s just her stage name.”

After dropping all my coins in the right side of my jacket, I raised my eyes and looked around with a sigh. It was cold, but not that cold just yet.

The road that lead to the bar was kind of creepy during the night, and I found myself stupid for only noticing it now. Most of the stores were closed with bars on the windows. The days were still humid after the rain, particularly at night, which gave a totally different feel to the atmosphere.

As usual, when I wasn’t interested in a conversation, I slowed my pace and stayed a few steps behind the main group. I was still in earshot to hear Armin bark something about my angst teenage self, but I let him have the moment.

Shockingly, when I entered the bar I felt like I hadn’t been there for ages. The place wasn’t packing but it had more people than the last time I’d been there. Everyone was shrugging off their jackets, and I was about to follow suit when I caught Mikasa looking at us from the stand where she was attending some costumers.

I raised my hand and moved my fingers just slightly. She kept talking to the man she was attending but her lips quirked a bit before she looked away. It was my first time seeing her at work. It was awkward.

We sat down around one of the free tables close to the door. While they all discussed what they wanted to drink, I turned around in my seat and searched the crowd. I didn’t recognize anyone until I searched the counter and saw Levi talking to some other guy.

As if he sensed it, Levi gave me a glance. When he noticed who it was I saw him pause. He leaned an elbow on the counter and gestured at me to come closer with his other hand. The guy he was talking to turned around to look at me and some other girl did the same.

Begrudgingly, or rather, shyly, I excused myself and walked towards them.

“I thought you weren’t coming,” Levi said in that unimpressed way of his.

I slid between the guy he’d been talking to and one of the chairs and sat there. “And give you the satisfaction? No.”

He crossed his arms above the polished wood and tilted his head. “Who’re the funny looking donkeys over there?”

I gave him an apologetic smile. “Armin’s friends.”

The way I said it almost sounded pitiful but it wasn’t on purpose. I was just tired, or acting tired. Wherever that energy I had as a kid went to, it was nowhere to be found lately.

“That sounds lonely,” the girl said.

I hadn’t even given her a proper look. She looked tiny, probably the same height as Levi. Red haired and with really pretty eyes. The way her face looked so cheerful gave me no other choice but to smile when we met eyes.

“Do you wanna be my friend?” She asked all too innocently.

I shrugged, “I don’t even know your name, though.”

“I’m Isabel, nice to meet you.”

The name rang a bell, but it wasn’t until I looked at Levi that I remembered. She was Levi’s friend. And the guy next to her was probably his friend too.

“I’m Farlan”, he greeted. There was something very diplomatic about his stance.

“I’m Eren.”

“We know,” Isabel chirped with a wide grin.

I was going to ask about that comment, but someone else got my attention.

“Hey, pubes.” It was Annie. She had her hair down and she looked incredibly different. “Where’s my tuna toast?” She leaned in close to me and gave Levi a blank stare.

With his thumb, Levi pointed behind his back. “Probably still in the kitchen.”

“Get that done. Hitch is already buying me drinks and I’m on an empty stomach.” She slapped the counter with her palm and then gave me a glance before she walked away. No wonder I didn’t see her before in the crowd.

Right after she left, another girl—woman came and leaned over. “Levi, can you get me two Appletinis, please?” She left just as fast as she came and I found myself following her with my eyes.

“What the hell is an Appletini?” I asked, frowning when I noticed Levi was already drowning a cherry in two glasses of vodka and apple juice (the two bottles he had at hand). “Is that good?”

“Perfect drink for a girls’ night out,” Isabel threw in.

Farlan laughed softly, “You have no girls to hang out with, though.”

From inside the kitchen came another person. He was tall and blonde, and had a happy smile spreading on his face while he approached.

“Tuna toast for the hungry lady,” he sang as he dramatically placed a plate above the counter.

Levi followed suit with the two drinks, and the woman from before came by with a tray and took the orders away.

Farlan rested his chin in his hand and snorted. “I don’t know which of you nagged Petra about cutting her hair but I guess she got the job done.”

The guy that had just exited the kitchen snorted. “Levi was the one who told her that long hair was not suitable for work.”

The accusation was probably true because the accused didn’t bother with a reply.

Once again I was feeling left out. It was really hard to keep up with their conversation if I didn’t even know who was who. I reminded myself that Levi had been the one to gesture for me to come closer. When I was about to leave, though, I noticed a drink had mysteriously appeared in front of me.

That one I knew. It was a Cosmopolitan.

I looked at Levi, who was already shaking some other cocktail and didn’t spare me any attention. Of course, I thanked him, inwardly.

Farlan tapped Isabel’s shoulder and whispered “Let’s go back to our table” before he gave me and Levi a wave. “See ya later, Erd,” he told the other blonde guy.

Erd, I assumed, patted Levi’s shoulder. “I’ll be inside.” And with that, he excused himself.

By the corner of my eyes, I noticed some movement. Mikasa was preparing something as well. I’d noticed she wouldn’t leave that side of the bar. Probably each one of them had a section to take care of.

I looked down at my drink and mustered some will. It was sweeter than I remembered. I probably made a face because Levi was, somehow, looking at me with a shadow of concern in his eyes.

“I’d forgotten how it tasted,” I explained.

He shrugged, “It’s for free.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Are you offering me a drink?”

His lips quirked in the usual emotionless smirk I was so used to see. “Mikasa is. Your blonde friend isn’t paying for his drinks today, either.”

I looked at Armin over my shoulder. “He doesn’t drink much, so I don’t think you have to worry about him…”

Almost instantly, however, I saw something I didn’t like. I had no idea when they had arrived, but Jean, Marco, Reiner and Bert were sitting right next to our table. And above all, Armin and Jean were talking.

The glare I sent flying towards them was somehow torn between jealously and concern. I hadn’t asked about it, I hadn’t talked about it, but only because I was expecting some consideration in return.

Two years ago, if something like this happened, I would head towards them like a storm and point all my questions, doubts and observations without expecting anything back.

Now, in a place I wasn’t familiar with, surrounded by people I only knew for a few weeks, I felt disgustingly intimidated. I wanted to cry out of frustration.

“If you keep staring so much, your eyeballs will fall out of your eyes.”

I turned around and glared at Levi. I had no idea what kind of face I was making, but it didn’t shock him to see me so worked up.

The women from before came by the counter again. “A Long Island and a Daiquiri, please.”

She didn’t leave. And Levi didn’t look at me until he’d finished preparing both drinks and had the girl out of there.

“What’s the frown for?” He finally asked. “You knew it was going to happen anyway.”

I had no idea how he knew what I was mad about but, knowing him, he just knew.

“Is that why you took me out of there?”

He shrugged, “Maybe.” Something about the way he looked away told me he was expecting me to get mad at him.

Honestly, I wanted to thank him. I probably wouldn’t be far from hurling if I was still sitting by that table. On the other hand, however, I just felt more miserable and alone.

“Why are you being nice to me?” I asked instead, my defenses flaring up. “You’re incredibly empathic tonight, even though you spent your morning not even looking me in the face when we talked.”

Between processing the irony of realizing I was sulking like a child and mentally slapping myself, I buried my face between my hands. Ever since coming to Trost things had only been sinking even more than before. I was ready, but I wasn’t.

Allowing myself a few seconds of silence, I stopped thinking and my mind went blank. Then, my hands dropped to the counter and I looked at Levi who was all too amused over my dramatic display. _What!?_ I wanted to ask. Instead, I pinched my nose and breathed out my frustration.

“Armin is not Armin, I’m not myself, and I have no idea where this ends,” I sighed.

“Well, first you finish you drink. Then, you hear what I have to say. And after that you get your little ass out of that chair and go talk to your friend.”

I leveled with him. “How nice of you.”

“Stop using the word _nice_. You’re making me sick.”

I did as I was told. I finished my drink and then leaned over the counter and placed my chin on the wood. “So, what is it?”

Levi threw a towel over his shoulder and looked somewhere beyond me. “Mikasa told me they broke up—shut up, don’t talk—and that’s what I know. All I’m saying is, don’t be a little shit. You and Jean have a mysterious way of pissing each other off so what I mean is, don’t overdo it. Don’t say anything I wouldn’t say.” I was going to talk again but he silenced me with one look. “You’ve been going on about your friend for a while. But how about you do something about yourself first?”

“What do you mean?” I finally managed. “He’s the one keeping quiet about things!”

“And you’re the one who’s not asking, right?”

I hated him for being right. Even more when he gave me that self-proud look he always carried in his pocket to wear at the most inconvenient situations.

“I came here for a show and I’m receiving a life lesson.”

Levi shrugged. “You brought it upon yourself.”

With a heavy conscience, I turned around in my chair and got up. I wasn’t going too far but the distance between me and that table was making me tired. I didn’t thank Levi. I just limited myself to what I could do at that time: walk.

When I was close enough, Armin’s blue eyes shot in my direction. He looked scared for a moment and that’s when I realized it was really my fault. He was scared of what I would think or say. He was scared I wouldn’t accept the sudden changes he was willing to make, and that sunk pretty hard somewhere deep in my gut.

Jean, who was sitting next to Armin, gave me a look. He wasn’t trying to pick up a fight, though, as he was most of the time. He actually seemed thoughtful. But on a closer look, he looked like the usual horse faced idiot I had to share my room with.

“Took you a while, baby face.” Ymir threw in the non-existent conversation. “I had no idea you and Levi were so close.”

_That makes us two._

“We’re not,” I said. Taking a few steps and sitting next to Connie. “By the way,” I glanced at Armin, “your drinks are free. Mikasa is paying for them.” My mind eased when he looked relieved to see me talking to him, even though I was still sulking. “I guess we can both get drunk tonight.”

He laughed, “You know I don’t like to drink much.”

“Which,” Jean intervened, “you still gotta explain to me. I don’t get you! Who hates getting drunk?”

I smiled to myself and leaned back on my chair. “Armin does.”

Christa leaned in from Ymir’s lap to join the conversation, “I don’t like to drink that much either. It’s like I’m not myself anymore.” She had such an angelical voice I wondered if she was even real.

Jean gave a snort. “You’re more yourself. No masks.”

“I wonder if Eren is still that angst teenager underneath this skin,” Connie pinched my arm, “do you turn violent after you drink?” His shit eating grin reminded me of Jean.

I pointed at Armin, “I don’t know what you’ve been telling them but I’ll beat you up for it later. I swear.”

“Oh, he’s violent, alright.”

“Shut up, Connie.”

Ymir gave me a smirk I found familiar. “He’s baby faced,” she said, and it sounded like she put a bratty question mark at the end just to show me how highly she thought of me.

_I do shave_ , I was going to say. But then I opted to stay quiet and save the _bratty_ lie for another time. Of course, I didn’t even have time to reply. The dim light of the bar slowly started to die out and the lights on the stage at the far edge of the room lit up.

_Right, the show!_

I glanced towards the counter and saw Levi leaning over the polished wood. He looked somewhat bored and the white light coming from the stage made his face look really washed out. Mikasa was right next to him. I hadn’t had the chance to talk to her yet, but I supposed I didn’t need to.

The MC was a girl. I’d never seen her before so I didn’t pay her much attention. I did, however, stare with my jaw dropped when Lady Gaga’s Applause started and a person, presumably the so called Hanji, entered the stage in a huge and fantastic pink dress that remind me of rose upside down. I had no idea what was that thing she had in her head, but it made her look taller than she was.

I looked at Levi from where I was and saw him looking at me with that almost invisible smirk of his. He had this _I told you face_ , and Mikasa was giggling to herself.

There was no way a normal person would be able to move in such a big dress but, apparently, Hanji was handling it just fine. She was doing a dramatic lip sync but if I didn’t know better, I could have sworn that it was her voice I was hearing.

At some point, she bowed to the left side of the audience, where I finally spotted Annie and her gang. They all cheered, except Annie who just clapped. Then, Hanji turned to the right side and did exactly the same thing. I had no idea why she was blinking so much but it made me laugh.

When Gaga sang _“Give me that thing that I love”_ , Hanji started moving a lot more. In the bridge, the song calmed and so did she. The lights turned violet and we could only see a shadow. But right before it peaked again, Hanji ripped the dress apart and showed her whole body wrapped in a glittering pink spandex suit. In that same moment, she rhythmically started dancing in a way I’d never seen a man move before.

“Is that a man?!” I heard Armin ask.

“Right now she is lady man,” Reiner answered.

I was glad Armin was freaking out. Because even though I’d seen a few drag shows before, I’d never seen one so _strong_. And I underline strong. Because in that same moment I started wondering about what was under that strange thing in her head, Hanji took it off, bouncing long rainbow colored hair in the air, before she continued her dance.

And, well, right after a few dramatic spins, she finished the song with a painful to watch splits. I’d never, _never_ , seen something like that before. I was used to seeing girls do it all the time in Olympic Games but to see it coming from a man had me sweating.

Suddenly, I heard our group laughing. When I turned to look, all I saw was Armin’s horrified face. He looked mentally violated and I kinda felt sorry for him.

“I swear,” Ymir threw in, “if she ends up making the change, she’ll be a hell of a woman.”

Reiner laughed and leaned back in his chair. “She still won’t open for you, though.”

I covered my ears so I wouldn’t need to hear the rest and excused myself to the bathroom. Another song started when I was away, and I walked back in the room right in the middle of it. Not wanting to disturb anyone, I just strolled around the counter and sat where Levi and Mikasa were sitting. The woman from before was making some drinks and she quickly offered me one right after I sat down.

“Feeling better?” Mikasa yelled in the midst of the song.

I looked at her, confused, but then I guessed Levi had told her a word or two so I just shrugged and watched Hanji’s new performance come to an end. The bar had more people now than when I first arrived. It was amazing how many people could fit in there.

For the rest of the show, the bartender drowned me in a few more cocktails, until Mikasa said she wouldn’t pay for anything else and I found myself tipsier than I cared to admit. Armin, Jean and Connie came to join me after a while. Despite the first impact of stares there was between Mikasa and Jean, the rest flew by smoothly.

A few minutes later, while Armin explained me the perks of being blonde (I don’t know where he came up with that), I saw Levi disappear by the front door and I remembered I hadn’t thanked him. Light headed, I ended up leaving the group and Armin, and followed after him. He was sitting on the stairs, looking down at his hands. I didn’t want to disturb but, right when I was about to turn around and leave, he sighed.

“You can stay.”

“Are you ok?” I asked.

He looked at me over his shoulder and frowned. “Of course I am. I’m on a break.”

Slowly, I went down the few steps between us and sat next to him. I remembered I would have a test next week I wasn’t prepared for, and my stomach ached when I thought about it. I blinked once. Twice. Three times, and finally understood why I was there.

“Thank you,” I said. “About before…”

Levi looked down at his nails and then started to bite one of them. “Did you talk to him?”

I made a face, “No, not yet. But I understood what you meant.” A pause. “I’m still wondering where the sudden care came from, though.”

“It’s a pain in the ass to watch you act like an ass. There’s enough of that in me already, I don’t need you to join the club.”

With a laugh, I gestured at him. “You’re not an ass. You just pretend you are. And… now you’re going to look at me with a scowl and tell me to shut the fuck up.”

He looked at me with a scowl and said, “Shut the fuck up.”

I grinned. “See?”

Levi rolled his eyes and looked somewhere else. But despite acting like I was, indeed, a pain in the ass, he didn’t tell me to go away.

“Sooooo—”

“Oh, shit.”

“What are we now, best buddies?”

He snorted. “Go make friends somewhere else.”

“What? You don’t want to be my friend?”

Looking at me with a certain level he smirked. “Keep trying, Eren.”

I rubbed at my temples. “You know, I really don’t understand our relationship.”

“That’s because there’s no relationship between us.”

“Stingy.”

He glowered at me, “You’re so annoying when you’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk. What do I need to do for you to accept my friendship? Pose naked in a bed for you to draw me?” I was joking but of course he took me seriously. “I’m not being serious…” I mumbled when I saw the mischief in his eyes.

“You’re drunk.”

I shook my head and clicked my tongue, “No, I’m not. Not really. I can still talk and walk like a normal person.”

“And since when are you a normal person?”

“I’m not?”

He huffed a laugh, “Not really.”

We remained silent, both watchful of each other until Levi decided to look somewhere else. Looming over a sudden thought that had occurred to me I ended up giving a loud yawn.

 “I feel funny,” I said.

“You _look_ funny.”

“Are you mentally labeling me as drunk? I have a feeling you are.”

“It’s not a feeling, Eren. It’s a fact.”

If someone asked me in a future which was the moment that changed my life forever, I would probably say it was the one when I decided that what I was about to do was ok. And I knew it was ok, but it wasn’t thanks to any sort of personal resolution. It was because I knew it was inevitable. It would happen anyway.

“Then, I guess you’ll forgive me.”

He snorted. “Forgive you for _what_.”

Despite the obvious mock in his tone, the way he looked at me was soothing. His eyes were calm and grey, and I had no idea why they inspired me do act more stupidly than usual.

I leaned in really slow, kind of expecting him to back off. However, he didn’t. We were close enough for me to see his eyes as clearly as never before. When he didn’t move, I did, and pecked his lips in that sort of childish way kids do.

Levi’s eyes subtly widened. His voice was rough and a little uncertain but he seemed calm nevertheless.

“What was that for?” He asked.

Since I was being nothing but silly, I flashed him a grin. “I’m trying to be your friend.”

_Besides, I just finished what you started back then._

The mask cracked. Levi looked more dumbfounded than I’d ever seen him before. There was something funny about the way he was looking at me but I didn’t dare laugh. I couldn’t, however, avoid the snort I gave all of a sudden before I hid my face between my hands.

“Is that how you make _friends_?” He asked, voice trembling but not faltering even once.

Part of me was embarrassed, even though the other part knew there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

“Shut up,” I muffled in my hands, “don’t you dare deny my friend request twice in a day…”

I glanced up at him and saw him shake his head. He was smiling, though, one of those rare smiles he gave once in a while. I had no idea why he acted so cool all the time but it wouldn’t do him any harm if he smiled more often.

“So,” I tried again, “wanna be friends?”

Levi took a deep breath and then turned his face to look at me. “You’re such a little shit.”

“Is that a yes?”

He shrugged, “I have this feeling that if I say no I’ll wake up tied to a chair. So, yes.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Anyway,” He grunted when he got up, “I have to go back inside. Have fun, _friend_.” He patted my head and walked up the stairs. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

I waved him off without looking until I heard the door close. Then, I leaned back on the stairs and looked up. The night was surprisingly cold and my breath was starting to make fog.

 “Ah, Eren,” I joked, “you’re _so_ royally fucked up.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me, this is just a bridge chapter. It really doesn't add anything up to the story (except perhaps the talk between Armin and Eren). This week will be a bit busy, so Idk if I'll be able to bring up chapter 10 so soon. But considering it's a glorified EreRi chapter, I'm pretty sure that between this week and the next one it will be around.
> 
> Nevertheless, please, enjoy this! I'm glad to be back and I'm glad to see you all excited about it! Thank you <3
> 
> Also! I opened the possibility of a chapter from someone else's point of view. If there's someone whose POV of the story you'd like to see, just let me know. If it's relevant, it might be more than just one character.  
> Chuus!

I woke up around 11am the next day. After a quick breakfast, I joined Bert and Annie who were studying in the living room. I’d have a mock test in a few days so I had to be prepared. Everything was going smoothly, perfectly fine, until Jean broke into the living room breathing like a horse.

We all looked at him, expectant.

“Levi,” he hissed, “Levi is awake!”

We knew what that meant. On a Sunday afternoon with everyone in the house, there wouldn’t be a better day for cleaning duties.

I slammed my notebook closed. “I’m out,” I said. “Gotta meet with Armin.”

Annie also got up right after me. “I’ll go down with you.”

Bertholdt looked at us, eyes going between Annie and I and then Jean. “W-What about me? Reiner is still in the bathroom…”

She shrugged, “Wait for him and be both doomed or abandon ship with us.”

Bert’s face fell, “I can’t leave him behind!”

I was already by the door when Jean dramatically grabbed my shoulder and held a theatrical painful expression. “Don’t worry, Bert… Eren and I will honor your sacrifice!”

“Yeah,” I played along, however not being able to hide a grin, “we will.”

Bertholdt wide eyed us, “What? But—I can’t—”

“Bye, peasants,” Annie mumbled as she dashed out of the living room.

We all passed by the bathroom. First Annie, then me and then Jean, each slamming a hand on the door and yelling “semper fi” as loud as we could. Levi came to his door and leaned against the doorframe, next to Marco, watching us all hurry out. I still caught his eyes for a second but Jean was already closing the door.

It wasn’t a lie that Armin and I were going meet up, but not so soon. I still had to wait for about an hour inside Starbucks for him to come. And as if having to wait wasn’t enough, Annie and Jean ended up tagging along with me.

I didn’t really care about the first, to be honest. Jean was a completely different story though. Especially because he was one of the matters at hand I wanted to discuss with Armin.

“I don’t understand this weather. What’s with all these clouds?” He grumbled around his coffee. “Did someone check the weather forecast?”

“Scattered thunderstorms,” Annie said without raising her eyes from her phone. She had her feet crossed above the chair next to mine. “I hope the power goes down.”

Jean snorted. “It didn’t go down last time, I doubt it will go down this time.”

“Should we make a dance?” I asked, poking the edge of the table and sneering at my own suggestion. “You two dance and I clap. Maybe that will work.”

“Wasn’t that shit supposed to make rain?” Jean asked.

Annie rose one of her pointy fingers in the air. “You two dance and I clap.”

I leaned back on my chair and looked over the coffee shop. I was starting to get hungry again. “Jean dances and you and I clap. I’m pretty sure he’s enough.”

“Fair.”

“Shut up, Eren.” He paused. “I don’t know, you just… It’s October.” He looked at me while I proceeded to grin at his stupid realization. “No, you don’t get it. It’s Halloween!” It was enough having the whole tumblr community addressing the whole month as Halloween, I didn’t need Jean adding up. “We should do something about Halloween!”

“Halloween is, what, three weeks away? Hold your horses.”

“He can’t,” Annie chortled a bit too brightly. “That’s the one thing he can’t do.”

I couldn’t help perking up a little at the almost sassy way she said it. And while Jean proceeded to fume on his own, I started to laugh.

“What do you guys usually do, though?” I asked.

Jean leaned over the table. “Well, last year we pranked Levi so much he didn’t talk to us for a whole month. But he’s so easy, despite his looks. I mean, he’s afraid of thunderstorms.”

Oh, so that was a true fact. I knew I wasn’t so far from figuring it out last time a thunderstorm hit town. Levi certainly had seemed more worked up than usual.

“We also watched horror movies,” Annie added, “all of us. What was pretty hilarious by itself, I might say. There’s also a party going on at the bar but we usually skip it. Mikasa and Levi don’t even work that day so that means we can’t have free drinks. We’ll probably just repeat the same thing this year.”

Jean leaned to me. “Maybe we can set you up with Levi…” He suggested in an evil way.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Pfft,” he spat, “you can’t fool me. _He_ can’t fool me.”

Annie looked at me in awe. “Whaaaat?” She whispered. “You and Levi? Really?”

I sighed. “No, ignore Jean.” I glared at him. “He’s just needing new gossip material.”

Everything got incredibly awkward and quiet for a few moments, while Jean proceeded to interpret what I meant and have it sink in his brain. Annie was the only one who had definitely no outlook on the situation who was most likely to speak up first. And she did, after finishing her tea.

“That would be fun. You and Levi, and Jean and Mikasa.”

“Yeah…” Jean answered slowly, and none of us really moved for a bit. I think we also forgot to breathe, somehow.

“Wow. Sure is quiet in here.” Annie added. She said that despite the background noise.

I coughed, “Well… It really isn’t like that, though.”

And there was no way I was going to explain how it was if I hadn’t even talked to Armin about it. In my list of priorities, it was a subject no one but him deserved to hear about, considering it wasn’t even a big deal to begin with.

Twenty minutes later, I was sitting at another table with Armin right across from me, while Jean and Annie chatted loudly with Ymir and Christa who had apparently decided to come along.

“So you have a test this week?” He asked, leaning in so I’d be able to hear his low tone. “How’s that going?”

I shrugged, “It’s going ok. Though I only have half an idea of what I’m doing about my studies, to be honest. I don’t know what to expect.”

“You should meet up with Connie and Sasha tomorrow. They’re going to revise, that could help you out. It would be good if you started on your right foot, no?”

He was right. He was absolutely right. My bursts of confidence when it came to studying passed just as quickly as they came, and without something to keep me psyched up it would be hard to summon the will to study. I was an average-good student, but only when I gave my all.

Armin pocked the table. “Have you called your parents lately?”

“Nah. But I texted my mother the other day, so it’s not like she doesn’t know if I’m still alive. I do need to talk to her, though. About that trip Marco and Reiner are organizing.”

“Do you really want to go?” Despite the little shrug he gave, I knew there was something slipping in his tone, but I wasn’t exactly certain of what.

“Well, yes. Why wouldn’t I?” When he didn’t reply, I went on. I took it as a chance to start what we were supposed to be talking about. “Maybe if you and Jean get together along the line, you’ll be able to tag along as boyfriend.” I sneered at the word _boyfriend_ , knowing I wanted Armin to be anything but that to Jean. But at the same time, it was exactly this sort of mindset of mine that started this whole misunderstanding so I kept my jerk reactions at bay.

Armin perked up all of sudden, eyes on me and expression unreadable. From experience, I knew Armin was the kind of person who was always showing off how he felt. When he was mad, it was pretty clear. Same when he was happy or sad. One look at his face was enough to understand what was going on with him. But when he decided to look as expressionless as a white paper sheet, he managed to scare me.

My eyes rolled towards the table where I saw Ymir rise to her feet to take out her garbage, and then back to Armin who was still studying me with that same expression. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

What he said was something I _wasn’t_ expecting. “I’m sorry Eren,” a sheepishly smile covered his face and for the life of me I couldn’t be more relieved. “I should have told you something.”

I chuckled and shook my head. “Nah, you told me enough. I was the one who wasn’t paying attention. And I’m sorry.” A pause of whole hearted understanding was enough for both of us to find it embarrassingly awkward. “But so, what. Do you like him?” My nose wrinkled at the thought.

Armin giggled on his own and then looked over the other table. “I don’t know. I don’t dislike him. It’s really fun to argue with him and it feels really intense and dynamic when we’re together.”

 _Just how many times have you been together without my knowledge?_ Was what I voiced inside my head. There was a slight discomfort regarding finally being aware of the things I was being kept in the dark about.

He shrugged again. “I don’t know. I think I like him. He’s nice.” The way that _nice_ came around the corner told me exactly what I wanted to know. “Though I don’t know what I should do about it. It’s my first time in this kind of situation, not to mention how he had a girlfriend just until a few days ago.” He chuckled darkly, “I don’t want to be a dick…”

_Dick…_

If I could, I’d keep myself in a position of not inspiring anything bad in both Mikasa and Armin. But even if Mikasa was a really nice girl and I had an urge to be fair, I couldn’t be something I wasn’t and Armin was my best friend.

“I’m jumping off the charts here but... Don’t worry about it and just do your thing.” I sighed. “Levi told me about how it has been icy between those two since day one. And I’ve seen enough for myself, to be honest. I don’t know how Jean acts around you but, what I saw of them was so detached even I felt sorry for him—but don’t tell him!”

Armin actually cackled at that. “Oh my god, I love how you two act towards each other.” He calmed down really quickly, though, and leveled with me. “It almost makes me jealous.”

Seeing this side of Armin made a lot for me. It was as if we were kids all over again. But maybe people never really grow, especially if it’s something that makes them excited. I was happy for Armin, I just hoped his taste improved a bit from now on.

“Anyway, what happened to you yesterday?” He asked. “You went outside and then you never came back. Did you go home?”

The word _home_ was still a little uncomfortable for me to use, but I ignored the feeling. “Yeah, I managed to climb the stairs, though by the time I was in bed I wasn’t drunk anymore. Ok, let me rephrase that, _tipsy_.”

“What happened?”

I considered his question first. But I decided to be truthful and answer. “I kissed Levi.”

“You kissed him!?”

I rushed with my hands to cover Armin’s mouth. “Shush, you’re too loud!” I hissed.

Armin gave a small lick to my hand and I instantly withdrew it with a sneer. And while I rubbed my palms (both of them, just in case) on my jeans, he proceeded to freak out.

“But how? _Why?_ Do you like him?”

 “Ehm,” I shrugged. If I liked him? Well, obviously, I didn’t hate him. He was pretty and hot, and I liked that. He was mysterious, which kept the fire burning. But there was still something I wanted to figure out before I started naming feelings, and that was Levi himself. “It’s complicated,” I said. “I think it’s more of _a get it out of my system_ thing. We’re friends, and I’m pretty happy with that.”

_More like forced to be friends, though._

Armin raised an eyebrow and hummed in reply. “Well, keep me informed.”

“I will.”

We were lucky because it didn’t start raining until we reached the dorms. Ymir ended up inviting Annie and Jean over, and of course I tagged along. Armin seemed pretty excited all of a sudden, I noticed this because he kept touching me slightly from time to time in his own way of reassuring that we were ok.

When we got back to our block, Jean and I stayed behind. Annie went on ahead, rushing because she was needing a shower.

“I should thank you,” Jean started.

“What for?”

“I don’t know… I just feel like I should. Because you’re being decent, in your own fucked up way. And I appreciate that.”

I didn’t answer him because I had nothing to offer. I just took his thanks and nodded, not adding anything up until we reached our floor.

It was when we were about to close the door that a sudden noise clicked and all the lights went off. And as if that wasn’t enough, the rumble of thunder we heard in the next second was so loud and so sudden Jean threw his hands at the nearest wall when he jumped.

Annie came out of her room in all panties and bra and sighed. “You have to be joking… I need to shower!”

“What the hell happened?” I asked.

“It’s a blackout!” I heard Reiner shout from the living room.

“I’m still going,” she said, “Mikasa, can I borrow your phone? How do you turn on the lantern?”

Mikasa came to the door to explain but not before shooting me and Jean a glare. We both passed by, ignoring her, and rushed to the living room.

Reiner was pasted to the window, admiring how everything was so dark outside all of sudden, despite the evident light of the sunset. Bert was laying down on the sofa, hand above his temples. He seemed tired, but we didn’t dare ask. Marco was sitting next to Levi by the table. They were both looking at us attentively, one with a smile and the other with the usual scowl.

“Where have you guys been?” Marco asked, curiously looking between Jean and me.

“Out,” we answered in unison.

I went and sat right next to Levi, bouncing back and giving him a half-smile when he glared pointedly at me. I noticed he was fidgeting a bit, but paid that little to no attention. Knowing he was nervous was already enough. I wasn’t going to make a show out of it.

Mikasa came in the room to have a look outside. “It should be back soon,” she said.

“Which is a shame,” I added, “I seriously wanted to sleep in tomorrow.”

They all agreed. All except Levi, who was really quiet despite looking, obviously, upset.

“Did Annie really go for a shower? With just a flashlight?” Jean asked in Mikasa’s direction but quickly backing up to look at me. “She’s determined.”

Mikasa gave a sigh and shot him a look. “Not just a flashlight, it’s actually my phone. I’m just glad she’s not clumsy.”

He shrugged, “Whatever. Do we have candles?” He turned to Levi now. “I wanna light up some candles. Does anyone have a lighter?”

“There’s one in my room,” Mikasa mumbled.

“The candles are in the top shelf.” Levi muttered to himself.

Jean turned, probably to ask him to repeat it again, but I spoke before he did. “Top shelf,” I reiterated, bouncing back once more.

The power only came back two hours later.

We all skipped classes the next day, except Reiner and Bertholdt. I woke up around 9am and had breakfast in the living room together with Mikasa and Annie. They were both too lively for a Monday morning, but I reminded myself it wasn’t exactly a normal Monday morning. I finished first and went to the kitchen to drop my plate in the sink. I was going to wash it, but Annie said she’d do it later so I didn’t mind myself with the trouble.

Before I left for Armin’s, I still had a chat with Marco about the details of the trip. He informed me that soon he’d have more or less an idea of how much we’d need out of our pockets, and I thanked him.

Levi was sitting on his bed, doodling something on his sketch book, so paid him little attention until I heard him call for me. “Eren,” he said. He would always be able to get my attention by the way he said my name, no matter what.

I turned in heel to look at him. “Yes?”

“Are you going out?”

“Sort of, I’m just going next door.”

He sighed. “Sure. There’s a guy in the third floor named Thomas,” with a swing, he threw something I had to step forward to catch in my hand. It was a pen, a different kind of pen. “Give him that for me. I don’t need it anymore.”

I looked at the item and then at him. “Is this some sort of drawing pen?”

Levi blinked slowly. “You can say that…”

“Ok. But where’s the _please_ in your phrase?”

He rolled his eyes. “Fuck off.” He said it dryly.

I stopped by the third floor on my way down and knocked at the door. A girl with black hair came to open it for me but I didn’t even want to step in. I asked her if she could deliver the pen to the guy named Thomas and she told me that yes, she’d do that.

The day passed by really slow. I had lunch with Armin, Sasha and Connie who were also skipping classes, and spent the rest of the afternoon studying.

Before I left, I sat down next to Christa while I waited for Armin to finish a phone call. The thing about Armin’s family was that whenever someone called it meant he’d have to speak to both his parents, his grandfather and maybe even his dog. It was an endless line, but he didn’t seem to mind it that much.

“What are you reading?” I asked, noticing the huge text on Christa’s phone. I didn’t want to be nosy but I had nothing better to do. Besides, despite being a tiny bit stoic, Christa still seemed approachable (whenever Ymir wasn’t around, that is).

“Oh, it’s a fan fiction.”

_A fan fiction? Like, those so proclaimed fan fictions people go on about on the internet? Those fan fictions? You read those?_

I blinked. “Oh, what’s it about?”

“Oh, it’s about John and Sherlock.” She looked at me a bit sheepishly, “You know, from BBC Sherlock? That. It’s cute but for some reason the characters are a bit OOC.”

_OOC? Is that some code?_

Despite being an internet avid, I certainly felt lost sometimes.

“I see…” I considered my next words carefully. As long as my understanding of the situation went, she was reading about a very possible gay relationship between Sherlock and John. I had no idea that’s what girls were into these days. Actually, I had no idea about girls in general. I just liked to look at them from time to time. “Drop the fic?” I pitched in, a bit unsure if that was actually the best thing to say.

She paused. She _completely_ paused and looked at me with her eyes widening until she just threw her head back and laughed.

_An angel?_

_Even better._

“W-What’s wrong?”

She clutched her stomach and bent down. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I just imagined that coming out sort of dubstep-like. You know, like: d-d-d-d-drop the fic!”

I snorted. “Oh, god. You’re such a nerd.”

She tried to calm down. “Like, aren’t you too?”

“Not as much as _you_!”

I was afraid I wouldn’t get anywhere close to the 60s in that test, but I guess I managed just fine to (maybe) score above the 70s. Sasha had done well too, though she probably bullshited almost all the questions with a pro level.

When I arrived home on Wednesday, I was so tired I fell asleep right after I dropped myself on the bed. My mother called me around dinner time, and I took the chance to talk to her about the trip. The agreement was that we’d talk about it _properly_ next time I went home, even when I told her we probably didn’t have much time to decide.

Mikasa joined me after dinner and we both watched TV. They were repeating a few episodes of _Orange Is The New Black_. I’d never watched the series before, but I was _very_ interested.

“I’m just here for the lesbians,” Mikasa admitted as matter of fact.

I had to laugh because there was no other way to put it. “Is that so? Are you suddenly a lesbian?”

She shrugged. “Just because I find kissing other girls pretty hot, doesn’t mean I am a lesbian. I still care far more about boys than I care about girls, if it matters.”

I nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

After a moment of silence, in which we heard Jean yell something very loud in the kitchen, Mikasa asked me another question. “What about you? Have you ever kissed a boy?”

I didn’t take my eyes of the screen. “Yes, I have.”

“What about girls?”

“That too.”

“I see.”

For a moment, I was afraid of the course the conversation could take, but she surprised me completely with her next observation.

“There’s something really wrong with this house—or very right. Everyone is a queer.”

_Oh?_

I was gonna say I wasn’t. But the realization of having to explain what I was _exactly_ made me just shut quiet on my own tracks. After all, I wasn’t really far from being one, in the end. Same could be said about Jean, though. The only ones who probably followed the line were Reiner, Bert and Levi. Annie was still just a thought.

“Maybe they know,” I said. “Whoever chooses where we’re going to stay.”

Mikasa laughed. “That’s some voodoo.”

“I know, right?”

We watched the rest of the episode in silence until Bert came to sit down next to me. I glanced at him and noticed he was sweating a bit. Now that paid him the owed attention, I noticed he was _almost always_ sweating whenever he was nervous (which was always).

Jean came from the kitchen holding a bunch of cans and placed them all over the table. There was coke, iced tea, Sprite and Dr. Pepper. He picked an iced tea and threw it at Bert who caught it midair.

“What’s that for?” I asked.

Jean looked at me and shrugged. Marco answered instead as he came in and sat close by. “There was a promotion so I rolled with it. Consider it my treat. What do you want?”

“Ah, then, whatever is fine.”

Marco threw me a can and I cracked it open, followed by Mikasa who received one from Jean. Everyone else ended up grabbing something to drink and crashing on the sofa (or, in Annie’s case, on Mikasa lap for much of mine and Jean’s admiration).

There was something very weird about that set up on my side, so I just changed places and sat between Levi and Jean on the other sofa. Reiner started flipping through channels to check if there was something cool going on. Jean was astonishingly quiet, it almost felt right to be sitting next to him. But I wondered if he was somehow bemused thanks to Mikasa behavior.

I glanced at Levi when I saw him flourish his drink in his hand. He wasn’t pleased at all. “Why did I pick soda?” He muttered to himself. And as if he felt me looking at him, he’s eyelids fluttered and he quickly glared my way. “What are you having?”

“Uhm,” I looked down at my can just to be sure, “iced tea.”

Without further ado, Levi grabbed my drink and swiftly swapped it with his own. “Changing, then.” He added before he was done.

“Hey!” I whined. “What was that for?”

He tilted the can towards his mouth but stopped the act half way. The corner of his lips curled up just a bit and he gave me a quick glance before looking away. “We’re _friends_ , right?” And after that he just drank.

I stared. “You have a twisted definition of friendship.”

He shrugged. “You were the one asking for it.” A pause. “ _Begging_ for it,” he corrected.

Was he teasing me? I was going to reply. I opened my mouth while my mind came up with some sort of smart ass reply but I was interrupted.

“Who’s going to make dinner tomorrow?” Reiner pitched in.

Annie gave a snort. “You just finished eating and you’re already thinking about tomorrow’s dinner. Nice.”

Jean leaned back and sighed. “I don’t care. Certainly, it’s not me.”

It hadn’t been my turn yet. But I didn’t want to do it, not so soon. Not when I hadn’t even improved at least a tiny bit. I just sank down in my seat until I was as small as Levi (who, by the way, was looking at me as if he’d never seen me before).

“I’ll probably hang out tomorrow night so I won’t eat with you guys,” Mikasa informed.

Annie looked at her. “Where are you going?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know yet but you can tag along if you want.”

“Deal.”

“You know what?” Jean stretched so much I feared his drink was going to spill all over me. “That’s actually a good idea. I’m going to eat out as well.” He looked at me. “I’ll invite Armin. Wanna join?”

I was going to say no.

I reconsidered.

I still said no.

“Then you and I will go out as well,” Reiner told Bert with a bright smile.

“I guess that leaves me, Eren and Levi.” Freckled Jesus taking part in the action! “Do you guys wanna go somewhere as well?”

“Count me out,” Levi said.

In the end, we decided the three of us would just order pizza and watch some movie. That would be our night and I was perfectly content with it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohoh? I'm so generous today. Why? Because the con was amazing. Because I met gorgeous people. Because life is beautiful and because you guys give me feels. So here's chapter 10. And here's [Half Alive](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2455916) , a minisode on Levi's POV that will enlighten you on some interesting facts, being fact number 1 why Levi is so fond of Eren above anyone else.

“Eren? _Eren_.”

The first thing I was aware of was that I knew that voice. The second thing was that my neck was aching so bad it made me dizzy.

“Wake up, Eren. You’ll catch a cold.”

With a groan, I flickered my eyes open. The first thing I saw was the ceiling, but as I looked around I recognized the living room. Levi was at my feet, looking groggy but still managing to guise like a fucking menace to my mental sanity.

I sat up really slowly and rubbed at my left eye. “What time is it?”

“Like… 3am, I think.” He looked around the room and paused before he looked at me again. “What the hell are you doing?”

I glanced at the TV. It was still on. “I don’t know… probably fell asleep watching something. Didn’t you have work tonight? It’s Friday.”

His glare intensified. “Which part of what I said didn’t you understand? It’s 3am.”

“So?”

“So,” He opened his mouth and breathed in so he could talk, but then he just exhaled and pursed his lips. When I just stared in astonishment, he tried again. “You’re annoying. Can’t you just go to bed?”

I raised an eyebrow. “What are you, my dad?”

Surprisingly, he played along. “If needed be.”

I rolled my eyes and stretched before I got up. “Well, you’re a shit dad, just so you know.”

“And you’re a shit son.”

That one actually had me shutting up. I just picked up the remote and turned the TV off, grabbed my phone that had somehow fallen to the floor and wandered to the door. Levi just stared at me when I passed by.

“Good night for you too,” he muttered.

I rolled my eyes and threw him a “good night” over my shoulder. He was picky about the most incredible things when he wanted to.

I still saw Mikasa wandering out of the bathroom. Maybe they’d just arrived from the bar. She waved slightly at me before she went into her room, I waved back.

Jean was snoring like the usual pig he was at night. I found myself instinctively kicking the bunk just to hear him turning around with a groan.

I’d spent the whole afternoon studying the Greek words for love and their meaning. My head was a mess. It made me think about Greek people, about myself and people around me… I was going through a mini life crisis because of a damned dead language.

After I got in bed, I spent about half an hour staring at the bed above me, willing my eyes to shoot laser beams through Jean’s back, through the ceiling, into space, and maybe hit some alien space ship, or blow up a star and create a new black hole.

So then I ended up thinking about Levi and Levi and more Levi and I turned around muttering Catullus phrases at the wall. “Fuck you, boys…”

I remembered Armin hadn’t told me about his dinner with Jean yet. I really wanted to ask him about it. Not because I wanted to be in control of what was going on—mind you—but because I had the right to know, _or something_.

Then I thought about relationships, because Armin was obviously starting one. I thought about what it meant and what it implied. I thought about my relationships and had to turn and snort on my pillow just to muffle a laugh.

_I’m going crazy._

It occurred to me it had been a while since I’d jacked off. Sometimes, in the shower, I’d manage to take care of myself, but then I was also self-conscious, and spent so much time worrying about what was going on by the other side of the bathroom’s door that I ended up getting soft.

Maybe that was it. Maybe that’s why I was going crazy.

That, or maybe one of the twins had cast a spell on me. Though the only spell caster around these parts was Levi, and it was a spell of _authority_.

_Bossing people around or using them as he pleases..._

Yesterday, the night I stayed home with Marco and Levi, we ended up watching The Avengers. It hadn’t been much of a deal, at all, if it wasn’t for the fact Levi kind of fell asleep on me. _Literally_ on me. And I had no idea if it was ok to move because 1) I didn’t want him to roll away, 2) I was afraid I’d lose my balls the instant he woke up. So I spent more time watching his face than paying attention to the movie, until Marco woke him up by accident and Levi excused himself without looking at me even once.

_Ugh._

I probably fell asleep, meanwhile, because when I woke up again it was already a few past 9am. And even though I’d only slept around 5 hours it felt like I’d been sleeping for longer. I had no idea why I felt to startled, though, until I noticed Jean had his leg swinging out of the bed.

If looks could kill.

I rolled out of bed, grabbed a jacket because the room was really cold and paced out of there. I didn’t bother with making noise because Jean deserved it.

Mikasa and Annie were already awake. Honestly, Mikasa looked like she’d seen a ghost, pale as a white sheet and lacking a few hours of sleep. Annie had a face of someone who’d been sucking lemons first thing in the morning, but she always looked like that anyway.

“Morning,” I muttered as I walked in the kitchen. Both of them looked at me but only Mikasa answered back. “Why’re you both up so early?”

Annie slurped her coffee. “We stayed up, watching some movies.”

I took a bowl out of the cabinet and frowned. “You didn’t sleep?”

“That’s what staying up stands for, I think.” She mocked.

No wonder they both looked so constipated. Mikasa asked me if I wanted a mug of coffee, but I said no. It was one of those days in which I knew if I had any caffeine in my blood I’d probably turn into a nervous wreck.

“What were you watching?” I asked when I sat down with them by the tiny table in the balcony. “Anything interesting?”

Annie shrugged, “We _marathoned_ The Lord of The Rings.” A pause while she swallowed some toast. “We still have to watch the last one, though.”

“ _My precious_ ,” I hissed around a spoonful of cereal.

“I’m actually really upset right now. I get upset whenever I watch those movies.”

I lolled my head on the table very dramatically. “Oh, let me guess. Frodo, was it?”

“Oh my god, he’s so annoying. I feel like slapping him all the time.”

“Ditto,” Mikasa threw in.

Annie snickered. “Bless Sam and his patience.”

“Bless,” Mikasa and I mumbled at the same time.

I looked out and saw the grey sky. Those clouds weren’t going away. Maybe I’d stay home today as well. Maybe I’d study, though remembering how far that got me last night was depressing enough for me to ignore my studies for at least a week.

“What is this? A party? Why wasn’t I invited?” Jean entered the kitchen followed by Levi, who was already dressed to go out.

“Because no one likes you,” Annie replied with a smirk.

“Shut up, Annie.”

I pointed at Jean. “You woke me up, bastard!”

“Ah, did I? Sorry about that, junior.”

“You’re _so_ not sorry…”

He came to sit next to us. I had no idea if he couldn’t read the (sudden awkward) atmosphere or if he just didn’t care if Mikasa was probably plotting his dead already. Maybe the so entitled dinner with Armin had gone well. Ah, I really didn’t want to know how well, though.

Levi wandered to his shelf and grabbed a bottle of water and an apple from inside a plastic bag.  He tossed the apple in one hand and meandered out to lean against the counter, just a few feet away from our group.

I took another spoon of cereal to my mouth, munched, swallowed and asked, “Where are you going so early in the morning?”

Levi took a bite of the apple and spared me a look. “Out,” he answered.

Sometimes, I really hated when he acted like that. Though between being a self-righteous talkative person and being a quiet mysterious asshole, I had no idea which I preferred best. _Anyway_ , it was none of my business.

“Do you wanna tag along?” He asked when I looked away.

I flared my senses at him again. “What?” Was he really asking me if I wanted to go with him? “Where?”

He shrugged and took another bite of the apple. “You’ll see when we’re there.”

I sighed. If I ever wondered too much about how he treated me, I was going to end up more crazy than I already was.

“Sure,” I muttered as I finished my breakfast. “Let me just get dressed.”

Jean sent a wide look flying my way but I just shrugged at him, got up, washed my bowl and spoon, and left to my room.

We were out the door fifteen minutes later. Looking at his back as we went down the stairs gave me the impression I was having a déjà vu.

“Hey,” I called, “hey, wait up! Where are we going?”

I had no idea where we were headed. Levi wasn’t saying anything either. He was quiet the whole time, until we reached the underground. He asked me then if I had a pass. I said I didn’t, so he paid me a normal ticket. I would have said something about the money, that I’d pay him back, but he was so gloomy all of a sudden I decided it was best to stay quiet about it.

When the train arrived, it was almost empty. I was glad, in a way, because it felt really claustrophobic whenever the cars were full. Levi went in and leaned against the farthest wall and I followed his example. I noticed he was giving the whole car an unimpressed look. Still awfully quiet.

I fiddled with my phone and pretended to check up on my texts. It almost made me feel stupid because the only person I ever texted was Armin, with a few exceptions for Sasha and mom. I still glanced at Levi a few times, noting he had his hands inside his pockets and was making the utmost effort to avoid touching anything with his bare skin.

Sometimes I didn’t know if he really had an obsession with cleanliness of if he was just disgusted of every little thing. Of course, as usual, the moment my gaze lingered for too long, taking in the way his face looked, Levi’s eyes snapped towards me. He still seemed gloomy. I wondered if it was because he hated to ride the underground train. Or trains in general. I wondered if it had anything to do with his apparent OCD problem.

“What.” He prompted.

“ _What_.” I countered.

“You’re staring at me,” He said.

“I’m not staring at you. I’m just thinking and you happen to be in my view.”

Levi’s eyebrows raised slightly and his gloomy expression changed. His eyes flashed dangerously and I found myself shrinking. It’s not like he was mad, he was just… _amused?_

“You do learn…” He said huskily, making me forget breathing was necessary. He was probably talking about the way I’d managed to counter him.

I looked away because his mien was suddenly too intense. “Isn’t that obvious?”

“No, not really. I thought you had a one track mind.”

I frowned. “ _You_ know nothing.”

We exited the underground after five stops. I had no idea where we were, I just knew I’d never been there before. The buildings were different, the construction style resembled the old gothic, for some reason. It was different from Trost, it was easier to breathe there and it way more lively.

I looked around in awe until I heard Levi sigh next to me. “Where are we, even?” I asked.

“Hermina. Didn’t see the stop?” He mumbled, looking at the street as if he was searching for something.

Hermina? Hermina was, or so I’d heard, the old Trost before it outgrew the original walls. It was still the same city, but this part of town still held the original name. It was, basically, the rich area back in the old ages where the king’s court had made their stand. The houses were all fresh painted in different colors. The streets were broad and the trees were small enough to let the day light fill the place.

“Wow, it is _way_ better than I’d imagined!”

A chuckle caught my attention. Levi was kicking his boot on the floor and smiling slightly as he did. “Are you going to act _that_ surprised every time we hang out?”

“Are you going to take me to amazing places every time we do? Because if so then you already know the answer.”

Levi looked away for some privacy and then softly kicked my knee, gesturing for me to follow. “Come on, kid.”

We started walking, slowly, despite knowing Levi had a fast pace. It was like he was allowing me to enjoy the moment, not wanting to quick things up.

At my request, we entered some of the tiny shops along the main road. They sold _everything_. Each shop had its own specialty but was pretty much packed with all one could think of.

Personally, I was enthusiastic about the amount of bookstores and music shops scattered everywhere. I remembered Annie had a vinyl player, and I remembered she was into old music. Maybe, if I survived university until Christmas, I’d come by one of these stores and I’d pick her an album of her liking.

At some point, we entered a hygienic products shop at Levi’s demand. It was still cloudy outside and it smelled of rain, so I was a little afraid the weather would spoil the fun at any given moment.

“What do you even need from here?” I asked as I looked around, stopping abruptly when I saw a soap with the format of an Xbox controller.

Levi was already somewhere between two shelves when he replied. “I remembered I need a toothbrush. Mikasa used mine by mistake last night.”

I paused, blinked and then leaned into the corridor to look at him. “What? How do you use someone’s toothbrush by mistake?”

“Because they look the same, smartass.”

“Oh…” I looked up at the white ceiling, condescendingly when I noticed the mosquitos circling the lamp. “So what? You can just disinfect it and use it again. It’s just your sister anyway.”

“Wow. No fucking way. That’s gross.”

I leveled with him. “Weirdo. You totally drank from my can the other day, though.”

Levi picked a Colgate toothbrush package and considered it for a moment. “Yes,” he said almost absent mindedly, “but that’s only because I was flirting with you.”

_Eh?_

_What?_

Levi was— _what?_

I looked at him as if he'd grown another head. He wasn’t even looking at me, as if what he’d said was the most obvious and natural thing in the world. Now that I thought of it, he always looked disgusted whenever people shared food. It also happened when we met.

Why, though? He was flirting with me because I was less disgusting, or was I less disgusting because he was flirting with me? Why was he even doing _it_ in the first place?

“So,” I tried my voice to see if it was still there, “ _what_. You find my mouth fluids less disgusting than your sister’s mouth fluids?”

Levi scowled at the word _fluids_ but then his expression went downright again. He placed the package down and looked somewhere between my face and my chest. “Not really. You just make me forget.”

He said that and my mind went blank. When he wandered off to check out some other products, I was left wondering what I was supposed to do with that kind of confession. Because, in my head, all I heard was _“You make me lower my guard.”_

And, _oh_ , if that meant a lot, in so many different ways.

I was suddenly wondering about all those different words Greek people had for the word love and I wondered which of them applied to Levi. I didn’t love him, but I liked him. I wasn’t sure why I liked him, I just knew I wanted to like him more. Above all, he was a nightmare to my mental sanity and it didn’t help that I found myself absentmindedly staring at his ass.

I don’t know if it was because I had so much to think about of if it was because I was still fazed, but I spent most of the time in silence.

The place Levi wanted to visit was a weekly fair event that happened during the morning. He said there was something he had to buy and told me to wait for him because he wouldn’t take long.

There was a skate park nearby so while he wandered into the fair on his own, I sat back away from the confusion.

I thought about a lot of things. I thought about bicycles and how much I’d give to be able to maneuver them as coolly as those kids in front of me. I thought about mom and dad, and the next time I was going home. I thought about the weather, which was getting worse from hour to hour. I thought about Levi and _this thing_ we had going on. I also thought about what I wanted to do about _that thing_ and found myself diving in deeper waters, so I just back threaded. I thought about Armin. And I thought about school. I thought about so much shit, I could feel a murderous headache crawling from the back of my head.

My stomach growled after a while and I scowled.

“Eren.”

I looked over my shoulder and saw Levi. He was already sitting on the other side of the bench, with a white bag between his hands.

“Did you get what you wanted?” I asked.

He placed the bag above his lap and peeked inside. “Pretty much. It’s a painting though, so I have to be careful carrying it around when we go back.”

“What’s it for?”

Levi gave a small shrug. “It’s a gift for a friend.”

I grinned. “Oh? So you have friends…”

He raised his eyebrows, apparently unconcerned. “Well, not all of us can be you.”

_Owned._

 “Ha. Ha. Very funny…”

_Hadn’t something like this happened before?_

When he looked at me, Levi noticed I was still waiting for a proper answer. So he just sighed and rolled his eyes somewhere else. His expression changed, as if he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Farlan’s birthday will be in a week. Last time we came here, he was whining because he didn’t have enough money to buy one of these street paintings.” Levi lowered his head, “He’s already pretty lucky he’s getting something, anyway.”

I found myself smiling at how cliché he sounded. Apparently a really troublesome bad guy, who’s actually caring at heart? Weren’t most stories like that?

“So…” he raised his head to look at the street. “Wanna go eat something? It’s lunch time.”

“Sure. But what?”

“Food, preferably.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Come on,” he bumped his elbow on my arm and got to his feet. “Let’s go.”

Food, _indeed_. But deciding what type of food turned out to be a nightmare. Levi didn’t want fast food, but I was starving and my headache was just another indication I was about to pass out.

“Didn’t you have breakfast or something?” He asked me, underlining _weakling_ along his phrase. Trying to keep up with his pace was pretty tiring. He was _suddenly_ walking fast again.

“I did, and I’m surprised you’re still standing. You just had an apple!”

“Exactly, and I am not fainting like a little girl.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not _fainting_ … I just feel like I might pass out in the next minute!”

“My point, _fainting_.”

 _Ugh_. His backtalk was increasing in quantity.

We ended up finding a tiny place with an average low priced menu. It was at a corner of a really narrow street and it seemed cozy enough. The waitress who attended us was really nice. We got in and sat down at the table _Levi_ chose, because he was so goddamn picky about the air currents.

Levi asked for pasta and I ordered a soup and a burger. And because the soup came first, I excused myself and started eating.

While I ate, Levi was aimlessly tapping his fork on the table. At some point, he opened his mouth to say something, but then he pursed his lips together and wrinkled his nose.

I stopped the spoon halfway to my mouth and stared. “What’s wrong?”

“You’ve been quiet for a while.” He didn’t look at me.

“Well… I’m eating—and don’t call me one track minded idiot again, I can’t possibly talk and eat without making a mess out of myself.”

Levi’s lips quivered dangerously. “I didn’t call you an idiot before, though.”

“You _implied_ it.”

He twirled his fork, eyebrows slightly furrowed. I had no idea what to expect, but I certainly did _not_ expect the smirk he gave out. “Was it because of what I said?” He asked.

“I have no idea of what you’re talking about.”

_Yes you do, Eren. Stop being a pussy about it._

He shrugged, going back to absentmindedly twirling his fork. “Whatever…”

I wondered if it was something we had to talk about. Levi was different, he wasn’t like most people and he wasn’t like me. Stuff that could be happening naturally probably needed another approach when it was about him. But I had no idea.

I finished eating and looked at him. “You’re fidgeting.” I said.

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

Levi shifted in his seat, abandoning the fork and crossing his arms as he leaned back. “Do you get paid to be so annoying?”

I shrugged. “Do you get paid to keep up with me?”

His eyebrow twitched and he looked away. “Maybe I should. I’d be rich by the end of the semester.”

“Oh?” I grinned. “Are you implying you’re keeping up with me until the end of the semester?”

The waitress came to our table to bring Levi’s dish and take my plate away. None of us said a word until she left again. Levi looked down at his food for a while and then lifted his eyes somewhere else. He was still fidgeting. The only times I’d seen that happening were the two nights we’d had a thunderstorm. This was new.

I lowered my head. “I suppose I can take your silence as an answer.”

Levi didn’t move, but his eyes turned to look at me. I knew getting him to talk about it was going to be a pain in the ass. He called _me_ a kid, but he was the one holding the bone like a dog, not waiting to give in even a little. Even if he’d had some slips already.

When my burger came, Levi hadn’t started eating yet. He waited until I gave the first bite to pick up his fork. We ate in silence until I decided to open my mouth again.

“Where are we going next?”

He paused to look at me with a string of pasta caught between his lips. Without any noise, he slurped it in and rested his chin in his hand while he considered me. “Wherever you want.”

That act alone made me stare so much I felt like I had to slap myself out of daze. I blinked once, twice, three times and then saw Levi smirking and shaking his head as he started eating again.

“What’s that face for?” I asked, furiously finishing my food.

He shrugged. “It’s just the way you’re so easy to read… It’s amusing.”

_I’m easy to read?_

I snorted. “Is that so? You could be learning some stuff with me then.”

Levi looked me in the eyes. “I am.”

And again, I gaped. “Is that why you’re getting bolder every day?”

“ _I’m_ getting bolder? Who’s the little shit that goes around kissing people as a way to start a friendship, you major shit face?”

My neck burned and I rushed to look away. “I don’t go around kissing people…”

He snorted. “Just me then.”

I closed my eyes and sighed. “Well, sometimes you meet certain people and you think about all the things you want to do with them… that’s pretty much it.”

“So you wanted to kiss me?” His tone was hard to understand. I had no idea if he sounded curious or just sarcastic.

I thought about his question. Not opening my eyes.

Then, I considered it and reconsidered it again.

My eyelids fluttered open and I stopped my reconsideration half way. I just went for it.

“I _still_ do.”

Levi tightened his jaw and breathed in through his nose. His expression was so rigid I couldn’t read him. Nothing unusual. He looked at me, stared for all he cared and then closed his eyes in a moment of meditation. When he opened them again, he looked at bit vicious, but I could tell that look wasn’t directed at me, even if I thought it looked good on him.

“What are you thinking about?” I asked. I was curious. I wanted to know, and unlike him I couldn’t read people all that well apart from what my instincts told me.

Levi blinked and then looked down at his food. The malicious look faded away and he crossed his fork over his plate and leaned back to look somewhere out the window. “I’m not thinking about anything in particular.”

That was a lie. But I let him have it.

The waitress came again to retrieve our plates and Levi quickly told her he wanted to make the payment. I slid a note over the table and held it until Levi’s eyes flickered to it. This time, he let me pay for my share, and that made me feel relieved.

We walked down the narrow street to the main plaza in silence. Levi was walking slowly again and I inertly thanked him for it in my thoughts. The sun ended up showing up in the middle of the afternoon and after a good half hour of coasting on sunshine bliss, we decided to go back.

Levi had raised yet another wall and I couldn’t even look over it this time.

It shouldn’t have bothered me as much as it did.

We arrived at the dorms a half past 6pm. Levi was carefully carrying the bag with the painting between his arms, as if he was holding it dearly. It was cute, but I wouldn’t even dare to tell him.

We climbed our block’s stairs in silence. I was suddenly interested in counting the stairs but I lost myself half way to the top.

Levi took out his keys and opened the door. He got in first, since he wasn’t really the gentleman, and almost slammed the door on my nose when he failed to hold it properly as I came in.

“I understand you’re annoyed at me, but there’s no need to use violence,” I complained, still startled by how close the door had been from smashing my face.

Levi paced to his bedroom’s door. “Shut up.” It wasn’t an order, he didn’t sound concerned over whether or not I did what I was told.

I shrugged. I wasn’t going to bother myself with a helpless situation, so I started walking towards my room.

Cool fingers were around my wrist before I could have walked any further, though, and I looked at Levi over my shoulder. He was looming over the door like a freak, but then it probably occurred to him that he _had_ to open it. And he did. And he dragged me inside as well.

It all happened really quickly. I wasn’t even sure it was happening when it did. My back was pushed against the door until it closed. The bag Levi was holding was dropped on the floor. A hand found my jacket and pulled at it, the other just guided me down. And then Levi kissed me, but not in the way I’d kissed him before.

This time it was the real thing.

His lips were clinched onto mine before I knew what was going on. My back left the door and I invaded his space, brought him closer, kissed him back, and arched into his movements. He was a deep kisser. Not too aggressive, but not soft either. And it matched. Everything about him suddenly matched and that ignited me in a strange way. My hand found its way onto his neck and I ghosted my way up his clean trim, through his soft hair, sliding my tongue in against his and pushing my mouth harder. He breathed hard and coarse against me as his fingers tightened.

And then it was over.

I fell back against the door again, confused. My breathing was uneven and my heart was beating so hard my chest hurt when I tried to take a deep breath. Levi was already turning away, but I still caught the look on his face and—damn, why. From all the faces he could have made, it had to be that one. He looked just as confused as I was, he looked broken and open and I had no idea how to take all that in.

I wanted to say something, but I had no idea of what I wanted to say.

Levi leaned down, grabbed the bag and walked over to his bed. “You should leave,” he said. I wanted to question, but I was too dumbstruck to even process what my brain was struggling to make me understand.

I turned around, slowly, still confused, opened the door and left the room. I felt so stupid, so warm, so _everything_ , I just made my way to my room in some sort of daze.

Jean was by his desk when I entered the room. He glanced over at me and raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck happened to you?”

I blinked so many times I felt dizzy. “I don’t know…”

He leaned his chin on his hand. “You don’t know? _What_. Were you randomly fucked so hard from behind you lost your senses, Jäger?”

I waved the subject away and went to sit down on my bed. There was a moment of silence while Jean stared at me. Then, I asked. “Have you… y’know, tried something out with Levi…?”

Jean’s face was unreadable for a moment but then he shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so. In our first year, pretty much everyone did. Him or Mikasa. They were like the ultimate prizes around here.” A pause. He grinned. “Well, I scored 1.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s… that’s kinda low of you…”

“Shut up, Eren. I really like her… liked.”

We exchanged a look and then he turned away. I was surprised to find he knew exactly what I wanted to know when he started talking.

“Mikasa dated some boy in her second year but it didn’t last long. Then, she finally started dating me before summer holidays started. It was nice, despite all the shit. I… I enjoyed it and I don’t regret it.” He sniffled and I was almost mortified but then I saw he wasn’t crying, he was just fidgeting. “Levi was a different story. He never really let’s someone get close enough. He only even started being friendly with us by the end of his sophomore year. I’ve heard stories, nasty one, about some things that happened at the bar. But Erwin was always there to smoother things so it never got too serious. But no… no one lays a hand on Levi.” He snorted. “I almost lost my balls when I even tried _suggesting_ something.”

I hummed and looked at my hands. If that was it, if that was _really_ it then this meant something, right?

“What happened?” Two curious hazel orbs were fixed on me. “Come on, Eren, don’t shit me. I already think I know what happened, just let me be right.”

“Shut up, dammit!”

“Come on!”

I threw my hands up in defeat, “Fine! _Fine!_ But first let me talk to your damn boyfriend about it. Will you?”

A grin made its way on Jean’s lips. “ _Oh_? Did he tell you?”

I froze. “Tell me what?”

He shrugged. “Never mind. He’ll tell you. Come on, dude. Let’s go to Armin’s. I really wanna hear _that_ story.”

As I dramatically threw myself back on the bed, Jean snorted. He knew we weren’t going anywhere. I hadn’t even thought about it myself, there was no way I was going to share it. I turned on my side and sighed.

“Who’s in charge of dinner tonight?” I asked.

“Ah, about that… I _totally_ forgot to text you.” Jean said that and I got up in a second. He looked at me, _seriously_ , and then smirked. “ _You_ are.”

“What?! Oh my god, you’re a jerk!” I was already pacing to the door. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Where’s Mikasa?”

He laughed. “I don’t know, man. In her room?”

I stumbled my way to the girl’s room and knocked.

Annie opened the door. She was still deadly sleepy. “What’s up?”

My eyes went between the hand grabbing the door and her eyes. It was like she was forcefully making me keep my distance. “Is Mikasa in there?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Mikasa went out. Why?”

“Because… Ugh. Because no one warned me I’d be making dinner tonight. I need help…”

The twist to Annie’s lips was a bit terrifying. “Eh… Well, good luck with that, kid.”

I gaped. “Won’t you help me?”

She chuckled and then closed the door on my face.

_Plan B._

I knocked 3 times and waited. After opening the door for me, Levi greeted me with a glare. My eyes darted upwards to the ceiling. It was such a pretty white ceiling.

“Uhm, do you… Are you free?”

No reply.

I looked down. “I need help.”

Levi quirked one eyebrow and stared. “What do you need?”

“Jean, that bastard, didn’t tell me I was going to cook today…” I looked at him. “I have no idea how that goes, to be honest. And I don’t feel like eating pizza again so I was going to ask Mikasa to help me. But… she’s out, so…” I trailed off and let it hang.

Levi folded his arms across his chest, his quiet inhale a little shaky. “You’re annoying…”

I glanced away. “Yeah, so you’ve said a bunch of times already. But here we are.”

“Here we are…” He mumbled to himself.

It took me a few moments to realize he was stepping out of his room and that I had to open space for him. So when he just stood there, looking at me as if his eyes would will me to move away, I was overwhelmed by another stupid _need_. I wanted to kiss him again.

Levi's exhale was silent and cool. “Stop looking at me like a damned feline.” He elbowed me right on my stomach, but my jerking reaction was bigger than the pain I’d felt. “Come on, before I change my mind.”

I rubbed my hand where he’d hit and followed. “You’re sooooo…” I considered my choice of words, “ _gentle_.”

“And you haven’t seen anything yet.”

The living room was empty. Marco was probably out as well. Levi walked with me to the shelves and then crossed his arms and stared. I mimicked his gesture but not so gracefully all together.

“I suppose you didn’t go shopping,” he said. It wasn’t even a question. “I don’t feel like going out again so you can borrow whatever you want from me or Mikasa.”

I tilted my head. “Well, I have rice. I haven’t used it yet so I suppose one package is enough.”

Levi threw me an abysmal stare. “You… have you ever cooked before?”

“Why the fuck do you think I need help?”

“Oh, god.” He sighed and stole the rice from my shelf. “You’re going to end me, kid.”

I frowned and stared when he walked to the sink and took a measurer out of the cabinet. “You keep calling me that…”

“What. _Kid_? You’re a kid. You’re not even over 20.”

“You kissed this kid.”

Levi stopped, expression betraying nothing and then he looked at me. “Say that out loud once more and it won’t happen again.”

I couldn’t help the surprised look on my face. It’s not like deep down I didn’t know it was going to happen again, but I was happy because _he’d_ said it.

“Don’t look so pleased with yourself, shitty brat. Go to my shelf and get the curry package. You like curry, right?”

“Yes. Do you?”

“As long as it’s not spicy.” A pause. “Alright. Let’s make curry.” Another pause. “And tomorrow you’re helping me clean the whole house, as payback. No running away this time.”

_Fuck._

_He knew._


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so here's chapter 11. Much wow! Like, you guys are amazing, ok? Sometimes I come here to check my inbox and I see the pretty things you guys write about this fic... It's overwhelming because to be honest, when I started this, I didn't have much in mind. Just dorks being dorks, boys being boys, and Levi being Levi (with a spice of adorable). But wow... Thank you so much! Remember this fic would be nothing without you, because it's not just the writer here, it's all of you as well.
> 
> Also! IMPORTANT! Please, read the new aside [First Time](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2512022) to understand this chapter better. Levi finally talks about how he feels for Eren and it's really important you read it. It's like some 10.5 chapter, or something.
> 
> And fuck proof reading. Yay!  
> Stay pretty, people!

Cleaning.

Levi sure didn’t joke around with this one. But when he told me to redo the whole hallway, after I’d just finished _for_ _the second time_ , I did reconsider the whole idea I had of his problem. Because he really had a problem. And it wasn’t just a thing for scrubbing, I tell you that.

The worst part was when Mikasa sent me that half-hearted smile of hers when she finished cleaning her room. Because she had to walk over the place where I’d just passed the mop. And she had to walk the whole corridor to get out of the house. _And_ I had to growl inwardly because I would have to wipe everything again.

_Fuck my life._

I was glad when Marco asked me to help him clean his room because I knew that once I was done with my room and the hallway, Levi would come around and ask me to do something else. Somehow, it looked like he was doing it on purpose.

Marco had a lot of books. I’d been in his room only once or twice, but I’d never managed to pay close attention to the bookshelves next to his bed. Often, I would pull out a book, apparently without reason, and open it up to a random page. Sometimes I would read the description and scrunch my nose before returning it to the shelf. Other times the book managed to catch my interest, and I’d silently read from the middle onward.

There was no real reason behind it. I just thought beginnings were boring. Metaphorically speaking, books were like people. When you meet someone, you don’t know how it all started. You don’t know what they went through to get there, where they are now. But you can still find them interesting—or not. If you _do_ find them interesting, you’ll eventually find out about their past, their beginning. And then you can move onward and find out their end, if you stick around long enough. The whole concept could sound complex, but it was all pretty simple in my head.

Almost unconsciously, I sat down on Levi’s bed with another book in my hands. It was called _The Alchemist_. I’d heard about it before but I’d never read it. Armin had always told me it was a good book, but that I wouldn’t enjoy it to its fullest unless I was ready for it. He said I needed to read it with open eyes and an open mind, instead of reading it for the sake of reading.

“It’s a good book,” Marco finally said, looking at me from where he was standing. His tone was soft, like he didn’t want to break much of the silence we were comfortably sharing.

I looked at the cover. It didn’t inspire _the need_ to read, but the colors were so warm and soft that I could feel myself relaxing.

“It’s my favorite book. Actually…” He trailed off for a while, and only went on when I looked up at him. “Jean gave it to me a few years ago.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Jean? I’m surprised.”

Marco gave out a soft laugh. “Yes, so was I. But it’s a good book. If you ever want to borrow it, feel free to do so. I highly recommend it.”

“Ok… thanks.”

Levi got in the room and only stopped for a brief second when he saw me sitting over  _his_ bed. He didn’t say anything, though. He just walked and sat next to me, leaning back on the cushion with a small huff. The pillows had all been tossed to the head of the bed, but Levi pulled one under his head. I was surprised he wasn’t saying anything about my half assed cleaning. But it was already past midday, maybe he was done with it.

I opened the book I had between hands again, in the middle, and started reading it to myself. Just like most stories caught half way through, it didn’t make much sense, but I liked it that way. I knew I’d have to read the beginning, eventually.

When Marco went to sit on his bed across from us, Levi moved to pick up his notebook and a pencil before he leaned further back against the wall. He cracked the notebook open and stared at it for a moment before starting doodle something.

After a while, I got bored. I closed the book and held it up in one hand. “Can I borrow this? It will probably take me a month or so but I’ll try to give it back as soon as possible.”

Marco laughed and then shrugged. “Just keep it, Eren. Give back when you can.”

I smiled at him and then propped myself back, just enough to be able to check out Levi’s sketch. In all honesty, I was expecting something amazing, _artful_ and stupendous. What I saw, however, were cats. And not just _normal_ cats, they were like cartoon cats, really stupid cats.

I snorted. “What the hell are you doing?”

Levi glanced at me for a second and then looked back at the paper. He’d just finished drawing another cat, apparently chasing a mouse. “I’m studying.” He said. Was he mocking me? I had no idea. His expression looked so sober I just couldn’t tell.

Softly, to keep myself from startling him, I let my weight push my shoulder against his arm. I noticed he only stopped moving for a beat and then kept drawing as if I wasn’t even there. He had precise movements. Sharp and straight. And a sense of perspective I admired a lot.

“You know what that looks like?” I asked, not being able to contain a grin. I pointed at the grumpy cat at the top left corner of the paper. “That looks like you.” Then I pointed at the two cats looking at each other with disdain. “These two look like you and Mikasa when you’re in one of those twin-witchcraft moments.” Next, I pointed at the last one with the mouse. “And this one is Bert because he looks shit scared of you all the time, so if you’re the cat he’s gotta be the mouse.”

I dropped my hand over my lap and looked up to see Levi. He had this slight twitch to his lip that told me he was listening. Even if his eyes seemed lost on the paper.

Then, he started scribbling something again. “This is you…” He muttered.

I looked down and saw a dog.

_How predictable._

“So I’m the dog of the house?” I pressed my weigh on him, expecting to be shoved back, but Levi just went with it. “Dogs bite you know?”

Marco, who was already lost between one of his big books called _A Liberal Theory of the Rule of Law_ , gave a small snort. “That’s true.” I had no idea if he was talking about his book or making a comment about our conversation.

Levi poked the paper with his pencil. “So do cats.”

“Yes, and that’s exactly why you’re a cat. Always hissing, always grumpy, _always_ complaining. And you’ve got this cleaning issueeeeee—ouch!” This time I was shoved away, but I was laughing anyway. “See what I mean?” I poked Levi’s leg. “ _Cat_.”

He threw me a glare, but there was a playful aura around him. Like he was actually enjoying being teased.

Marco raised his eyes from his book. “So what does that make me?”

I hummed in thought, laying down flat on the bed. “I’d say a bird. More like an owl.” I nodded. “Yep, definitely an owl. All wise and shit. Plus, you’re studying law!”

“Ok, I’m flattered.”

Levi banged his notebook over my head and I made a weird noise. I picked it up to take a look and saw a draw of an owl with this really pitiful expression standing above a column of books.

I laughed. “Wow, you nailed it. This is _gorgeous_.”

“Can I see it?” Marco asked.

I held the notebook high enough for him to be able to check it out, but Levi quickly snatched it away from me.

 _Cat_.

“Ok, so what about Jean?” Marco asked again.

“Pft, that’s obvious.” I crossed my arms and stared at the ceiling. “He’s a horse, alright.”

“I don’t know why I expected that. What about Reiner?”

My eyes crossed and I rolled to my side to cover my face and laugh. “Oh, god… wait. No—wait!” I peeked at Marco from between my fingers. “He’s a peacock…”

Marco’s eyes widened and he threw his head back to laugh.

I sat up. “No! I mean it! Come on… He’s, like, broad-shouldered and showing off all the time? He’s cool and all, but he’s such a dork…" I thought better of it. "He’s weird!”

That didn’t help because _now_ even Levi had thrown the notebook over his face to cover a smile, and Marco was already dead on his bed.

“I actually find him quite charming…” Freckled Jesus said between tears.

I gaped. “What the fuck. Oh! Alright, you didn’t see what I saw.”

“What did you see?”

“Like,” I gestured to emphasize and Levi (who’d been peeking over his notebook) snorted and turned over his other side, “shaving his ass! That’s something a person cannot erase from their memory! Do I want to? I swear I do, but it won’t go away and I find myself remembering that scene from time to time.” I was laughing but it was a serious subject. It was threatening my wellbeing.

Marco held his palms up. “Oh, ok. I actually thought Jean was exaggerating when he told me that.”

I pointed at Levi. “And then Levi went to bleach the _whole_ bathroom? And I spent one hour watching him bleach the whole thing, like, _no_.”

“I remember that! But I had no idea what was going on!” Marco was crying while laughing again. “I thought—I don’t know what I thought, to be honest.”

“Now try picturing _me_ , on my first day, having to deal with something like that… I thought I wasn’t going to last a week here.”

“Oh, come on. This is a great place. We’re like a big family.”

I pinched my nose and snorted. “Yeah, _somehow_ …”

“It’s a damn zoo…” Levi muttered.

We laughed for another 10 minutes straight.

When Marco excused himself and left, Levi was already composed. He was drawing again, so I leaned my head against the wall and against his shoulder to watch him. He was sketching trees now. At some point, it looked like a person’s perspective of a dense forest.

I heard the sound of the front door and I heard Jean, Mikasa and Reiner’s voices. I guessed Bert was with them, since wherever Reiner so was he. I heard them talk about the trip, as they made their way to the living room. Somehow, it had my gut twisting. I really wanted to go with them. Which was stupid, because, somehow, I was still defending my first opinion upon arriving, but I couldn’t help but be myself whenever they were around. First impressions were something that simply didn’t work with any of these people.

Levi’s breathing was slow, quiet and steady. I found myself trying to match my own breathing to his, but my chest took in a lot more air so, after a while, I was only asphyxiating myself. But then I calmed down and just enjoyed the moment.

I even thought, _I wouldn’t mind getting used to this._

“ _Eren_.” There it was. That thing he did with his voice and my name. I had no idea how it worked but it _always_ got my attention. “Don’t fall asleep on me.”

I closed my eyes and chuckled. “Shut up. You weren’t so worried about it when _you_ fell asleep on me.” I turned my face slightly, brushing the side of my nose on his flannel shirt.

_He smells nice._

“I was tired. Must have mistaken you for a pillow.”

“Yeah, yeah. And then you call _me_ annoying. You’re so full of shit.”

He wasn’t drawing anymore. He was just tracing the ends of his notebook with the tips of his fingers. I don’t know why that made me feel all weird, but I shuddered and he stopped, _paused_ , completely.

Levi leaned his cheek on the top of my head and exhaled loudly. When his hand slowly reached to start tracing my forearm, I flinched.

“Who’s full of shit now, hm?” He asked, huskily.

“You’re doing that on purpose…” My voice was partially gone.

“Doing what?”

I’d known for a while he tended to play games, mostly when talking to me. But that’s not what was making my heart fly out of my chest. He never touched _anyone_ unless it was extremely necessary. _Me_ , though? He’d been touching me ever since I could remember. Not all touches were the same, and not all of them lingered in the same way, but his hands were always there. And now, his fingers were tracing my neck, my jaw, and slowly pressing on my chin to turn my face for him.

It was rare, the feeling of being looked down on by Levi. But it wasn’t so bad. Somehow, when I pictured it in my head, he was always looking down on me. Not in a bad way, no. He just had that kind of presence, which made everyone think that once he rose to his feet he’d be over them all.

And right now, I was trying to read him, just like I’d tried (and failed) so many other times. But whatever was beyond that well-guarded expression of his, I couldn’t even grasp it.

Levi stared into my eyes. And then he dropped his hand, looked away and slid down the wall, bumping the back of his head twice on the cushion when he reached the bottom. I propped myself over my elbow and looked at him. He blinked, and his eyes were quickly trained on me again.

“You need to get your hair cut,” He told me. “Your bangs are long and they’re covering your eyes.”

I blew air at the hair looming over my face, but it flipped back to the same position as before. “Yes, you're right.”

“That. Or…” Levi raised his hand and reached for my bangs, softly sliding them back as he trailed over my head. “You can start using a clip.”

My heart flip flopped and I frowned. “Fuck no. Jean wouldn’t leave me alone.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Who cares about Jean? _I_ wouldn’t leave you alone.”

I tried not to glee. “Well, _apparently_ , it’s already hard for you to get your hands off me.”

“Do you want me to get my hands off you?”

“Well—no. But—”

“Then, shut up.”

Again, it wasn’t like the “ _authority”_ _shut up_ he used to preach around. It was the _“I don’t care if you shut up or not” shut up_.

I lowered my eyes to his chest. His hand was still stroking my hair and I couldn’t help but lean into the touch.

“It’s weird,” I said.

Levi peered into my eyes. “What is?”

“You are.”

His expression betrayed very little and his voice was still the same when he spoke. The question, however, made something inside me squeeze really hard. “Why are you here, then?”

The hand at the back of my head had stopped moving, but it was there. I was glad it didn’t move away. But I still felt troubled because I didn’t want to say anything that wasn’t truthful, _real_.

I shrugged, awkwardly in the position I was in. “I don’t know. I’m here because I want to be here. Even if I should probably…” I blinked and Levi blinked in response. Then, I looked at the wall and frowned. “I should probably be studying Greek right now. That thing makes me go insane, though.”

He hummed in response, and then his hand pulled my head closer, towards him, stopping when we were just a breath away. His face was serious, _so_ serious I wondered he if he was even going for it. My heart was pounding in my ears and I probably looked closer to a tomato than a human being, and Levi was just there, acting like the cool hot jerk he was, overall.

I looked at his lips and he followed my eyes. But when I looked at _his_ eyes, he _almost_ smirked.  Levi knew what I was thinking about, and he was daring me to go for it.

And I would have done it if someone hadn’t knocked at the door, making Levi withdraw smoothly as if the act had been premeditated all along.

Reiner popped is head in and his eyes searched the room until they landed on us. He smiled wide. “Oh, hey. Come to join us. We’re talking about the trip.”

Honestly? I really didn’t want to go. But when Levi got up, I knew that I had to move my ass as well. We followed Reiner into the living room. Everyone was sitting at the table, even Annie. I had no idea she’d arrived. Levi went to sit on the sofa, though, and I would have tailed if the chair next to Mikasa wasn’t empty.

Marco seemed to be lost in his thoughts, but his reverie was abruptly interrupted with a friendly, but rather forceful karate chop to his back. Reiner smiled wide at him and then sat between him and Bert.

“You can go on,” he said.

“Oh, ok. So first of all…” Marco took a look at his laptop, “The airplane travel. Trying to find good schedules in low priced flights is a nightmare, but I managed to find something nice. It departs on the 23rd March around 10am and arrives at Venice Marco Polo Airport at 2pm.” He earned a few snickers when he mentioned the airport’s name, but ignored them. “The return is on the 29th. It’s not exactly a full week but it’s all I could do to match our holiday.”

“So,” Jean started, “Marco—”

“Polo!” Reiner shouted.

Everyone laughed.

“How much is it per person?”

Marco smiled. “Honestly? Less than what you pay for your room.”

Jean perked up. “What, really?” His smile grew. “Man, that’s great news.”

Something told me that smile was not about his wallet but about Armin. How? _Instinct_. I rolled my eyes and looked at Mikasa. Her face was enough for me to know we were on the same page.

“Ok,” Marco went on. “The hotel is the problem. Everything is expensive. But Levi and I found a rather cheap place called Hotel Campiello? It looks pretty nice and we won’t have to catch the boat every day because it is really _in_ Venice.”

I leaned back on my chair and looked at Levi. He returned the gaze almost instantly. It made me self-conscious to think about how he always knew when I was staring. I slumped back to the front and tried to ignore the screaming in my head.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I lost track of the conversation, only returning to attention when I heard the words _share_ and _room_  put together. I perked up. “ _What_?”

Mikasa blinked at me. It was like she wasn’t expecting my little outburst. “Well, it’s cheaper that way. The more we can fit in a room, the better.”

Jean drummed his hands over the table and smiled wide. “Well, that means we put Eren together with Reiner and Bert and—”

I looked wildly between all of them. “No!” I shook my head and narrowed my eyes at Reiner. “No offense, man. But just… _no_.”

Reiner smiled sheepishly. “No offense taken.”

Marco shrugged. “I agree with Mikasa, though.”

“Considering we can only fit three in a room, I’d suggest we make groups of three.” Annie said, looking between Mikasa and Marco. “So I’ll just shoot my suggestion and say I stay with Mikasa and Levi.”

“ _What_.” Jean and I countered in unison. “Why Levi?” We glared at each other over our matched wording. He sure could get on my nerves sometimes. And I don’t know what he was so defensive about, but I had a feeling it wasn’t for the same reason I was.

Annie grinned deviously at us. “Because 1) he’s Mikasa’s bro, 2) he’s the only guy I trust around here. I guess that says enough.”

I glowered at her and then at Jean. Mikasa seemed to pick up on this because she bumped her elbow on my arm and smiled playfully at me. I rolled my eyes and ignored her.

 “Ok,” Jean huffed. “Then I’m with Eren and Marco.” He looked at Reiner. “You two don’t mind staying alone, right?”

Bert opened his mouth to say something but when Reiner shook his head, he pursed his lips and stayed quiet.

There was a long pause, for an undetermined time. It was as if we were all interiorizing our little discussion. I still had to talk with my parents about it. Even if it wasn’t that expensive—at least not as much as I’d thought it’d be—it was still money, and I knew how both mom and dad reacted whenever I wanted to spend money on _unnecessary_ things. In all honesty, though, this wasn’t as unnecessary as it could seem. Because for 1, this was a chance I’d probably never get again, and 2, they were all the closest I had to a group of friends. Certainly weird, some scary and even irritating. But they were _friends_.

If for some reason I could meet up with my past self from two months ago, I’d have told him _“Don’t waste 4 weeks acting like a compact piece of shit, because time won’t wait for you.”_ Because now that I thought about it, October was almost over. Soon there would be Christmas, and then the end of the semester. Then the trip and then the end of the second semester. It would all go by in a blink of an eye. It felt a little disquieting.

“I need to go home,” I said, cutting off the silence. My eyes locked with Mikasa’s. “I need to go home and talk to my parents about it.”

She nodded. “We’ll all go, then. After Halloween. We'll take you,” She glanced at Levi but he barely returned the look.

Maybe after Halloween would be a little too late. I’d need to call my mother tonight and I would need to have her talk about it with me, _properly_. I got up and walked to my room without making much of a fuss. I noticed Levi was following me with eyes but I paid him little attention—even if deep down I was still feeling like I wanted to lock us both in a room and never come out again.

My phone was sitting over my desk. I grabbed it when I passed by and then dropped my ass on my bed. I bounced twice and then leaned back but was instantly perking up again when I unlocked the screen and saw a collage of Jean’s face set as my background.

“What the…” I searched my contact list. All my numbers were set as unknown. There wasn’t anyone there. “ _Jean_.” I called, glaring at the door even knowing he wasn’t there. “Jean! What the fuck did you do to my phone?”

I selected one of the unknown contacts and recognized the number to be my dad’s. My face screwed, however, when I saw Jean’s face set as contact icon. The next unknown number also had Jean’s face set as icon. In fact, all of them had, and they were all different photos. I rushed to check the gallery and looked at the number displayed over my camera folder.

“279 photos? You gotta be fucking kidding me…”

Among all the shitty pictures there was one where Jean was holding a white sheet with the words _FUCK YOU, JÄGER_ over it.

I dumped my face between my hands and growled. It turned into a laugher, but it wasn’t because I was finding it funny. If anything, I think I’d just broken something. Probably my own sanity.

When I hurried out of the room I bumped with Jean who was doubling with laugher right outside. I pushed him away and he stumbled back, still laughing.

“What the fuck was this for?” I asked.

Mikasa came to the door and leaned against the doorframe, studying us. “What’s wrong?”

I threw my phone at her and she caught it midair. “ _That’s_ what’s wrong. _What the fuck_.”

“Oh, my god. This is amazing…”

“ _What?_ ” I snapped.

Mikasa covered her mouth, wide eyes and shook her head. “No. I mean, want help fixing this up?” A pause. “Wow, you even changed his contacts… How much time did this take?”

Jean rubbed his chest and grinned. “Oh, about an hour. Not much. I was just surprised this idiot,” he gestured at me, “didn’t notice his phone was missing for the whole morning.”

“You took my phone with you?”

He nodded. “When I left, right after you and your house-wife started cleaning the house.”

I tried not to mind the _house-wife_ reference and jumped straight to my next retort. “You know, I’m not kicking the shit out of you right now because we’re here. You’re not getting away with this, horse face.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“What happened?” Reiner asked from the table.

“Jean hijacked Eren’s phone,” Mikasa snickered over her shoulder.

I glared at her. “It’s not funny…”

She waved in the air. “Sure. It’s not. Come on,” she patted my shoulder, “I’ll help you out.”

I followed Mikasa into my room but not before turning around and flicking Jean the bird. He deserved hell right now, and I was going to give it to him.

We spent two hours trying to find which numbers belonged to whom and deleting Jean’s hard work of my phone. At some point, Levi brought us a sandwich and we all ate in silence while Mikasa tried to find some numbers in common between us and I grumbled privately over how I’d fuck up Jean next time. He wanted war, _he’d have war_.

“Do you guys know what we’ll do on _the_ weekend?” Mikasa asked, still concentrated in texting Armin about the 10 numbers she didn’t have in her phone. I had no idea why she was the one doing that, but I didn’t complain. I just watched and glared with all my might.

Levi sighed. He’d been sitting on my chair the whole time, sneaking my notebook and reading my notes. “Halloween? I don’t know. But maybe same thing, same old.”

“Well, I was talking with Annie and it seems the 3rd floor is having an open party. The 2nd floor might join. It’s like, they’ll leave the door open and you enter if you want.”

Levi frowned while still looking at my notes. “That sounds troublesome. But have it your way.”

“We could bring drinks from the bar,” she shrugged, “I’m sure Erwin wouldn’t mind.”

“And have these punks ask me to do cocktails for them? No fucking way. I’m not working that weekend for a reason.”

Mikasa passed me my phone and then got up from the bed. “Sure. I’ll do them. Hey, I’m going out, you two wanna join?” She walked to the door and then turned on heel to look at us. “I’m going down town, main plaza.”

I looked at her. “Sorry. I have shit to study.”

Her eyes jumped from me to Levi and she waited. “I see,” she finally said. “Well, I’ll see you guys later.”

Levi was eyeing the door for a long while after Mikasa left. There was noise coming from the living room. I was just aimlessly scrolling up and down my contact list to make sure everything was ok when Armin texted me with the rest of the names I was missing.

I’d forgotten to thank Mikasa.

“Hey,” Levi called, making my eyes snap up to him. “Still sulking?”

“No, not really.” I looked down at my hands. “I’m just upset.”

“You mean sulking.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I mean _upset_.”

He tilted his head to the side and closed my notes, giving me an exquisite look. “You know it’s Halloween, right?”

I blinked, trying to avoid fixating my eyes on his face. “Yeah. So?”

“So, getting your revenge shouldn’t be so hard. Halloween pranks are old school, but that’s why they work so well.”

I scratched my cheek and smiled small. “Are you trying to cheer me up by encouraging me to take revenge?”

“Uh, _no_. I really don’t care.”

_Of course you do._

“Right.”

“Come on, stop sulking,” he insisted.

“I’m _not_ sulking.”

Levi rose to his feet and I watched him get closer. Then, he dropped his hand over my head and ruffled my hair. “Yes, you are. And it’s annoying.”

I chuckled. “Everything I do is annoying to you.”

He laughed. But _really_ laughed this time. Softly. And it was so _sexy_ I almost wanted to cry, because my heart was flip flopping again and I hated myself for it.

With one last pat, letting the touch linger for a moment longer, Levi stepped away and turned around to leave the room. I kind of wanted him to stay. But I knew that was too much to ask.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ~  
> Look what I brought here... A LONG CHAPTER! And no smut. Smut comes next. Glorified smut. Next.  
> Okokok, I actually wanted to write it all in one shot, but this chapter is already 8000+ words and then more 6000+ words of smut? Nah, so I cut it here. Let's save the smut for next week and enjoy Halloween at its best.
> 
> But hey, some stuff goes down. Some stuff comes up? All good things.  
> Also, if you want, check out the song "Born 2 Run" by 7Lions. It's a hella of a song. It's that one song Eren gets addicted to in this chapter.
> 
> 'Nyway... Happy Halloween, guys! Enjoy the Ereri ~

Midterms were finally around the corner, ready to stress me to the core. Luckily, so was Halloween. And it seems everyone had spent the last week either too worried about their studies or working on whatever they were preparing for the 31st.

Mikasa had been helping out the 3rd floor guys. They were taking the upcoming party really seriously and somehow it had turned into a battle with the guys from the 2nd floor. Jean had spent every single night trying to scare me with his Halloween mask, it was this really creepy thing I’d never seen before. But he always failed miserably because someone was always around to ask him for favors. Turns out, he was helping everyone out with their costumes. Reiner and Bert were doing a duo from some movie, but they were being rather quiet about it. Marco was simply going as Marco—same for Levi who was just going as Levi. Annie actually had the decency of showing me her costume. She had me around when she was trying on the makeup for the first time. She looked amazing, I had no idea she was that good with that sort of thing. And then there was me, who’d been hurled by both Annie and Mikasa to at least do something about my face when the day came around. Girls sure could be persuasively scary.

The day finally came. Sasha and I left our last class about 10 minutes earlier because she wanted to go print some pages before the reprography went crowded.

On the way to the dorms, I texted Armin. I asked him what he was going to do tonight, and he replied almost right away saying, _“I don’t know. Ymir and Christa are attending a party on the second floor over your block. I might go with them.”_ I replied quickly with, _“Didn’t Jean tell you to come over?”_ And Armin just answered, _“He did, but I’m not sure if I should just go with it, you know…”_ That one was laughable. It was only later on that he sent another text saying, _“But I really want to meet Levi!”_ and I had to avoid the urge to suddenly call him and tell him everything, even knowing Armin was still in class.

When climbing the stairs, I managed to take a peek inside both the 2nd and 3rd floor’s apartments. They sure were going hardcore with the whole thing. Mikasa was sitting on the top of the stairs on the 4th floor, playing with her phone. She saw me coming before I got too close to say something, though.

“Hey, freak.” She greeted. “You rushed out this morning, what happened?”

I waved the subject away. “Kinda forgot to change the hour on my wrist watch so I just freaked out. Never mind that, what are you doing here, though? Classes?”

She shrugged. “Skipped. There was nothing important happening today, anyway.”

“There’s always something important happening when you skip classes. You should know that,” I advised before I started climbing the stairs again. “I’ll see you later, then.”

“See ya.”

The door to our flat was open. Jean was pasting something to the wall, I noticed it was a poster from the movie _The Cabin In The Woods_. I’d watched it before.

“Did you skip classes too?” I asked when I passed by.

Jean paid me little attention, but he still answered, “Something like that.”

I walked to my room and dropped my bag over my desk before I checked my phone. No texts. My mom was supposed to text me once dad had arrived home. I’d managed to convince her to talk to me on the phone about the trip, the same day Jean decided it was a good day to play around. She told me that she’d talk about it with dad, which didn’t leave me a margin to argue, but I still had a bad feeling about it.

“Hey, Eren,” Annie called from the door, “come here for a second.”

I snorted as I threw my phone above my backpack, “What the hell, did everyone seriously skip classes? What the hell are you doing here?"

She shrugged, “Everyone except Levi and Marco. Anyway,” she gestured for me to follow her and we wandered into the living room. There were makeup products scattered all over the table, and she had me sitting down on a chair right next to where she supposedly had been. “Alright, so I’m doing Magnolia’s makeup but I haven’t practiced it yet. And since you two have the same type of face I’ll just use you.”

“ _Wait_. What? Who’s Magnolia?”

Annie grabbed something of the same of the same color of my skin tone and stared at it while she absent mindedly replied to me, “Isabel Magnolia. Levi’s best friend. I told her to ask Levi, but you know how he is. Not even best friends have privileges.” She popped the thing open and a pencil came from inside. Then, she quickly ran it under my left eye. She grinned when she added, “Unless we’re Eren Jäger, that is.”

I frowned, “Oh, please. _Don’t_.”

The whole makeup thing was way above my league. The eyeliner was a drag, and Annie kept cursing at me the whole time. She seemed to take a lot of satisfaction in torturing me. I wasn’t enjoying that makeup test at all, but whatever.

“You have really pretty eyes,” she muttered when she was finishing off some stuff with the eyeliner. “I’m glad cuz it kinda has the makeup standing out so I can see the effect it gives way better.”

I was making the utmost effort not to squeeze my eyes. It was hard. “Thanks. And I should add, your girls sure have a big place in my consideration for this shit. Especially Mikasa. She’s always wearing eyeliner.”

“Sometimes Levi wears it too, for work.”

The way she was dropping Levi’s name on every subject was a bit discomforting. “Yeah, I’ve seen it a few times. It’s pretty subtle, though.”

Annie placed the eyeliner above the table and gave a step back to consider me. “Ok, I’m done.” She smirked, “You look cute. I’d date you.”

I rolled my eyes, “Thanks, but no thanks. Can I see?”

“Sure,” she gestured at the door. “Go check yourself on the mirror. You’ll need my gel to take that off properly, though, so don’t run away.”

“Yes, yes. I know.”

I walked to the bathroom and looked myself in the mirror. There was a spider web thing going on my eyelids, and I certainly didn’t fancy the mascara that much, but it was a really well done job, anyway.

“Hey, Annie?” I called when I stepped into the hallway again, “Who taught you to do this shit? You’re really good at it.”

She was already looking at me with something in her hands when I entered the living room. “I self-taught. But Hanji helped me out by giving me a few tips here and there.”

I stopped right on my tracks. “Hanji? You mean Hanji, the… _Hanji_ from the show?”

“Yes? What other Hanji do you know?”

I willed the subject away with a flick of my hand in the air and sat back on the chair so Annie could remove the makeup. Her hand was on my face, forcefully tilting it up. In that same second, though, Levi was entering the living room, books in hands, bag sliding off his shoulder and muddled hair clinging to his face. I had no idea when he’d gotten back but he looked like he’d be running a few miles. And _damn_ , he still managed to look good.

“Wow, seen a ghost?” Annie asked, holding that cotton too close to my open eye. Her fingers softened around my chin and I managed to turn my face even more to look at Levi. “What happened?”

Levi opened his mouth to reply, but then Mikasa was also appearing behind him, pushing Levi into the living room and closing the door shut. She too looked like she’d been running a few miles. But while Levi just seemed mildly confused, probably also beyond annoyed, Mikasa looked like she was having fun. Then she turned and finally landed her gaze on us, stopping abruptly and scowling at Annie.

“What are you two doing?”

Annie shrugged while I panicked to myself. “I’m using Eren for my makeup tests.”

“Eren? Why him?”

“Magnolia asked me to do her makeup for tonight. She and Eren kinda look alike, don’t you think? I thought I’d test on him.”

Levi’s scrutinizing gaze swapped over me. Then, he moved to drop his things above the table and pulled a chair to sit right next to me, but also clearly avoiding my eyes.

“They don’t look alike at all,” Mikasa huffed as she stepped closer and Annie almost smashed the cotton with the strange gel on my eye making me wince. “But hey, you’re the expert. Anyway,” she went dead serious, smile threatening to perk at her lips, “you have no idea of what just happened.”

“What happened?” Annie asked as disinterested as she could sound.

“3rd floor and 2nd floor kinda got into this messy fight and had Shadis climbing up the stairway while shouting shit at us… I ran for all I cared. Levi was almost caught in the fire.”

Annie snorted. “This is gonna be some night… Can’t wait.”

“Why are you always so ready to watch drama?” Mikasa snickered.

“Because life without a bit of drama would be miserable.” She gave a final squeeze around my eye and then took a step back. “There you go, darling. All clean. Though your eye looks red.”

I touched the swollen skin she’d been scrubbing and sighed. “Well, whatever. Can I go now?”

“You can go now.”

I threw my arms up in a small victory dance and stood up. After stretching, I turned around to look at Levi. His eyes were on me before I could open my mouth, though. And whatever I wanted to say got lost in the mess my mind was.

Levi had one arm resting on the table, legs crossed and was looking at me with that bored expression of his. He looked relaxed, to the most. But the moment I decided to start turning around, I saw him lower his head, look at me with hooded eyes as if he’d suddenly turned into this sort of predator.

I felt my breath catch up and turned around quicker. “I have stuff to do,” I muttered as I hurried out of there.

Yeah, stuff to do. Things like study and do my homework. Things I knew I _wouldn’t_ do today no matter what. Instead, I just locked myself in my room and spent the rest of the afternoon listening to music and scrolling down tumblr.

I ended up coming across a certain song that wouldn’t get out of my head. I was humming it in the shower, searching for the lyrics while I dried my hair, and memorizing the shit out of it before 8pm came around. Before I knew it, I had downloaded it and it was already on my phone, set on repeat.

Mikasa came looking for me a few moments later. She was dressed in all black, but I recognized Harley Quinn’s makeup. Her hair was tied up in a messy up-do, and she looked really sexy.

“Hey,” she smiled small at me as she slid inside my room, “I already saw Reiner. He’s going as Batman.” She snorted at her own revelation, or probably at the dumfound face I was making. “Yeah, I know. Weird. Bert is still finishing Joker’s makeup. He looks cute.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “And you’re Harley?”

She shrugged. “Inspired, mostly. Getting into a costume is too troublesome.”

“I feel you there. Hence why I am going as Eren Jäger.” I said as I opened my arms just to emphasize my statement.

“Yeah, you’re not the only one, don’t worry.”

“Going as Eren Jäger?”

Mikasa laughed, “No, stupid. Just walking around with their usual mug.”

I nodded shaping a small “O” with my mouth. I looked down at my black Supernatural t-shirt. Well, black t-shirt of show about the supernatural and black jeans? I couldn’t be more in Halloween than that.

“By the way,” Mikasa gave a few steps forward and leaned her hip on my desk, right in front of me, “I forgot to ask you. Did you talk to your mom? About the trip, I mean.”

I looked down at my knees. “Yeah, I did. She said she’d talk to my father about it but I have a bad feeling about it.”

“I see. Well, if they deny you once you can always try when we go to Shiganshina next weekend. It’s easier to talk some sense into things when you’re face to face.”

I rolled my shoulders. “Yeah, well, I don’t know. Usually dad’s word is the last and definite answer. So if he says no now, he won’t change his mind later.”

Mikasa folded her arms over her chest and looked at me with soft eyes. “I really want you to come, though.”

I smiled. “I really wanna go as well.”

She searched my face for a moment and then leaned away and walked to the door. “Come on, smart pants. Let’s have some fun tonight, ok?

“Hah, sure, _mom_.”

That one earned me smack on the back of my head.

So, turns out Reiner was actually the best Batman I’d even seen in my entire life. And with that wig, Bert certainly wasn’t falling behind. They were both standing by the entrance of the 3rd floor flat and both looked hella amazing. Reiner greeted me by trying to mimic Batman’s voice, and earned a roll of eyes coming from Mikasa. Bert was too shy for Joker, but he still looked it no matter where I looked at him from.

“Nice legs,” I joked when I passed by.

Reiner pointed a finger at me. “Hitting on my boyfriend, Eren?”

I shrugged and made the most sheepishly face I could come up with at the moment, “We both know I don’t stand a chance. Joker is obsessed with you, Bruce.”

“It’s Mr. Wayne, for you.”

“Oh, god,” I laughed, “you just made Batman sound fancy. I owe you one, man.”

Reiner was already holding his hand up, and even though it wasn’t like me to engage in that sort of play, I high fived him before I joined Mikasa, who was already making her way through the flat’s corridor.

There were a lot more people in there than what I’d expected. And I was still trying to understand where they’d managed to find the violet lights. Some of the rooms were open. The beds had been removed (probably to other rooms) and it was all but a bunch of chairs and tables with drinks. The song coming from the living room was the so known title _Superstitions_ by Stevie Wonder. It made me laugh because mom loved that song.

At some point, Mikasa grabbed my hand so I we wouldn’t lose each other, and walked me to the open balcony of the living room. Jean was there, furiously typing on his phone. It didn’t take a medium to guess why. Even less when his eyes snapped to me and he made this _I need your help_ face. I ignored him with a shrug. None of my business.

There was a girl by the corner that I recognized. She seemed to recognize me too because she smiled and waved shyly at me. I waved back despite not knowing who she was.

“Has anyone seen Annie?” Mikasa asked out loud.

Jean tossed his phone in his pocket and grabbed his long forgotten beer can. “She was here a moment ago. I think Levi called her, I’m not sure. And hey, has anyone seen Marco? I need my company for the night.”

I snorted. “You mean a shoulder to cry on because Armin doesn’t know if he’s coming.”

Jean glared at me. “You know, sometimes I really hate you.”

“ _Pft_ , just sometimes? Man, I hate you all the time!”

“Guys,” Mikasa interrupted, “stop. Not tonight, ok?” She glared at me and then Jean. “Anyway, I’ll go look for Annie, and possibly my brother and his gang. Can you guys stay here and _not_ pick on each other for 10 minutes?”

Stop? Well, we stopped, alright. But the moment she was out of there, Jean was already giving me one of those looks I just wanted to crush on the floor. He took a sip of his drink, eyes not deviant, and then crossed his arms. I went to lean against the guard-rail and mimicked his pose. When I raised an eyebrow, Jean held his palm up.

“Don’t even dare, Eren,” he warned.

I snorted. “Come on, Jean. Don’t sulk. I’m the one who should be bitching about what you did to my phone the other day. It was a jerk move.”

“Yeah? Ah, I’ll just pretend I don’t know you’re already planning your revenge.”

_Keen as ever._

“Maybe I am. But hey,” I grinned, “you asked for it.”

Actually, I still had no idea about what to do with that revenge of mine. I just knew I was going to do it anyway. And well, the longer it took, the less he’d be expecting it and that was only for the best.

“Did you see the League of Legends girl?” Jean asked absent mindedly while twirling his drink.

I looked at him. “No, which champion?”

He shrugged, “Janna, hella hot.”

“Oh, wow…” A pause. “Nah, I didn’t. I just saw Reiner and Bert, and I think there were a few South Park guys in the corridor.”

“I think most of them are still by the 2nd floor. It’s rocking hard downstairs. Here it’s a lot calmer, but I’m expecting it to heat up after 10pm.”

I narrowed my eyes, “What do you mean?”

Jean looked at me and grinned, “I am not sure, but I think Mikasa convinced Levi to invite Hanji. If she comes, everyone comes.” He probably noticed I was making a weird face because he laughed. “What. You think Mikasa likes losing? She’s got the biggest pride under the moon.”

Couldn’t deny that. But to the point of inviting Hanji? Well, not that surprising either if I thought about it. The strangest revelations came in the weirdest times.

I kicked the back of my foot on the floor and looked down. “So what, are Levi and Hanji close buddies or am I missing something here?”

Jean snorted. “Every guy is close buddies with Hanji. Levi spends a lot of time with her because they basically work together now and then.”

Considering Jean was saying _she_ , I assumed Hanji probably spent more time as a _she_ than a _he_. But runs word _she_ was going to make the change, so it wasn’t that hard to understand why.

Mikasa returned a few moments later with Annie and a drink in her hand. She passed it to me with a smile and then gestured to the room. “They’re coming in a second.”

I had no idea who she meant but I just nodded and concentrated in drinking the thing on my hand slowly. It tasted like orange juice but I could feel the bitter taste of the alcohol right at the end of each taste.

“Ah,” Annie pointed at me, she had a really well done makeup thing going on, “I totally forgot I have to take care of that pretty face of yours.”

“Uh,” I looked around, “I’m fine, thanks.”

Mikasa pouted. “Come on, at least something on your eyes. That’d be cute.”

“No way, Annie already scrubbed the shit out of my left eye today. I can’t take any more of that, to be honest.”

“What?” Jean perked up, “You have them painting you and shit? Oh, Eren. You just gave me the best blackmail material ever.”

I glared at him. “Shut up, Jean. You don’t even have proof. Anyway, get out of my ass.”

His face screwed. “I’m not _in_ your ass.”

_Ugh, this guy…_

My eyes locked with the table in the corner of the living room and I watched the guests fill up their blue cups with whatever was in those bottles. At some point, when _Warriors_ started playing out loud and basically all the guys (and some girls) in the room started whistling—because well, League of Legends has that effect on people—the smoke machines Mikasa was so proudly talking about started working.

I couldn’t help but laugh when Isabel emerged from between the crowd, dragging Levi by the hand—and oh my god, he looked completely done with the whole thing—and Levi grabbing Farlan by the hem of his shirt, and they almost fell face first on the floor when they stepped onto the balcony.

“Oh, dears!” The red hair straightened up and fixed her sparkling witch suit. “This is getting fuller and wow, they’re playing good music! Who’s this from?” Her head snapped in Levi’s direction and he just narrowed his eyes and shrugged.

“I don’t know either,” Farlan laughed while he tried to fix his tie.

Isabel shrugged and then smiled wide at Mikasa. “Hey, girl! Oh gosh, you look amazing!”

Mikasa smiled wider than I’d expected. “Thank you. You look good too. Did Annie do your makeup?”

“Yeah, Levi didn’t want to do it. He’s such a mean person sometimes,” She threw her tongue out at Levi and he glared at her. “Anyway, I need a drink. Where are the drinks?”

Annie pointed at the table inside the living room. “Over there. Can you bring me something as well? I’m too lazy to get into that mess right now.”

“Yeah, sure. Farlan come with me,” Isabel threw her arm around Farlan’s and started dragging him into the crowd again. “Wow, hell, I’m loving this song.”

“Imagine Dragons.”

Everyone looked at me and I just pretended to drink to hide my embarrassment.

Isabel’s smile widened. “Oh, wow, thanks! Uhm… Eren?”

I nodded slightly and then turned around to lean over the guard-rail. It was my first time admiring the backyard of the building. Which was stupid because I was there for almost 2 months and I’d never once taken the time to admire the tiny forest we had at the back. I also spotted a few cats. Counting, there were about 5 of them, but I’d heard Jean talk about it before, saying he’d counted 12 this one time.

Took me a while to realize that Levi was also leaning on the guard-rail, right next to me. I had no idea when he’d got so close. Plus, he wasn’t watching me. His frown was directed at somewhere in the crowd of the living room.

“You people realize that when the guys downstairs come over here, this balcony will fall, right?” Jean threw in, voice in a high pitch. “I kinda want to find Marco and get out of here. Where’s that guy?”

“I don’t know,” I heard Annie say. “Haven’t seen him yet. But hey, did you guys see Reiner?”

Mikasa made a weird sound that could almost be mistaken as a laugh. “Batman and Joker gonna rock hard tonight.”

Jean guffawed in a terrifying way that had me scrunch my nose, “I feel sorry for you, Levi!”

Levi just shook his head faintly as if he wasn’t even bothered with the comment, or just didn’t have the will to bother himself with it. But then his eyes narrowed and he grimaced. “Are those… _really_?”

I turned slightly to look over my shoulder. Right in the middle of the living room there were two guys (or girls, I had no idea because they were wearing a cloak) with a pumpkin head doing a really weird voodoo-like dance.

Jean grinned around his beer can. “I’d do that.”

“Sure,” I snorted, “with a horse face, though, right?”

“Shut up, Eren.”

“Actually,” Mikasa threw in, “I wanna dance. Do you?” She looked at Annie and got a shrug in reply. Then, she looked at Levi and smiled, “I won’t even ask _you_.” And finally me. “You?”

I shrugged. “Depends… What do I get with that?”

Her eyebrows climbed a little and she made a rather seductive face. “To dance with two pretty girls? I guess that’s a lot, isn’t it?”

Dancing, huh? Something I didn’t take much pleasure in, but the idea certainly didn’t sound so bad. I pretended to consider, though. Giving the easy yes sounded like playing too much into it.

“Sure, ok.” I glanced at Jean and grinned. “I guess that’s more than what you’re getting tonight.”

His orbs widened slightly and the he went red. “Eren, you bastard! Come back here!”

Too late for him because I was already following the girls inside. And well, considering it wasn’t really a contest, dancing turned out to be a good idea. Mikasa had a really, _really_ appealing way of fooling around while doing so. It turned out to be my job to get between her and any creepy guys ogling her up. Annie wasn’t as fluid, but she did enough. At some point, I just wanted to leave them do their thing and go grab another drink for myself. I don’t know why it made my chest swell with feelings whenever they got too close. Either I was hella happy for them, or I had discovered a new kink.

Probably the first, the second was too creepy. Even for someone weird, overall, like me.

A few more typical Halloween songs and _Superheroes_ kicked in. I threw my arms over Mikasa’s shoulders and had to raise my voice over my usual tone because, hell, if the songs were loud.

“This is _your_ song, no? _Mom_.” I yelled. “What are you so happy about today?”

She side glanced at me and then grinned before looking away. “I’ll tell you later!” She laughed. “Thanks for the gay song, though, _son_.”

“You can always count on me for that!”

Another laugh. “Just go be gay with my brother, ok?”

I rolled my eyes and looked at Annie who was staring at me with that evil smirk of hers. “I was going to, but then you invited me to dance. I can’t do both at the same time. And isn’t that incest, mom?”

Annie gestured at me but was looking at Mikasa. “Let’s get him drunk.”

I shook my head. “No, you can’t do that. I’m a mess when I’m—”

“Let’s do that,” Mikasa snorted.

I threw my arms up and sang the chorus of the song while I stepped away “ _You've been struggling to make things right! That’s how a superhero learns to flyyyyyyy_ —ok, bye. I’m done with you two!”

Another stupid Halloween song kicked in while I made the utmost effort to escape the crowd and run to the balcony again. I almost bumped into Jean when I failed and miscalculated my steps. He had a stupid smile all over his face.

“What’s that face for?” I asked while I patted my clothes, as if I’d caught anything weird by the small contact with that horse face. “You’re such a creep, sometimes.”

“Guess _who_ is coming.” He patted my shoulder and I glared at his hand.

“Armin?” My question was directed at Levi who was looking at me as if he’d never seen me before. Then, I looked at Jean again. “Seriously? You convinced him?”

Jean shrugged. “Not really. He said he’d heard I was sulking too much so he’d come.” He scratched his chin. “I have no idea what that was about, but whatever. I’ll be right back, ok? Don’t run away, Jäger.”

And even though I’d very much like to, no. I wouldn’t run away. Still, that _Mikasa_ … Always doing things behind everyone’s back and being—what, their secret cupid? She sure had her way with life.

I glanced at Levi and he raised an eyebrow. Lacing my fingers together and starting a mid-stretch while I stepped to the guard-rail, I beamed. “So, how’s Halloween treating you?” I asked when I leaned over to watch him.

He folded his arms over his chest, eyes lost in the crowd. “Not as well as it is treating you, it seems.” His tone betrayed nothing but the wording had me snorting.

“Are you… are you jealous?”

Levi’s face screwed and he looked at me as if I’d just said the most absurd thing in the world. “What? You’re so stupid…”

I gestured at my face and rolled my eyes up. “Well, apparently, you like stupid.”

“And since when do I like you?”

I blinked. “Oh… Ah, if you don’t then you’re the stupid one.”

Levi tilted his head. “And why’s that?”

“Because I’m, like, the best there ever was? I’m pretty sure it’s obvious.”

He snorted and looked away. “You’re such a riot, kid.”

I shrugged. He sure was the hard type. Plus, tiptoeing around him was only getting me back to the starting line. But then again, I wasn’t so confident about this little and fragile thing we had to start making bold moves, so it’s not like I had any other choice.

“Hey, heeeeeey, _Leviiiiiiii_ —”

“ _What_.” He looked at me, annoyed.

“What’s your favorite color?”

He frowned. “What?”

I threw my head back and growled in frustration. “Can you just—just answer my damn question, ok? _Ugh_.”

Took him a while but he eventually gave out on glaring and sighed. “Green.”

_Green, huh?_

I thought about it and nodded. “Mine is blue.”

The creases between his eyebrows suddenly disappeared and he looked at me with the blankest expression I’d seen. “Why?”

“Why? Uh… I don’t know. It’s kinda peaceful, I guess.” I blinked at him. “What’s… what’s your favorite month?”

Levi glanced outside and then at me again. “March. Don’t ask why, though. I don’t know. I guess it might because I really like spring and… march is when spring starts.”

Knowing it made me smile. I certainly didn’t expect him to say something like that. “What about… songs. What’s your favorite song?”

He sighed. “What’s this, twenty questions?”

“Shut up and answer.”

The creases were back, but just slightly. “I can’t possibly do both at the same time.”

Whatever I said about this being complicated? I dared double it. I rolled my shoulders and turned, crossing my arms and leaning my hip on the guard-rail. “Who’s being the riot now?”

Levi’s lips twitched slightly and he looked away. “I don’t know. Who?”

I really wanted to throw him out of the balcony now. He was doing it on purpose, that jerk. “You know, I really like you, but sometimes I really hate you too.”

“Don’t worry,” he said darkly as he leaned away. “It’s mutual.” He was by the entrance of the living room in a beat. “Are you ok?” He asked when Isabel almost slumped down.

Had he just said he liked me too? Scratch the hate part because that wasn’t even as important as the rest of it.

Farlan appeared from behind Isabel and leaned his arm on the window. “Just consider she might have had a little more than she should have.”

Levi glared at the girl’s head. “It’s not even past 10, you miserable piece of shit.”

Isabel waved him away and sat down on the floor. “I’ll be okaaaaaaaay.”

“You can’t even stand.”

“Shuuuuuuuddup!”

I had to muffle a laugh because Levi looked really put off all of a sudden. Just as if his beloved little sister had told him to fuck off.

Jean was back, also. But he brought someone along, someone who had my smile spreading all over my face. And he was also running up to me, gracefully avoiding Isabel who was now trying to hug Levi’s legs.

“Eren!”

“Armin, you asshole. I don’t see you for three days!”

He hugged me. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I told you I had my midterms and it’s all screwing me up pretty bad. Like, you have no idea. But oh my god, I have a lot of stuff to tell you.” He articulated with his hands with such gusto I almost feared an airplane would try to land on us. “I mean, I saw you this week, but oh my god. We seriously need to talk.”

I laughed. “I know, I have some stuff to tell you too… but, ahm, alone.”

Armin’s shoulders slumped down and he made a guilty face. “Now?”

“Ah, no. Not now. But soon.”

By the corner of my eye I noticed Levi was watching us, but I paid him little attention. Mostly as revenge because he’d shut down all my attempts of starting a conversation.

“Have you seen Christa and Ymir?” Armin asked brightly, not even flinching when Jean held his hand while looking somewhere else. He sure had a lot to tell me.

I tried not to mind it. “Uh, _yes_. I mean, no! No, I haven’t seen them. Are they around?”

He nodded. “Yes, as blonde princess Leia and constipated Luke Skywalker.”

“Oh god, I really need to see that!”

“They’re downstairs right now.” Jean muttered as he tried to muffle a blurp.

Armin looked at him and laughed and then gawked at me, furrowed eyebrows. “Ah, and Sasha is trying to pull this Ariana Grande thing… just to please Connie. But, ah, it’s weird. They stayed at home, anyway.”

I snorted. Sasha as Ariana? Yeah, right. That would be like me trying to pull a Morgan Freeman. “I’ll skip that one. I’m kinda curious about Ymir, though.”

“She’s to die for.”

“I bet… Man, next year I gotta try something.”

Jean laughed smoothly. It was as if he was behaving with Armin around. “Yeah, next year I will follow Connie’s suggestion and try Nicky Minaj.”

Armin squeezed Jean’s hand and laughed. I just sent an abysmal stare his way. No way could I even begin to imagine how that looked like, but I seriously didn’t want to try either. It would ruin my image of both Nicky and Jean—even if Jean took care of ruining his image to me every single day.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I hauled it out to check. It was a text, and the words _“Eren, I talked to your father and (…)”_ were scrolling over the top of the screen. I quickly looked away, eyes searching the crowd.

“Uhm, hey, guys, I’ll be right back,” I informed.

Armin grabbed my arm and searched my face. “Hey, are you ok?”

I smiled. “Yeah, just… I’ll be right back, ok?”

With a slight wave at both him and Jean, I walked out of the balcony. And even though I could feel Levi’s daggers on me, I didn’t look at him either.

The corridor was even fuller than before. The smoke machine sure had done a good job, making the place look as asphyxiating as ever. I got out and ran up the stairs. Our door wasn’t looked. I got in and paced to our closed balcony, sighing when I heard the loud but muffled music coming from the floors under me.

I unlocked my phone and read the text. _“Eren, I talked to your father and he said that it is better if you don’t go. You know how hard it is for us to be paying for your stay there and allow you to have at least a rather comfortable life. So please understand that it’s not like we don’t want you to go. We simply can’t afford it. Ok, darling? I’m really sorry. We talk better when you come home. Love, mom.”_

And well, that was pretty much what I was expecting. And it shouldn’t have minded. It didn’t bother me before. So why was I so upset?

I gave a soft kick on the wall and looked outside. If money was the problem, then I’d have to find a way on my own. I knew that even by doing so, there was a big chance my parents wouldn’t let me, anyway. But I had to try.

“Are you ok?”

I smiled. There was no need to turn around to know who it was. “Are you worried?”

Levi stepped closer. Probably really close because the back of my neck was giving me a weird feeling. “You know I really don’t care. It’s just really annoying when you’re brooding.”

I turned around. Had to lean back a little or my lips would have brushed his forehead. “I am that much of a hassle, uh.”

He looked up at me and then away. “Pretty much.”

“Well, that’s fine. I like being a hassle.”

A ghost of a smile threatened Levi’s lips. But he was already giving a step back before I could do or say something about it. “So, what happened?”

My hands rose to my face and I sighed. “Well,” I muttered almost inaudible. Another sigh before I dropped my hands to my jeans. “I asked my parents about the trip… and they said I couldn’t go. Which was expected, but whatever. I’m a bit upset, I guess.”

Levi was looking at me with guarded eyes, studying my face. “Did they say why?”

I snorted. “Money. I don’t know if I told you before, but money is something we don’t have. Ok, we do, but… it’s only enough to stay alive, if you understand what I mean.” I got nothing in response, so I tried to play it off. “I know, poor kid. Major turn off.”

The corner of Levi’s lips curled up slightly and that so seductive gaze Mikasa was wearing as tonight’s mask took over his face. Shitty twins. “No present on valentine’s day, I see.”

I laughed. “Nope. Sorry about that.”

Now he was smiling slightly. “ _Six Degrees of Separation_.”

“Huh?”

“The song… my favorite song.”

I blinked. “Oh… Uhm… The Script? Didn’t take you for the romantic type.”

Levi shrugged as if it didn’t really matter. “I also like Metallica. But since I like to blast music into my ears most of the time, it’s not the best choice.” A pause. “And is there any problem about me being romantic?” His eyebrow arched slightly. It was like a test question.

“Uh, no. You just don’t strike me as such.” I looked at him for a while and then down. “I keep telling you this but you’re weird. You’re either kicking me through the floor, not literally… and sometimes literally, or smiling at me and making me feel all strange.”

Maybe it was my mind working at a different pace, but I was almost sure Levi was closer now than he’d been just two seconds ago. He was giving me this mildly confused look, serious confused look. I’d seen it before. When he kissed me back then he had the same face, just a little more broken.

“You know,” I started, my voice was weird. “You make me feel a bit sad when you look at me like that…”

“Like what.” He was closer again but I had no idea when he’d moved and I was looking right at him.

“Like… ahm…” He had really pretty eyes. I knew that, but it didn’t stop me from admiring them any less. Besides, I was glad for the excuse of a distraction because I didn’t know what to say. I had no idea what that face meant. And that was even more frustrating. “B-By the way… my favorite song is—”

“ _Born 2 Run_.”

My eyes widened slightly. “How do y—”

“Because,” he was just a breath away, “I passed by your door this afternoon. I recognized the song. It was on repeat, right?”

I laughed softly, eyes on his lips. “Well, yeah, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything…”

A small flash of white teeth. He really had the most devious yet beautiful smile ever. “You’re just that easy to read, Eren.”

Despite being so close, none of was moving. My eyes kept going from his grey orbs to his lips, while Levi just kept watching my every little reaction.

“You really are weird,” I muttered.

Fingers were laced around my wrist, sending weird electricity up my arm. Despite being emotionally constipated, this guy sure knew what he was doing. Which wasn’t surprising because he watched people a lot. He watched me a lot. So he probably knew that a touch meant a lot more to me than some words.

His thumb pressed slightly against my veins. And if my heart was already beating fast, having him knowing just made it beat faster. His hand slid up my arm, then, and stopped where my skin disappeared under my t-shirt. His eyes shifted to look at what he was doing and then narrowed slightly.

“Apparently, weird is your type,” it was almost a whisper. A really dark whisper, if I might say.

I chuckled. “No.”

It was an impulse. My hand pressed at his waist, the other grabbing his shoulder, and I closed the distance between us. Levi barely had time to suck in a breath before I kissed him.

“No,” I repeated against his lips, “ _you_ are my type.”

He pinched my arm, making me yelp a little. But then I laughed and he just smiled slightly. My fingers were tracing the little bit of skin I’d managed to find under his flannel shirt. It wasn’t surprising that he had really soft skin.

I looked him in the eyes for a moment. “Hey, can I—”

“Yeah.”

No need to ask for any reassurance. Slowly, I brought my arms around his neck and pulled him close into a hug. Levi’s hands were on my waist, playing with the ends of my shirt. My nose rubbed between his hair and I was surprised he wasn’t complaining. He smelled really good. Like clean, shampoo, and beneath that a scent I was starting to recognize even when Levi himself wasn’t around.

 _Superheroes_ started playing again in the background. It was muffled, but still recognizable. Levi shifted a bit, leaned his cheek on my chest. My heart did that painful thing again.

_You’re so shit at this, Eren._

“I also like that song.”

I chuckled. “Noted. You like sad songs.”

“It’s not sad, just—”

“Sad.”

The roll of eyes was almost felt, I didn’t need to see it. “Sure, Eren. Have it your way.” The tone in his voice didn’t match how done he probably wanted to sound.

I placed my chin over his head. There was a sigh, meaning he probably hated it, but it had me beaming anyway. I took a deep breath and sang after the lyrics, small because I didn’t want to break the mood. _“All his liiife he's been told,_

_He’ll be nothing when he’s old,_

_All the kicks and all the blows,_

_He won't ever let it show.”_

“Oh?” Levi sounded amused. “The brat can sing.”

“Should I take that as a compliment?”

He shrugged slightly. “Whatever. Big revelation.”

I leaned back against the window. “Hey, don’t fall for me, ok?”

Levi leveled his eyes on mine. “Noted.” The way he snorted right after produced a nearly uncomfortable groan from me. It wasn’t that hard. It’s not like I didn’t know it was a possibility, no matter how far-fetched it sounded in Levi’s case—true. His amusement subsided slightly when I let go of him, though. Not for long, because I was already grabbing his hands right after.

“We should probably go back. I have a feeling we’re missing something terrible,” I said.

Levi shrugged, brought his face closer and pushed his nose into my hair and breathed in, then kissed the line of my jaw. “Hanji’s spectacular appearance,” he murmured against my skin.

I bit down at my lip. “Oh, yeah… you invited her.” Grabbing myself at the tiny bits of sanity I still had after that act alone was hard.

I had no idea _how_ , when he’d got there, but his fingers were dangerously trailing the hem of my boxers. My stomach quivered slightly when his nails scrapped at my skin and I breathed out loudly. “Ahm…” My voice was partially gone. “You probably shouldn’t do that.”

Levi’s eyes shifted up. The glint in them made me swallow. “Why.” It wasn’t even a question.

_Oh, boy. Ok…_

“Well, because I might… I might lose myself a little if you do.” No lies there, but my heart could just have slowed down a little.

He watched me for a while longer, one finger between my skin and the fabric. “Yeah, I guess…” He trailed off. But when I was about to ask, he snapped the fold over my skin and stepped back. “I guess we wouldn’t want that.”

Somehow, I was a little disappointed. Even more when Levi finally stepped away. I was flattened against the window. I hadn’t even noticed the effort I’d been doing to stay away from his teasing touch until now. But Levi probably noticed something, I don’t know what exactly, because he was extending me his hand in the next second.

I looked at it and then looked at his face. “What…”

He glared and held his hand higher as if that would make a point. “Let’s go back.”

“Ok?”

As I failed to move, Levi rolled his eyes, walked over to grab my hand and yanked me of the window. He was basically dragging me out of the kitchen and into our hallway. He also dragged me down the stairs, and I was expecting him to let go of my hand the moment we walked back into the party, but he didn’t. I was also expecting him to let go when we saw Mikasa and Annie and they saw us, but he didn’t. He also didn’t let go when Mikasa made a show of glaring at our hands. And he didn’t let go when Isabel came over and wrapped herself around him, needing Farlan’s help to get her off. If anything, he just squeezed his hold tighter.

I guess I was between cloud nine and a freaky kind of daze the whole time, because even when he finally let me go, I could still feel his touch.

Hanji was indeed a show of a person. I didn’t get to hold any sort of conversation with her because Armin was totally freaked out by her presence and so our group stayed away, for much of Annie’s frustration.

Around midnight, we were all sitting in our living room because both parties got too crowded with the friends of the friends of the friends of the people who lived there. Reiner and Bert were already out of costume and were playing Cards Against Humanity with Marco, who had suddenly appeared coming back from the 2nd floor—traitor, according to Mikasa. Said Mikasa who was all over Annie while she pretended to be scared over the movie we were watching.

I’d never watched it, The Conjuring, but it sure was a little way better than I’d expected.

Jean and Armin were all tangled in a mess of limbs next to the girls. I couldn’t figure who looked more scared, if Jean if Armin, but both sure as hell were going to have a bad night of sleep. Levi was, as usual, pretty stoic. But because—I seriously don’t know how he was letting me do it—I had my head leaned over his head, I could feel the little jumps he’d give once in a while. Of course, I wasn’t going to say anything about it because that guy had the biggest ego under the sun.

It was because I was in earshot that I heard the conversation going on in whispers between Jean and Armin.

“Wanna come over tonight?” Armin asked. That one I knew was probably because of the movie. “Connie is going to sleep in Sasha’s room so…”

“Oh…” Jean seemed surprised. “Are you sure?”

Armin hesitated, “Uhm, no, not really… but you can come.”

Because this was me, I knew I just had to look at Mikasa to see the corners of her lips twitch up slightly. I had no idea what play she had in this but…

“Hey,” I poked Levi. Got a glare in response but I jumped over it. With a small scan over Jean, I saw him say _yes_ so I went on. “Wanna sleep in my room tonight?”

Shit. It really had sounded a lot better in my head. But what was out was out. And after that little display of confidence he’d had a few hours ago, I wasn’t so sure I’d even want to pretend I didn’t want it. Whatever _it_ was.

Levi tilted his head to look at me properly and raised an eyebrow. “Did your bunk grow another bed?”

I wanted to laugh but I just bit my lower lip to avoid it. “No… Jean is not…” I gestured slightly at Armin and saw Levi look over the other sofa.

His face of realization was funny. He didn’t look surprised but his eyes were also scanning Mikasa and it didn’t take much to know why. Then, he leaned back again and sighed. “Sure.”

I had to train my eyes on the TV while my brain proceeded to make a victorious dance. Because holy cow, getting Levi anywhere was like trying to move a dead body of an elephant by myself.

And then again, I had no idea what this meant. But I figured that I would have to redo all the steps I’d taken today again come morning.

At least it was rewarding. _I hoped._


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEWS!!  
> OEA has a mix playlist (?) Yep, [here](http://8tracks.com/eunmih/hate-and-love).  
> Also, the path this fic will take has been decided. Still, there are two possible endings. I will only decide about it when the time comes, and there's still a long way to go, but yeah... be prepared for anything.
> 
> Anyway, GERONIMO - No proof reading - ! I brought you smut. Some smut. And smut. Smut. Cuz Idk how many of you read the damn manga but jfc, we need a break from all the pain and Eren needs to be happy. And moles, moles are sun kisses, gotta love them. AND OOPS! What was that? Don't worry. There's a lot more coming soon (yeah, I mean porn).
> 
> !!! If you ever have questions or just wanna chat, my tumblr username is rivaillin, same as here in AO3.  
> Love you guys <3 (Thank you for the emotional support, Momo. This chapter goes for you.)

“We should do a Secret Santa gift exchange,” Mikasa muttered, only mild interested in what she was saying. “It’d be fun.” She’d been sitting on my chair, watching Jean pack a small bag. But now Jean was gone, I was sprawled over my bed, and Mikasa was still there. “Eren, are you listening to me?”

My eyes were craved somewhere on the bed above mine. “Yeah, I’m listening.” It was natural to be worked up, right? I mean, it could be like a sleepover— _but not_. “It’s a good idea. But I seriously hope I don’t get Jean paired up with me or something if you decide to go through with that.”

She laughed softly. “It’d be a hell of a scene, to watch either of you give the other a present. I’d pay just to see your faces.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

It was starting to get icy. The night had been mildly ok for the past hours, but the season’s cold was finally starting to catch up. I could feel the temperature dropping, my joints felt rusty.

The distant sound of the bathroom’s door opening made my heart jam on my chest. I heard the flick of the light switch and the steps that followed. With a slight turn of my face, I was right on time to see Levi appear by the door and stare at Mikasa, his gaze boring on her. I don’t know why, but I really liked seeing him wearing clothes larger than his frame. Maybe first impressions do stick, and seeing Levi dressed ready to go to bed reminded me of the night we met.

As if she’d sensed her brother, Mikasa turned around and looked at him. “What do you think? Secret Santa is a good idea, right?”

Levi looked up as if to consider it, his eyes narrowed in the process. “Yes. It’s not bad.” I wasn’t expecting to hear that answer. But apparently Halloween was the night for weird revelations. “But it’s November, already. Gotta hurry up with that.”

Which reminded me, Armin’s birthday was in two days. Fuck, I’d totally forgotten. I sat up in my bed and looked at Levi. His eyes shifted to me for a brief moment and then back to Mikasa. She was saying something about how it’d be nice to play differently this year. Have a different birthday set up and all.

I blinked. “What? What do you mean?”

Both of them looked at me with blank expressions. “Our birthday,” Mikasa explained. “25th December.” Levi completed.

I gaped. “ _What_? You guys were born in _the_ Christmas day? Wow… Wow, that’s so cool…”

Mikasa chuckled. “It’s pretty normal… it just means you receive less presents than most kids.”

“What? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

Levi leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms. “Most people use it as an excuse to spend less money. Like one present covers both birthday and Christmas.” He scoffed, looking to the side with disdain. Something told me there was a personal experience slipping into his tone.

I snorted. “I would doubt you’re the kind to be bothered by that.”

“I’m not. But it’s still annoying.”

Sometimes I really wondered if the act of living _itself_ was annoying to him as well. Of course, I didn’t dare ask because the chance of getting a self-depreciative _yes_ was too high. Because, come on, Levi had _some_ ego, but he also took responsibility for a lot of things, more than he’d like to admit.

Mikasa rose to her feet and stretched. “Alright, I’m going to bed. Let’s hope there’s not much noise tonight.”

I flinched. “What?”

She was already by the door when she looked at me over her shoulder, her lips were trembling a little just to insinuate the double meaning. “Reiner and Bertholdt. Parties always end up in some crazy-ass sex for them. Must be a cult.” She shrugged and walked away. “Good night.”

My mind played with her choice of words while I watched Levi follow Mikasa with his eyes. He even leaned back a little so he could watch her get into her room. And when he heard the sound of the door closing, he slowly turned to look at me; blinked, sluggishly, and then closed his eyes as he sighed.

“Want me to turn off the light?” He asked as he closed the door and hesitated for a moment with his hand over the lock. He locked it anyway, and I frowned because my heart was trying to climb up my esophagus.

I cleared my throat and gestured at the window. “Yeah. Can you see with just the curtain open? I can use my phone.”

“It’s ok,” he turned the light off and then wandered to the bed, “I can see.” He stopped, however, abruptly, right before me. His eyes inspecting the bed as if he was afraid something would crawl out from under the sheets and jump on him.

I snorted. “It’s ok, you know?” I took the chance to sit further against the wall to give him space. My heart was beating really fast and I suddenly felt sick with every little motion. “It’s not like I’m raising a germs kindergarten under the sheets.”

Levi tilted his head to the side—fuck my life because he always looked so damn adorable when he did that. “Wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.” And then he snuck above the mattress and sat right in front of me, folded leg, and one foot under his tight. It was a little cramped but it was ok. He looked at me. “So, tell me. What’s up with the sleepover idea?”

I laughed. Not because I found it funny but because I was nervous. No idea why I was nervous, though. It’s not like I was a virgin or a soulless person with no girlfriend or boyfriend record. For some reason, though, with Levi everything felt like a first.

I poked his knee with my foot and he glared at it. Then sloped my head to the side and raised an eyebrow at him. “What. You really think you can tease the shit out of me and get away with it?” Just thinking about it had my toes crawling.

Levi looked at me with jaded eyes. “You really are annoying.”

“You say that so often it doesn’t even bother me anymore.”

He glanced away and then down at his hands. And I knew he was going to start biting at his nails anytime soon, and he did. I smiled because I knew something so unimportant and yet predictable.

“You need to stop doing that,” I leaned the back of my head against the wall, “your nails look like paper, it’s gross.”

Levi looked at me. He seemed annoyed, somewhat shocked, but he stopped what he was doing and dropped his hand down. He glared and I just stared, remaining as calm as I could—even if inside my organs seemed to be rebelling against me.

We heard some noise coming from outside the room. I could see the lights from under the door. It sounded to be Annie’s voice, but it came in so muffled I couldn’t understand what she was saying. She apparently walked to the kitchen, and then a few moments later back to her room.

The lights went off and everything was quiet.

Everything except my breathing, that seemed to be increasing in volume against my will. And Levi seemed to pick up on this because he was leaning away from my touch, even though only my foot was touching his knee. His eyes didn’t leave me for a second, though, and once again I was failing to read his expression.

When it started to get awkward, however, he moved. Slowly, he leaned down to the side and dropped his head over my pillow. I watched him, trying to ignore how my fingers twitched a little. His bangs dropped to his eyes and he shifted slightly.

“Smells like you,” he said.

I didn’t dwell on either that was something good or bad. I took it as something good because he wasn’t sounding displeased, at all.

Gently, I leaned down over my side too. “It’s normal. I sleep here.”

Levi peered at me from between his locks. “Oh, I had no idea…”

I snorted, but when my orbs focused on Levi my smile vanished. I snuggled closer and he leaned his forehead on mine. Boldness, _well_ , I had it. The problem is that it came in waves, and I was conscientious because my bravery was not always reliable. So now I was surging with another sudden impulse, and my initial hesitance took Levi to meet me half way.

We’d kissed in a few different ways. Mostly, when he was leading, it was as if everything was moving too fast. When I was leading, it was mostly child’s play. Now, however, everything was slow. Warm. And even though my heart was too loud, I felt serene.

My hand found his waist, ran to his back under his shirt and pulled him closer. Levi molded onto me, breath shivering slightly at my touch, but then I was swinging a leg over him and changing our positions. His hands grabbed at my sides when I sat on top of him and then leaned down to kiss him again, purposefully licking his mouth open, feeling him and taking him in, winning my time with him because he was someone on which time should be taken.

I seriously felt that way. Big night. Big revelations, anyway.

When my touch lingered over his ribs, Levi flinched for a moment and then sighed against my mouth. His hands were traveling up my back, making me want to arch into his touch like a cat. And then, with one swift movement, my shirt was rolling up my head and then being discarded onto the floor. And Levi rose his back to wrap an arm over my shoulder and kiss under my ear.

His hot breath on my skin made me groan lowly. He bit at my earlobe and I pressed my fingers over his back. _It wasn’t enough._

My hand traveled up his neck and I scratched my nails over his skin. Levi’s breath hitched and he opened his mouth to say something, but I kissed him again. I was too busy smiling to pay attention to what I was doing though, and he groaned a little in annoyance. And _it wasn’t enough._

Frustrating. Everything about this guy was frustrating. The familiar burn in my lower abdomen grew. The blood in my brain was rushing south so fast it almost made me dizzy, hard to think, hard to concentrate on anything but _that_ : how frustrating it was.

I pushed him down against the mattress. Levi almost glared at me for a second, but when I leaned over and rolled my hips up, his eyebrows knit together in confusion and I suddenly stopped.

He looked at me. I looked at him.

He glared. I gawked.

 _Sure thing_ , we both were carrying a hard on now.

“Are you—” I started. I stopped because I didn’t know how to finish that one. _Are you feeling what I’m feeling? Are you hard? Well, obviously. Are you stupid? Why? Because… Are you ok with this? I suppose so._ “Uhm…” I searched those expectant eyes. “Are you _ok_ with this?” I asked anyway.

Well, fuck it.

“You ask that _now_?” Levi deadpanned. He sounded a little annoyed.

“Huh?”

He rolled his eyes. “Ok. I was going to go along with it silently but you just had to start running your mouth, hadn’t you?” He was annoyed. Definitely annoyed.

I frowned. “Well, _I’m sorry_. But you’re not exactly easy to read and I—”

“Don’t blame your own insecurities on me, kid.” _Bingo_. He was saying that to get a rise out of me, but my mind was entertained with something else, like how his fingers were tracing the edge of my pants.

My retort got lost in the heat of the moment. I leaned my face on the pillow and sighed onto the fabric. “I was gonna say that you’re both a turn on and a turn off. I take it back, though.”

My hands grappled with the hem of Levi’s t-shirt and I laughed breathlessly as he sat up long enough for the shirt to be yanked over his head and tossed. He flopped back onto the mattress and bucked his hips still looking annoyed. It was a shame I couldn’t see the rose color on his cheeks, it was too dark for that, but at the same time I was glad he couldn’t see mine.

I could still discern everything else, though. It wasn’t my first time inspecting his torso, but it was the first time doing so in this kind of situation. It was only different because now I could lose time on the little details I couldn’t have grasped on a normal occasion. Like the mole he had right under his cleavage. And the one right next to his arm pit.

Cold fingers snuck under my pants, making me shiver. My breath caught when a full hand palmed at my groin and moved faintly above the fabric. I had to bite my lips to keep myself from unconsciously moving my hips harsh against the touch just to get more friction.

I pressed my forehead on his and looked into his eyes. We stole each other’s breaths while Levi worked my erection with painfully slow strokes. I couldn’t help but bite my lip and squeeze my eyes shut every time he pressed on me tighter.

When I looked at him again, though, a flick of emotion crossed Levi’s gaze. His hand left my pants and he lurched forward to cup my face in both hands and plunder my mouth with unrelenting teeth and tongue. Our chests pressed flush, I moved my hips and Levi rolled his with little thrusts of his own.

I groaned because it wasn’t enough, and that seemed to make Levi’s breath leave him in a rush before he encircled his arms around me and pressed our bodies together. _But it wasn’t enough_.

“ _Eren_ ,” he whispered breathlessly on my ear.

I hissed in response. My hands ranged over the curve of bone and muscle, learning the width of his hips; and Levi ran his hands down my back again, touch ghostly, urgently gripping my ass and enticing us into a slow drag of covered cock against cock.

I was only faintly aware of how loud I was breathing. But Levi didn’t seem to mind that, even when he trembled under me every time I exhaled loud and hot on his skin. The temperature rose so much I could no longer feel the cold.

When Levi found my lips again he bit at my lower lip, _hard_. I made a little sound that could hardly constitute as communication, and Levi wasted no time to lick the wound and clasping our mouths together again. I gasped at that, my movements growing more desperate. My cock painfully hard and crying for release. And I wanted that so badly, _but it wasn’t enough_.

I couldn’t shake it off my head, that feeling. The feeling of no matter what we did it wouldn’t be enough. And it’s not like I wanted more, because _more_ wasn’t enough either.

Levi’s hand gripped my arm and he tensed. With unforgiving dips and drags, I tensed too. And when Levi’s head flung up to hide between my neck and my shoulder, I had to purse my lips together and muffle a shaky moan on the pillow, because keeping quiet was hard. Because not making a display was hard. Because _it wasn’t enough_.

We both collapsed down, breathless. I could feel myself suffocating on that pillow, but I wasn’t going to move. There was something enticing about the air. This whole smells like sex aura that kept luring me in.

“Hey…” I muttered, muffled by the fabric.

Levi inhaled slowly, with great difficulty as well because I was pressing all my weight on him. He didn’t reply though. He didn’t move either. But it didn’t bother me, because his hand was doing small circles over my back and that was enough.

“Hey,” I asked again, louder, my voice rough as if I had just woken up. “You don’t happen to have condoms, do you?”

At that, Levi stopped.

I tilted my head slightly to watch him. His gaze was craved over the mattress above us. I had to wait a long while before he resumed his little movements over my skin and breathed to reply.

“You’re up for more? That’s some stamina,” he sounded unfairly composed. “I don’t have anything. So unless you want to improvise, this will have to suffice.”

 _Improvise_. That sounded kinky.

I grinned. “What are you willing to improvise?” I shifted up a little, eyes scrolling Levi down and then locking on our pants. “Gross…”

“Don’t remind me about that. I’m trying to keep my mind out of it for a moment.”

“Oh?” I rolled over to the side and watched as Levi frowned, still looking up. “By thinking about me? How sweet.”

His lips quivered slightly but he didn’t falter. “As if. Anyway, I doubt you like fucking a corpse, because I should tell you I am as good as dead right now.” He was saying that and sitting up though. Eyebrows knitting when he looked over his lap. “This is going straight into the washer.”

“Like, right now?”

“Like, right now.”

Levi was serious about the most surprising things. “Hm, ok,” I said, agreeing with a subtle nod to the side. I sat up and sighed before gesturing to the door. “You can go first. I’ll follow after when you’re done.”

He side glanced at me and then left the bed, stopping by the door when I called his name.

“You’re coming back right?” I tried not to sound desperate, but I guess it slipped into my voice a little without my consent.

Levi loomed over for a moment and then looked at me above his shoulder. “You asked me if I wanted to _sleep_ in your room tonight. Not if I wanted to fool around.” He turned his head and unlocked the door. “I said yes to your request, consider the rest a bonus.”

I snorted. “You talk as if you didn’t want it.”

Before Levi left into the corridor, I caught his smirk. “Did I ever make it look like I didn’t?” He asked in a husky, low voice.

I stared at the door in puzzlement, frowned, and then threw myself back over the bed again with a groan. Definitely not enough. Why, though? It’s not like I was in love or any sort of weird cheesy thing, right?

_I’m the one who said don’t fall for me and yet…_

With a glare that could cut iron, I stared at the door for a good amount of time, molding my thoughts onto the cavities of my brain until Levi emerged again in new clothes and proceeded to grab both our shirts that had been discarded on the floor.

He stopped to look at me with a guarded expression. “Hey, move your ass. It’s almost four in the morning and I want to sleep.”

I did as I was told without any comment. Over the bathroom, however, while I proceeded to look at my chaotic hair, I had to slap myself out of daze.

_What the fuck just happened…?_

It was hard to believe it’d happened. It was hard to remember every touch because everything had been too fast for my mind to take note of how it felt. And it wasn’t enough. I was almost sure of what Levi had in mind. I was almost certain he thought of this as a one off. I remember thinking the same before. But between then and now I wasn’t so sure if that’s how I wanted it to be.

I cleaned myself, dressed some washed boxers, rushed to the kitchen, to dump my clothes in the washer together with Levi’s and set the machine on, in a clumsy tiptoe run because it was fucking cold and then back to my room. Levi was sitting over my bed, watching me while I got into my sweatpants and a t-shirt.

He didn’t complain when I slammed over the mattress, taking him down with my arm in the process. He didn’t complain when I rolled under the covers and pulled him along. And definitely not when I leaned on my back and had my legs entwined with his and forced his head to rest over my shoulder because he was warm and because he smelled good.

And just like that, as if it’d finally hit me, I felt a heavy burden over my eyelids. I was tired, really tired, but I didn’t want to sleep. I didn’t want to sleep because I knew that this was over, come morning, and I’d have to redo it all over again.

“Eren,” Levi whispered.

My eyes were open that instant. I leaned my cheek over his hair and breathed, “Yeah?”

There was a pause and then he answered, “Don’t kiss me in the morning.”

I laughed, “Wasn’t going to.” My turn to pause. “Don’t drool on me.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

And I don’t know how I’d managed to fall asleep at all. I sure as hell was tired, because who in their perfect sense of mind would manage to calm down with Levi, of all people, sleeping in the same bed as them? Not me. But I wasn’t in my perfect sense of mind, it seems.

I shifted my legs a little and touched something. Took me a while to process it was morning, even more time to process I was actually awake and not dreaming. But the moment my brain connected the dots and I remembered who was supposed to be sleeping there, my heart went from 8 to 80 in less than a second and my eyes snapped open.

Sleeping in front of me, with oblivion to all this, was Levi. He looked younger, years younger. Probably younger than me. The crease to his eyebrows was gone, his lips were not dipping down at the ends, just forming a thin and small, pale line. His hair had a funny twist and was sticking out to the side. It was that first night all over again, to be honest.

I watched defenseless Levi for a while longer, biting at my upper lip to distract myself from how my bladder was about to explode. I didn’t want to leave that warmth. I didn’t want to leave that bed because I knew he’d wake up if I moved too much.

I didn’t know what time it was. There was no sun. Even when I shifted my head slightly to look out the tiny window, all I saw was grey. It was raining, and my mood dropped three stores. I hated rainy mornings.

The cold air of the room made thinking about leaving the bed seem like a sin. But I had to. I really had to because I’d just pee all over myself, and the bed, and Levi—and oh my god, that would be certain death—so I just tried to roll the bed covers down a little, slowly, just enough so I could try to escape from underneath without awaking _sleeping flies_.

I managed to curl out from under the cover without a problem. But as I evaluated what I’d have to fly to land on the floor without touching Levi made me shiver. Or maybe the cold made me shiver, because I sneezed in the next second, louder than I wanted to, and watched in pure horror while Levi threw an arm over his eyes and groaned. He rolled over to his side and sighed.

“Too cold to sleep with t-shirts, Jäger.” He said groggily.

I almost, almost smiled but then I remembered why I was in a need to hurry. “I kinda need to pee. Sorry.” And well, he was sleeping in a t-shit as well, but I left that one slide.

Levi rubbed his eyes and groaned again before threw his arm over the bed and gawked. “Then what the hell are you doing, looming over like a freak.”

Ignoring his grouchy attitude, I jumped over him as gracefully as I could and rushed to the bathroom to relieve myself. I was back five minutes later, because peeing first thing in the morning is like watch a really boring movie while trying not to fall asleep but still diving in the bliss of it. The house was still deadly quiet, and I would have joked about it—Halloween related joke—if it wasn’t for Levi, who was watching me, eyes fixated on me with intensity, the moment I stepped into the room again.

My stomach growled. Levi rose an eyebrow from where he was laying down on my bed and I smiled sheepishly.

“I feel like having pancakes,” I admitted.

His face betrayed nothing, he looked stoic, somehow detached while he watched me get closer and sit down by my desk. I poked the edge of it and then start fondling with some of my pencils. What a collection I had, if I might add.

“McDonalds,” Levi muttered.

I didn’t look at him. I just nodded and bit my lower lip. There was something I wanted to test, and my heart was already leaping onto the bad expectations I had of this. I felt sick.

“Aren’t you hungry?” My voice trembled a little but I masked it with a yawn.

Levi rolled over to watch the bed above him and hummed, “Not really. Coffee or tea, whatever I get my hands on first.”

“So,” I braced myself, “you’re not coming with me...?” It wasn’t really a question, but somehow the question mark managed to slip through and pose after a breath.

He didn’t look at me, which was what I feared. And then he just said, “No.”

That _no_ meant more than just not tagging along. I knew it and he knew it, but we both stayed silent about it. And I really felt sick. It was, without a doubt, a one night stand. Shame it wasn’t even all the way, certainly, but that’s not what was bugging me. What was really bugging me was how butt hurt I felt. It was almost maddening.

I swallowed dry and drummed my nervousness away over the table. “Shame. I was going to say they have the best cappuccino in town. But I suppose that’s a no too.”

Levi laughed, softly, almost like a whisper, and I smiled small in return. My smile vanished when I saw him sit up, though. I watched him look over the bed and then get up in a hasty move. He stretched a little, tiptoeing half way to the door, and the stopped to look at me for a moment.

“If you get sick, I’ll say _I told you so_.” And with that he exited the room and closed the door behind him.

A thousand bricks fell over my shoulders while I mulled over everything. It took me longer than what I expected because when I woke up from my inner daze I could already hear voices coming from the kitchen.

I sniffled another sneeze in and crossed my arms. No matter how many times I told myself it wasn’t over, it still felt like a plane had landed over my heart, making a show out of pulverizing the shit out of it.

With a groan, I threw my head back and glared at the ceiling. “Fuck. My. Life.” I muttered monotone because my life wasn’t worth drama at the moment.

I groaned again, rubbed my hands over my face and jolted up. Food. I needed food. I had to fill my stomach with food and then I’d think about it.

“Hey, Eren,” Was the cheerful way Mikasa greeted me when I entered the kitchen while I clumsily tried to put on a scarf. “You’re up early.”

Annie was leaning over the balcony, holding a mug in one hand and passing another one to Levi. She looked at me and smirked evilly. “Where are you going?”

My eyes absent mindedly followed Levi for a while, but I caught myself in time to look at her again. “Out. Breakfast. I feel like having pancakes.”

Mikasa’s scrutinizing gaze went up and down and then snapped towards Levi before she invaded my personal space. “I’m tagging along.”

Annie had her free hand up in the air. “Can I go too?”

I shrugged. “Sure. The more the merrier. I texted Armin but he didn’t reply. He’s probably too busy coaching Jean or something.” I had to back thread and correct myself in time, “Coaching him to be a good guy without all that…” I gestured and made a face, “Flare.”

By the corner of my eyes, I noticed Levi hiding a smirk with his mug. My heart flip flopped and I sighed, ignoring the feeling. Mikasa snorted and looked at Annie, who was giggling to herself over my gesticulation.

“Hey, _blondie_ , let’s get dressed.”

Annie looked down on herself and then shrugged. “Bring me a jacket, I’ll go like this.”

I gawked. “ _What_? Like that?” I studied her black t-shirt and her pajama slacks. “You’re going to McDonalds like that.” I nodded.

She shrugged, “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

I snorted and waved the subject away. Again, noticing by the corner of my eyes that Levi was looking at me. I pretended not to see, pretended not to care because I didn’t want to deal with all this on an empty stomach.

Mikasa and Annie turned out to be good company. They were incredibly cheerful today, and even though I wanted to pry a little, I opted to focus on eating as much as I could. It had stopped raining for a while and that was nice. It made the day less gloomy.

“Have you noticed the days are getting smaller?” Mikasa asked after we exited McDonalds. “It’s really shitty.”

Annie threw her hands in her jacket’s pocket and huffed. “Not really, I actually prefer it that way. Winter has a certain magic to it.”

Mikasa snorted. “Magic is something I don’t want hear _you_ talking about.” She jumped over a poodle. “By the way, when are you making that tattoo?”

I looked at them. “Tattoo? You’re making a tattoo?”

Annie hauled one of her hands out and raised it, making the jacket’s sleeve slide down a little. “On my wrist, yeah.”

“Wow, cool. What is it?”

She shrugged. “The infinity symbol. I always liked it. Anyway, that’s next month. Late birthday present from my parents, I guess.”

A tattoo, huh? That took me back to my high school years when I kept telling my parents I wanted to make a tattoo once I turned 18. It never happened and I think they were happy I’d forgotten about it. But a tattoo… that was so cool.

“I kinda want to make one too,” I admitted with a pout.

Annie walked slower to match my pace and elbowed me. “Why don’t we go together, then? It’s going to be boring if I go on my own, since it takes a while…”

I smiled sheepishly. “Ahm, I don’t have anything in particular I want to do, though. Plus, isn’t that expensive?”

Mikasa turned around and started walking backwards while facing us. “I think that depends on the width and shit, right?”

_Width and shit._

Annie shrugged. “Yeah, and the size too. Come, really. If you don’t know what to get just ask Levi to draw you something. The guy is pretty good.” She nodded towards Mikasa.

I watched while Mikasa folded the ends of her leggings to show a bird flock tattooed on her ankle. I hadn’t noticed that one before.

“Did Levi do that?” I asked.

Both of them nodded but only Mikasa replied. “Farlan also has a big one over his side. You should ask him about it next time you guys meet.”

Would Levi even do that for me if I asked? Well, it’s not like we agreed we’d never talk to each other again. We lived under the same roof, so that would be complicated. And well, a tattoo… that was an idea for a subject.

_Since when do I need ideas for starting conversations?!_

I rolled my eyes. I was so done.

We went back to the dorms after a fast trip to the supermarket. The second and third floor were cleaning the garbage left from the Halloween parties. Mikasa said hello to a couple of people, and Annie just passed by without a word. I didn't know anyone so I followed suit, but when I heard my name I knew I had to turn.

It was the dark haired girl from the party, the one who had recognized me out of the blue.

“Good morning,” she said when I stopped to look at her.

My eyes hovered for a second and then I looked at both Mikasa and Annie who stopped to wait for me. They just shrugged so I looked at the girl again. “Good morning", I said.

She studied me for a moment, leaned her weight over the broom she was holding and then smiled small, the corners of her eyes crinkling a little. “You don’t remember me, do you?” She watched me shake my head. “Remember when you came over to give Thomas a pen?”

My eyes widened in surprise. “Oh! Oh… wait… I didn’t catch your name, though.”

She laughed. “That’s because I didn’t say my name. I’m Hannah.”

“I’m… Eren, but you already know that.”

Her smile grew wider. “Yeah, I know.”

I blinked and proceeded to awkwardly gesture at Mikasa and Annie. “Well, ok… ahm, good luck with the cleaning. I kinda have to go…?”

“Sure. Have a good weekend.”

I waved slightly, “You too.”

When I rushed over to the next bunch of stairs both Mikasa and Annie caught me between them. I had to roll my eyes and ignore their devilish faces.

“I think she likes you,” Annie said.

I gaped. “Why? We never talked before.”

Mikasa sent a disapproving look flying my way. “That didn’t stop you and Levi.”

True. And there’s a lot to do about that.

“But well, it doesn’t matter.” I said as I detached myself away from them when we reached our floor. “I’m not interested.” And that killed the subject. The two of them just looked between them and shrugged.

I checked my phone when I got into my room to empty my pockets and take off my jacket. Armin hadn’t replied yet, but it was still 11 am. I had some homework to do, a lot of study to make but I knew I wasn’t going to do any of those.

Annie passed by a few moments later to ask me if I had a snapchat account. Obviously, I didn’t, so she bugged me and threatened to braid my hair. Mikasa joined her and both of them indulged me in the science of taking a selfie. I wasn’t much of a selfie person, but I guessed I could get used to it.

“You need to add Jean,” Annie joked. “He takes the best snaps ever.”

Mikasa nodded in agreement. “Levi’s are mostly all to threaten us but he rarely sends anything. I guess he just replies, sometimes.” A pause while she looked into her phone. “Yeah, Jean is still scoring really high. Even now.” She laughed.

“Scores?” I took a peek. “You score points here? Oh, god.”

Annie looked over Mikasa’s phone and scoffed. “I need to beat that asshole.” She looked at me. “I’m guessing you don’t have instagram either.”

I leaned back on my desk, folded my arms over my chest and smiled proudly. “Oh, that I do. I just never used it, though.”

Marco was by the door when I looked over, holding a bowl of cereal and munching while he watched us without really taking part on the conversation. I gestured for him to get closer, and he did.

“I need another guy over here or I’ll just mega transform into a girl if I keep hanging out with these two,” I said when he leaned over the desk next to me.

Annie smirked. “That wouldn’t be so bad. I’d have someone other than Mikasa to hit on.”

My eyebrows shot up and I snorted. “Oh, I see. Sorry for not suiting your likes.”

Mikasa wiggled her hips playfully and mumbled, “Not everyone can be as gorgeous as me.” She was looking at her phone when she smiled. “Ok,” her face went stoic all of a sudden. “Let’s take a selfie and post it on Eren’s instagram. Your debut.”

“What?” I snapped. “No way, I probably look homeless right now!”

Marco made a face. “I’m stuffing myself with cereal… Really?”

Mikasa glared at him and mouthed _traitor_. Then she just joined us at the desk by my side while Annie and she proceeded to make a sandwich out of us. She rose her hand, her phone displaying our dissatisfied faces, and she took a picture without a warning.

While Marco looked ok, just mildly confused and uncomfortable holding that bowl, I was frowning all the way to hell while glaring at Mikasa, who was smiling slightly. Annie was just making the peace sign, looking as stoic as ever. It was a strange photo, but in a way it was realistic and it made sense.

“What the hell, you could’ve warned me…” I grunted.

“Those are the best,” Annie admitted with a nod. “Because you manage to capture the moment.”

I gestured emphatically at thin air. “Wow, Annie made a philosophical comment. Excuse me while I die.”

She elbowed me. “Shut up, brat.”

“Hey,” we heard from the hallway. Levi was leaning into my room, holding a phone in his hand and looking a little uncomfortable. “Farlan wants to talk to you,” he told Mikasa.

When she stepped over to answer the call, Levi watched her walk into the corridor and then sighed and scratched the back of his head. I noticed he was going to take his nails to his mouth again but he stopped halfway and just rubbed his hand over his arm.

My mouth worked faster than my brain. “Levi, give me your snapchat username.” I waved my phone in my hand to make a point.

Levi was already walking into the hallway when he stopped to glance at me. I guess he was a little too unprepared because he just opened his mouth and then closed it again. He looked confused, but the cold mask was quick to return.

“Why?” He asked.

I shrugged. “Because I want to spam you with my beautiful face,” I pointed at my face while I rolled my eyes. “Why the fuck do you think?”

He blinked once, twice and then sighed. “Levi Ackerman altogether with 2 Is.”

“Thaaaank youuuu.”

Levi looked away uncomfortably and then walked away. I ignored Annie’s scrutinizing look and followed after him. He probably noticed this, though, because he stopped right before he entered his room and glared at me.

“What.”

I leaned on the wall and looked over him. “The pancakes tasted good.”

“Good for you,” he replied icily.

So, that didn’t work. I tried again. “Hey, can you draw me something for a tattoo?”

Levi was going to say something, probably curse at me, but he stopped himself abruptly and scrunched his nose before he just frowned. “What?”

I tried to look as stoic as I could manage. “Annie is going to make a tattoo. I always wanted one—before, not now—whatever. Anyway, she asked me to tag along… sooooooo…” I shrugged, trying to make little of it, “They showed me what you did, Mikasa, I mean. And I already know how good you are so I thought you could make me something.”

Levi’s eyes studied my face for a moment. “Where would you want it?” He asked casually.

Innocently—not really—I lifted the hem of my sweater and pointed somewhere over my hip. “Here, around here.”

I watched in amusement while Levi lifted just one eyebrow and looked between my eyes and the exposed skin and then tried _hard_ to train his eyes on mine again. He turned to so abruptly to watch the door that I took the chance to smile when he wasn’t looking.

“Sure, we can talk about it later.” His voice wasn’t even near as demanding as before. He was talking soft again. But before I could say something about it, he got into his room and closed the door behind him.

I sighed against the wall and groaned quietly. _It’s not enough_ , I thought for the millionth time.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi and the waitress. That's it, that's the chapter!  
> -runs away-

Jean and I skipped classes on Monday morning. After spending my whole Sunday stuck inside my room, studying and working on all that piled up homework, it almost felt refreshing to do something _against the rules_.

3rd November was Armin’s birthday, and Jean and I had agreed we’d go out that morning to get the guy present. I already had in mind, more or less, what I was going to buy him. Jean, on the other hand, was struggling with so many plans and ideas it was starting to get annoying.

When we left the media store, I was carrying a bag with the special edition DVDs of Agatha Christie mysteries inside. I was pretty much finished with the whole thing, but Jean was still empty handed.

“Why don’t you get him something meaningful?” I asked.

Jean glared at me. He’d forced me to stop in the middle of the big hall so we could talk about it, he was so clueless I was afraid we were going to take forever. “What do you mean? You’ve been saying that for a while but I don’t know what you mean!”

I rolled my eyes and face palmed. “Like, you know how he is, cheesy and romantic and all that shit you’re not so—”

Jean pointed a finger at me. “I can be hella romantic!”

“Yeah, yeah. My point is... why don’t you offer him something intimate? Like,” I shrugged while I looked around, “I don’t know, something that proves that you’re actually giving this relationship of yours a serious thought.”

“Wow, Eren. Wow. I’m not marrying the guy.”

“Ugh, I know!” I shook my head, “That’s not what I meant, damn it. But aren’t you two dating?” I glared at him. Mostly because it was a subject Armin and I had yet to discuss, but what was obvious was obvious. I still hoped Armin’s taste in guys improved a little, nevertheless. “Give him something that proves you care. Do that and I’m sure you’ll be doing a better figure than I will.”

Jean shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away in embarrassment, which was the last reaction I wanted to see from him. “Heh, you totally underestimate how much Armin feels for you.”

“Jean,” I was misfiring at him now, “who the fuck went to bed with Armin? Not me, ok? So suck it up and take responsibility, you fucktard!”

He looked around when my tone raised above normal levels and then glared at me. “Ok! Ok. So what do I get him? Matching straps for our phones and all those gay things girls do?”

I threw my arms up in surrender, making the bag in my hand almost hit Jean in the face. “Like I give a shit about that! If you feel like that’s going to make his birthday then why not? He’s not going to care if that’s what girls give girls, stop stereotyping!”

“That’s still gay.”

And well, I would’ve punched him in the face. I would have. But he got two matching bracelets for them, which made me both happy and angry because he took my advice and was going to steal my thunder.

Sometimes, I wondered if Jean forgot he was dating a guy, which made him gay (ok, ok, bisexual) and worth every little insult he threw at the gay community. Though I was no better at some point, but old habits die hard.

We met up with Armin that afternoon. He loved the present I got him, I knew he really wanted those. And of course he melted all over Jean when he saw that his freaky boyfriend was wearing a matching bracelet to his own.

I was really glad Mikasa had decided to tag along, because at some point both of us were forgotten and Armin wasted little to no time coaxing Jean away. We were still invited for the little dinner party happening back at Armin’s and we were glad to add up to the small group.

And well, while Mikasa and Ymir got to know each other better—mostly talking about Annie—I was glad to have Christa’s attention while she tried to teach me some Korean song dance moves. I had no idea why I always got dragged into this sort of situation but it was fun anyway.

On my behalf, I was really glad for a distraction. Whenever I wasn’t busy with something, my mind would always float away to visit memories I didn’t want to play in my head, not so soon. Because 1) Levi was clearly avoiding me, even when I tried my best to get his attention and that was a little disheartening, not to say painful. 2) I was yet to decide where I wanted to place my feelings for him. Everything was nothing and nothing was everything and it was confusing.

I knew I’d have to talk about it when Armin caught me alone that day, though. And I did, as equivalent exchange for what he had to tell me.

Turns out he and Jean were officially dating, it didn’t take a brain to figure that one out. He also told me they had not gone all the way, and he made of point of telling me what they _had_ done, which just made me flail and call him out on how graphic he was being. When my turn to share how I felt arrived, however, I guess I didn’t do so well in explaining. Maybe that alone said how much I knew about it myself.

“You know, it’s you we’re talking about so I’ll just go and say,” Armin crossed his arms and looked at me, he’d dragged me all the way to his room when the conversation started getting more personal, “aren’t you getting a little too addicted to Levi?”

My eyes screwed at that. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “Well, I mean… You say you like to watch him, and you say it’s not enough. You say you want to and like to touch him, and you say it’s not enough. Even when he touched you, you feel like it’s not enough. So either that is a strong flame or you’re getting addicted to a person.” He laughed, “Talk about strange vices…”

I looked down at my feet. “Maybe. Sometimes I do feel like I want to be around, like, all the time. Damn,” I rubbed my hands over my face, “I sound like a distressed maiden in love!”

Armin laughed. “Yeah, you do. But that’s ok… I mean, it’s my first time seeing you like this so I’m having my share of fun.”

“Armin, you’re a horrible person.”

He shrugged with only one shoulder. “I know, I know. You love me anyway, so we’re cool.” He paused to look out the window and then glanced at me. “But you say he’s avoiding you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Clearly, with all his might. I tried talking to him for about four, five times? He always ditches me for something else or he starts bossing me around. It’s even worse than before this whole thing. It’s like we were better off when we were just staring at each other, to be honest.”

“But you said you knew it was a one off, right?”

I shrugged. “Yeah. I guess… I guess I hoped it could become a little more than that. Pft, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it to be a little more than that. I do… but maybe I should stop being so obvious about it. Or maybe I should just forget it.”

Armin looked around the room, smiling small. “Well, I’ll tell you this, you’re good at getting away with this stuff. But I’m not seeing it work so swiftly now as it did all those other times.” He gestured at me. “You’re too into this, if you ask me.”

Right. No news there. Somehow, I still felt like vomiting all over the floor whenever I thought about Saturday’s morning. Being hopeful really made things a little too shitty.

“Why don’t you ask him how he feels?” Armin threw in out of the blue. “There’s nothing to lose is there? Besides, I doubt anyone would give themselves all that trouble of seducing you just… you know, to do what you did and then put himself miles away. It just smells fishy.”

“I’ve thought about that myself… but I don’t want to dwell there. It won’t take me anywhere.”

Armin sighed. “Well, you said he told you he likes you. I guess he wasn’t lying, right? So you’ll just have to wait. Just keep doing what you do, being yourself, and I’m sure you’ll eventually get somewhere.”

And that was actually the best advice someone could have given me. Sometimes, in this whole mess, it was easy to forget little things like those. Yeah, it wasn’t a full out admission, but Levi had given enough emphasis to his words. So maybe I wasn’t so far off alone in this situation. Albeit I was still curious, if not to ease or just increase my pain, about why he’d denied my implied request of keeping it going.

It all rushed to the back of my head again when Tuesday arrived. I guess I always managed to skip classes in important days, which wasn’t surprising anymore. Sasha had Monday covered for me, and I couldn’t thank her enough for it. I had more legends to study in two days (because of the upcoming test) than I’d had so far through half the semester.

I got extremely pissed off Wednesday night while studying a myth in particular. The story of Orpheus and Eurydice had me face palming to the moon because of how exasperated it made me feel.

Basically, it was a tragedy about a young couple so in love they were almost, if not really inseparable. So dependent was their love that each felt they could not live without the other. And one day, when Eurydice was running through a meadow with Orpheus, she was bitten by a serpent. The poison killed her and she went to underworld—Greek people didn’t believe in sins like they’re understood nowadays so there wasn’t exactly a hell or a heaven. And well, Orpheus was so desperate that he went to get her back on the condition that he could only turn back to look at her once they were back from the underworld. But the son of a… couldn’t wait long enough. He didn’t wait for her to be out, and when he looked at her to help her climb out of that shithole, she vanished. In that very moment, she was snatched back because he did not trust that she was there.

_The irony of the world._

It was so annoying that it had me cursing out loud for at least a good 30 minutes. At some point, Jean actually told me to shut the fuck up, and appeared later with a cup of iced tea to help me sooth the nerves, or so he said.

I guess I was going to stay mad at Orpheus for eternity, but whatever.

Being humanities had twisted my brain back in high school. I wondered if my parents would be proud of me, knowing I was cursing out loud at mythological beings.

Friday, the test. A preparation for the exams coming in January. Of course, Orpheus made the front page and I made a show of showing my anger towards that story in the opinion based section. If my teachers could give me hell, I was going to pay them back in the same coin. I wasn’t in humanities for all I cared, I could write a good bunch of bullshit and make it sound like a letter from Queen Elizabeth II.

I was so worked up for the rest of the day that I only remembered I had to pack my bags when Mikasa knocked at my door, saying we were leaving in 30 minutes.

Jean rose from his bed to look at her. “Where are you going?” He’d been reading some book the whole afternoon and had been awfully quiet too. Probably Armin’s doing.

Mikasa bit down at her lip. “We’re going home for the weekend. Eren… why haven’t you packed yet?”

I closed my computer very slowly for effect and then looked at her. “I forgot…”

“What? What do you mean you forgot?”

I was so baffled with myself that it took me a while to realize what I was even trying to say. “I mean I forgot we were going home today.” I rose to my feet almost in a jump. “I’ll pack up really fast, don’t worry.”

Home. _Home_. We were going home.

“Do you need help?” She asked, concern slipping to her tone. “You’ve been a little off lately… Are you ok?”

I waved the subject away. “Yeah, yeah. I’m ok. And yes, I kinda need help. Can you pack my computer? I just need a few clothes for the weekend and my toothbrush and I’m done.”

Jean snorted. “Don’t you have clothes back at home, man?”

I paid him little attention. “I do, but not winter clothes.”

There wasn’t much to pack, to be honest. I was done in less than ten minutes. Sure, some of the shirts would be wrinkled by the time I got home but I didn’t have it in me to care.

With Mikasa always watching my back as if she feared I would suddenly collapse on the floor, I dragged my two bags to the front door and placed them near her already neatly packed one. I was trying to keep my eyes trained on the floor, trying not to pay attention to Reiner, Bert and Levi who were standing in the middle of the hall like freaking statues.

Deep down in my gut I knew what I was hoping for, and when Levi called my name and my heart did that painful and annoying thing again I almost wanted to run through the corridor, smash myself against the balcony’s window and commit suicide.

I seriously considered it because I was stormed up by a bunch of bottled emotions.

My eyes snapped almost instantly towards Levi, but I made a point of not turning my face right away. I had to stop being so obvious.

His eyes were not on me. Levi was looking at his hand. To be exact, he was looking at a tiny plastic bag he had in his hand and that he was currently extending to me. “Christmas shitty Santa thing…” He muttered.

“You mean Secret Santa,” I was glad my voice was still there.

Both Reiner and Bert had a tiny scrap of paper in their hands so I made for the bag and took out a piece for myself. Couldn’t contain the smile that beamed out of me when I unrolled it and saw Mikasa’s name written on it. She was probably the only person in the house I would have no trouble with. I was sure that she would love whatever I got her, and I was certain I wouldn’t feel one bit nervous about her reaction.

My eyes rolled up and I searched Levi’s stoic face. “Have you picked?”

He looked at the floor and then out the hall, “Yeah. I have.” And he strolled away.

I didn’t let it bother me. I was happy about one thing today and I was going to hold onto it until I couldn’t anymore. Actually, I made a point of telling Armin when I met up with him by the gate a few minutes later. Mikasa was picking up Farlan’s car and Armin and I were waiting for her with all the bags. Levi was there too but he had his ears occupied with his earphones and was blasting some strong Metallica. I made a mental note of how he’d said “It calms me down” when Armin asked him if he liked that kind of music. Armin was probably trying to make small talk—which never worked—but the wonder was what Levi was stressed about. He looked pretty calm to me.

“So what are you going to get for her?” Armin stretched a little and then elbowed me, “Do you wanna hit Shiganshina’s mall tomorrow? I can help you out.”

I grinned, “Yeah, thanks! That’d be great. I thought I’d get her a muffler or something. It was like, instant thought. It’s something I really like and I think it’d fit her. Never seen her wearing one, but she’s got the cute Asian-like look to her face, know what I mean?”

“Oh,” Armin chuckled, “you’ve got a point there. Yeah, definitely cute.” He smirked, “Damn. You’re making me jealous. I kinda wanna go Christmas shopping now.”

I laughed, “Suggest that to my mother and she’ll drag you with her. Meanwhile, I get to sleep a few more hours that day.”

“Oh, no. _God_ , no. I don’t mean your mother, she’s like Hitler when it’s about shopping.”

“You don’t need to tell me, I know.”

“Who did Mikasa get? Did she tell you?”

“Ah, no. She didn’t.”

A grey Ford Focus came crunching through the gravel road and rolled to a stop in front of us. Mikasa lowered the four windows and leaned to look at us from inside the car. She had her hair tied up and sunglasses on, despite having no sun to protect her eyes from.

“Load it up, guys.”

Armin, Levi and I managed to mount all our bags in the middle of the backseats. I sat behind Mikasa and Armin sat behind Levi.

It took us a few long minutes of driving through the city to manage to hit the national road. Mikasa had a really bad temper when on the wheel. She had no patience for city traffic, but she admitted she was at fault most of the time. It was already dark by the time we had Trost behind us, and Mikasa flipped off her sunglasses and tossed them over Levi’s lap. Armin was awkwardly quiet, typing something on his phone, when Mikasa turned on the radio. _Black Widow_ was on and she sang along, low tone, for a moment.

It was, again, unconsciously that my eyes darted towards Levi at some point. I could only catch half of his frame. He was resting his head over his hand, elbow on the window. He looked tired and I wondered what he’d been up to the whole week. We hadn’t talked much. Even when I tried to search him up so we could talk about my _so_ called _to be_ tattoo he’d managed to ditch me.

I pouted. There I was again, drifting off and thinking about what I should be avoiding.

When some song I didn’t recognize kicked in, Levi groaned a little and threw his head back. Then, he rolled slightly and looked over to Mikasa.

“Is dad home?” He asked.

I tensed up and my senses flared. I was curious. Levi never really talked about his family. Like, _never_ , nu-uh. I’d never even heard him talk much about himself either and that alone already said a lot. I knew that if I wanted answers I’d have to ask—even if lately even that one was impossible—but hearing about it like this had me feeling a little zealous.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

Mikasa shrugged a little. “I don’t know. I hope not. I didn’t come over this weekend to listen to you two argue over every little thing.”

Levi glared at her but didn’t answer. He turned around to look out the window.

Armin and I exchanged a look. He shrugged and I frowned.

“By the way,” Mikasa looked at me over the rear mirror, “tell me when you guys are hungry, ok? It’s still a bit early but we won’t be there until after dinner time, and I will need to stretch my legs so when you’re hungry you tell me and I’ll stop somewhere.”

When I smiled, she smiled back. Armin just nodded faintly while he typed something more over his phone. I wondered if he was texting Jean but he answered my question by making a comment about it.

“Ugh,” his voice of aversion had Mikasa looking up to the rear mirror again, “Jean and Marco are going out to have sushi tonight. I’m jealous.”

I rushed to look at Mikasa’s face. She seemed stoic for a moment, but then her lips curled slightly and her eyes narrowed.

“Jealous of the food? Or jealous of Marco?”

Armin shone in all colors of red and then looked out the window. “The… Jean. Jealous of Jean. I mean, he knows I like sushi so…” For a moment I thought he was going to say he was jealous of the food.

I snorted. “I’d say you’re jealous of both the food and Marco.”

Armin glared at me. “Eren!”

Mikasa snickered a little to herself. “Oh, I could tell you a little about the food.”

I laughed out loud and Armin just hid his face between his hands with an “Oh my god” slipping out. Levi was too busy looking at his sister with disgust.

She shrugged. “I’ll just ask though… Is he your first boyfriend?” She seriously had guts, jumping straight to that conclusion. Even if a blind man could tell.

Armin nodded faintly. I guessed what her second question was.

“Have you… you know, done it?” Stony voice and stony expression. Ten points to Mikasa for managing to keep the conversation going with such fiber.

Armin shivered a little and then peered from between his fingers. “No.”

Mikasa nodded slightly. “Ok, I see. So you’re gay?”

 “Whatever comes is welcome,” Armin said with little importance. My eyeballs almost popped out of my head because that side of Armin was sort of scary whenever it decided to pop out.

A sigh. “I keep saying, there’s something going on about the way they pick the people for the dorms. More than half are either gay or pansexuals with obvious inclinations to the same sex. It’s hard. But again, I have other things to worry about.”

“You’re straight?”

Thank god someone finally asked! I’d been debating myself over that one thanks to Annie and her flirtatious behavior with Mikasa.

“Last time I checked, I was.”

A strange silence fell over us. I crossed my arms and nibbled at my lower lip while I tried to suppress a creepy smile. Armin was still blushing and was furiously typing on his phone again. I guessed he’d be venting to Jean or something.

We were quiet for the next hour. I was taking in the little of the view I could see in the dark, counting the cars we’d pass by at the same time I hummed a few songs to myself. Mikasa was the one to break the quietness with a comment about the weather, which followed with a few about classes coming from Armin.

It was all good until _Superheroes_ started playing and Mikasa raised the volume because she loved that song. My eyes darted towards Levi and he tilted his head slightly to side glance at me. I was the first to look away, though, glaring out the window, angry because I’d slipped again.

It was around 7pm when Armin said he was hungry. Mikasa rolled to a stop once we reached a burger diner. It was a pretty small place. We could eye the kitchen from the table we’d picked.

Armin quickly snatched the menu once he sat down and I quietly peeked over his arm to check. Levi was sinking down in his seat, he seemed to be sulking while glaring all the way as he hastily read through the paper.

“Can we order a fries special?” Armin asked when he tossed me the menu. “I’m starving and it’s been a while since I’ve had fries.”

Mikasa shrugged. “Sure, bring it on. I already know what I want.”

“Same,” I announced.

Levi dropped the menu over the table and glared. I noticed, because he was glaring, that I had actually sat down right in front of him. Which only meant that glare was directed towards me. Which meant I’d have to endure it.

So I did.

But he looked away and poked Mikasa’s arm. “I’ll have what you’re having.”

She called for the waitress that had been glooming over the counter. Levi turned apprehensive all of a sudden and perked up considerably in the exact moment she reached our table. My eyes kept going between the blonde woman and his face. It wasn’t hard to tell he didn’t like what he was seeing.

“What are you having?” The waitress asked as she disgustingly munched some gum. Her name tag was turned so I couldn’t read it.

Levi’s eyebrow twitched slightly but he didn’t say anything, letting his gaze linger over her while Mikasa and Armin enthusiastically asked for the food. The woman left after I’d told her what I wanted, but Levi still followed her with his eyes, even after she got behind the counter.

There were only a few more costumers a few tables ahead so the restaurant was rather quiet. I was concentrating on the sound of the ventilation while I watched the woman cut down some lettuce with too much vigor when Levi shifted again.

“Is she killing that cabbage?” He asked in an accusatory tone.

Mikasa looked at the woman for a moment and then at her hands. “It’s a lettuce.”

“Whatever. It’s green.”

I snorted but didn’t comment. Armin was smiling.

“If she was cutting grass,” Mikasa glanced at her brother, “would you call it cabbage too?”

“First of all, I don’t recall ever eating grass before. Second, it’s hard to tell the difference when you don’t give a flying fuck about what she’s cutting. I’m just noting she’s aggressive.”

Mikasa laughed softly, “Don’t pick on her. She might aggressively cut you next.”

Levi huffed, “She can try.”

Some other waitress brought our drinks. When I shifted slightly to pull mine closer, my foot somehow managed to fall between Levi’s feet. I flinched for a split second. I guess I expected him to kick me or say something about it but he didn’t, so I quickly pretended it was nothing.

“Ah, it’s been a while since I’ve had orange juice,” Armin said with a content sigh.

I sipped at my coke and then looked at him. “I don’t even know how you can drink that at night. I get stomach sick whenever I drink orange juice during meals.”

Mikasa leaned over the table, “For real?”

“Yeah. Which sucks, cuz I really like orange juice.”

“Eh… I remember that I used to drink _gallons_ of orange juice when I was a kid. It was so refreshing, especially during summer. Oh, and also when I decided I wanted to go through with that crazy detox diet, remember?” She elbowed Levi right when he was taking his glass to his mouth so he glared at her. “Sorry,” She apologized.

“A lot of dieting is wishful shrinking,” He said. “Yours wasn’t any different.”

I sighed. “Why would you want to go on a diet?”

Mikasa snorted and rolled her eyes, “I guess I got in my head I didn’t like my waist. Also, I thought it would be a good idea to cleanse my body or something. Don’t ask, I don’t know what I had in mind.”

Levi took a sip of his water and then looked out the window next to him. “A waist is a terrible thing to mind.”

I sighed, _again_ , “Well, I think a detox diet once in a while isn’t such a bad idea.”

Armin laughed softly, “It isn’t, really, but you go do it.”

“No, thanks.” I leaned back in my seat and breathed deeply.

Mikasa imitated my pose and tilted her head while she regarded me. “You can measure a man's love by his overall sighs.” Levi choked on his water and then gave her a dissecting look but she went on, “You’ve been doing that a lot.”

I rolled my left shoulder, “Doing what?”

She took a deep breath and then smiled. “Three times in the past ten minutes.”

“Ah, I’m just tired.”

And I was, really.

Armin ate like a cow when our food came. He and Mikasa were talking about high school through half the course of the meal. Levi was listening and I was trying to enter their conversation, although my lack of things to share was making it nearly impossible. But then the topic abruptly changed to boyfriends and girlfriends and since Armin had little to offer Mikasa rotated to me.

“I guess you were popular, right?”

I blinked at her. “Well, not really… I mean, I don’t know. I dated a few girls but they were quickly turned off too so I don’t know. The guy I tried to date also pulled an out on me so…” I poked at my food and frowned. “I guess I’m not that likable.”

Mikasa wide eyed me. “You know I don’t think that’s true.” She shrugged, “If you weren’t so hung over my brother I’d make a move on you.” She paused when Levi choked on his drink (again), but she only considered herself for a moment and then added, “ _Probably_ …”

She was doing it on purpose. She’d been appallingly quiet since Saturday, but now she was doing her thing again. I opted to ignore it as if it was nothing.

“But,” she looked at Armin and then at me, “now there’s that girl… what was her name—ah, Hannah, right?”

I rolled my eyes and leaned back. “Huh, yeah. I guess.”

Armin sent an abysmal stare flying my way while he avidly munched his food. He seemed offended because it was his first time hearing about it. I was not to blame, I really didn’t think it was of any importance.

I shrugged. “Not a big deal. It’s just some girl from my block.” My inner self almost jumped when I saw Levi raise an eyebrow at me.

“She’s cute,” Mikasa nodded and then bit down at her burger. She ate tiny bits at a time so she was quick to swallow and add, “Looks like a high school girl, though.”

“Aw, don’t judge,” I grinned, “She’s a nice person, I guess. She’s polite, at least.”

“Oh? So you’re interested after all?”

“What? No. She’s not even my type.”

Mikasa smiled smugly. “What’s your type then?”

“Well, I—”

Armin coughed, “Eren likes aggressive personalities.”

“Oh? That’s rough,” Mikasa mocked. “So… Jean?”

Levi dropped his burger to his plate though no one but me seemed to notice. I made a face and shivered just to show my discontent. Armin was wearing a weird expression, as if my reply was a test and I’d fail no matter what I’d say, so I said nothing.

The topic died quickly again because Mikasa was already pulling at something else to talk about and Armin was quick to join. Despite everything, I could tell those two were a good match. I wondered if they’d end up good friends.

We all paid for our own share. And again, Levi seemed to perk up when standing in front of the bizarre waitress. He even made a show of answering bitterly and glaring through the whole social interaction with her.

Two weeks ago, I would have elbowed his arm just to mess with him. Now I only looked down at the ground while the four of us walked to the car. It was good to catch some air, though. As it turns out, the crisp November breeze did help my head clear a bit, though I could tell from the strange line of thoughts making their way through that some of my wits were still strewn, and I needed to put to stop to that as soon as possible.

Mikasa stopped walking so abruptly I almost bumped onto her. She was looking at the convenience store on the other side of the road.

“Ok,” She said, “I’ll go get something sweet. I’ll be right back.” She threw the car keys at Levi who caught them midair and then started walking towards the store.

Armin seemed a bit lost in his thoughts, but then his face lit up with realization and he looked at me with wide eyes. He quickly ran after Mikasa with a loud “Wait for me!” And I was totally ok with that until I realized I was alone with Levi.

Armin had _totally_ done that on purpose…

Said Levi and I walked in silence to the car. He made it to the front while I made it to the back. My thoughts were spiraling everywhere. So much for being able to hold it down. And then my mouth did that thing again. That thing when it starts moving before I take conscience of it.

“Was it that bad?” I was looking at my hands, internally beating myself up because I just couldn’t keep it in, couldn’t keep my mouth shut. And when Levi only turned slightly but didn’t reply, I rephrased the question, “You didn’t like it, right? That night… is that why you’re avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you,” he said quietly.

I frowned. “You are. I might be stupid but I am not dumb. So I’m assuming you didn’t like it. That or when you said you liked me was only so you could get somewhere.”

At that, Levi turned his head. His expression was a bit frightening, but I endured the cold, glassy shine of his eyes. “What the fuck did you say?”

“I said—”

“No, no. What did you just imply?” His tone was demanding, icy and dry. Even though we were both sitting I had the sudden impression Levi was getting taller by the second. Anger made him grow. “I hope you didn’t imply what I think you did because I’ll shoot you dead _right now_ for even considering it.”

I got angry. I got angry because he was angry. I flared, lurching forward like a menace so I could look him properly in the eyes. “So what? So what if I implied whatever you think I implied? I don’t understand!” I gestured at him, “I just want to know why and you’re not giving me any satisfactions. I deserve to know—”

“You don’t deserve squat, Eren.”

I looked at him while he glared with more intensity than usual and then I threw myself back over my seat again with a groan while dramatically rubbing my hands over my face. “ _Right_ , right. You know what? I don’t even know why I like you in the first place.”

Levi’s intensity subsided considerably but he was still looking at me with cold, hard eyes. “Fucking mystery.”

“You bet it is. And the worst part is that the more I think about forgetting it, the more it haunts me. This is really shitty. You shouldn’t have the right to mess with my head.”

There was very little to go on, Levi was really good at showing no emotion at all or all emotions at once, but his mask faltered for a brief second. I couldn’t tell what kind of feeling it was but I knew it was there. “What the hell do you want from me, Eren?”

Oh, what a nice and tricky question that was. I wanted a lot of things, to be honest. Most of it, was a paradox because I both wanted him miles away from me and I wanted him so close he wouldn’t even have space to breathe.

“I don’t know exactly,” I said. “I want a lot... Most of all, I want to enjoy doing mundane things with you, but then I also want to be around all the time and even so it’s not eno—”

“You are around all the time.”

I frowned. “That’s not what I mean. You don’t understand, it’s—”

“Eren,” the way Levi said my name made me grimace, “I understand.” His voice dropped to the soft tone I already knew so well. “I do, and that’s not the problem.”

I looked at him, “Then what’s the problem?”

Levi glanced out the driver’s window. When I followed his gaze I saw that both Armin and Mikasa had just exited the store. They were walking slowly while they talked about something, probably what Mikasa was shaking in her hands.

“I’m not…” Levi said in a murmur. He frowned and looked at me, “I’m not…”

My heart was speeding up. “You’re not— _what_.”

I deserved more than that. The conclusion dawned on me like a rock hitting the bottom of the lake. It didn’t matter anymore, whatever intentions I’d came closer with. What mattered was how I felt right now. And it was pretty obvious that he felt something too. He’d said so himself before, even. I knew that we weren’t exactly riding the same tracks at the same speed, we’d never been from the very beginning… but it wasn’t too late yet. We could still try, and yet…

Levi opened his mouth again but closed it. Whatever he wanted to say was not coming out. And when he finally seemed to have a breakthrough, the doors cracked open and Mikasa and Armin were getting inside. Levi turned to the front again with a small “ _tsh_ ” that earned him a scan from his sister.

Armin threw a pack of jelly beans at me and grinned. “To sooth the heart.”

Despite the glare, I was internally thanking him. And again, I couldn’t help but notice Levi ended up choking on the jelly bean Mikasa had given him when the car jumped at a lump when exiting the parking lot.

“What the hell is wrong with you today?” Mikasa asked while she patted his back and he seemed to struggle for composure.

I wondered to myself if I’d be able to clear my mind a little by spending some time at home with my family. I hoped so. I hoped the familiar environment would help because I needed a clear head to be able to deal with all this bullshit. And honestly, I could start by giving that idiot the same treatment he’d been giving me all week.

We arrived in the prefecture one hour later. I was happy to notice the streets were already packed with Christmas lights. Even if they weren’t on yet, it was nice to know the early decorating were still a thing. Nothing had changed, really, and that made me a little happy, if not relieved.

While Armin tried to give some half assed indications to our street and Mikasa laughed over how much he sucked, I was eagerly looking out the window. But even if I was enjoying the little circuit around town I really wanted to get home, so I decided to help them out a little.

When Mikasa finally came to a stop in front of my house she was laughing too much over how picky I was being with Armin.

“Seriously, you suck at this,” I told him. “Now I understand why you said you didn’t want to get your driver’s license so soon. You suck!”

Armin punched my arm playfully, “Ok, Eren. Ok. I think you’ve made your point.”

I shook my head and exited the car. My legs felt a little weak but I still managed to take out my bags and close the door without making a complete idiot out of myself. I was so ready to get in inside I _only_ spared Mikasa a little “Text me on Sunday” and made my way to the door. The lights were on. I had no idea what time it was but it was probably a little past dinner time.

When Mikasa started the engine and speeded up our street, I looked back to see Armin wave at me as he made to his house just a few doors ahead. I waved back and then proceeded to search for the key. For a moment, I thought I’d lost it. But when I finally got my fingers around the piece of metal and opened the front door, I couldn’t help the little smile.

A familiar scent.

A familiar view.

A familiar feeling.

And…

A head popped out from the living room, brown eyes growing wide. “Eren?”

A familiar voice.

“Hey, mom. I’m home.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who don't know, there's a version of chapter 14 on Levi's POV. It's called [Things I Know](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2670692) and you should check it out if you want some insight on what's going on with the other dork. Although, pls, if there was a race to see who'd slap Levi first, everyone would win cuz omg, guys.
> 
> Alsoooo... Ok, I keep saying this but thank you for the attention you're giving this fic <3 It'd be kinda meaningless without all of you, and you should know that all of your little ideas somehow manage to end in the plot. Consider that each one of you has probably already left a mark somewhere. I can't help it... I just think everything and everyone is writing material -sobs- I'm like Hanji with that stuff but turn it to books and the likes and you have me.  
> And Idk which one of you talked about jealous!Levi??? But have a taste of it. It will be more obvious in future chapters. I also hope you liked badass seme!Eren.

I got a lot of things done. On Friday night I enjoyed mom’s cooking I missed so much. I watched a movie with her while dad complained about wanting to watch the news the whole time. I took the longest shower ever and enjoyed some alone time in the bathroom because even that I missed. I slept through a whole 12 hours period and woke up at 11am on Saturday to go to the mall with Armin. We didn’t find what I was looking for, but it was time well spent nevertheless. In the afternoon, I helped mom in the garden and Armin came by later on for a snack. It almost looked like nothing had changed and it was just a normal day, just as if we hadn’t been gone at all. I got to play with Armin’s dogs before dinner and managed to get some more alone time before going to bed.

Overall, it had been a calm and well spent weekend. And it was supposed to keep going like that, without any weird heart palpitations, if I hadn’t decided it was a good idea to go for a run in the park on Sunday morning.

It said on the news that it would rain. Doubtfully so, though. I didn’t see clouds anywhere and the sun was rather warm despite the cold breeze. I hadn’t brought my sweatpants with me so I was limited a some jogging leggings I’d found in my drawer and some black sweat shorts I’d stolen from Armin a long time ago.

I’d been running for at least 30 minutes when I came to a stop by the big tree in the center of the park. I bent down and held myself against it while I tried to catch my breath and then glanced up, still breathing heavily.

Wrapped in dark green muffler and a black zip up hoodie was Levi. He was looking at me, certainly, but at the same time he seemed to be looking past me.

My eyebrow arched up, but I kept all my possible outburst reactions at bay. It was already enough having my heart resume the speed it had just a few seconds ago, ever more painfully, though.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I didn’t know if I was supposed to say something and if so _what_ , at all. I didn’t know if I was supposed to ignore him, pretend he wasn’t there.

Maybe ignoring him was the best choice.

I rubbed at my nose, my eyes darting already past Levi’s presence, and I started walking. I didn’t have to look to know Levi was following me with his eyes as I came closer. He didn’t turn his head, however, when I passed by.

Deep down I wanted him to stop me. Just grab my hand and spat some nonsense. Or call my name and say it would be ok, whatever that meant. But he didn’t. He didn’t do a thing, and I only noticed my wishful pettiness when I was already out of the park and looked back to see if he was there, right behind me, following me. But he wasn’t. There was no one there.

I walked the rest of the way home, angry because the mere sight of Levi had me feeling like shit again. How were we supposed to live together if every time I saw him I turned to a pot of jelly, full of feelings?

I needed a shower.

And I took one when I got home. Then, I came down the stairs to help mom in the kitchen. We’d had agreed I needed some training in the art of cooking. But hey, I’d succeeded to make eggs with bacon that morning, which wasn’t so bad, right?

“Eren, will you be here on the 27th?” Mom asked as she took the meatloaf out of the oven.

I was putting on the tableware but paused to look at her. “What’s on the 27th?”

Mom turned around in heel, hands on her waist. “Thanksgiving, Eren.”

“Oh,” I rolled my eyes playfully and then looked down at the plates I’d just set. “Nah, I can’t. I have a lot to study.” Remembering something I’d learned in class had my eyes snapping up to her again, though. “Did you know? We were studying some Greek mythology the other day and I came across this god named Ares, or Mars in the Roman mythology, and then I remembered that talk we had about the signs of the zodiac… Yours was Aries, right? And the ruling planet of Aries is Mars so… I started reading what it said about this god Ares and…” I grinned when my mother raised an eyebrow, “And turns out Ares was the god of war. He was both cruel and a coward, and he was the son of Zeus and Hera, but neither of his parents liked him. I wonder if that has any meaning… you know,” I shrugged, “since you like those birth charts of yours so much.”

Mom crossed her arms and glared at me. “Eren… I’m pretty sure if that was connected, at all, then you’d have to been born a woman.”

I blinked at her, “And why is that?”

“Because your ruling planet is Venus. I’m pretty sure you know who Venus was in the Roman mythology.”

I looked down at my feet to hide the blush on my face. “Yeah, yeah. That just means I’m gorgeous,” I muttered.

Mom laughed and turned around to start cutting the meatloaf. “Of course you are, you’re my son. Anyway, go get your father.”

Dad was probably behind the house. I exited through the front door and went around to go call him, somehow wondering about which planet ruled Capricorn. It was Mikasa’s and Levi’s sign of the zodiac, after all, if I wasn’t mistaken.

After lunch, I sat down at the table, waiting for Mikasa to text me and taking the chance to pry around her instagram all the while. Dad was seating across from me, reading something on the newspaper from that morning. Mom was making some tea, it seems she was on a diet.

“You know,” Dad raised his eyes to mom, “I met with Kenny this morning and he said things are getting antsy in Trost.” Then, he looked at me. “Have you heard anything about it, Eren?”

I blinked at him. “What are you talking about?”

He raised his eyebrows, eyes back to searching the paper, “Ah, just some stuff that’s been going on in the parliament lately.”

“Oh,” I shrugged, “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been watching the news lately.”

“Ah, Eren, but you should. You should.”

Mom placed a mug full of hot tea above the table and sat close to me, she seemed to be contemplating a memory. “You still meet with that man? I thought you had cut ties with him.”

Dad looked at the paper for a few more seconds and then sighed, folding it closed and setting it apart. “Carla, you know it’s not that simple. Kenny and I were close friends before, I can’t simply walk out on him like that.”

My eyes went between the two of them. “Who’s Kenny?”

Mom cupped the mug and gave me an even stare. “One of your dad’s old friends. You’ve probably seen him around before,” she took the mug to her lips and rubbed them over the top, “a man who likes to wear this fancy hat all the time.”

I did remember seeing a man with a fancy hat over our house some years ago for a few times, but my memory was a bit foggy.

Dad crossed his arms over the table. “Kenny Ackerman. Your mother doesn’t like him that much, but he’s a nice man, despite the appearances.”

I placed my phone over the table, slowly for the effect, and glared at dad. “Kenny _Ackerman_?”

Both my parents stared at me and then looked between each other. Dad was the first to speak, “Something wrong with that?” He asked.

“No,” I almost choked on my words. “No, not at all… I just…” I looked at mom, “This girl I told you about, Mikasa… the one who gave us a ride home… She’s, ahm, she’s Mikasa Ackerman. So I thought maybe they were related, or something.”

Mom looked at dad to confirm when she said, “Oh, yes. He has two kids, right?”

“Twins,” dad nodded. “So you’re friends with his daughter, huh?”

“Yeah, she stays at the dorms too. And I know the brother as well.”

He stopped a smile half way and blinked at me behind his glasses. “Brother? He’s in university?”

I frowned at his question. “Well, _obviously_ … Why do you ask?”

Dad leaned back in his chair and scratched his chin. “Ah, nothing. I just… Last time Kenny and I talked about it he only told me about his daughter and how much he was paying for her tuition. I thought the boy had stayed around.”

I tilted my head. Certainly, a lot of stuff started to sound fishy. I wondered if Levi’s relationship with his father was complicated to the point the father wouldn’t even speak of his son.

“Well, they were always a strange family,” Mom added out of the blue.

And yes, Armin had said the same before.

Mikasa texted me an hour later saying she’d be around in less than five minutes. She wasn’t lying. Armin and I barely had time to say goodbye before we had her calling our phones and telling us to hurry up because she wanted to arrive before dinner.

We occupied the same seats from last time. Armin was enthusiastically talking about a movie he’d like to go watch named Interstellar. It had been around for a while and he wanted to watch it in IMAX before it was out of theaters.

I tried no to push all my thoughts to the back of my mind when I saw Levi, but I was close to surprised when he turned around slightly to look at Armin.

“You should take Jean. He loves sci-fi,” he said.

Armin was finishing putting on his belt, and when he heard that his eyes were shining and he was turning to Levi and beaming at him. “Oh, really? That’s great!”

I glared at the back of Mikasa’s seat. There was something very wrong about how things were turning out. That or I was clearly having a jealously attack.

“Sci-fi, you say…” Mikasa mumbled loud enough. She turned the wheel slightly and then sped up our street only to stop at the interception ahead. “I don’t really like sci-fi movies, to be honest.”

Levi snorted a laugh. “That’s why you got dumped.”

She glared at him. “Do you really wanna go down that road, _big brother_?”

The mention of _brother_ had me remembering the conversation I’d had with my parents. I made a mental note to ask Mikasa about it, though I had a feeling she wouldn’t tell me much regarding Levi.

There was a moment of quiet and then Armin spoke.

“You know, I was feeling really bad the whole morning up until now. I had no idea leaving my house again after coming back for the weekend could make me feel so homesick. It didn’t happen when I left before,” He laughed nervously and glanced at me.

I knew what he meant. Though right now I was feeling perfectly fine. It had been way worse when we had to leave for Trost for the first time. This much, I could get used to.

“Don’t worry, it gets better.” Mikasa said with a soft smile. “Or you end up like Levi here that feels more at home at the dorms than at his own house.” She was talking playfully, and Levi smiled small at her comment, but I knew there was a lot more to it than that.

This time, the whole trip seemed to go by way faster than before. I was quiet for the most part of it, actually taking my time to listen to what the others had to say more than share my opinion on the subject, but we spent about two hours arguing about our taste in movies. Armin talked about the sci-fi movies he loved and also his tender feelings for crime, drama and mystery. Mikasa liked comedies. That and Disney movies, though she also talked about DreamWorks for a long while. Levi just said he hated horror movies. He didn’t share anything else.

It was raining pretty hard when we arrived, and the small run from the car to the dorms left me drenched. Mikasa went to take the car back to Farlan and Armin shouted a muffled “goodbye” at me and ran to his block, leaving me alone with Levi.

“Are you sure she’ll be alright?” I asked while I leaned forward to watch the water drop from my hair. I moved my hand through it and tossed my head up then, frowning at how I was suddenly able to see a lot better. “I forgot to get my hair cut,” I muttered.

Levi was already taking off his jacket and grimacing at each struggle to move. “She’ll use the underground and she has an umbrella.”

With that one established, I nodded and started climbing up the stairs. The rain was starting to hit harder, the atmosphere felt heavy due to the amount of humidity. I was lost in thought at some point, counting each step I gave up that stairway. So lost that the warm air from inside our apartment felt like a slap in the face.

“What the fuck,” was all I could say as I stepped in.

Levi was right behind me, which I didn’t notice until he placed a hand over my back to push me inside faster. “They turned on the heaters,” he muttered.

Jean came running from the kitchen like a penguin. “Close the door, you fucking idiots! We have to preserve the heat!”

_Preserve?_

Levi huffed a sigh and shrugged his bag off his shoulder before he passed by me and paced to his room. “This will be hard on the bill.”

Jean shrugged, “I’m not the one paying so I don’t give a shit.” Then, he looked at me. “Why are you so wet?”

“W-What?” I gave a step back for no reason, “I’m not wet! I mean… whatever,” I sighed and paced to my room, flushed because of my little overreaction.

“It’s raining outside, mojito,” I heard Levi say.

_Mojito?_

Jean laughed, “Wow, I know. I just wanted to tease him and he fell for it like a little kid.”

I kicked the door of our room open and threw my bag all the way to the bed before shouting, “I heard that!”

 _Pasta à la Jean_ was what we had for dinner—Jean came up with the name, not me. After that we all sat in the living room, watching TV. The house was warm enough for us to walk around with a t-shirt, but the more time passed the more I noticed all that heat was wearing off.

Somehow, we ended up on MTV. Jean and I sang along _I Knew You Were Trouble_ , though he totally fucked it up when he tried to mimic the vine.

“You should start a band,” Mikasa joked.

It wasn’t until Jean started singing the first Pokémon intro out loud that I excused myself and went to my room. For some reason, I felt incredibly tired and I must have fallen asleep right when I dropped myself over the mattress because I didn’t recall anything else in the morning.

Honestly, waking up with the usual alarm clock was already annoying. Waking up to the sound of Jean’s voice was even more annoying, though. I probably threw my pillow at him while he tried to shake my awake.

“Eren, wake the fuck up, there’s a flood!”

I rolled in bed and covered my head with the covers, “Just 5 more minutes.”

The bed trembled and Jean groaned even louder, “Wake up, idiot! We can’t exit the damn building!”

Whatever nonsense he was spouting, I did not know. I didn’t care. At least not until Mikasa knocked at our door.

“Guys, you really wanna go check the entrance…” She said in a sleepy tone.

I finally got up.

The three of us went down the stairs rather slowly despite Jean’s excitement. I almost tripped my way down for about four times and I was thankful Mikasa was there to hold me up. When we reached the first floor, I saw Marco and Levi by the corner. Marco seemed worried, Levi looked like he hadn’t slept for days. There were a few people taking a peek from inside one of the apartments and Annie was sitting over one of the steps looking rather amused.

I was going to ask what was up, but the question died in my mouth when I saw what was really going on.

The entrance was full of water. But full with at least a meter of water and it was so dirty I couldn’t even see the bottom. All my eyes could spot was the immense raining outside and Shadis’ desk floating on top of that _lake_.

“This is impossible… Aren’t we, like, at the top of Trost?” My head snapped towards Mikasa.

Annie gave out a snort, “Yeah but considering the dorms were dumped in a land depression if something goes wrong this is bound to happen.”

“So that means no classes…”

Jean beamed like the sun, “I suddenly love Mondays.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ok, and where’s Shadis?”

Annie got up and turned around as she stretched, “Taking care of the problem. He came to our flat to get Bertholdt because he’s tall.” She snorted when she passed by.

Levi started following after her, “I guess he feared anyone else would drown.”

“ _You_ probably would.”

The glare Levi sent Annie’s way was priceless but I tried not to show it. I was determined to keep his game going until I couldn’t anymore.

I followed after them because it was cold and we were all walking around in our sleeping clothes. My eyes were carved on Levi’s ass the whole time because Jesus Christ, how could butts be that—round?—perfect. I was pretty sure there was nothing square-y about that.

Both Annie and Levi stopped when someone called my name though, and I was so distracted I could swear I almost dived head first _there_.

“Good morning,” Hannah said in a scratchy voice. She managed to look happy nevertheless. “How are you?” She was at the top of the stairs, probably coming down to go see what had happened.

Annie and Levi glanced over their shoulders at me. Annie was bemused while Levi just looked a little annoyed, perhaps confused too.

“I’m good,” I said. “Are you going down?”

Hannah’s smile fainted for a second. “Oh, yes. Is it that bad?”

I snorted, “It’s really bad.”

“Eh… I wonder what Shadis is up to. Today was an important day at class, we had this group work to present and it’ll be bad if I miss it.”

Annie looked at her nails as she said, “Shadis is taking care of the problem. It will be resolved in a few hours, I’m sure.”

Hannah smiled warm-heartedly again. “That’s great. I guess he’s a responsible man, despite his looks.”

“Well, he did get hit by a bullet once…”

Both Hannah and I darted our eyes to Annie. “Shadis?” I shouted. “He was shot?” Hannah asked at the same time I talked.

Annie looked between us rather amused. Levi on the other hand…

“Shot? No. Somebody threw it at him.”

Something inside broke and I felt this really big urge to face palm. Annie didn’t contain her laugher, and Hannah looked really confused. She was torn between laughing and crying, though I think she opted for both.

This guy needed to tell me where the hell he bought his sense of humor because it was really off the charts. If we were on speaking terms, speaking that didn’t involve common fella communication, this could have turned into a really interesting bickering. As it was, all I could do was chastise myself.

“Well,” I gestured really emphatically to make a point, “I guess I’ll… go.” I raced up the stairs, still taking my time to say “I’ll see you around, Hannah!” I didn’t hear her answer, though. Only the steps of Annie and Levi climbing up after me.

Obviously, I was the first to get in. The first thing I was greeted with was the sight of the darkness of Levi and Marco’s room. My mind was already feeling content because I could finally go back to bed and sleep until, like, midday when my eyes stopped over what seemed like transparent Velcro but was actually just adhesive wrapper. Transparent adhesive wrapper. A smile crept its way on my face and I had to slam a hand over my mouth to cover it.

I had just thought of the perfect prank for Jean.

“What the fuck are you doing…?”

Levi’s voice almost had me jumping to the ceiling. “Jesus,” I hissed.

“No,” Levi had this unimpressed look on this face. “Not really. It’s just me.”

I placed a hand over my chest. As if that was going to calm me down. “Just you,” I glowered at him. “Just you, is that yours?” I glanced at the transparent wrapper over his desk.

Annie passed by, gracefully avoiding touching us even though we were in the middle of the corridor. Levi just stared at the piece of adhesive and contemplated an answer.

“It is,” he said after what seemed like a while. “Why?”

“I need it.”

When I said that, I wasn’t expecting Levi to actually give me the permission to use it. He still followed after me when I walked to my room, though, probably wondering why the hell I needed that.

He hesitated slightly before I got in, but I didn’t mention anything. I closed the door, locked it in case Jean came up earlier than I’d expected and then started placing some of the wrapper on the top of the door, right where I knew Jean’s head was whenever he entered the room.

“You’re pranking him,” Levi said. It wasn’t a question. “That costs money, you know…”

I shrugged, “You told me I could use it. No complains now.”

To that I had no reply, just pure silence. No surprise there either. Somehow, it was as if I was always waiting for him to say something, but he never did.

I finished my work and passed the wrapper on to him, giving a step back to admire the masterpiece. I would have grinned if it wasn’t for the sudden feelings that assaulted me. Some mood I was in, lately.

“Eren,” his voice came soft, almost like a whisper, but when I turned to look all I saw was the glint of cold, hard eyes, and the already so practiced stoic mask on. Levi’s face betrayed nothing and the only giveaway was how he was rubbing his fingers on the side of his sweatpants. He was nervous. “Are you mad at me?”

Honestly? I didn’t expect it. The question sounded a bit absurd to me, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that I was caught off guard because I didn’t expect him to say something at all. Levi was addressing a problem, in a very ridiculous way, but he was doing it.

I folded my arms and held myself tighter, eyes shifting down for a while. Then, I slowed walked to my desk and leaned my lower back on it. Levi followed me with his eyes the whole time.

“Mad?” I raised my eyes to his. “Yes, Levi. I’m fucking mad at you.” When Levi opened his mouth to say something, eyes narrowing slightly at me, I kept going. “And I’m not mad at you because I’m some kid who couldn’t get the toy he wanted. I’m mad because you’re this huge drama queen—” Levi’s nose wrinkled at the name “—and you keep putting yourself in a position that won’t help _you_ at all.”

“Eren, I—”

“No,” I held my palm up and closed my eyes, lowering my head, “You asked me a question and I’m not done answering.” I glared at him. “It would be more than ok if you’d told me no because you didn’t want it. But you said it yourself, you like me, right?” Again, I didn’t wait for an answer because I knew it wouldn’t come. “So what the hell is your problem? I don’t know if this is a matter of trust or not,” I saw Levi’s lip twitch so I added, “It probably is… but you have to believe that when I said I like you, I meant it. It’s not just this,” I gestured at him, “that’s not even half of what I want.”

Levi glowered at me, “Then what do you want? You told me you didn’t know what—”

I stepped forward and invaded his private space. “My mistake.” I placed a finger over his chest and pressed. “I want _this_.” Part of me really wanted to go hide somewhere because— _where the fuck did I find the courage to say something like that?_

Levi looked incredulous, though it was a muted kind of incredulity that I could only see because it lasted longer than a second. My brain was frying and I wondered if he was processing what I’d said or if he just couldn’t believe I’d said it, like that.

He let his weight slowly fall back and he leaned against the door, sighing shakily for a moment and then composing himself the next. “Sometimes I don’t know if you’re that stupid or if you just play it off.” A pause while he watched me frown. “I don’t really expect you, or anyone, to understand but it does take a lot of effort from me to trust someone like that. I mean, certainly, I can be friends with you but that is not what we’re addressing here, is it?”

I watched Levi for a while and then stepped closer again, leaning my arm over the door just right over his head. Levi seemed horrified for a moment, but his expression turned into a cold glare of _dare_. Though the moment I hovered over him, I saw his eyes go between my lips and my eyes for about five times, his mouth drawing into a thin line.

“Do you want this or do you not want this?” I asked. And again, Levi didn’t reply, opting to crave his cold eyes on mine and _glare_. “Alright,” I shifted a little, “let me rephrase this… Do you like me?”

Took him a few but he finally said, “Yes.” His grey orbs flashing dangerously for a moment.

“Ok. So… isn’t it that simple?”

Levi slowly drew closer to me, just a breath away and—

“Eren!” Jean shouted, making me and Levi jolt at the exact same time. Jean was slamming his hands on the door, “Are you in there? Open the door!”

I rolled my eyes and groaned, “I’m kinda busy right now!” I looked up at the ceiling and glared at a tiny black spot right above my head. _A fly_.

Levi leaned his forehead on my shoulder when Jean shouted, “Stop fucking Levi and open the fucking door!”

I snorted. “Too busy giving it hard and fast, I can’t.”

Levi’s ears were pink but I made no comment about that one.

“ _Eren!_ I’m freezing! Lemme get the fuck in! I need clothes!”

With a loud sigh, I bounced back away from Levi and the door. Levi watched me for a moment, expression solid and stoic and then stepped away for me to unlock the handle. Jean probably heard the click, because he was cracking the door open with a large swing and then barging in while shouting, “I swear to god you’ll— _ughf—!_ ” His face smashed right in the middle of the transparent wrapper making him lose balance and fall down as he ungracefully tried to grab himself to the wall. The final result was too good to pass up. He looked like a possessed being crawling out of a hole.

“ _Oopsie_ ,” I laughed, leaning my hip against the desk again.

Levi had a hand over his mouth and his shoulders were trembling slightly. He probably was losing it way more than I was.

“Eren…” Jean muttered as he slowly let his ass hit the floor. “You’re dead.”

I grinned. “Dead as in?”

“Dead as in _dead_!” He quickly snatched the wrapper away from his face and glared at me at full force. “I’ll make you have a heart attack! A stroke! A seizure! I’ll make you die, _or worse_!”

“Worse?” Levi mumbled, he had already composed himself but there was still a slight twitch to his lips. “Double death?”

Mikasa, Annie and Marco were already outside looking at the scene. They’d missed the big show, but the look on their faces said they knew it had been epic.

It wasn’t like me, but that’s exactly why I winked at Jean and said, “Come at me, babe.”

Mikasa laughed out loud now, and Levi just grinned and shook his head. He mumbled, “We’ll talk again.” And made to get out of the room.

Well, at least I was onto something.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I skipped a week but I was kinda busy -rolls over with flowers and hearts-  
> There's not much to say about this chapter, I guess this is all but a preparation for what's to come this weekend (yes, chapter 17 will be up during the weekend because I don't want to fall behind, yoh).  
> This one here is mainly fluff. Levi is +/- back to "normal" (?)

The chase for the red muffler continued. I searched all the stores in Trost I could remember but the red scarves I found were all too fancy. I couldn’t find a single one that fit my likes and the characteristics of what I wanted to give Mikasa. My last bet was the mall, but with December approaching and Christmas another few weeks closer, I knew that place would be a living pandemonium.

There was that and there was school. Somehow, I’d managed to fuck up my literature exam. Mainly, because I’d neglected finishing the two books the test would address. I had no idea how they ended, I had no idea who was who, and so I had to resign myself to properly read _Odyssey_ and _Animal Farm_ by the end of the week so I could take the complementary exam.

Jean was still mad at me. A person could imagine that would be a living hell, but he was actually not speaking to me. I would have been worried if he didn’t lose himself in the mood sometimes and would start a conversation, only to remember himself later that we weren’t on speaking terms. I would laugh and he would get flustered, it wasn’t that bad. He still brought me food when I was studying, and even though he was always silent about it I knew it was his own way to say he cared enough to do me a favor and spare me the trouble. The old me would probably think he was buying my gratitude, but now I could see it was a bit more than that.

I was already finished with _Animal Farm_ by Friday night and was only finishing _Odyssey_ before I started resuming both books. I looked at the clock, it was almost dinner time. Mikasa and Annie were making lobster rolls for everyone. My mouth was watering at the thought of food and my stomach growled. I tossed Odyssey over the table after marking the page I was reading and leaned my back to look at the ceiling.

The door of my room was open. I could hear Jean and Marco in the living room and Mikasa and Annie in the kitchen. With Reiner and Bertholdt still out, my thoughts drifted to Levi and what he was doing. Given the experience, I knew he was probably in his room, drawing something. For the past week, I’d seen him walk around carrying a big canvas board only half painted. It was probably one of his new school projects, and he surely seemed more busy than usual.

We still hadn’t spoken properly since our last little talk. The good thing was that Levi wasn’t avoiding me anymore, the bad was that another war seemed to have stretched between us and we had no idea where our boundaries stood. I still acted casually, and so did he, but sometimes I worried about how far I could stretch the rope. I wondered if he was still being a dramatic piece of fine ass or if he was laying low.

I made to the living room with clouded thoughts, and probably stayed too quiet during dinner. I offered myself to do the dishes, only because I knew Levi would be around to sentry the whole process. It’s not like I had anything in particular to tell him, I really just wanted an excuse to be around him.

 _An excuse…_ I’d been trying to find a lot of excuses to _Levi_ , lately, considering Levi as a verb.

“Are you ok?”

My eyes turned so I could watch Levi regarding me from one of the corners of the kitchen. Levi had his arms folded over his chest, weight on one leg, only, and narrowed eyes.

I turned to look at the white plate I was washing. “I’m fine.”

“I’ve heard you lie better.”

I rolled my eyes. “Too cliché to talk about it.” I would have left it at that if I hadn’t turned and seen Levi still looking at me as if waiting for an elaboration. I added, “I’m fine, I’m just thinking.”

“If this is how you turn out to be when thinking then you might want to consider a new set of brain lobes.”

I looked down at my hands and the bubbles around my fingers. “Very funny…”

Levi seemed to have tilted his head. “You appear to think so.”

It was only when he said it that I noticed I was actually smiling. Had to mentally kick myself for it, but I couldn’t avoid the slight warmth I started feeling all over my face. I probably took it too hard on the dishes because I heard Levi huff a small laugh. I had to take my mind out of it. A change of subject was a good idea.

“Are you free tonight?” I asked, looking expectantly at him over my shoulder.

Levi raised a questioning eyebrow but still replied, “No, I have work.”

I frowned. “What about tomorrow in the morning?”

“I’m free.”

I hummed in reply while my eyes searched for a hole so I could hide myself after I asked what I wanted to ask. “There’s something I need to go buy and I could really use some company. Do you want to tag along?”

Levi was watchful of every little movement I made. He was also painfully silent for a long period of time. I bit down at my lip as I finished the last set of dishes and then cleaned my hands on the towel. Levi answered when I turned around.

“I need to talk to you,” he said. “I’ll go if we can talk.”

I gulped loudly and wiped my still humid hands over my jeans. “Yeah, sure. We can talk about whatever you want.” I paused, though, and looked at him with a certain intensity, “Whatever you want unless it includes you acting like a drama queen all over again.”

Levi unfolded his arms and sighed before he started walking out of the kitchen. When he passed by he gave me a side glance and said, “Idiot.”

Jean and Armin were going out that night. I was happy to have the room all to myself, it meant I could peacefully finish reading _Odyssey_ and start resuming it without having to worry it was late and I had to turn off the lights.

I went to bed around 3am, which was fine. What was not fine was that I completely forgot to set up my alarm clock and woke up around 11am with a jump. I looked around the room, trying to get my brain to process why I was so startled. I only remembered I had agreed to go out with Levi that morning after a good five minutes with my heart racing at full speed.

It only took me another five minutes to get dressed, though I totally passed on brushing my hair before I was out of the bedroom and pacing to the living room.

Levi was sitting by the table, eyes cast down and hand moving swiftly as he lazily sketched something over his notebook. There was no one else around and I hadn’t said anything, but then his orbs rolled up and he saw me. An eyebrow was already climbing in his forehead.

“Good morning,” he said.

I made the most sheepishly face I could come up with, but before I could speak up and say I was sorry, say I overslept, Levi was already talking again.

“You need to brush your hair, I’m not going out with you looking homeless.” He pointed out before he looked down at his sketch again. “There’s fresh coffee in the kitchen. In case you need to wake up.”

“I’m sorry,” I finally said. “Sorry for making you wait.”

Levi didn’t look up at me when he said, “No need to apologize. You said in the morning but didn’t mention the time. And it’s still morning…”

I was going to apologize again but thought better of it. Something told me that if another sorry came flying out of my mouth I’d probably receive a death glare and a kick in the gut.

Brushing my hair reminded me I still needed to get that haircut. I’d have it done before Christmas. I was thinking about it when I went to get a mug full of coffee, and I almost spilled everything everywhere. I was happy to have managed to take the damn thing with me to the living room and place it over the table without making much of a fuss.

Levi only looked at me when I sat down, but then quickly looked away again. I took the mug to my lips and sipped a little. The bitter taste of coffee made me frown a little but the effect was almost instant. I was awake in less than 2 minutes and my brain was starting up like an old racing car.

“That looks cool,” I muttered when I caught a glimpse of what Levi was drawing. It was a sketch of the back of a person, seemingly a man. “Is it for school?”

Levi poked the pencil’s edge against the paper and rubbed the back of his hand over his chin. “Remember that battle field sketch I showed you? It’s part of that. But it’s turning out to be more complicated than it should.”

Finally, I took a full gulp of coffee. “And why is that?”

He clicked his tongue and threw the pencil over the table as he leaned back on his chair. “Body building. I can imagine a lot and nothing at all.”

I blinked. “You’ll need to give me a little more than that, you know…”

“The male models we draw in class are a couple of skinny guys. I have nothing against skinny people, but it is hard to draw a little more of muscle, even when I know the basics of anatomy, when I don’t have any practice.” He sighed. “Clothes fit differently on different body shapes. And this is driving me mad, really…”

I placed the mug down over the table. “Soooooooo, you need to have anatomy classes…?”

“No. I just need a good model.”

“What kind of model is a good model?”

Levi snapped his eyes up to mine and glared for a few seconds, but then he looked away and shut the sketchbook closed. “Never mind. I’ll think of something. Anyway, are we going out or what?”

I threw my hands up and sang, “We’re going out!”

But that was easier said than done. We weren’t out until it was almost half past midday because Jean got back from spending yet another night with Armin and desperately needed to talk to me. It wasn’t even much of a deal, all he wanted to know was if Armin had said anything about what he was going to do for New Year’s Eve. I only told Jean that if he had plans then he should probably discuss them with Armin before the guy made any plans with his family.

“Wasn’t he giving you the silent treatment?” Levi asked once we were already walking down the main road. I had taken my time to explain Jean to him, since I didn’t even understand what he truly wanted in the first place. “He’s too easy.”

I shrugged, “Well, there’s that. But then I’m also irresistible.”

Levi rolled his eyes and I grinned when he said, “Hilarious.”

We’d decided to walk to the mall. The distance was big, indeed, but the day was pretty and it would have been a waste to spend any amount of time in the underground. Of course, that meant we had to stop by Maria’s to grab something to eat. Levi got a Veggie Delight and a Dr. Pepper—I had no idea how he liked that syrup crap—and I got an Italian Single, which made Levi make fun of me for the whole meal time.

It was only around one hour and half later that we arrived at the mall’s main entrance. The amount of cars diving down the parking lot was giving me a cringe attack. I had no idea how ready I was to face the crowd inside that place. For once, Levi and I agreed it was going to be a pain in the ass—and it was.

I had never been a claustrophobic person, but I swear for the life of me that I was starting to feel it a little too much in the middle of all those people. It was nearly impossible to walk the main corridor and it pissed me off how people couldn’t respect each other in such a huge crowd. I spent more time getting stepped over than actually walking.

The only reason why I didn’t turn into a storm right there and went from 0 to 100 was because Levi was—and he probably had no idea how kid-like I felt inside because of that—holding my hand the whole time. He’d started with the sleeve of my sweater, but when even that proved to be worthless in the strength of the multitude, he actually opted to hold my fingers and then my hand.  It was a simple gesture but it seemed to shatter a bit of the ice that had been hardening between us since our little conversation.

Luckily, when we were randomly thrown inside a store by the current, my eyes quickly hit exactly what I was looking for. It was a simple red scarf that was Mikasa’s face from edge to edge. I was probably beaming, because Levi quickly let go of me and said, “Don’t drool.”

“Do you think she’ll like it?” I asked after we managed to exit the shop with the item I’d bought. I was confident enough to know she would, but for some reason I really wanted Levi’s opinion.

He was too busy fulminating a rude old man with his eyes to spare me a glance, but he still said, “I think she’d love it if you gave her fossilized poo.”

I laughed, not because it was funny but because it was true.

No one would have said we had been fighting for the past few weeks. Levi had taken on teasing me again and I seemed to be pulling an Eren from five to five minutes and acting like a stuttering mess. Sometimes, I really wondered if those moments of bravery and sass I had were reality or mere dreams.

Somehow, we managed to walk to a more secluded area. There were a few shops we ended up visiting out of curiosity. I was interested in what the new collection had to offer, and Levi seemed to be having fun making comments about each weird piece of clothing he found.

It was when we passed by the girl’s section of Rose, a really famous brand around these parts, that Levi looked at what looked like a sweater and said “That looks like the curtains of my parents’ room.”

In that same instant however, a girl came by and grabbed the piece of clothing as she giggled to her friend and said “Oh my god, I really want this! It’s so pretty!”

I snorted a laugh both at the situation and Levi’s horrified face.

It was only out of curiosity that I went to check out the necklaces and the earrings by the entrance of the shop. No, it wasn’t about my personal taste, I was just used to doing it because mom always made me when we shopped together—which was always.

There were a few fedora hats right next to the jewelry and I couldn’t help but pick one and drop it over Levi’s head. My hand flew straight to cover my mouth before I spluttered all over the place with how funny he looked.

“What the hell was that for?” He asked with an unamused expression.  The hat was still over his head and he wasn’t taking it off, though.

“I’m sorry…” I tried to keep an outburst inside. “You just… that doesn’t fit you at all…”

He turned to look at the mirror behind him. “Wow,” he still looked—and sounded unimpressed, “you’re right.” He paused while he watched my reflection and how I was totally losing it to myself. “Not everyone call pull a fedora.” He reached for the hat and took it off. I thought he was going to put it back, but he dropped it over my head instead. “You on the other hand…” Levi raised an eyebrow and smirked evilly, “look like a member of a Jazz band.”

I looked myself in the mirror and made a face. “I hate fedora hats.”

“It looks good on you, though.”

I laughed as I took off the hat and placed it back next to the others. “Everything looks good on me,” I said teasingly.

Levi moved to check out the wallets. “That’s actually true. And if you already have a horde of fans after you dressing so casually, I really don’t want to be in a ten miles radius close to you if you go all fancy one day.”

“What?” I briefly studied Levi before folding my arms over my chest. “I’m confused.”

Levi seemed to be ignoring me. It was written all over his face that he was purposely not replying, which made me mull over that one for an indefinite period of time. We were already checking out the shop next to Rosa’s when it finally clicked in my mind.

The only person who’d been pretty obvious about it to the point even I noticed was Hannah. I couldn’t help the mischievous smile when I asked, “Are you jealous?”

Levi was a smart guy, really good at comeback talks. We both knew he could have dodged that question as gracefully as ever, so I was dumbstruck when he fell for it like a kid.

“You’re being delusional,” was his reply. But then he added, “I have better things to do than being jealous over chubby-faced nice girls.” And that was his giveaway.

I knew I was tracing stormy waters when I said, “At least we both agree that she’s nice.”

Levi glared at me in an instant. “And totally obvious.”

“Well, you’re pretty obvious too, if you ask me.”

“Shut up, Eren.”

I smiled, “You only say that when you’re out of witty arguments, _Levi_.”

He ignored me for another full hour after that.

It was dark outside by the time we exited the mall, but it wasn’t that late. My mind was already set up to think about dinner once the sun was down so I wasted no time in torturing myself with thoughts of what I’d like to eat later on.

It was just after six and they were testing the Christmas lights they’d been setting up for the past two weeks. The LED lights swirled in different colors around the light posts and they were making me feel all giddy. I had the perfect present for Mikasa, even if it was that simple, I was finally getting the Christmas vibes, and Levi seemed to be really calm despite the usual frown. I was surprised, actually, he tended to act like more of an asshole after long periods of stress, but he seemed incredibly calm.

“I’m tired,” I muttered as I watched my breath make small white clouds in the air. I obviously had to puff out a bunch of breaths after that because I’d always found it pretty funny.

Levi opened his mouth to talk and exhaled a small puff as well. He didn’t seem as fond of those as I was but that was fine. “You don’t get to tell me that. I still have to go to work in a few hours and I will only be home after midnight.”

“Can’t you ask for a day off?”

Levi sighed and closed his eyes as his expression turned into one of disapproval. He seemed a lot older than me when he did that. “No. I already had three days off when we went to Shiganshina and then there’s also Halloween… Besides, I need the money.”

The conversation had to die here. It was the wall I didn’t know if I could climb just yet. I was already lousy enough, but getting to ask further than this seemed to be inappropriate so I just hummed in reply and kept watching the lights.

At the big interception ahead, there were two 3D shaped big presents made of LED lights at the corners of the two streets. I made a point of stopping to take a snap to send Mikasa with a caption full of hearts and smileys. It only took her a minute to reply back with a snap of a page of her book that had a funny looking skeleton displayed at the corner. Her caption was “You should be studying”, and she couldn’t have been more right about that.

We had already turned to walk up another street full of lights hanging between the buildings when Levi surprised me by asking, “Don’t you want to know why?”

I didn’t reply right away because I didn’t know what he meant at first. Only after replaying that question a few more times in my head I managed to come up with a comeback, even if I still had no idea if he meant what I thought he meant. “Do you want to tell me why?”

Levi stopped walking and I stopped too and turned to look at him. His eyes were cast down. He was looking at how his thumb ran over the ends of his already grown nails. I’d noticed he wasn’t biting at them anymore. He scowled when he said, “I might regret it later. But I do want you to know, anyway.”

I drank those words because they meant a lot. It’s not like I knew it was good news, it could very well be the other way around, but this should have been how that morning after Halloween should’ve ended up and I was glad to be here right now.

_Shitty drama queen Levi…_

We were awkwardly standing in the middle of the sidewalk. There weren’t many people around, which was great, but I still scooted closer to Levi and he seemed to appreciate the gesture.

A few moments passed. I was looking at Levi, waiting for him to actually start talking, and he was just nervously rubbing his thumb over his nails. He seemed to have developed yet another weird habit, but this was better than the old one.

After a big truck that loudly munched its way down the street passed by, Levi raised his eyes to mine. “First of all, I should start with an apology.”

I scrunched my nose and shook my head. “What for?” My voice came out gentler than I had expected it too. It was weird.

 “For lying.”

I shook my head. “Lying about what, exactly?”

“Because I already knew who you were when I saw you sitting at the table on your first night staying at the dorms,” he said casually. It didn’t sound like he wanted to apologize at all.

But more importantly—“What?”

Levi sighed loudly and glanced at the road. He seemed annoyed all of a sudden, as if it was taking all his patience to address this subject and explain it to me. “You and I have met before. Though you don’t seem to remember…” He quickly answered the next question I was going to ask too. “You were teaching Armin how to shoot a ball or whatever, doesn’t matter. I was at the park and I was watching you two.” His eyes snapped to me again, rather aggressively, “You talked to me too.”

Honestly, I had no idea what he was talking about. I did remember trying to teach Armin how to play a few years ago because he was being bullied due to his lack of physical ability, and I remembered doing it at the park, but I didn’t remember anything more than that. Still, I had no idea why he felt like he had to apologize. I couldn’t find it to be much of a deal, but if he took responsibility for it then I wasn’t going to say a word about it.

“Eren,” Levi called, “you’re making a weird face.”

I quickly looked away, already feeling heat rise in my cheeks, and rolled my shoulders. “Sorry… I really don’t remember…”

Levi tsked at me. “I know, but that’s not the point.” He shifted a little and then elaborated, “When Mikasa and I were born my father was a little upset. It seems he only ever wanted to have a son, so when my mother knew she was carrying twins she just hid it from him.” He crossed his arms and sighed again, this time a little more aggressively. “I was born first and at least he was happy I was a guy. He didn’t even care about Mikasa for about half her life.” Levi paused to look at me for a moment and then looked away again.

What a person experienced throughout their life was what was going to shape their personality. I knew that, it was basic knowledge. And one of the first open conversations Levi and I had was about Mikasa’s personality. He’d said she took responsibility for the people she cared for and liked. And I’d also noticed she was a people pleaser. Not like she didn’t have her own way with life, but she liked to be liked by the ones she cared about. Whatever Levi was telling me now made sense. It wasn’t surprising. And I don’t know what I was waiting for when Levi started talking again, but it had to be something a little more dramatic. Even if just a little.

“But then things changed,” he went on. “My father had always been strict with me so I knew he would never let me pursue art, which was what I wanted. And just to make things better, he also found out I was gay. Kudos for me.” His tone was playful for a moment, even when he was speeding up through his words. “So when I insisted about art all he told me was that he would not finance me. He’s been religiously keeping his word up until today. So that’s why Erwin offered me the job, when I stupidly told Hanji half of what I just told you and she talked about it with him. And then Mikasa joined too. She said she would help me double the money so I could be a little more at ease.”

I had no idea he was finished. All I could do was blink awkwardly at him. I waited for him to go on, but when he didn’t I freaked out because I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to pity him but I wanted to show I cared without sounding too sappy.

“What about your mother?” I asked at loss of anything better to inquire him about.

Levi shrugged, probably trying to dismiss the subject. “She’s a nice person…”

I had no idea what I’d been expecting, honestly. It’s not like I was hoping for some really tragic backstory, in reality he just had a really old fashioned father—mine wasn’t that different and I was really glad my mother was the voice of the family and could put some sense into his head.

I bit at my bottom lip and then said, “Thanks for telling me.” It was the only thing that sounded truthful enough. “It’s great that you followed art, though. You’re really talented.” I casually added. “Also,” I shrugged, “I’m still saying I’ll buy all your work when you’re famous.”

Levi blinked and then looked at me. His cool stare was melting a little. I couldn’t tell what kind of expression that one was, I’d never seen it before, but I was glad he was showing it to me. He scoffed softly before muttering, “So I’ve heard.”

I looked at him for a moment and then turned slightly to indicate we should start walking again. Levi reluctantly took the first step and I followed after him.

“So you have a bad coming out story…” I mumbled over my breath.

Levi frowned a little. “I suppose you can put it that way.”

I nodded, “I see. Mine wasn’t so bad. Dad and I weren’t on speaking terms for about a month, but mom was great. She even talked to him and convinced him to let it go.”

“You’re bi, right?” He asked, again, casually.

I made a fish face before I replied with a simple and clear, “Yes.” Labels were still overrated to me, but I supposed what was a fact was a fact. “I don’t know if it’s that or pansexual, though…”

“I seriously would like you to keep with the first. The second one sounds terrible,” Levi admitted. He was right, though. It sounded just as weird in English as in French and I knew I couldn’t take my head out of it.

“Noted.”

The closer we got to the university’s campus the less Christmas lights we saw. At some point, only the stores and shops had a few lights over the windows and mirrors. Then, after we arrived at the street that took us straight to the dorms, the only lights around were the light posts.

“Was that what you wanted to talk to me about?” I had to ask because I was getting antsy now that we were getting closer to the main gate.

“No,” Levi replied.

“Then?”

He looked at me and gave a thoughtful hum. “I suppose it follows… but what I want to talk to you is about that conversation we had the other day.” He grinned slightly and looked away then. “You’re making a weird face again, Eren.”

Maybe I really couldn’t help it but be weird, however, I was glad he had smiled, even if just a little. Somehow the action triggered something in me, and I felt the nervous ball in my gut loosen a bit. Regardless of whether he was a drama queen, or had a few loose ends, or acted like an ass half the time, what mattered was that in the end he always managed to remind me that I liked him. Even when I was mad at him, even when he was being unfair, I still liked him.

“To put it bluntly,” Levi said with a voice devoid of any emotion. He was glaring at thing air again. “I’ve never dated anyone before. I’ve never really liked anyone before either. I have no clue how that goes so I don’t know if this is supposed to go how it goes in the movies or… I just don’t know. I know what you want, though, I get it, but I still don’t know if that’s the right choice when applied to our situation here.”

I blinked as if I’d been slapped out of daze. “Wow,” I emphasized.

Levi looked at me rather annoyed, “ _What_.”

“That’s… that’s really cute. And I seriously feel like I’m riding my ego right now.”

Levi had already stopped walking at the word _cute_ , but after I finished my sentence all he gave me was his trademark incredulous look.

“You’ve really never dated anyone before?”

He blinked slowly at me as if that would make me understand his answer better, “No.”

I tilted my head, feeling a bit of mischief crawl over. “You’re not a virgin, are you?”

Levi’s aura went dark. His eyes turned cold and hard and he only told me to “Shut the fuck up,” before he started walking past me.

I watched him while I beamed to myself. It’s not like I’d hit jackpot—but I’d hit jackpot!—Being able to get a chance, even if a slim one, made me feel wanted and needed. But overall, I wasn’t being able to fight the overprotectiveness and ownership that was slowly climbing onto me. I knew I had nothing over him, no rights. But a feeling was a feeling and I couldn’t help myself.

The word _mine_ played in circles around my head for the rest of the day. I couldn’t even pick up my studies from where I’d left off because I was on cloud nine the whole time. At some point during dinner, it did hit me that I still had one last hurdle to climb over.

_To ask him out, or not to ask him out? That’s the question._


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHHH -throws fireworks- !!!!  
> So this is the chapter where everything comes together -cough- everything, and everyone. I don't think there's much to say about it, just go ahead and read. There was no proof reading, btw.
> 
> This fic has finally reached its mid point. And for that I wanna thank you guys, who read, comment, leave kudos, for all your support (I feel like thanking you all the time, for real). But I also wanna thank my bff, because she always supports me and helps me with this story even when she's busy as hell. You're all in this place called heart, or whatever.  
> Thank you <3 Have a wonderful week.

Armin and I went to the hairdresser on Saturday during the morning. Armin got his bangs cut and I shortened the length of my hair because, well, I couldn’t see a thing anymore.

“Wow, I can see your eyes,” Armin joked after we exited the salon. “Where have you been hiding, cave man?” His face was too close.

I playfully shoved him away. “You. Face. Stay. Away.”

Armin laughed out loud, “I always knew you had it in you, Eren.”

“And you haven’t seen anything yet.”

The way Armin’s brows came together and the intensity with which he looked at me told me he understood exactly what I wanted him to. I turned around to laugh while he took his time to shake his head in disapproval.

December was finally here. Trost was giving off Christmas vibes from east to west, starting with the sparkling signs at the city exists and entrances and then the streets full of LED lights that would turn on after 5pm, the stores showing off their Christmas decorations and the slight glimpse one could have of a Christmas tree through some apartment windows.

Despite all the winter themed atmosphere, however, I couldn’t deny the days were a little off but still pleasantly nice. No wind, no clouds, perfect to walk around the city, like half of the population of Trost seemed to have thought that day.

“I think it’s better if we don’t take the underground now,” Armin warned. He was taking me down a bunch of old streets I had no knowing of. And I honestly thought we were going to get lost at some point. “It’s almost lunch time. The train will most likely be full to asphyxiation point.”

I glanced up a narrow street we were passing by and shivered a little. “Alright, but do you know how to get home?”

Armin hummed in reply as he hurriedly searched the name of each road. “Yeah, I think so. Trust me.”

I craved my eyes on the back of his head and groaned to myself. “I do,” I muttered, “and that’s the problem.”

We walked for a few minutes without knowing exactly where we were until we ended up in a tiny street that merged with the Liberty Avenue, the main avenue in Trost. Armin was probably as relieved as I was, but I had to grin when he tried to play it off just as if he knew all those roads led there.

His eyebrow trembled and he smiled, “I knew it would be alright. See?” He gestured for me to follow after him and we started walking against the flow of people. “I guess I’m really good at this.”

I grinned. “Yeah, I guess you are.”

Some might not know, but seeing Armin act like a cocky bastard actually made a lot for me. He’d always been different but he’d always been smart. And just because he was different he was never taken seriously, so he never really had much confidence to begin with.

I was really glad I’d been able to watch the major change for the past 3 years, even if sometimes I had to admit he got on my nerves, but I was really proud of him. Maybe, in a way, it was my own selfishness, because I was the first person to stand up for him, so maybe I was little too proud of myself in the end. Still, I never really cared how pure my reasons were as long as they were _reasons_.

“By the way,” I pulled my scarf up to my nose with my mouth so I could protect my face from the cold, “we’re having the Secret Santa today.”

Armin looked at me with bright eyes. “Really? Have you found your present?”

“Nah, not yet. But I left Mikasa’s by her door this morning. It’s good that she sleeps until late. She’s so weird, it’s like she always pops up out of thin air whenever I don’t want her around.”

Armin laughed, “Wasn’t that a Levi thing?”

I scrunched my nose. “Yeah, I think it’s a twin’s thing.”

“Who do you think your Secret Santa is?”

“I seriously have no idea… I just hope it’s not Jean.”

Armin snorted. “If it was Jean I’d know.”

I side glanced at him. “So it’s not Jean?”

“Nope.”

“Good.”

We had to stop at a red light before we crossed the road. The crowd pushed us so far in that we got totally intoxicated when a bus passed by. This is one of the main reasons why I hated big cities. Then again, I was starting to realize I was in a paradox of feelings all the time. I hated and loved everything _and_ everyone.

“How are things between you and Levi?” Armin asked once we got to cross the street. “You haven’t been telling me much lately.”

I bit at my lower lip. It’s not like I was purposely hiding anything from him, I hadn’t forgotten to tell him either. I simply didn’t know how much I was willing to share, considering I knew most of it was private. And not just private for Levi, but private for me too.

“Things are fine, I guess.”

Armin glanced at me. There was a certain curiosity in his eyes but also an aura of knowledge. “Have you figured out what his problem was?”

My tongue felt a dry spot over my lip and I nipped at it until I’d completely cracked a wound. I grimaced at the taste of blood. “He thought I wasn’t being serious. But I guess that’s my fault too. I wasn’t being serious at first, after all.”

“And are you serious now?”

My heart drummed loudly in my chest. “Yeah.” I thought about it. “I think I might…” I knew I wasn’t going to finish that sentence because the heat in my face was increasing at full speed. And maybe Armin knew that too because he didn’t ask further.

Maybe it was still a little too soon to finish that sentence. It wasn’t enough, not yet. And I hoped it would never be.

When we got to the dorms, I had to excuse myself as fast as I could. Jean was waiting for Armin by the main gate and when he noticed Armin had his bangs cut they both entered some sort of mating season that had weird pheromones jumping everywhere around them.

I was still in ear shot when Jean said, “There’s something for you over your desk.” But I didn’t turn around to ask what he meant. Was it another prank? If that bastard had done something to any of my other electronic devices he could start thinking about buying a coffin because I’d kill the shit out of him.

Rushing up the stairs before taking off my jacket was probably the worst idea ever. I was dying by the time I reached our floor. Maybe it was because I was tired, but our corridor suddenly seemed a lot longer than usual.

When I got in the room, I noticed there was a tiny envelope over the desk. I shrugged my jacket off my shoulders and placed it over the chair. My scarf ended up falling to the floor but I didn’t mind, we’d cleaned the house just a day before.

I picked up the envelope and turned it in my hand. My name was written on it in a very delicate handwriting. I’d never seen that handwriting before so I had no idea whose it was. Written in lower case, just below my name, was _Merry Christmas from your Secret Santa_.

We had all agreed we would open our presents together tonight before dinner. Still, I couldn’t help feeling even more curious. I had no idea what it was and how it could fit such a tiny envelop. Was it money? Was it a prank? I had no idea.

I reluctantly placed the envelope back and made my way to the kitchen. Mikasa was cooking something, probably rice—it smelled like rice.

“Oh, hey.” She greeted when I got in. She’d only spared me a glance, but then her eyes were quickly on me as she watched me stretch to reach the cupboard. “You cut you hair.”

“Nah, someone cut it for me.”

Mikasa rolled her eyes. “Smartass… But hey, it looks nice.” She wiggled her eyebrows, “I can finally see your eyes properly.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I scoffed as a poured myself some water. “What are you cooking?”

“Ah, Annie is feeling kinda sick. So I’m making her rice… at least it will stop the diarrhea.”

I pulled a face. “So graphic first thing in the morning…”

She laughed. “Go big or go home, Eren. Also… take that to my brother, will you? They are all watching some movie in his room.”

I gaped. People other than Marco inside the room? Wow. That one was a first. I mean, sure, I’d been there before but I liked to consider myself the special case.

“Sure…” I said. I drank my water and then placed the empty glass in the sink before picked the mug Mikasa had pointed at. It was tea, black tea, most likely.

I knocked at the door and Marco told me to get in. I didn’t even have to look at the computer screen to know what movie they were watching. I knew that song all too well. _How To Train Your_ _Dragon_ was, after all, one of my favorite animation movies.

Annie was curled up in a blanket over Levi’s bed right next to Marco who seemed to be totally transfixed by the movie. The only one who noticed me was Levi himself, who spared me a glance from where he was standing up. I had to hold myself in stride and finally spare a look at the screen so I wouldn’t let the mug fall down. Reason? Well, no reason in particular. Just that it seemed like Levi had just gotten out of the shower, and his hair was still wet. His black jeans were not buttoned up yet and his red flannel shirt was making my mind wander a few months back.

I managed to place the mug over his desk and then carefully walked to the bed and sat next to Annie. The scene when Hiccup and Toothless made the test drive was probably the most intense part of the whole movie. When it was over, I heard Marco and Annie gasp in surprise.

“Wow,” Marco started. “That was so cool…”

Levi leaned his back on his desk while he held his tea up. I noticed his pants were already made and I groaned internally. “I told you,” he said in his characteristic cocky tone. “The whole thing is a work of art.”

“It’s so good I felt dizzy,” Annie muttered.

“Hey,” Levi glared at her, “don’t puke over my bed.”

Mikasa came in with a bowl and closed the door with her foot. Levi watched attentively as she made her way to the bed and passed the bowl and a spoon on to Annie.

“Don’t spill that,” he complained again.

Annie scooted closer to Mikasa who sat on the floor in front of her and dug in, but not before she said, “Shut up, mom.”

Levi tsked and looked away. We laughed.

Jean got back a few hours later. I was barely awake, scrolling down tumblr with all the might I still had when he got in the room making so much noise I developed an instant headache. He didn’t say anything to me, though, so I made an effort to keep my annoyance bottled up while I glared at the screen in front of me. I was being so intense about it I almost missed the pop up telling me I had a new email.

I was flabbergasted when I opened it, to the point I almost fell off my chair.

“Are you ok, Eren?” I heard Jean ask.

I barely paid him attention because I jumped out of my chair with a loud “Yes!” and threw my fists up. “I scored above average on the complementary exam!”

“Is that a good thing?”

I turned around so abruptly Jean took a step back. “Of course it is! Are you even serious? If I failed the complementary exam I would have to try again next year.”

Jean hummed as he looked up at the ceiling and then shrugged. “Well, cool. Congrats then.”

I frowned. “Your overenthusiasm gets me turned off.”

He understood the sarcasm because he grinned. “Go talk about your marks with someone who cares, you asshole.”

I tsked at him and walked to the door. “You know what? I’ll do just that. Bye.” I had to run back to close my computer, though, in case he decided to hijack that too.

I’d said that, indeed, but I ended up sitting in the living room watching TV and texting Armin about it. I also made a point to complain some more about Jean, and Armin didn’t get mad at me.

Annie came to join me a few moments later, still wrapped in the same blanket from before. “I probably need a shower,” she said.

“Do you feel better?” I asked.

She shrugged. “More or less, I suppose. At least I get to skip school on Monday.”

I threw my head back. We only had another two weeks of school and then we started our winter holidays. I knew that meant we were going home, and I was a bit happy about it. Still, at the same time, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to go back so soon.

_How things change in such few time._

We watched a movie I wasn’t even paying attention to. My eyelids felt so heavy I ended up falling asleep. I dreamed Jean had a twin and that he’d suddenly decided to move to the dorms. It was the worst nightmare I’d ever had, and I was glad when I woke up an hour later with Levi glaring down at me in a very, _very_ intense way.

“Oh, he’s awake,” Annie snickered.

I moved. It only took me a moment to realize I had fallen asleep over Annie so I instantly jumped to the other corner of the sofa. “I’m so sorry!” My eyes searched her face while she grinned at me in that evil way of hers. “I’m sorry…” I looked at Levi then, and I wasn’t sure who I was apologizing to anymore.

Annie threw her head back and laughed. “Oh gosh, he looks so guilty.”

Levi didn’t even look at me. He just made a displeased face and said, “You two make me sick.”

“No,” Annie replied with an even wider grin, “you’re just jealous.”

He rolled his eyes, “Please. Give me a break,” and walked to sit on the other sofa and glare at the TV.

My eyes swept him over up and down a few times. I had no idea why he seemed so sexy today of all days—ok, I know, he always looked good even when he was thinking murderer, but today there was definitely something different about him. I’d noticed when I got in his room—Wait, maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe it was me… Maybe—

“Guys,” Mikasa walked into the living room carrying three boxes wrapped in Christmas paper and placed them over the tiny table at the center. “We should do this before Levi and I have to leave.”

Jean, Marco, Reiner and Bert walked in after her. Jean was saying something about dinner, but I didn’t understand what because Reiner was singing the Christmas Carrols over him.

My mind clicked and I remembered the envelope I had over my desk. But then I saw what everyone was carrying too and I felt myself sink right where I was.

Marco sat between Annie and I, and Jean and Mikasa sat next to Levi. Bert was standing and Reiner sat on the floor drumming the rest of the song over the tiny table. I was, somehow, wondering whether I was supposed to go get my present or not, and Mikasa seemed to read my mind because she had her eyes on me in that same instant. I noticed she had my present over her lap.

“Eren, do you have yours?” She asked.

Levi seemed to be busy figuring his present out. He spoke over me and said, “Whoever wrapped this shit needs to overtake a session of severe discipline.”

Annie laughed. “I’m glad it wasn’t me.” She picked one of the boxes Mikasa had placed over the table and threw it at Reiner, “This one has your name, pimples.”

Marco had a huge box between his hands, probably the biggest of the group. “I’m afraid to open this one,” he said. “You guys didn’t prank me, did you?” He didn’t notice but Mikasa had a huge grin crawling up her face. She was probably his Secret Santa.

I took another look around me and then got up. Jean was shaking his present so much when I passed by I feared it would break. I walked to my room and picked the envelope that had been sitting over the desk the whole day. I didn’t know why I felt so small receiving such a minor present. It wasn’t like me to be this much of a prick. I flicked the thing in my hand and then went back to the living room.

“Can I open mine first?” Jean asked over Annie’s laugh. “It’s been making this heavy noise when I shake it. I’m curious.”

“Alright,” Mikasa pointed a finger at Reiner, “Drums for Jean!”

Reiner started drumming a fast rhythm over the table and Jean quickly started removing the wrapper around the box he had over his lap. He paused for a moment while he searched for a way to get it open. Reiner was still drumming and Mikasa had the happiest smile ever on her face. Even Levi was giving off this cheerful vibe, though he had a hand over his mouth to cover the smirk.

Jean threw his hand inside the box, eyes up and then narrowing down when he grabbed something. He yanked and pulled out a big book. He was frowning while he turned it over to read the title, “ _The Great Book of Horses_ … What?”

Mikasa, Annie, Reiner and I lost it right there. Bert was trying to be polite and struggling for a sober face. Marco was just smiling wide and Levi had his head thrown back, hands over his face.

“Ok,” Jean placed the book over his lap and gave it another frown, “I’m… I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s like the best present ever,” Annie giggled. “Who’s the king?”

I looked around until I remembered it was Bert who’d gotten Jean’s name back then. I looked at him and he looked at me and smiled small.

Jean held his palm up and cleared his throat. “Alright, this is a completely useless book and I hate you all for this.” He paused for effect and everyone was quiet. But then he grinned and added, “And if I didn’t know better, I’d say this was Eren’s doing. As it is not, I’ll have to say Reiner.”

Reiner propped himself back and threw Jean a challenging look. “What makes you think so?”

Jean shrugged, “Because this is so like you. And you have that look of triumph all over your face, it’s so fucking obvious.”

“It was me, actually,” Bert said in a low tone. He totally freaked out when everyone looked at him in surprise, so he added, “Though yes, Reiner gave me the idea.”

Jean shot a wink at Bert. “I’m holding you up for this one.”

Bert finally laughed. “Wouldn’t expect any less from you.”

There was a moment of silence in which I took the chance to struggle for a proper breath and then Annie perked up in her seat.

“Alright, I’m next,” she announced.

Mikasa pointed at Reiner again, “Drums, please.”

I wouldn’t have been able to tell from the shape of her present, but after all that foam that seemed to be shaping a huge square, Annie was holding a vinyl disk in her hands. I could see _Eric Clapton:_ _Slowhand_ written on it. And I could see she was totally into it.

“Ok, I’ll kiss the face of whoever is behind this…” She said.

Marco shrugged slightly, “I’m sorry it’s not Mikasa.” Said Mikasa who grinned at the mention of her name.

Annie beamed at him, in her own stoic way, and then pulled him into a quick hug. “You’re such a mom, thank you so much.” She kissed his ear and Marco blushed visibly. Jean whistled like the asshole he was but everyone else seemed to agree it was indeed a good present. Annie was a huge music person, after all.

Reiner came next, and Jean was totally pleased when he saw what was inside that huge box. I almost choked on my own saliva when Reiner pulled out a huge flask of lube and two boxes of condoms. And Mikasa and Annie both seemed hysterical for a moment. Levi was slightly amused too, though that could only be noticed by the intensity in his eyes.

“Alright, alright…” Reiner said as he placed those down and glanced at Bert who seemed to have frozen completely. “This one is not hard to guess because the only person who cares about my sexual safety is Annie.” He looked at her and smiled as he placed his hand over his chest. “Thank you. My kinky side is very grateful to you.”

Annie playfully bowed her head. “You’re very welcome.”

Marco propped himself forward and sat up straighter, “Ok. My turn now.”

“Drums!” Mikasa warned, and Reiner followed.

Marco’s present was also huge. It was a brown box that contained another brown box inside, and then another, and another… Jean was getting a little impatient by the time Marco opened the last box and took out a book. But not just any book, it was the holy bible.

“Oh god…” I let out without noticing.

“Open it,” Mikasa ordered.

Marco glanced at her, he seemed rather serious, but his expression changed completely when he opened it and saw nothing but white paper with a square cut in the middle and a tiny box with a really expensive watch inside. I was already smiling when Marco raised his questioning eyes to Mikasa.

She shrugged, “When you attend the court room to pull me out of the shit hole I’ll most likely get in, I want you to have at least the prettiest watch. Maybe the judge will be hypnotized by it and you can save my ass faster.”

“That’s…” Marco looked down at the watch and then at her again. “Thank you… Really.”

“Not selfish at all,” Levi joked.

Mikasa laughed, “No, not at all.”

I knew I wasn’t the only one who could tell how that one was probably the best present someone could have given a person like Marco. We all knew how hard he worked every day. This was Mikasa’s way of saying she believed he’d make it through. Though I was pretty sure he said before he didn't want to be a lawyer but something else altogether.

“Show the watch, man!” Jean flared.

Marco held the tiny box and passed it on to Annie.

“How expensive was this?” She asked, eyes shooting quickly to Mikasa.

“You need not know,” was the reply.

No one complained. We all knew that both her family and Jean’s family were the _richasses_ of the house. If they could, they could, and we respected it.

Next up was Bert. And I suppose revenge was served, because when Bert held up the tissue box he’d gotten, Jean burst out into laugher. It was just that, a tissue box with no other purpose than whatever it was needed for.

So much like Jean.

“Ok,” Mikasa bounced her present in her hands and I instantly craved my eyes on my lap. “Drums for me, please.”

Reiner started drumming some song’s rhythm while Mikasa proceed to open her present. I looked up just in time to meet eyes with her when the red scarf ran down her lap. Levi was looking at her and then he looked at me before glancing away as if to give us privacy.

“Thank you, Eren…” She said warmheartedly. She was already putting it on before I could reply.

“Don’t mention.” I smiled at her and then peeked at Levi. He looked back and raised an eyebrow. I knew his face simply meant _I told you so_.

In that same moment, however, I realized I still had to open that tiny envelope of mine. I was more than glad when Levi started opening his own present without even waiting for Reiner to drum something.

The best part, was that no one was expecting Levi’s amused expression when he had a box of headphones in his hands. He seemed just as thankful as he could be, between his small ranges in thankful expressions. And above all, he seemed to figure it out in less than a second. His eyes were on Reiner before anyone could say a word.

“This is so I won’t complain about you two from now on, right?” He asked.

Reiner glanced at Bert and then smiled small. “Well, that was the original thought. Though I still know you’ll keep complaining, probably even after we move out.”

Levi smirked. “Yes, you got that one right.”

We laughed.

“Thank you, though. I like them,” Levi said as he gave a more thoughtful look over the box.

“Yeah,” Jean agreed, “Black like your soul.”

“And your asshole.” Levi shot back without any effort.

Mikasa snorted and then turned her attention to me. “What about you, Eren?”

“Uhm…” I held up the tiny envelope in my hand and gave it a small flick. “I got the biggest present in the house, as you can see.”

She exchanged a glance with Jean, and Levi raised his eyes to me.

“Alright,” she said, “open it.”

And I did. I was a bit confused at first about the contents, though. Inside the envelope was a receipt. Everyone was quiet while I stared at it for a while, but my brain was having it hard for all I cared. It wasn’t until I turned it over to see the rest that my heart dropped to a pit.

It wasn’t just any receipt.

It was an airplane ticket. _A fucking plane ticket to Venice._

My eyes shot up to Mikasa so fast I felt dizzy. “What’s the meaning of this?” I asked.

She looked at Levi and then sighed. “Well, this was actually Levi’s idea…” She kept going when I glared at Levi. “We all paid for your share a little, though Levi was the one who gave more money, true. And… He also talked to Armin so Armin could talk to your parents about it…” She swallowed, as if she was nervous. “And they said it was ok.”

 “Yeah, man,” Jean leaned back in his seat. “Going without you would be boring.”

There was something bubbling in my chest. I looked down quickly because my eyes were burning.

Reiner sighed. “Exactly my point. It’s better if we all go.”

“It wouldn’t be the same without you,” someone else said, I couldn’t tell who.

“You really think we were going to leave you behind?”

“Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind!”

“What the fuck.”

There was laughter. Someone patted my back too. Reiner was drumming something over the table again, _probably_. I couldn’t tell. I couldn’t tell because I was too busy crying like a fucking baby.

I just felt stupid. Stupid beyond words. I had no idea why I’d misjudged these people in the beginning. I didn’t know why I’d been eating myself up with jealously because of how small that present was. Size had never really mattered. I knew that. I was just so, so, so, _so_ stupid.

“Aw, he’s crying,” Annie said in a mellow voice.

Mikasa was in front of me in less than second. She was smiling and hugging me and saying, “See? You’re such a baby, Eren.”

I leaned my face on her shoulder and took a deep breath. She smelled really nice.

“Ok,” I heard Jean get up. “I’ll go take care of dinner. Marco, follow me. It will be breaded turkey breast because I was not gonna buy a whole turkey for you guys.”

“Is this Christmas?” Annie asked.

“It is Christmas.”

I took a deep breath and muttered against Mikasa’s shoulder, “And it’s not even my birthday.”

She patted my head. “You’re right. It will be mine in a few days and I expect another present.”

I laughed breathlessly and leaned away from her to rub my fists over my eyes. Mikasa patted my knees and raised to her feet again before she wandered somewhere else. With Marco out of there, I could feel Annie’s eyes on me. She was the only person who didn’t leave to the kitchen, except Levi who was unexpectedly sitting between us all of a sudden.

I was absent mindedly looking at the papers over my lap when pale fingers grabbed the envelope and took another paper from inside.

“You forgot this,” he said.

Reluctantly, I grabbed the piece of paper and opened it. There was a really beautiful draw in the middle of overlapping wings, one white and another blue, though the blue one seemed to vanish in a flock of birds and then slowly fade away.

I stared at the draw for a while and then read the caption below that said _your shitty tattoo_.

When I looked up, I saw Annie had totally leaned in to check my face out. She quickly retreated, though.

“Oh my god. Guys!” She shouted to the kitchen, “These two will are being lovey dovey!”

It was expected of Levi some sort of reaction. All he did was stare at the TV though. I looked at him, also expecting him to look back, but he didn’t. It was weird that even after all this time I couldn’t figure this person out. But I was pretty sure that if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be as far in love with everyone as I was right now.

“Thank you,” I muttered. My voice cracked a little at the end but I didn’t care. I was looking at his face, expecting a look, a word, anything at all. So of course I was startled when instead of any of that, Levi just held my hand over his leg and entwined our fingers together.

I automatically sank down a little in my seat and leaned my head over his shoulder. He didn’t say anything the whole time, not even when Annie kept teasing us. He was quiet until he had to get up to eat something and go to work.

Jean wasn’t joking when he said he was making breaded turkey breast for dinner. I was still a little shaken to react much. Even when everyone was in high spirits, I was still a few miles behind on everything.

We ate standing up because sitting down was too cliché. Annie had to try out her new vinyl, of course. Though after a few songs she changed it to something else. Levi was by my side the small amount of time he and Mikasa stayed around. I noticed he’d pulled his sleeves slightly and was showing a strange dark bracelet I hadn’t seen before.

I hadn’t even taken my time to thank anyone, really. Though it was mostly because I didn’t know how to express such a big amount of gratitude. I also needed to thank Armin, and my parents. Still, no one here seemed to mind. If anything, they seemed to be avoiding any sort of emotional contact.

It was too late to be ashamed of crying in front of so many people. But again, I was too numb to care. I was already over my second piece of turkey when Levi tapped over my shoulder and leaned down to speak in my ear.

“Wait for me,” he said.

I had intended to wait for him even if he hadn’t told me to. There was something I wanted to ask him, and there were a bunch of things I wanted to talk to him about. And it’s not like it couldn’t wait. It could. But I was a little fed up with waiting right now.

I looked at him for a brief second with my mouth stuffed with food and then nodded. He seemed serious, though he still ruffled my hair before he and Mikasa left.

We watched the second movie of _How to Train Your Dragon_ that night. I was feeling a little more willing after the coke Jean got me and the popcorn Marco made for us. Annie was so excited about it even I felt giddy. We already knew Jonsi’s song so we obviously sang along, even when Jean was trying to mimic Toothless’ laugh the whole time.

After the movie, Reiner and Bert excused themselves. Jean also said he was tired so he’d probably go to bed early today. I was amazed at that one, though I opted to comment about how he was hugging his new book about horses so carefully, as if it could break if it fell on the floor.

“It’s a great book!” Was all he replied before he was out of there.

I sat between Marco and Annie then. She had decided to bring yet another blanket to cover herself with and I seriously wondered if she was alright. Her cheeks were red but she kept saying she didn’t have a fever and I didn’t want to bother her too much. I would do it if she fainted on me, though. And I noticed she scooted closer after I gave a small shiver.

“Hey,” I bit at my lip before I went on, “I didn’t really thank you guys… about before. But somehow doing it around everyone seemed weird so… I’ll just go about my business when I catch some of you alone.”

Marco gave a chuckle. “You don’t need to thank us, though. We’re the ones who should be thank you and I guess this is our way to do it.”

I turned to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Annie spoke, “no one will ever have the balls to tell you that your arrival was probably the best that ever happened to us.” I was again at loss of words. “It’s not like we really liked each other that much, we just sort of tolerated each other. I sincerely thought everyone except perhaps Mikasa was annoying.”

“Yes,” Marco agreed. “That’s true. I was always too much of a pacifist around here. But I admit sometimes even I wanted to yell at you guys, for a lot of reasons.”

I looked between them. “And how did I change that?”

“Well,” Annie snorted, “You never really gave a shit. I always thought Jean was an annoying bitch until you came around and you two started bickering all the time.” She paused to think about it and then smirked. “I guess you taught me to find the good side in his shitty self. It stopped being annoying and it started being fun.”

“And let’s not even mention Levi,” Marco huffed a laugh. “He’s been so soft ever since you came around. Everyone was secretly thankful.” He smiled at me. “We were ok, but thanks to you, we’re even better now. So of course you’re coming with us.”

There was a knot in my throat again. I threw my head back and groaned, “Ok, stop. I’ll cry again if you keep telling me that shit.”

Annie snorted again. “Don’t worry. You’re still pretty when you cry.”

“Wow, hearing that from you somehow does make me feel pretty.”

Annie pinched my leg and I yelped. “Which reminds me…. You and Levi… are you dating yet?”

“Huh…” I looked at her and then my eyes rushed to Marco who was beaming all his interest at me. “No… No. No, we’re not. Not yet.”

“Not yet?! Annie shouted. She seemed to have jumped in her seat. “Wow, talk about a slow burn.”

Slow burn? I couldn’t say it was a slow burn because there had been attraction since the very beginning. Even though, Levi seemed to justify his because he already knew me from before. Though—wait. Did that mean he had liked me even before I knew who he was?

My brains turned to pudding.

“Will you ask him out?” Marco asked cautiously.

I didn’t even need to think about that one. “Yeah, though… I’m thinking about how I’ll do that.”

Annie raised an eyebrow at me, blue orbs gleaming slightly. “What do you mean? Just ask him out, like, _yoh, wanna be my boyfriend?_ ”

I laughed. “Oh my god, that’s so weird.”

“Is it? But that’s totally how I’d ask the person I like.”

I smirked and side glanced at her. “Do you even have a person you like?”

Annie mimicked my face, though a little more to the evil side. “You know so you don’t really need my answer.”

My hand flew to cover my mouth and the obvious grin that flourished all of a sudden. “Oh, god. I knew it! Does she know?”

“No, she doesn’t. Shut up.”

Marco shifted next to me. I had almost forgotten he was there.

“I’m a little lost,” he said.

“In other news,” Annie started, “I’m a massive dick.”

Both Marco and I snorted, though only I said, “Yeah. Stop making all the dildos jobless.”

They laughed.

We stayed silent while we watched what our TV was shoving down our eyes, food, mainly. But not just any food, it was food porn. I had just eaten and I couldn’t stop salivating at the thought of that melted yellow cheese.

“What about you, Marco?” Annie asked after a while. “Do you like someone? I’ve never seen you with anyone before, I think.”

Marco squinted a little. I seriously wondered if he was going to share anything with us, so I was surprised when he said, “I don’t really have the time to worry about it right now. Besides, I’m still trying to get over someone.”

Both Annie and I turned in our seats to look at him as with both asked, “Who?!”

The look he gave us was a warning. If we told any of that to anyone, we’d see freckled Jesus turn into freckled devil in less than a second, and surely I knew the nicest people made the worst storms. I just nodded to assure him I understand.

“I had a crush on Jean before,” he suddenly said.

Annie and I just stared. But then she said, “Mikasa is right… there’s something in this house.”

“Must be the water,” I added.

“Yeah… that’s actually a good theory.”

Marco was looking at us rather amused. I didn’t know about Annie but I was probably making the most dumbstruck face ever. Not because—holy fuck, why Jean? But also because Jean was currently dating my best friend. And _oh shit_ , Marco wasn’t straight.

“See the positive side of it,” Annie said as she leaned back on her seat. “We’re going to meet in hell again. It will be great.”

“And then ascend from the depths and turn all the babies gay,” I said.

“You mean demons creating paradise? That really is a nice point of view.”

Marco laughed. “You two are the worst duo ever, seriously.”

I patted his shoulder. “Well, I just want you to know that I’m on your side. Though I can’t really support you because… well… yeah.”

“I know, Eren. It’s ok. It’s pretty much a lost cause for me and I’m happy like this too.”

I looked at the ceiling while I digested his words but then opted to forget about it and shrug it off. Even if he was only talking without feeling any of it, it wouldn’t change the fact that I was still, somehow, on his side.

_But why Jean?!_

_Goes figure._

It was finally 1am and I was alone in the living room. Annie and Marco had long left me to my own devices while I watched a bunch of Arrow episodes without even knowing half of the story. I could already tell it was a pool of frustration, though.

It was out of impatience that I kept checking my phone. I was nervously tapping my foot on the floor the whole time. And, eventually, I fell asleep for the second time that day.

When I woke up again was because I felt cold fingers stroke my hair. My eyelids bat open and the first thing I saw was Levi’s serene expression. I totally shot up at that before I turned to look at him.

“What time is it?” I asked.

Levi took a look at his phone that’d been sitting over the sofa’s arm. “Almost 3am.”

This was like dejá vu. “And how long have you been here?”

He sighed. “For about an hour.”

_Ugh, again, Eren? Seriously?_

“I’m sorry…” I said but not loud enough. “I’m sorry,” I repeated.

Levi searched my face for a moment but then his grey eyes locked on mine. “How tired are you?” That was a weird question. And he probably picked up from my expression that my brain was going down the wrong road. “Not for that, idiot.”

I took my time to sit straight. Maybe that would will the blush on my face to go away. “Uhm, I don’t know. Now that you’re here I’m not that tired anymore.”

“Hm…” He blinked slowly and then looked down at his hands. Despite his calm expression and posture, I could totally tell he was fidgeting. “Do you…” He trailed off. Then, he looked at me and tried again. “Do you want to go somewhere?”

“Somewhere?”

Levi’s eyes moved from my face to somewhere behind me. “Hn, it’s snowing outside.”

That had me turning abruptly to the window. “ _Woah_!” He was right. It really was snowing. It had been a while since I’d seen snow so I was suddenly too excited. “Yeah,” I added, “We can _totally_ go outside.”

“Thought so,” Levi scoffed. “Go get a jacket then.”

I didn’t even reply. I just jumped to my feet and rushed to my room.

It was really cold outside. I was glad I’d thought of bringing my scarf with me or I’d have turned into a shivering mess after a few minutes out in that cold.

It really was snowing. But except for the amount that kept accumulating at each corner, the rest would melt down after a few seconds. It was still nice, though. Levi was using his hoodie to cover his head, and I secretly wished the snow was thick enough to amass at the top of him. It’d be a funny sight.

Levi hadn’t told me where we were going, but I already knew the way. It was a bit nostalgic, somehow, and a lot had changed since the last time we had hanged around each other at night like this.

The streets were empty. Except for a car or two, there was no one around. The few leaves that were still scattered through the ground were frozen. It was pretty because they glinted at the faintest of lights.

We walked down Trost in silence. I was a little too comfortable in that quietness too, I admit. It’s not like I didn’t know there was a lot to say, a lot I wanted to say. But the quiet was good too.

“I thought,” Levi said after we’d reached downtown, his breath evaporated in a small cloud and he followed it up with his eyes. “I thought,” He repeated, “that you were being half assed about it. And maybe that was my own insecurity playing a trick on me, but I thought it was natural if that was the outcome.” He paused as we crossed the road and I didn’t dare say a word. I knew he wasn’t finished. And he was talking so softly I really just didn’t want him to stop. “Still, I thought that I could at least try to please you. I guess I wanted you to notice something about me that the eyes couldn’t reach, or whatever the thought was. So don’t think for a second that whatever happened was not only and _only_ because of my own selfishness. And that applies today as well.” He side glanced at me, expression unreadable, and then looked away again. “But you had to do your thing anyway. And I believed you when you said you liked me, for about the hundredth time, yeah, I know, you can call me slow.”

I laughed a little at the way he rushed those last words.

“But I guess it was also very hypocrite of me to assume I was the only one feeling that way because I’ve liked you for so long.”

_So my suspicions were right…_

“Why me, though?” I asked. No, I wasn’t having a moment of insecurity, I just really wanted to know since I didn’t even remember meeting him before. “Is it related to when you say we met?”

Levi shrugged one shoulder. “I told you my father was against me making a carrier out of art, which was what I wanted. So I guess I was a little off myself that day. I thought that maybe he was right, that maybe I should give up. But _you_ ,” he narrowed his eyes at thin air, “you just came by to pick up a lost ball and complimented my work. You said what you keep saying all the time, that you’d buy all my work when my name became known.”

I felt the heat on my face. “Eh, yeah, that sounds like me…” And I still couldn’t remember a thing. I’d have to ask Armin about that one. Maybe he remembered.

“I thought it wasn’t so bad. And after that day, I started seeing you a lot in totally random places.” He paused and looked down. “It might sound creepy, but I guess I was watching you the whole time.”

“Pft, coming from you it’s not creepy at all.”

Levi glared at me. “Ha. Ha. Very funny.”

We walked a few more meters in silence. The roads were starting to get wider and wider and now I was 100% certain of where we were headed.

“So it was like a crush or something?” I grinned at the thought of Levi having a crush on me for such a long time. It really didn’t sound like him at all, not from what the eye could see, though. And that made me realize he was right. There was a lot about him, and everyone, the eye could not reach.

“Go ahead and make fun,” He grumbled.

I gave a step closer to him and bumped my shoulder on his. “I’m being serious, don’t be an ass! I’m totally happy over here!”

“Tsk.”

“Well, I really don’t remember a thing. But now that I think about it, I found you really familiar when I saw you, even though I was sure I’d never seen you before. I thought that was because you and Mikasa were so alike, but maybe it’s more than that.”

Levi didn’t reply. He was looking ahead and the only sign he was listening was how he was blinking far more often than he would if he was ignoring me.

“I thought you were really cool. You had this loner behavior about you, but that made you really mysterious and I have to admit I was really into that.”

Levi started laughing but turned his face away before I could see him. It was a little unfair and I totally pouted because he was being reserved again. He seemed to have calmed down a second later though and he looked at me in amusement.

“You seriously will be the end of me,” The wording wasn’t at all perfect, but the way he said it made my heart melt.

It was Saturday, so of course the Christmas lights were on until late. If I wasn’t mistaken, they would probably go off around 5am and I was certain we weren’t that far from 5am anymore.

We still made it in time. Twenty steps and we had entered the broad plaza Levi had taken me to see on the first night we hanged out together just the two of us. The place was still as pretty now as it had been that night, though now there was a huge Christmas tree in the middle, about thirty feet tall, full of lights that kept changing color.

“What a big ass tree,” Levi muttered with that unexpressive face of his.

I snorted, “Yeah, totally agree with you there.”

We walked around the _big ass tree_ and made our way to the stone benches by the river side. It was still snowing and Levi pulled a face as he watched the wet cement and kicked it with his foot as if that would magically dry it.

I paid him little attention and sat down anyway. Despite the cold, there was no wind and it felt really nice to be there. It still smelled like fish, but what else would a person expect of a river? I was so into it I couldn’t control the little jump my heart gave when Levi stood in front of me, used his knee to get between my legs and down on one of them. He was incredibly heavy for his size too.

Because of the way we were sitting, Levi’s face stood higher than mine. He was watching the water and I was watching him. I knew it was the cold that was making his nose and cheeks turn pink, but I still thought of how nice it would be if I could make him get that way as well.

“Hey,” I said softly because I didn’t want to break the silence.

Levi rushed his eyes first and then turned slightly to face me.

It finally made sense why it wasn’t good enough. Why touching him wasn’t enough, why kissing him wasn’t enough, why liking him and having him like me back wasn’t enough. I’d said it before, but I hadn’t realized that it could only be somehow satisfying for me if I could own him in a way _the eyes couldn’t reach_.

“You’re pretty,” I said with a certain mischief to my voice.

The corners of Levi’s mouth dropped down a little and then he moved, opened his mouth around my nose and chomped. I barely even had time to retreat.

“And you’re a cry baby,” he said in a flat tone.

I rolled my eyes. “Annie says I’m pretty when I cry.”

His eyebrow was instantly climbing up. “Oh? So? You care more about what Annie says than what I say?”

“No. But you’re calling me cry baby.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Are you jealous again?”

Levi bumped his forehead on mine and chuckled. “Maybe I am. Do you have a problem with that?”

“No, sir.”

He frowned. “Fuck you, Eren.”

I smirked and leaned closer, just a breath away and blew “You wish,” on his lips.

His eyes glinted dangerously in a way that had a fire igniting in me. “Is that a challenge, kid?”

“No, not really.” I knew that if I said it was he’d probably do it just to prove me wrong. “Totally not a challenge.”

Levi tilted his head. “I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic.”

I scoffed a little to the side and then took a hand out of my pocket to throw his hoodie away and bring him closer to a kiss.

Even thought it had been a while, nothing was rushed. It was as if we both knew no one was going anywhere for now. We had time, for now. When it was over it was because Levi pulled away. I didn’t complain because then he started kissing the corner of my mouth, the line of my jaw, my neck—that made me shiver—and only stopped when his head was finally resting on my shoulder, his lips still pressed against my skin.

My free hand roamed around his back until it found its way inside his shirt and up his bare back. Levi groaned a little, which was totally arousing and I had to try my best to pay little attention to, and then shivered.

“Your hand is fucking cold,” he whispered.

“I know.”

“Asshole.”

“That’s you.”

Levi tongued my skin and I snorted because it tickled. “Insufferable—”

“Sounds like you,” I said.

“Unspeakable—”

“You again.”

“Brat.”

“Well…”

“Hah.”

I raised the leg Levi was sitting on quickly enough to make him jump a little and got a glare in return. “Now, who’s being annoying?” I asked.

Levi took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly on my skin again. He had to be doing it on purpose. I had a growing boner now and I was _not_ happy about that.

“Ok.” He muttered. His tone seemed decisive. “I was waiting on you because you’re the impulsive brat here, but I’m freezing my balls in this cold.” He straightened up and looked me in the eyes. “Do you wanna date?”

My brain misfired. The answer was pretty obvious. It was in the tip of my tongue. But I couldn’t help myself when teasing him became top priority. “Date?”

Levi rolled his eyes and groaned in frustration. “Yes, Eren. Date. D-A-T-E, like, be my boyfriend.”

I smirked when he said the word _boyfriend_ and Levi totally got me.

“You did that on purpose,” he muttered.

“Yes.”

“Yes _what_ , Eren.”

“Let’s do the dating,” I whispered as I started trailing his jaw with my lips up to his ear.

“God,” Levi gasped, “you really are annoying.”

Annoying, yes. And probably in _love_ too.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can someone count the amount of times Levi says Eren's name throughout this chapter?  
> Thanks ~
> 
> Whelelelele!!! Not much to say. Except I'm not even sure if this is up to your standards of sexiness (?) I can never tell if what I write is sexy enough or not, it's up to you guys to decide. I don't think I've ever writen a real-deal sex scene before either, so please go easy on me (?)  
> Massive thanks to jinglereri (I'm sorry, I dunno your name) for the massive support. You're lovely <3

“Jean, can you turn the radiator to you? That thing is cooking my ass,” I groaned from my desk.

Jean made a sound that could barely be recognized as a reply of consent and then strangely moved his leg to turn the radiator around. He was playing League of Legends, so it didn’t even surprise me that his eyes never left the screen.

After that weekend things had been oddly calm around here. Despite the amount of work I suddenly found myself in a need the finish before the end of the semester, having the house so quiet and calm was stress-free.

Jean seemed to be laying low now that Armin was too busy with his finals to manage to find time together. He was playing videogames far more often that he studied for his own tests, but that was none of my concern. Mikasa and Annie were also in their room most of the time. I knew they were busy with a few projects they needed ready before winter holidays. Marco was only available to talk to during dinner, and even then he brought a few books with him to the living room. Reiner and Bert were rather chill. They’d hang out with me whenever I needed to take a break. But overall, Levi was the biggest change.

Just because I didn’t tend to say much about them doesn’t mean I was completely unaware of the little things as they happened. Touches that lingered more than usual, and stares that held some other meaning than just the usual intensity. Levi had always been more about showing than talking. And it was something I absolutely loved. Not because I was any different, but because I was just the same.

Therefore, knowing I had little time to spare, Levi just purposely made himself available for me all the time. It was awkward when knocked at my door the first time, asking if it was alright to stay there. The “ _with me”_ wasn’t mentioned, but I knew it was underlined, obviously. It was actually helpful because Levi and I shared at least one subject in common, though he was far more ahead than I was. So he ended up aiding me with something, especially with my homework. Even Jean was used to having Levi around. I couldn’t help feeling happy about how lightly everyone took the situation, though as Annie had muttered just a few nights before, “It’s as if you’ve been on it since the very start. Now you made it official.”

Of course, sometimes I couldn’t help letting my mind wander a bit too much. I knew that being in the dorms meant there were going to be very few displays of affection. Except for a few chaste kisses of goodnight and a slight brush of lips over my forehead that managed to work wonders, we really hadn’t done anything else. And _finally_ having knowledge of where my feelings for Levi stood could turn out to be a little overwhelming. I wanted to touch him more, I wanted to kiss him more, and I wanted to do _more_. Just this wasn’t enough, and it was certainly testing my patience.

So of course I was overjoyed when the last day of classes came around and Marco turned to me the moment I got in the kitchen and said, “We’re going to have dinner out tonight. Do you wanna join?”

Levi was by the closed balcony, small glass full of ice cubes in hand. His eyes moved to meet mine as he took an ice cube to his mouth and _munched_. That caused me some inner pain, to be honest. Who the hell eats ice?

I looked at Marco and made the most sheepish face I could come up with. “Nah, sorry. I’m pretty tired and I just want to chill out for the rest of the day.”

Marco grabbed a glass of water that had been sitting over the counter and sipped at it, eyes wide open as he looked at me. “Well, I thought so. Levi is staying as well. You can keep him company.”

I smiled because I had no other response to that. There was no way I would have let Levi pass up such an opportunity anyway, but maybe, _just maybe_ , we were on the same page. When my eyes moved to him, however, I couldn’t help but snort over the way his cheeks were swollen, mouth full with ice.

_What a dork._

Taking a shower was probably the best idea I’d had the whole day. The house was already empty by the time I got out of the bathroom so I took the chance to steal Jean’s hair dryer and spend a good amount of time blowing hot air on my face—yes my face, not my hair.

It took a while, but the feeling of being free and not having to worry about anything school-related for the next two, three weeks finally sunk. I couldn’t wait for the glorified boredom I would feel once I went back home. Somehow, feeling bored and having nothing to do was something I missed. Laying down on the floor like a starfish and have one of my existential crisis, it’d been a while since I’d felt that way.

Anyway, now was not the time to think about that. Levi and I had the whole house just to ourselves for few hours, which meant I could finally _do_ something that didn’t end with someone else in an uncomfortable situation. The one thing I had in mind, for starters, was only a simple hug, though. I was needing one.

I dressed something comfortable and then walked to the living room, but it was empty. The kitchen was empty too, so I tried Levi’s room. I knocked at the door before I opened it. “Hey, Levi?”

I didn’t even notice the direction Levi came from, but he was on me instantly, flattening me against the door the moment I got in and making it slam shut in the process. His mouth pressed against mine and my mind went from 8 to 80 in less than a second. I latched one hand on the back of his head and brushed my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer against me.

There was a warm sensation at the pit of my stomach when sure fingers gripped down at my sides and traveled up to cup my face and lick my mouth open. I barely had time to feel him because Levi broke the kiss then, breathing hot on me, eyes searching my face, though the only expression I could come up with at the moment was one of confusion.

“I’m not complaining,” I started, “but what the hell was that for?”

He rubbed his nose on my jaw and trailed my skin up to my ear. “Do me, Eren,” he whispered. Whatever started as a warm _sensation_ was now a growing boner. Totally unrequested boner of the week.

My eyebrows creased at the sudden tingling feeling of his breath over my skin and I swallowed visibly. “Come again?”

Levi gripped his hands on my waist and leaned back just enough to look at me, amusement totally obvious. “Tell me it’s not what has been at the back of your mind for the past two weeks and I’ll let you go.”

I snorted. “In retrospect?”

He rolled his eyes. “If you’re so eager to make sure I’m yours, then why don’t you?” He glanced aside as if to give me some sort of privacy while I processed his words. Was it really that obvious? It was all in my mind, but somehow Levi knew. He always knew everything, goes figure how, but it still took me by surprise.

He looked back at me then. “I’m telling you what I want right now. What do _you_ want?” There was no need to ask me twice, and I opted to show him, instead of telling, exactly what I wanted.

I pulled Levi into another kiss. It wasn’t the fervent kissing he always managed to coax me into, but he didn’t seem displeased with my slower pace. My hands gripped at his flannel shirt while he unbuttoned it himself, and then pushed it off his shoulders.

It stopped being playful all at once. Levi glanced at me, pupils dilating slightly before he moved to sink his teeth in my neck. I gasped at the sudden pain but somehow that only got me even more aroused.

Maybe I had a kink for that.

I placed a hand over Levi’s chest and _pushed_. He stumbled back a little, eyes holding mine, and I walked up to him to pull him into another kiss. I kept pushing him and kissing him roughly as I led him across the room, in the direction of the bed.

We missed the course a little, though, and Levi had to throw a hand back not to bump forcefully against the wall, while the other hand helped me get rid of my shirt and he kissed my chest when it got stuck over my head.

Once the shirt was dropped on the floor though, I opened my mouth and moved hastily to envelop his, but he leaned back just enough to be a tease. I pressed him harder against the wall and he arched his back away from the cold surface, mouth falling open in a silent moan, eyes narrowing slightly when I _finally_ kissed him again.

I’d barely given a thought to where his hands were now until he grabbed my ass, pulling me in as he rolled his hips in an unforgiving quick movement. I groaned and let my forehead fall on the cold wall. It feel good because everything was suddenly too hot.

“You know,” I said a lot more breathless than I had expected, “you’re supposed to be someone who doesn’t know what he’s doing…”

Levi trailed his hands down my torso and stopped at the hem of my pants. “And why is that?” His eyes locked with mine when I looked down. I had no idea when he’d gotten on his knees. “Just because it’s a first,” his eyebrow twitched slightly at the word _first_ , “doesn’t mean I don’t know more or less what I’m doing.”

“You still have to explain that, though.”

Levi started rolling my pants down, stopping midway down my ass to look up. “Explain what?”

I licked my lips. “Explain how someone like you ended up with someone like me.”

Levi glanced to the side. “Well… it started when you enlisted—”

I rolled my eyes, “Not that.”

He shrugged, “I don’t know what you mean, then.”

He knew exactly what I meant, he was just playing difficult as usual. However, there was no time to come up with any witty retort because my mind went blank the moment Levi tongued my fully grown erection through my boxers. I seriously entertained the thought of letting him stay there for a while, but we were running low on time. Levi still worked today and I had no idea when everyone else was getting back.

I grabbed him by the arm and hauled him up. It was always surprising how heavy he was despite his size. What was not surprising was the death glare I got, but I quickly kissed that annoyed expression away.

It wasn’t hard to pull him from the wall to the bed, though when the back of his knees hit the edge of the mattress he ended up taking me with him when he fell.

I’d been on that bed so many other times, but never once with my mind set on how much it smelled like him. This time, it was a totally overwhelming.

Levi propped himself up on his elbows and moved on top of the bed while I completed the task of getting rid of my pants. And even though there was nothing _sexy_ about what I was doing, Levi was watching every movement of mine, practically devouring me with his eyes.

I was about to lean over to crawl over him again when a cold foot was pressed over my stomach. I glared down at it and at Levi’s testy mien.

He looked me in the eyes and then down at my boxers before he glanced up once again. “Take those off.” It didn’t sound like a command, it was more of a suggestion, but it still made me blush.

I frowned in spite of myself and grabbed his foot. “Why am I the only one getting naked?”

Levi nodded to the side, eyes not leaving mine. “Because you’re beautiful.”

My heart drummed loudly in my chest and I stared. Had he really just called me _beautiful_? If this person kept this game going I would certainly evaporate sooner or later with the amount of warmth I could feel on my face.

“Well,” my voice was scratchy, “if that’s the case then we need to do something about those,” I moved my eyes to his jeans and Levi smirked, eyes still craved on me like two dull blades.

I moved up onto the bed to crawl over him, and had to take a deep breath in the process, because— _fuck, this guy_ was oozing a sex aura all over him and that was killing the neurons that had survived these past two weeks of excruciating stress thanks to college.

Levi had already unbuttoned his jeans by the time my lips reached his again, and he threw both arms around my neck to pull me close while my hands worked those _infernal_ skinny jeans of his down and then my foot did the rest.

I had to pull back to look at him properly this time and I sincerely had no idea where I wanted my eyes to stop. _This time_ , I could see his face properly. I could see the slight color on his cheeks and ears. It was weird seeing him like this, but it was a good kind of weird. And again, it was a look (just like many others) that Levi only had for _me_.

“ _What_ ,” He prompted when I didn’t say anything.

I leaned down over him and shifted my weight to one elbow, “I’ll need a condom and lube in case you were serious about your first suggestion a while ago.”

Levi tossed his arm over the bed and pointed somewhere. “Under the pillows,” he said.

I raised an eyebrow and reached a hand to check. I did find the lube and the condoms. “Seriously?” My eyes ran to his. “ _Under the pillows_?”

He rolled his. “Last minute decision. I had no idea where to put them.”

I shook the box of condoms in my hand before I opened it to take one. “When did you get these?”

Levi wrapped his legs around my waist and pulled me down, almost making me lose balance. “This morning.”

A grin blossomed on my face. “Totally _not_ premeditated.”

He shrugged, “There was always a chance you’d say no.”

“Oh. Like you did?”

That one earned me a chastising glare. “Remind me to get mad at you later,” he muttered.

Yes, I’d have to remind him because he had already forgotten about it when my hand stole into his underwear and I leaned over his face to taste his mouth again. Though I admit I went light-headed when he moved to do the same. The possessive way he squeezed at my dick was enough to make me breathless. It matched, though. Everything about him matched. The jealously, the way he kissed, the greedy thoughts, it all matched.

Levi got rid of my boxers by the time I got rid of his, in a heated attempt of roaming hands and rushed brush of lips. I grabbed our erections together and gave them a pump while Levi claimed my mouth once more. I kissed back, thumb pressing over the tip of his cock at the same time I moved down his neck slowly and stopped to clamp my teeth down on one if his nipples. Levi flinched and let out a surprised “ _ah_ ” but I quickly licked hard where I’d bitten and that made him gasp.

“ _Eren_ ,” he breathed, hand grabbing a bunch of my hair to force me to look at him. “I trust you, ok?” His eyebrows creased over the usual frown and he let to go of me then, tossing his head back and sighing heavily. “Just saying…”

There was a heavy sensation on my chest. Was there ever gonna be a day when I wouldn’t be surprised by every little thing he said or did? Probably never. Sure, the way he rolled his body against my cock when those words fell from his mouth helped in the whole _feeling ecstatic_ thing, but it wasn’t just that. I was certain it wasn’t just that.

A fire burned within me and I started feeling light-headed again. I couldn’t help the loud gulp of air when my eyes locked on Levi’s dick. Just perfect. There. Thick and ready to get attention. My mouth watered and I threw every thought to the back of my head, mind going blank as I closed my lips around the head. I heard a hiss and I couldn’t help the way a breath left me through my nose when my own muffled moan came out and I slid my mouth down as far as I could. My vision blurred when my eyes watered at the sudden gag reflex, but I countered it by swallowing, though that only had Levi make a sound of his own when my throat closed around him. I gripped firmly at the base and lapped from where I’d stopped up to the leaking tip, looking up and locking my eyes with Levi’s when my tongue gave a flick beneath the head.

“That’s,” his voice sounded tight, “that’s _very_ sinful.”

“You’re the sinful one here,” I ran my fingers to grab his cock at the top and licked my way down to the base.

“Eren, just—God, just get the fuck up here.” Levi sucked in a sharp breath when I let go of him.

I did as I was told, though, not containing the little smirk when I said, “Oh, please, no need to call me God.” Though that was obviously me just stealing another line of his once again.

He was pinching my cheek the moment I was on his face. “You’re even more annoying when you’re like this.”

“You don’t like it?”

With a small roll of eyes Levi threw his hand at the back of my head and kissed me senseless one more time. It was funny when he pulled back just enough to say, “I can’t believe I’m kissing you after you just did that…”

I chuckled. “See it from my perspective. I just did that.” Besides, he was going to do it before, too, if I hadn’t stopped him.

“Fair enough.”

I still had no idea how Levi managed to keep such an even tone when his pulse was probably faster than mine. And I was already a mess as it was. I could feel it when I rubbed my lips over the skin of his neck, but what left me even more amazed was how I could _hear_ it even when I wasn’t that close. I could literally hear his heart, and I had no idea why that rendered me useless for a good amount of time as Levi took his chance to change our positions on roll on top of me.

He sat right over my neglected dick, giving a small roll of hips before he leaned down to kiss my forehead. _Kiss my forehead_ , that thing he did that had made miracles for me all week.

“Why are you so much bigger than me?”

Took me a while to realize he was talking about the length of our cocks. “Uh,” my face burned and I threw a hand over my eyes to hide my embarrassment, “well, you’re… you’re much thicker than I am.”

“Are you shy?” The amusement in his voice was obvious. “You’re shy _now_?”

“Shut up.”

“Hey,” his fingers trailed down my torso and Levi moved to sit on top of me again, “Remember what I told you a while ago?”

My heart skipped a beat but I still answered with a clear, “No.” Trying not to mind the fingers now traveling down my waist and stopping at my tights.

Levi moved my hand from over my eyes and pressed his forehead on mine. He was too close for me to focus my eyes anywhere but his mouth. “Should I remind you?”

“Yeah,” I said already breathless.

He stirred to breathe over my ear and my mind almost went blissfully blank. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. I was already surging with another wave of burst of fire and possessive intensity. I pulled Levi to me and pressed a chaste kiss on him before I tossed him on his back over the bed once again.

It was time to be efficient, if nothing else.

“Alright,” I started. He stared while my hand searched the bed for the lube, “how do you want this?”

Levi bit at his lower lip. “In a way it’s not too obvious when I have to leave for work.”

I laughed a little but it died when our gazes met. The way he posed told me he was tense. It had been a while for me but, overall, this was Levi’s _first time_. It would be a lie to say that didn’t make me a little nervous. Mostly, I just didn’t want to fuck it up. I didn’t want to make _any_ mistake. But I also wanted to make sure he felt good.

Levi closed his eyes when he heard me messing with the lube. I took that little time I had to mentally slap myself and try to stop feeling so insecure. I knew that if Levi caught any glimpse of that he’d probably worry about it and I definitely didn’t want him to _worry_ about _anything_ in a situation this situation.

Surprise hit him and his eyes sprung open when I took one of his legs in my arm and leaned forward, dragging a slick thumb over his asshole and dipping in slightly. The noise he made was almost inaudible, eyebrows creasing slightly.

I was expecting him to clench around my finger, or throw some sort of witty comment about how this was not what he had expected. What I got, though, was Levi glancing away from me, blush totally obvious. My breath probably whooshed out all at once when my heart felt heavy again.

My finger went as far as it could, as slowly as I could manage. But Levi only reacted again when I started dragging it out. He covered his face with his hand and canted his hips up. That certainly allowed me a better angle.

“No need to be so painfully slow,” he whispered.

I sucked in a breath, and it was all obliviousness after that. I was concentrating so much on what I was doing that I didn’t even notice until half way through the breathy little sounds that broke past Levi’s lips.

It was almost between my slight break of concentration that I noticed something was off, but not totally off, not at all. “Did you…” I bit at my lower lip and then turned my head slightly to press a kiss on his knee. “Did you clean yourself…?”

Levi looked at me between his fingers and _glared_. “Shut up, Eren.”

Totally _not_ premeditated. But that only meant we’d been on the same page since the very beginning and that was enough to send me over the edge one more time.

Levi exhaled loudly when my fingers stretched him further. I could feel the heat emanating from his body and hitting my own hot skin. He was sweaty and I was sweaty, and—Jesus fuck. I was going to hell for this. He was just too much. Too much beyond reason, and even more when he started writhing against my fingers like he was barely aware of it.

“ _Shit_. Ok,” I was pulling my fingers away when just at the same time I pressed somewhere as my body brushed his cock and Levi threw a hand over his mouth to muffle a yelp. “Oh,” I paused. Eyes searching him up and down. His dick was leaking with pre-cum. “Did you just come a little?”

He breathed. “ _Just_ —uh—just do it.”

“What?”

“ _Fuck me_ , Eren.”

That went straight to my brain. My heart—fuck—even my dick. And it didn’t get better by the time I was ripping off the condom wrapper, eager to just put that thing on and move along with it. It didn’t get easier when I pressed the head of my dick against his ass and shivered in anticipation. But that’s when Levi’s hand flew to my shoulder to stop me from pressing any further.

“That’s—” he sounded like he was in pain, “that’s big.”

“You already said so,” I shifted a little, “but it’s also really uncomfortable like this…” There was a foot pressed over my chest before I could go on. He really liked doing that, it seems. I glared down at his foot and then took his leg in my other arm. “This is pretty much like riding a bike, you know?”

Levi looked at me, expression torn between murder and bliss, if that was even possible. “Am I a bike in this scenario?”

“Depends,” I pushed in a little further. It was hard not to just thrust into him without mercy. “Depends if you want to stay on the receiving end.”

There had been other ways to do this. Probably some of them a little easier. But it just didn’t seem right. Not being able to look at him and see how his face contorted slightly every single time I pushed in a bit more. It wouldn’t have been right not being able to kiss him. Yes, it made it personal, but that was just how I wanted it.

“ _Eren_ ,” my name sounded gorgeous when he said it in a whisper. “Eren, just do it. _Fast_.”

Whatever bit of sanity I was trying to cling to was lost right there. I breathed loudly, yanked him back, and rushed in deep. There was probably very little of erotic to how both of us groaned at each other. But I wasn’t so worried with the display to care about it. Levi had tightened so much around me my eyes crossed. He probably felt like he was being split in half but that changed soon enough.

I knew he was watching me when I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate in maintaining a certain rhythm to every single thrust. When I had my pace set and opened my eyes again, I told him to touch himself and that’s when his expression changed from one of discomfort to one of confusion. At some point, he fisted his cock so hard it made me shudder and he felt it too.

Levi yelped and flung his arms over his head when I dropped his legs to lean over and kiss him. My hands found his and I entwined our fingers, his legs wrapping around me, urging me to thrust even deeper, faster, _senseless_. His chest was pressed hot and flush against mine. I could feel him tense up every time I dragged back and that was just _beautiful_.

There was nothing regular about it anymore. Levi moaned against my mouth and I replied with sounds of my own. I barely recognized my voice when his name rolled on my tongue and my hand just let go of his and hastily wrapped around his dick.

Levi whimpered and bit down on my lip, _hard_ , but that only served to drive me _crazy_. My lips surrounded the first bit of skin I found on his neck and I bit down and _sucked_.

_Mine._

“Eren, I’m—”

I knew. But that was the point. I moved my hand around him in that same way I’d reserved for my own desperate times, hoping it’d have any effect on him because I was close too. A burning twist of tension was tightening inside me, mixing with something else altogether, something I knew to be there but couldn’t proclaim yet. And I definitely _knew_ I wanted to come.

I was studying his face so warily, because he looked so vulnerable and out of focus that I barely noticed the sudden increase of speed.

“How does it feel?” That’s all I was thinking. Maybe he wanted me to be rougher, more in control, more demanding. I wanted to give him what he wanted, but I also wanted something of my own. I also wanted to be _me_.

“Feels good,” he gasped.

Again, his voice. I had no idea how he did that every single time, but it managed to render me senseless, like a total mess.

Levi shuddered beneath me and bit hard at the hand he threw over his mouth. The way he tightened around me as he rode his own orgasm made me start my own. My cock twitched and pulsed within him and Levi shut his eyes closed, eyebrows wrinkling as he held his breath. I dropped my forehead over the bed, next to his face and collapsed over him as I gave out a little sigh.

My mind would have started drifting away in pure bliss if it wasn’t for the hand that started trailing its way up my spine, only to stop at my neck and start doing little circler motions of its own.

Levi didn’t make a sound when I finally pulled of him, but he turned his face and breathed hot on my ear. We were both sweaty and Levi was covered in his own cum. I knew I was going to need another shower. But I also knew he was first.

“Remind me,” he finally muttered, “that if you ever want to break up, first you need to teach me how you do what you just did.”

At first, my mind surged forward with a defensive comment, but then I thought better of it. It wasn’t supposed to be a bad omen, it was a _compliment_.

I turned my head to look at him and saw the usual testy expression. One that caused mixed emotions within me and I had no idea if I hated it or loved it. “Was it that good? I thought you were dying at some point.”

Levi shrugged, motion a little strange in the position we were in. “You’ll never know.”

“Pft, yeah, yeah.”

_I love you too._

Aftermaths were always awkward, though. I ended up rolling to the side and Levi groaned slightly as he sat up, expression going sober the moment he looked down on himself.

“I feel so weird,” He fetched the bottle of lube and gave it a small twirl. “Ok, just how much of this did you use…?”

I moved my eyes to take a look at the tiny flask and then buried my face on the sheets. My reply was too muffled to be comprehensible. But had I used any less and he probably wouldn’t be walking anytime soon.

“Eren, you still have the condom on you. Gross.”

There was a mental roll of eyes when I moved again, this time to sit up. “You’re taking all the romanticism away from this.” When I looked at him, though, Levi was covering his lap with a pillow and was glaring away from me. His ears were red and I noticed he was hunching a little. I frowned. “Are you ok?”

He side glanced at me, “I’m fine.”

“Doesn’t hurt?”

His shoulders rolled and he moaned in annoyance. “Could be worse.”

My eyebrow did its own thing when Levi finally got on his feet. My eyes swept over him and I had to look away. Not for privacy, no. I was having a moment of embarrassment all of a sudden. As if the fact were with butt-naked had just caught up with me.

“Ok, on second thought,” he groaned, “this feels terrible.”

My lips curled up but I felt like someone had just thrown a rock at me. I kept my eyes somewhere on the farthest wall, though, and took the condom off before it made a mess.

Levi, _somehow_ , managed to walk to the wardrobe and took out a towel. He also threw one at me, and managed to hit me straight in the face too.

“You know,” I started while he grabbed some socks and underwear and threw the big towel over his shoulders, “you’d be way worse if you hadn’t prepared.” Our eyes met but I looked away again. “Bite my words, it feels like shit.”

“Literally,” Levi added, and I laughed.

Honestly, I felt like I’d be running around campus the whole day. If I was that tired, I couldn’t even begin to imagine how he felt. Ranks aside, the build-up seemed to be catching up with both of us.

By the time Levi got back from the bathroom, possibly a good 20 minutes later, I was in an absent state of mine and didn’t even hear him come in the room. Only when he appeared in my field of vision and leaned down to brush his nose on mine I snapped out of it.

“You. Shower.” He straightened up and gave his messy and still drizzly hair a ruffle before he walked to his chair and picked a black sweater that been sitting over the back, pulling it over his head.

I picked the towel Levi had thrown at me and the condom I’d managed to wrap in a bunch of useless papers I’d found over his desk and left, but not before giving him a look over my shoulder. I’d never seen him wearing a sweater before but it really fit him.

While I showered for the second time that day, Levi obviously opted to change his bed sheets. I wasn’t even surprised when I walked in his room again and saw him sitting over completely fresh washed covers. Our clothes were probably already tumbling in the washing machine because there was a weird noise coming from the kitchen. It was odd, but brought me some sort of self-satisfaction.

“My knees feel weird,” Levi mumbled absent mindedly as he rubbed his thumb over his nails. “Next time, we do this before bed time because I seriously don’t feel like going to work now.”

_Next time._

“Well, you don’t have to go yet.” I walked up to him and dropped a hand over his head. “It’s early and we have to eat. I’m starved.”

Levi hummed in reply and then looked up at me, eyes narrowing slightly in the process. “Why are you dressed up?”

Dressed up? He probably meant I wasn’t just wearing some random house clothes and actually had the thought of putting on something decent.

“I thought I’d go out tonight.”

He tilted his head to the side, leaning in my touch when my hand slid down to his cheek. “By going out you mean to the bar?”

“Can I?”

“Don’t ask me. You do what you want.” He rose to his feet, leveling his eyes with mine. “I’ll be working, though.”

I couldn’t help the little smile on my face when I said, “That’s fine. I don’t mind watching you work.” Even more amused when Levi looked a little horrified with that.

After a few minutes I walked into the kitchen and leaned on the counter to watch him cook our dinner. We ate in silence because we were really hungry, though I soon indulged myself in chatting about what I expected from the whole semester now that it was over. Levi listened to me talk the whole time, lips twitching slightly from time to time whenever I came up with some smart ass comment. It was almost like a few months ago, when I’d pour my worries to him and he’d hear me out as if I was spilling out the world’s darkest secrets to him. Without wanting to sound conceited, I was almost certain he liked to hear me talk, even about the mundane little things I came up with once in a while.

I washed the dishes while Levi stood by the entrance, typing something over his phone as he blinked sluggishly at the bright screen. There wasn’t much to clean and I spent more time playing with the foam on my hands than scrubbing. My mind ended up wandering again and a certain curiosity assaulted me.

“Has someone ever confessed to you?”

Levi straightened up and leaned back slowly from the doorframe to look at me when I said that. He smirked. “Depends on what you mean by _confessed_.”

“Like, tell you they love you or something.”

He shrugged, focusing on his phone again. “No, not like that.” He stopped though, and shifted his eyes to me again, “Why?”

“No reason. It’s just strange that I’ve heard so many people talk about how everybody looks at you but then you tell me you’ve never dated before. Or that you’ve never liked someone.”

“I like you,” our eyes met, “isn’t that enough?”

“Yes.”

_Yes. And no._

_Not really._

“But what if I get greedy?” I smiled small at him. “What if I don’t want you to like me, but maybe feel something more than that?”

Levi’s voice had dropped to that sturdy flatness I could only assume was his emotionless core. “Is there something you want to tell me?” I definitely didn’t want him to stay in that center of strength for any second longer.

I turned slightly look at him properly and swallowed. “Will it be a problem if I fall for you?”

The silence made me want to barf. There we were, doing just fine, and I was probably about to blow it all up thanks to my own stubbornness. My eyes wandered to the floor, and when I looked at him again he was turning away. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but then he leaned over the doorframe again, back turned to me, and _snorted_.

I stared.

He laughed.

My eyebrows almost met and I groaned a little, “What… what’s up with that reaction?” My voice trembled. I really just wanted to throw one of the dishes at his head.

Levi finally turned again, expression sober but eyelashes wet with tears. “Ah,” he sighed, “you seriously kill me.” He side glanced at me. “You should have seen your face just now.”

I blushed and turned to finish the tableware. “Go to hell.”

“Will you cry?”

“Oh, shut up!”

“Good thing you’re so pretty when you cry,” he teased. Though that one probably had the opposite effect and I just felt myself float a little more.

When I finally turned around again, Levi glanced away once more, hiding another snorting laugh. I glared at him with all I could, but today I knew that whatever I threw at him wouldn’t have any effect.

_Damn, I’m so deep into this._

“Come on,” he mumbled when our gazes finally met. “I’ll get you Starbucks.”

I tsked. “That doesn’t make up for it at all.”

Levi rolled his eyes and started to walk out of the kitchen. I followed after him, maintaining a certain distance until he looked over his shoulder and said, “If it serves of any consolation, I think it wouldn’t be that bad if you confessed to me.”

I bit at my lower lip and looked down, pretending to be ignoring whatever he’d said. But I was clearly beaming. And I beamed even more when Levi complained about his ass out loud, as if it didn’t matter who knew, when we finally started going down the stairs.

We passed by Starbucks because there was still time. I asked for a Peppermint Mocha, which Levi paid for, and he got a Vanilla Latte, though at some point we swapped because he liked my drink better.

I was pulling my jacket over my shoulders again when my phone buzzed in my pocked. I hauled it over to check and frowned when I saw Mikasa’s name rolling at the top of the screen. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to smile or smash the screen on my forehead when I opened her message and read _“Did you bone?”_

I knew she’d been awfully quiet about it. Tonight was going to be a _long_ night.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!!
> 
> Wow, took me a while to finish this chapter. Why? Well, I was a bit busy, but mainly I just got caught up in Kingdom Hearts and wanted to finish all the routes in BBS before I sat down and took some time to write this.  
> These past few weeks have been heavy on my feels so maybe I tried to make this chapter less heavy than I had expected it to be at first. Nertheless, I hope it's still up to your liking.
> 
> Here's to Levi being Levi. Here's Eren being a dork. Here's to Armin being that one friend everyone wish they had.  
> I'm resuming the usual weekly update. I hope you guys have a good start in 2015. Pls, make this year even gayer than before, alright? And don't forget... JUST DON'T GET IN THE ROBOT! -flees-  
> Love ya <3

Love comes differently for everyone. Maybe I was the kid, riding over what I’d been feeling for the past weeks and giving it form, naming it, thinking about it before going to sleep, or mumbling it whenever no one was in earshot. It wasn’t palpable but I knew it was there, rendering me useless in the most unpredictable moments. Sometimes, all it took was a simple word, a simple look, or even one of those trademark smirks Levi used as smile and I’d be left feeling like I’d just came out of a rollercoaster.

We hadn’t seen each other since coming back to Shiganshina and, besides feeling like a blanket of feelings, I was stressing about what to get for his birthday—and Christmas because his excellency had to be born on Christmas day.

I went out on the 23rd together with Armin so he could help me out. It was more of an adventure than I had expected. It’s not like thinking of a gift for Levi was complicated, because that’s an understatement. He was actually pretty easy. The problem was that I wanted my present to be more than a present, I wanted it to mean something, and I had no idea how I was gonna pull this one off— _fuck me for making fun of Jean a few weeks ago._

Adapting had never been my best ability. Adapting to Levi was actually even more of a challenge. It was complicated to deal with someone whose feelings seemed to be constantly bottled up for one reason or another, at least the good amount of it, when mine were always spilling over. Now, more than never, letting him get away with not speaking his mind was not an option. And although I was aware of how he knew this himself, it was frustrating how unhelpful he was being every time I texted him asking _“Is there something you want?”_ All he said, _every single time_ was, _“Surprise me.”_

It got worse when after a few minutes I found myself growing roots in the middle of the street when Levi sent me another text saying, _“Just wrap yourself in paper and come to my door. How’s that for a present?”_ I knew he had this thing going on before, but I had no idea he could be _this_ intense all the time.

Bless him.

We ended up in the teashop. For some reason, Armin and I came to agree that Levi and tea were a good match. I knew he liked strong flavored teas so I got him two packages, one of chai tea and another of Earl Grey. Pretty basic but I knew he’d like those. Of course I was still debating with that little personal aspect I wanted my present to have, so I ended up dragging Armin into another store and bought a large sketchbook. I knew Levi would be needing a new one quite soon, the problem was that I was nearly broke and I still had to buy Mikasa’s gift and I was nowhere near satisfied. There was something missing.

“I’m curious, have you bought anything for me?” Armin asked once we were on our way back home. “Because I have this feeling you just wasted all your money with your boyfriend.”

I glared at the street ahead of us. “Don’t remind me. But yes, I got you something before, no worries.” Actually, his Christmas present had been bough during summer so it’s not like I was worried about it. But yes, for someone who claims to run on a small amount of money, I certainly had dropped a lot for Levi. “I’m expecting my family to fill my pockets tomorrow night,” I said. “I guess I can handle being broke for a day.”

Armin laughed to himself. “Lovely, really. You’re such a mess, Eren.”

“Don’t remind me,” I repeated between greeted teeth.

Maybe part of me wanted to make up for what Levi had done for me. Maybe it wasn’t genuine and just me repaying the kindness, or whatever it was. But I still liked to believe otherwise, and that’s exactly why I was so unhappy about it. I wanted my present to feel personal but I was nowhere near that accomplishment.

Armin gave me a side glance and smiled mischievously. “Are you worried he won’t like whatever you give him? I mean,” he started when I looked at him, “he complains a lot, all the time. I think it’s safe to say complaining is his life style. When he’s not being incredibly quiet and mysteriously cool, he’s complaining about something and how bad it is. And I’ve only been with him a few times so…” He took a deep breath and looked ahead. “What I’m trying to say is, he complains to you about you, about everything else, or anything. It should bother you, but it doesn’t. You actually like it, don’t you? So it doesn’t matter if you kinda fuck it up this time. I’m sure his reaction, no matter which, will be nice. Right?”

I blinked a few times at him, wondering if he was going to keep talking. When all I got was silence, I threw an arm around him and whined, “Armin, what would I do without you?”

He laughed, “Well, like we’ve agreed so many times before, you’d be dying in some alley.”

My house smelled really nice. Mom had already started preparing things for the Christmas dinner. She was always in charge of baking the cakes, and oh boy, if she was good at it. Armin was tempted to stay in the kitchen just to watch her and probably get the chance to try every little thing, but I dragged him to my room. I needed more mental support than he needed to try my mother’s cakes. Besides, they were always the same cakes every single year.

I threw the bags over the bed and then started looking around, thinking. Armin was right, as usual, but I still felt like I could make it a little more personal. If we were to that point, I would tell Levi I loved him. But I knew we were not to that point just yet. Sometimes, it was hard to conform with myself that I could very well be the only one considering such feelings. Not that I doubted there weren’t any on Levi’s behalf, because I knew he liked me. Knowing it was both exciting and a little overwhelming. Especially when he made a point of showing me just how much he wanted me, or my presence. But part of me knew it was not enough, and I hated myself for being so greedy.

Armin walked to my desk and opened one of the side drawers. He took out my PSP and the charger and then walked to my bed and sat down to play a little. I was left staring at the open drawer and mentally kicking myself for being such a stressful person when I noticed a small part of a black book shoved far under some games. I narrowed my eyes because I had no idea what it was at first, but it all came back to me once I decided to pick it up.

From the cover it looked like the usual agenda, but it was actually something way more stupid and embarrassing. Despite looking like an agenda, it wasn’t an agenda. Despite having a locker like a diary, it wasn’t a diary. It was, in fact, a book. A book I’d written myself three years ago.

“What’s that?” Armin asked, pitching his voice a little and making me jump in my own skin. “Is that a diary?”

I snapped my eyes to him. “It’s not a diary!”

“Wow, ok. Calm down. It’s ok to have a diary, you know? I had one before.”

I opened my mouth to talk back again but then closed it in case I’d say something I’d regret. I munched my frustration while Armin and I shared a strange look and then muttered, “It’s a book.”

Armin’s orbs dilated and I could almost see his curiosity peak. He tossed the PSP to the side and sat straighter in my bed, eyes glinting with excitement. “A book?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, a book. Some stuff I wrote before… I guess I was feeling inspired.”

“Oh my god!” Armin slapped his tights. “Show me! Why didn’t you tell me you wrote something? Eren, you’re a terrible friend!”

“Calling me terrible friend won’t get you anywhere. Besides, even if I wanted to show you,” I shook the book in my hand, “it’s locked and the key is not with it.”

“Why isn’t the key with it?”

“Gosh, Armin! I don’t know! Ugh…”

Armin smirked. He didn’t seem one bit preoccupied. “What’s it about?”

I glared at him. This was, most likely, the exact reason why I hadn’t told him anything back then. First, it was embarrassing because it was personal. Second, it wasn’t even a big deal. Third… whatever other reason I had, it doesn’t matter.

“Oh, come on, Eren. At least tell me what it is about.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not important.”

“Of course it’s important! You’re my best friend, I want to know stuff about you!” He pouted childishly, “You know I’ll still love you if you wrote about being a psychopath.”

I face palmed. “I’m not a psychopath… although,” I considered the thought better, “you can say it’s pretty dark at some point…”

Armin bounced on the bed. “Bad ending or good ending?”

“Uhm,” I gave him a sheepish smile, “bad.”

“Pft,” he gestured, “angsty teenage self.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Armin laughed and I sighed, gingerly lifting the book and giving it another shake just to hear the lock clink. Then, I walked to bed and sat next to Armin, tossing the black book over his lap and frowning at the farthest wall of the room.

“It’s some sort of apocalypse thing. Many years ago, or whatever,” I shrugged awkwardly, “and people have to fight for their lives, their freedom… set free from what they think it’s trapping them and from themselves as well. Of course, freedom and power were never big friends in the first place, and you can’t really have both. So… it doesn’t end all too well.”

Armin was looking at me when I glanced at him. “That’s deep,” he said. “What happens to them? Do they get trapped?” I was glad he understood so much from such a small explanation.

“They die.”

Again, Armin just kept looking at me, blinking a few times as if he was digesting what I’d told him. He looked at the book then and smiled. “Where did all that come from?”

I looked at the window. “Right. Well… that’s the embarrassing part.” I sighed. “It came from you.” I quickly corrected myself, “I mean, not just you, but me as well, but mostly you…” I face palmed. “Like… the struggle… ahm… whatever.”

“The struggle to find out who you are and if you do belong here, no matter how different you are. Right?”

I waved the subject away, “Yeah. Something like that.”

Armin laughed. “Totally. Being myself sucked balls for a good amount of time.”

“I know. Although I guess…” I snorted at the stupid thought, “I guess that’s why we fit, somehow.”

He elbowed me. “You might as well just ask me to marry you.”

I rolled my eyes and shoved him, taking the chance to steal the book back. “If you weren’t so terrible, I could do that, yes.”

“Ah, flattered.”

I smiled at my best friend, a warm appreciation for him filling my chest. “As you should be.”

Of course, my main problem still remained. I had bought Mikasa some gloves and a beany to match with the scarf she’d received from me. I had a sketchbook and two tea packages to give Levi. But I was still missing something.

Armin fell over the bed on his back and stared at the ceiling. “You know, we say we fit. But do you know who fits in just as well?”

I tilted my head. “Who?”

“Your high maintenance boyfriend.”

I snorted. “You really think so?”

“I think I’ve told you so before. You two are like two edges of the same sword. Sometimes I look at him and I kinda see you… although it’s obvious you’ve led different lives. But had it been the same exact situation, I’m pretty sure he’d be mirroring your future self.”

That was deep. And even though I wasn’t certain I could agree, I knew Armin was good at analyzing people. He, better than anyone, would know. And I was way too happy to be told Levi and I had something in common to care whether it was true or not.

I looked at the book over my lap and thought about it. “Hey, can you help me find the key?”

Armin sat up again and stared at me. “Really? Why?”

“I think I know what I’ll give Levi, after all.”

Obviously, it was easier said than done. We turned the whole room upside down. We searched old boxes. We searched all the drawers, even the ones inside my wardrobe. But the key was nowhere to be found.

It was only later, after Armin left because he had to go help his parents that I ended up finding the key in the weirdest of places. Mom had asked me to go get her ring. She was going out to buy more eggs and other ingredients she needed and she never left the house without her wedding ring.

“Mom,” I shouted, “this is a mess! I can’t find it!” I’d been searching in her jewelry box like she’d told me but the ring wasn’t there. Dad seriously needed to stop giving her bracelets or necklaces every single year on both her birthday and Christmas.

“What do you mean you can’t find it?” She shouted back from the kitchen.

I growled in frustration. “I’m telling you, it’s not in here! Did you—” I had just taken out a bunch of necklaces out of the box when I saw a rather large but familiar key resting in the bottom of it. “Mom!” My tone had changed, and now it had warning underlined.

I heard my mother sigh out loud and then I heard her quick steps until she was by the door, glaring at me. “I told you it was under the box! Not in it, you idiot.”

“Why is this in here, though?” I held the key in my hand.

Mom was going to complain some more but then she saw the key and her eyes narrowed. “What is that?”

“A key.”

“That’s not mine.”

“No. It’s mine. That’s why I’m asking.”

Mom rolled her eyes and walked up to me to pat my head and then push me aside so she could get her ring. “I don’t even know where that’s from. Maybe your dad found it somewhere and put in here.” She ran the ring down her finger and then glared at me. “You always leave everything a mess. It wouldn’t be surprising.”

I was already walking away before she decided to start lecturing me on how messy my room was all the time. I sincerely hoped she didn’t decide to walk in there soon because she’d have a heart attack.

For some reason, I slept like a stone. It felt nice to sleep through the whole morning. I only left the bed because mom made me. Otherwise I would have slept until I couldn’t anymore.

Family dinners meant cousins, grandparents, uncles, and a bunch of annoying people I hated more than I cared for. The only two I was in good terms with were my distant cousin Mina and my distant uncle Luke.

I spent a good amount of time watching TV and texting Armin about how bad this got every year once everyone started to get drunk. Mina was by my side the whole time, excitedly talking about how high school was treating her. I was listening, not with all the attention I portrayed to be sparing her, but with enough attention to keep the conversation going.

It was around 9 pm, when they decided it was finally a good hour to eat, that I started receiving all those texts I’d been expecting all day. The first came from Jean, and it was a simple Christmas greeting with a few more insults here and there. It made me happy, though, because that meant he’d given himself the trouble of writing something for me alone instead of adding me to the usual text group. Marco, Reiner and Bertholdt were even simpler. Only Mikasa sent me a six pages long text that made me smile like an idiot because she was being both funny and sentimental, which was new. But of course the only one that made my heart dance inside my chest was Levi’s _“Merry Christmas you little shit”._

Texting Levi was still something I had no idea I could do until I actually needed to ask him something or he decided to start a conversation first. I knew it would take me a while to adapt to the fact that, yes, like Levi himself had said before, I could text him whenever I wanted for whatever I needed, which also included the usual useless talk.

We still hadn’t talked about when we’d meet. I had no idea where his house was and I knew asking about it would get me a straight and fair _no_. So I decided to indulge him in our first phone call once I was done with dinner.

I grabbed a jacket and went outside, away from prying ears, and sat by the stairs of my house, swapping Levi’s name to the side over the screen and sighing before I took the device close enough to my ear.

It rang five times. I only noticed I was stressing out when I had to stop tapping my foot and reply to the dried out “Hello?” I got once Levi picked up.

“Hey, I’m sorry for calling right now, but I need to ask you something.”

There was a long pause on the other side of the line, but then I heard Levi sigh. “It’s fine. You gave me a reason to excuse myself. Is everything ok?” There was only mild interest showing in his tone. If I didn’t know better I would have thought he was asking out of courtesy and not out of worry.

I snorted. “Yeah, everything is fine. I was just wondering when I’ll be able to see you…”

“Oh?” The cocky smirk was obvious. “Missing me already?”

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see it. “I have something for you and something else for Mikasa. She’s only getting a birthday present, though. I was her secret Santa so…”

Levi hummed in the reply. “For someone who’s supposed to be poor you certainly try, don’t you?”

I frowned. “Are you complaining?”

“No. I’m just saying you don’t need to—”

“Blablablabla, all I hear is _I love you, Eren, thank you_.” It was out of my mouth before I took notice of it and I braced myself for some badass reply. Of course that’s not what I got.

“You’re so annoying,” he said. Although he didn’t sound annoyed at all. “When are you free from all these festivities? Can you sneak out later?”

The way he’d said _sneak out_ was totally innocent but I couldn’t help the little smirk. “Well, we usually open the presents at midnight… I’m pretty sure I can go out after that. Are you sneaking out?”

“Well, we don’t celebrate the 24th at my place so yes, I will sneak out. Mikasa wants to go out with some old friends of hers and she wants me to tag along. You’ll be a good reason for me not to go.”

I snorted. “As if you need any good reasons besides your own willingness.”

Levi laughed softly. “You know me,” he said. And that totally made my night. Even if he didn’t mean it in the way I took it.

He excused himself after a while, though, saying he hated phone calls more than he liked my voice which made me laugh a lot. So I went back inside.

I was right when I told Armin about how I expected my family to fatten up my wallet. After a certain age, all I started receiving was a bunch of chocolates and money. Only my parents gave themselves the trouble of buying me actual presents, which was never a bad thing because I always liked what they bought for me.

Mom got me a new perfume. I was actually needing one because mine had finished just before school started. Dad got me a bunch of new t-shirts, cool t-shirts.

Mina was almost hyperventilating because she’d received her car keys, which also meant a car, and I spent a good amount of time telling my parents I also needed one, although they seemed more interested in other things to actually listen to me.

When everyone left, I was dead and square on the sofa. Gladly, there hadn’t been any strange and unappropriated fights tonight, although there was still tomorrow. Mom was cleaning the kitchen and speaking to my father about how rude his mother was all the time, while dad complained about how rude his whole family was in general and then listened to my mom telling him he was a blessing.

That was my cue to leave. I sat up and looked around the living room. My jacket was still over the chair I’d been seating on most of the night. The bags with the presents were upstairs.

“Mom,” I called as I got up, “do you need me to take the trash out?”

This was probably the biggest trip I’d taken to take out the trash. I could only imagine my mother asking me if I had decided to throw myself out as well in process.

I texted Mikasa and she replied saying she would be parking their car close to Starbucks. I had to come to terms with the fact that my balls would freeze in the cold when I started walking down the street.

It was really that cold.

Starbucks was 15 minutes away from my house. When I finally had the coffee shop in sight I was glad my nose was still with me, because it felt like it could fall off at any second. I saw Mikasa get out of a blue Honda parked just a few meters ahead. She threw me her trademark smile before she walked up to me and kissed my cheek as she said, “Merry Christmas, Eren.”

Considering it was already past midnight I just smiled back and said, “Yeah. Happy birthday.” I waved one of the bags in my hand and Mikasa took it.

She wasted no time in opening it, eyes wrinkling at the corners when she saw what was inside. It was barely discernible with the few lights we had illuminating the street. “I’m glad I decided to wear my scarf tonight,” she said, opening her jacket to let me see the red muffler hanging around her shoulders.

“Pft,” I chuckled, “this was all planned. Except you don’t know it.”

She was already putting on the gloves and tearing off the tags with her teeth before she also put on the beany. “Ok, how do I look?”

I made a point of taking my time to reply, “Hm, perfect…”

The sound of a window lowering caught my attention and I watched Levi pop his head out of the driver’s window and glare. “Are you two getting married or something? Because I didn’t leave the house to watch this.”

Mikasa rolled her eyes and gestured for me to follow. She cracked one of the back doors open and started fumbling with her things.

“Happy birthdaaaaay,” I sang as I leaned down to look at Levi through the window. He only spared me a look, although I knew that he would have hit me if he had the chance.

Mikasa closed the back door and tossed a tiny bag at me. “That’s for you,” she said, already turning away from me and starting to walk up the street.

I looked at her a little confused as she walked away and then leaned down again to stare at Levi. “Another present?”

He rolled his eyes. “She made me go out with her to get you that thing. Don’t ask. I have no idea. I guess she wanted to give you something more personal.” That made sense. "Come on, it's freezing." He gestured for me to get inside, but I shook my head quickly. Levi's eyebrow quirked in confusion and I chuckled, grinning.

“Let’s go get Starbucks first,” I tilted my head to the side and Levi looked at me as if I was insane. Of course he didn’t complain, he was getting out of the car and closing the window as I hurriedly dumped the presents through the back door.

“You have an obnoxious affection for Starbucks, don’t you?” He asked me after he locked the car. He walked up to me and sized me up with a glare before he started walking in the direction of the coffee shop.

“Jealous?”

“As if,” he scoffed.

I got close enough and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. I was surprised he didn’t glare at me.

We were back a few minutes later, both carrying a warm drink between our hands. We got in through the back doors because we had more space in the back seats. Levi warned me not to spill my drink anywhere and I knew complying would mainly save my life.

“So tell me, what did you receive?” Levi asked after he sipped some of his latte. “Anything worth mentioning?”

I leaned back in my seat. “Well, just the usual. They give me money every year, you see. Although that’s better than if they gave me a bunch of useless stuff. I also got t-shirts and a perfume, though. Ah!” I jumped and looked at him, “My cousin got a car! I totally want a car.”

Levi was frowning and blinking. “Wait, what?”

I stared. “My cousin! She got a car!”

“Not that. Before… I didn’t get a thing of what you said.”

My turn to blink. “Ahm, my father got me t-shirts?”

Levi closed his eyes and sighed. “Never mind. Go on. What car did your cousin get?”

“I have no idea. It was parked by their house but she said she’d send me a picture later.” I paused to study the situation for a while and then asked, “What about you? Have you received anything yet?”

He shifted slightly in his seat to look at me properly. “No, not yet.” His eyes moved to the two bags between us and then back to me again. “Should I open these?”

I shrugged awkwardly but my head was shaking in confirmation, which made Levi smirk and made me blush because I realized how stupidly I was behaving all of sudden.

“Alright,” he passed me his latte and then stared at the two bags. “Is there an order or can I just do it randomly?”

“Open the yellow one, first.”

Just like during the Secret Santa, Levi opened the bag really carefully. He probably recognized the logo stamped over it because he already had an eyebrow climbing up his forehead before he took out his new sketchbook. He looked at it for a second and then glanced at me, probably expecting me to say something, so I did.

“That’s your birthday present. I thought yours was getting packed so…” I looked to the side, “Well, that one is big enough to last throughout the rest of the school year, I hope.”

He didn’t say anything. He opted to do that thing I loved, and reached for my arm to yank me forward and kiss me. I probably looked like an idiot, holding both our drinks up in the air while Levi stared at them and considered if he should trouble me a little more—it was obvious in the way his eyes looked. I was glad when he just grabbed the other bag and retreated to his seat.

“Is this my Christmas present?” He looked at me. “You know I was joking when I said you needed to get me two different presents, right?”

I rolled my eyes, “Just shut and open that!”

The first thing he took out was a tea bag. “Earl Grey?” He snorted. “Seriously?”

“There’s more in there.”

Luckily, or just because I’d given myself the trouble of fixing that bag myself, the second thing he took out was another tea bag. “Alright,” he stared at it, “keep this going and I’ll marry you.”

My heart jammed loudly and my blood rushed everywhere. “Marry me?”

He wasn’t even paying attention until he sensed the atmosphere change and looked at me. “Are you calling me out on my exaggerations?”

“I’m always calling you out on your exaggerations, you drama queen.”

He shrugged. “I’ll let you have it your way today because that was a cute reaction.” He looked at the tea bags he seemed so proud of and then added, “You’re bright red, in case you haven’t noticed.”

While I proceeded to groan in frustration, Levi finally took out of the bag his last present. He was immediately confused, though, and looked at me, somewhat curious.

“What is this?” He asked.

I twirled my drink in my hand and leveled with him. “That’s a book.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

“My book.”

It was always so gratifying to catch Levi in a moment of pleased surprise. His eyes went wide and his face softened considerably. “What do you mean?”

I shrugged and sighed, looking away. “There was this time after we started high school when I had a lot in my head. It was complicated, back then, both for me and Armin, so I guess I coped with it by creating a world of my own.”

Levi got more serious at that and waited patiently for me to go on, a humble look spreading over his face as I did.

I gestured faintly at the book. “That’s the whole thing. It’s all in there. It’s not even a big deal. It’s not something I’d recommend, to be honest, but it’s part of me and…” I looked at him, hoping I wouldn’t sound too cheesy, “I want you to have it.”

He stared at me for a while, watchful of every little thing I did, and then looked down at the book in his hands. “How do I open it?”

I took the key out of my pocket and gave it to him. “With this.”

“Wow, that’s a big key.”

A nervous laugh escaped from me. “Tell me about it. Anyway, that sums it up. Merry Christmas and happy birthday.”

“Thanks,” he finally said. It sounded sincere enough.

There was a small talk while Levi placed everything back in the bags and I told him about my family and why I hated them all so much, with a few exceptions. But I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he was up to something.

I only got the hint when he pulled me by the arm again, this time taking the drinks away with his free hand, and pulled me to kiss my forehead. That little gesture I absolutely loved. We’d never cuddled before and I sincerely thought cuddling was not Levi’s thing at all. But there I was resting my head over his chest and noticing how fast his heart was beating despite the composed look on his face.

He smelled nice. He _always_ smelled nice.

This was not how I’d envisioned spending part of my night, but I was glad it had ended up this way, somehow. I liked how he kept combing my hair with his fingers and how calm that made me feel. And I liked how his voice sounded so deep when it vibrated in his chest as he spoke.

“You’re annoying,” he said. “You know that, right?”

“How could I forget when you keep reminding me all the time?”

“Good thing you keep track of it.”

I snorted. “Just consider yourself lucky.”

“Oh, but I do. Although we have different perspectives of whatever this is, I hope you know that I do consider myself lucky.”

Every time he said anything alike I was hit by different feelings, but one feeling surpassed all of them, and that feeling came with knowing I’d made Levi feel things he’d never felt before. I was the first, I’d been the first in a lot firsts for him. My heart pounded and I knew what he meant. Expectations. Responsibility. Whatever it was. Probably all of them together in a ball of what was Levi’s own personality.

Because what if this wasn’t it? It was too soon. And yet, I knew what I felt. I wasn’t lying. And he wasn’t lying either. Overall, that’s what stuck with me. He knew it. And I knew it.

“You’re a drama queen,” I told him. “And you enjoy it more than you think.”

His hand traced down the line of my jaw. “I might agree with you but doesn’t that make you some sort of king? Admit it. You’re your own drama queen as well, whenever you want to.”

I shrugged. “I guess we fit,” I told him, remembering Armin’s words.

“The funny thing is that this all started with some shitty hero worship I had for you.”

I laughed out loud. “You couldn’t have picked a better person, could you?”

“Well, considering half the population I know either wants me dead or wants whatever of me I don’t want to give, I’m pretty sure I nailed it.”

I shifted to look up at him. “How am I any different?”

“You don’t make me hate myself.”

That meant a lot more than I wanted to think about right now. Levi was still, after all, a shitty and mysterious drama queen. But I knew when to take his word. And I knew I'd get to know him better, eventually. I just had to wait patiently for him. I didn’t mind it, knowing it would get me somewhere.

Ten minute later, I was opening Mikasa’s gift for me. Levi had moved to turn on the ignition so he could check the time because my phone had ran out of battery. He also turned the heat on because it was getting incredibly cold in there.

“A coupon?” I muttered as I looked at the card in my hand. “Of a tattoo shop?”

“So you can get yours for free.” Levi mumbled as he sat back. “Pretty neat, isn’t it?”

“Jesus, you guys spoil me too much.”

Levi raised an eyebrow and pinched my cheek. “Well, you’re the little shit here.”

For some strange reason, we ended up talking about high school. Of course Levi did more listening than talking, but I was happily surprised when he told me a few episodes of his own. At some point, we were doing more kissing than talking and then we were just making out. Mikasa only came back an hour later and was totally amused over how proud I was of Levi’s hickeys all over his neck.

“I hope you realize mom noticed the one you had when we arrived on Monday,” she giggled to herself while Levi proceeded to look at her with total horror. “She told me she was happy you’d gotten a boyfriend.”

I covered my mouth with my hand and snorted a laugh. “Your mother is gorgeous, Levi.”

He glared at me. “Shut up. Don’t you have anything better to do?”

My hand was already going for the handler when Levi yanked me forward, his eyes hooded, and he clamped his teeth on my neck, right under my jaw. I saw Mikasa’s eyes widen through the rear mirror and her “Oh my god, fan service!” echoed in my head. Levi only let go of me once he was satisfied with the enormous bruise he’d left.

“Satisfied?” I asked him, torn between annoyed and totally bemused.

He cracked the door open and exited as he said “Very.” And then slammed it shut and made to the front of the car, quickly getting in next to Mikasa.

The contentment I'd been feeling just after they had left had pretty much evaporated into loneliness. It was a stressing feeling, all around what I knew I would end up telling him, eventually. I knew I would regret it if it all came to an end and I found myself in a position in which I wasn’t allowed to say _I love you_ anymore.

“Make each day count,” I told myself.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so so so sorry! The manga is not helping out either, everything is just sad.  
> But well, not all New Year's Eve(s) are happy and full of joy. 
> 
> Click [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOHYCZLmbyc) to check out 2014's Danthology.

It had been decided we would all spend New Year’s night together. The idea had been Armin’s, but I quickly stole it and made it my own. It was both funny and disturbing to find out how much of a good team Jean and I were when we both had our heads set on the same tracks. Truth to be told, he did more than half of the job, but I didn’t live in the capital so there wasn’t much more I could help with.

Bertholdt was out of the country with his family and Marco already had plans, but everyone else agreed to meet by Shiganshina’s station around 7pm on the 31st December. My parents were going to stay at my grandparents’ house like every other year so I asked their permission to let my friends stay over our house for the night. Mom was reluctant at first but dad quickly convinced her it was a good idea. He seemed happy I was inviting other people over. Other people that weren’t Armin.

I was excited about it too, at least for the first days that followed Christmas. But when I woke up that morning and looked out the window, I was struck with the feeling that leaving my bed would be a huge mistake. And I couldn’t have been more right about that.

Levi and I had agreed to meet. I had some stuff to buy and he was going to tag along. Of course my spirits were completely shattered when I saw him.

Anything looked good on that guy, even dark circles, but today those small bruises under his lashes were darker than usual. _Way darker than usual._ And his eyes seemed a little red.

“Good moooor—not…” The greeting died in my mouth. “Are you… Are you ok?”

“Great,” he replied dryly, shuffling his feet a little before leaning away from the car he’d been using as backboard.

I couldn't actually tell if he was being serious or not. I swallowed and laughed nervously, running a hand through my hair. “Yeah, obviously.” That only earned me a glare so I frowned at the ground then, wondering if I had gone wrong somewhere.

Apparently, he seemed everything but great. He wasn’t even nowhere near _good_. And if there was someone who knew how to look even more terrifying than usual when upset, that person was Levi.

We walked in silence for a while. I had no idea if I was more scared of how deadly he looked at the moment or how deadly he’d turn if I opened my mouth and asked something unnecessary. Things had been great, especially after his birthday. I wasn’t going to let him get away with staying silent about it either, but I was debating myself over which was the opportune moment to talk. In the end it didn’t really matter if there wasn’t an opportune moment. I’d just create my own.

“Did something happen? You look tired.” I asked, my voice wavering a little more than I had expected it to.

Levi met my eyes with a quick, even glance and then looked straight ahead again. The crease to his eyebrows eased slightly when he said, “I’m fine. Nothing happened,” his gravelly voice betraying how tired he was.

I hummed in reply. It took a conscious effort not to run my mouth about it. I didn’t want to push him, but I didn’t want him to keep quiet about it either. Maybe he’d tell me, and for that I’d wait. If he didn’t, I would just ask him about it again.

On other thoughts, my shopping list was big. I needed drinks, food (easy stuff), and plastic tableware because I had strict orders from my mother not to even think about using her stuff.

Despite his mood, Levi was being more efficient than I’d thought he’d be. He knew exactly what products to buy and spent a good load of time telling me the difference between a few brands and which were better. The only alcohol we bought was beer because Jean was bringing the champagne. I didn’t want to spend my night dropping over to the side and wasting all the fun I could be having. Beer was easy to digest. Beer was easy to piss. I could hold more than a few beers, so it was just perfect.

I found joy in the little things, most of the time. It filled me with warmth whenever Levi _worried_ about the amount of bags I was carrying, or when he grumpily took one of the bags from my hand bumped our shoulders. It’s Levi so of course every touch was premeditated. At least if it came from him. He was still incredibly mad at something, though.

We were home a few minutes later. I tried to mask the excitement of having Levi over for the first time by hurrying to empty the bags while he proceeded to look around and embarrassingly stare at each and every single photo mom had displayed throughout the house.

I was by the table in the kitchen when he showed up by the door, arms folded and expression unreadable. I peeked at him but noticed he wasn’t looking at me. He seemed lost in thought, something quite unusual for a person like him.

When he finally looked up at me I could almost see the crack in the mask. His eyes spoke more than he did, he seemed vulnerable. It was rare to catch Levi in moments of weakness, and when they came there was no warning.

“Do you think what we hate the most is what we end up turning into?” He asked, voice even, betraying nothing more than his eyes were.

I stared, trying to find any meaning in his words. “I think it’s easier to see our faults in other people because we recognize them so well from ourselves. And I think we hate whatever is not convenient for us.” I shrugged, somehow I seemed to be having a breakthrough. “It’s a possibility but not any sort of rule or condition. It’s your choice, I guess.” I searched the plastic bag and then I met Levi’s eyes evenly. “Why do you ask?”

He bit at his lower lip for a while and then contemplated his left hand. “There was a fight last night.” The pause was so long that I was surprised when he explained. “My mother found out my father has a huge debt to pay. I didn’t understand exactly who this person he’s indebted to is, but my mother kept talking about his shady business…” He shrugged, “It’s not the first time it happens. But yesterday my mother lost it. She’s usually calm, and keeps quiet about a lot of stuff—more than she should sometimes, but yesterday she wouldn’t stop fighting with him. And today…” He stopped and froze, as if he was visiting a very uncomfortable memory. “She yelled at him again this morning. And then yelled at me because I was going out—she never yells at me. I told her not to drop her shitty mood on me because it wasn’t my fault she married that person. After she calmed down she said she was going to ask for divorce.” He met my eyes then, “At first I thought she was overreacting, but now I’m not so sure anymore.”

I blinked because I was at loss of words. He had just dropped a huge bomb on me but I knew I couldn’t complain about it because at least he had told me something, which was what I wanted. Of course wanting to know and actually dealing with the problem were two completely different things.

“What—” I fumbled with words, “She decided that _now_? How do you feel about it?”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “Like I said, I thought she was overreacting. But…” He looked down, “I’ve been thinking about it and I’m not certain that’s the case. Although if she meant what she said then… I don’t know. I want to say she deserves better, but at the same time I can’t help but be mad about how much time it took her to do something. And then there’s Mikasa.”

“How is she? Is she alright?”

“I don’t know. I left before it got complicated.”

I face palmed. “You left her alone… Right.”

“I didn’t ask for this, ok? I had already agreed I’d meet up with you—”

“And you could have ditched me too, you know?” I shook my head and folded my arms, “This is important and you can’t just run away from it and pretend it’s nothing.”

Levi closed his eyes and raised his hand. “ _Don’t_ , Eren. I’m not here to hear your little scolding.” When he opened his eyes he seemed a bit vicious, “And if that’s how it’s gonna be then I’ll leave.”

Part of me wanted to keep arguing with him and shout some reasoning at that thick head of his. He was clearly running away from a responsibility that was also his to bear and I didn’t want to see him acting like a coward when he knew better. Another part of me, however, knew he was right. Levi wasn’t here to hear me call to his senses. He was here to escape a little and perhaps think about it on his own. If I couldn’t offer him an escape I would just be acting like my own little selfish self.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered. I had to repeat it louder, though, because Levi was already raising an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, you’re right.”

Levi searched my face and then tilted his head to the side. “Interesting.”

“Huh?”

He shrugged, “I’ve noticed you tend to tighten your lips when you’re apologizing for something you’re not entirely certain you need to apologize for. That’s cute…”

“W-What?!” I shook my head furiously, “Wait. Did you just change the subject? Why do you always do that?”

Levi held the tip of his tongue between his lips—he probably wanted to look playful but he just seemed bored—and then walked to the table. “You need to put this in the fridge,” he said about the lasagnas.

I snatched his hand when he made to grab one of the packs and his eyes leveled with mine. “Hey, just promise me you’ll think about what I said…” I tried not to sound _too_ concerned. “If you do then I won’t nag you about it… but understand I’m just worried about you. Even if just a little…”

Levi looked at our hands and then at my face again. “Fine.” I thought he was going to veer to the side but instead he grabbed my wrist and pulled me with his unbelievable and surprising strength and kissed me.

I was awkwardly hanging over the table so of course I almost crashed over the bags when Levi drew back just enough to look at me.

“Dork,” He muttered with just enough emphasis.

I groaned and tried to hide my blush, “I don’t want to hear that from you!”

Understandably, the teasing didn’t stop there. Even when I crashed on the sofa after we finished eating the leftovers mom had left in the fridge, I still had to hear Levi complain about my lack of skill to be _normal_ or at least good at something.

I glued my eyes on the TV even though it was still off. “Funny, if I remember correctly, you were enjoying yourself a lot a few days ago.”

“No idea of what you mean,” he replied from the kitchen.

The remote was just a meter away but of course moving was too much. I stretched my arm as much as I could but it wasn’t enough so I simply glared at it, trying to will it closer. As if that would work.

“Should I remind you?” I asked absent mindedly.

I was so distracted I almost jumped when I heard Levi behind me, “Maybe you should. I’m surprised you didn’t think about it before, though.”

I looked up and saw him stare down at me. It was a really nice view, but I had already reached that conclusion before. “Why aren’t you taller?”

Levi’s eyebrow twitched and he crossed his arms over the back of the sofa, still staring attentively at my eyes. “Why aren’t you shorter?”

“That would be counterproductive.”

He snorted. “Certainly. You’d be a zoo specimen.”

I glared, chewing on my lip and biting the first tender layer of skin off as I thought this over.  “Is that an insult?”

Levi drilled me with an intense look. “Maybe…” He was totally making this sexual.

“That’s not fair. You’re not being—” I threw my arms around his neck and used whatever strength I had left in the midst of my laziness to bend him forward “—fair with me,” I finished when we met eyes again, Levi facing me upside down.

Despite the murderous glare, all Levi said was, “Give me a break.”

I thought about it. Thought about his tone, his slightly annoyed expression, realizing he was still sincere. For all the things he cared about, for all masks he carried around, Levi was nothing but sincere when confronted. Not with words, no. But with actions.

We stood silent for a few seconds, Levi still awkwardly and probably painfully hanging half of his body upside before I pushed him down some more and he looped over me.

“I swear to god,” he stared when his back landed over my lap and tried to sit up, “you’re so not graceful with this shit.”

“We can’t all be you.”

Levi paused and finally looked back at me again, “What di—” but I kissed him before he could go on.

Clumsy or not, I knew when to be efficient. For someone who was always bossing people around, Levi still surprised me when left me feeling like I could have control over him. We made out for a good amount of time until I was far too carried away to think about anything else but Levi’s weight on my dick.

“Still shiny,” he muttered against my neck.

“What is?”

“What I left on you that night.”

That shouldn’t have turned me on as much as it did. Again, for someone with so many _firsts_ this person was completely aware of what he could do and how he could do it. Which was totally unfair for 17 years old virgin me, clumsy level 100.

It was entirely light headed that I ended up pressing him hard against me. And it was totally aware of it that Levi said, “Oh, you want that?”

I hissed, “That sinful mouth of yours…”

Whether how he said my name, or how he mention certain things, or how his voice had that whole presence when he was around. I still had no idea how a person’s voice could have such a strong impact on me, but here you were.

“Alright,” I was already beyond lost, “you win.”

Levi looked at me and I was barely able to focus on him. “As if it’s your loss,” he said.

I couldn’t think much, so I saved it for when we were already in the kitchen again, looking down at the amount of lasagna we’d have to fit in the oven.

“You know… hand jobs don’t count as winning.” I grabbed one of the packages and started reading the preparation method. I’d cooked lasagna before but I always ended up reading the descriptions every single time I did.

Levi didn’t look at me when he replied. “You’re definitely not getting anywhere near my ass so soon, though.”

I almost dropped the package at that. Not because he’d said it but because of the way how he’d said it. Blunt people would always be a mystery.

Jean eventually started sending snaps of the bus from every 15 minutes. Each of them carrying a lame description. He seemed bored, but I couldn’t blame him. Annie was coming with him and she could be the worst company ever when she wanted to.

Armin came over around 6pm to help me hide whatever was of important value. Not that someone could steal it, but I was afraid we could break something. I noticed Levi was blatantly ignoring his phone that kept buzzing from time to time, but I tried not to worry about it.

The three of us were sitting by the island in the kitchen, watching a bunch of stupid commercials, when Mikasa arrived. My heart started racing the moment I landed my eyes on her. And despite the usual happy greeting, she looked like she could cut iron the moment she saw Levi. They looked at each other very quickly and then started pretending the other wasn’t even there. Mikasa was mad and that was easy to see. This time, however, Levi was completely at fault so I wondered how he was going to deal with it.

“Wow, your kitchen has an island! So cool!” Mikasa said when she passed the door. “What’s dinner? Smells, nice…”

“Well,” I shrugged, “Levi and I managed to fit six lasagnas in the oven so there will be enough for everyone. And Jean is almost here too, he’s bringing his stupid ingredients to make his stupid pasta.”

Mikasa laughed. “That’s the new year’s menu? Sounds great.”

“Hey, we’re students. Precooked food is our thing!”

“You’re right.”

Armin snapped his fingers. “Yeah and I should get going. They must be almost here, I need to go pick them up.”

I was in the middle of nodding when my brain misfired and I snapped my eyes towards him. “Wait! I’m going with you!”

Levi pushed himself away from the island and stood, staring at me with one eyebrow slowly climbing up. Knowing him, he was already aware of what I was up to.

“And you’re leaving them alone?” Armin pointed at the twins.

“That’s totally fine,” I gesticulated, “I trust them.”

Mikasa and Levi looked between each other and a beat of tense silence passed between them. I was already passing by so I could go get my jacket when Levi grabbed my arm and stopped me. My eyes flared to Armin and he stared back confused.

“He stays,” Levi muttered.

“But I need to talk to you, alone,” Mikasa replied.

“You can talk to me, but Eren stays.”

I swallowed, having no idea why my heartbeat was increasing so much. If this was a sign of how 2015 was going to start then I wanted to sleep for a whole 12 months period and wake up when 2016 was around the corner.

Armin sighed and scrubbed both hands over his face. “Guys, I’ll just… go.”

I sent him one of my ultimate glares but he didn’t even look back, leaving me completely defenseless between those two.

10 minutes later, the three of us were sitting on the couch, looking at a black screen. I still had no idea why I had to be in the middle. It was uncomfortable to know I was the middle ground between those two.

“I’m mad at you,” Mikasa finally greeted her brother. “Do you know why I’m mad at you?” Obviously, it was a rhetorical question. “Again because of something you decided on your own, I was left dealing with all the bullshit.” She turned to face Levi but she met my eyes instead. “Why am I left dealing with the consequences of your actions?”

I turned my head to watch Levi and saw him rubbing his two fingers over his chin. He was still craving his eyes on the TV when he said, “It’s your choice. Don’t dump it on me.”

“My choice?!” Mikasa’s tone made me jump. “You’ve got some—”

“Ah, come on, stop it!” Finally, Levi turned. I’d never heard him talk so loud before. “I said I was fine on my own. You decided you wanted to help. It was _your_ choice. You took responsibility, yes, but not for me. It wasn’t for me. It was because I said we had a shitty family and you took it to heart. You wanted to make up for it.” He tilted his head up slightly in a way that gave him a presence. “You wanted to support me because _they_ couldn’t do it. Not even mom.”

Mikasa narrowed her eyes. “Are you blaming for trying to patch things up?”

Levi dismissed her with a flick of his hand and turned to watch the black screen again. “Don’t be a _drama queen_.” That one he’d picked from me. “That’s not what I said. Besides, there was never _something_ to patch up.”

If I was an aura antenna I’d be sparkling in all colors of red by now. I already knew that even if both of them seemed low-key on emotions, Mikasa was always a bomb ready to explode. Levi on the other hand was better at controlling what he spilled over most of the time. I could tell his little outburst was already gone, even if he was still upset at the situation itself. Mikasa, however, was oozing with killing intent.

The silence was almost unbearable. It lasted until Levi bent forward and rubbed his hands over his face. “What did you tell mom after I left?” His voice was even, composed. I had no idea how he managed it but it was something I admired.

Mikasa brought her feet up, looking at me for a moment to see if I allowed it. When I didn’t say anything she went for it and grabbed her ankles. “I told her she was being rash. That she was just destroying what we’d managed to hold together for so long.”

For some reason, I felt empathy for both of them. I understood where Mikasa was coming from because I had the same family values. But Levi wasn’t like that and he had his own reasons. He knew he owed nothing to no one unless proven wrong.

“Are you mad because I said that?” Mikasa asked a few moments later.

“No,” Levi replied. “I’m not judging you. You did what you thought was right.”

“And what will _you_ do?”

Levi shook his head firmly and tsk-ed. At her? At himself? “I have no idea. But if mom talks about that shitty divorce again I’ll tell her to go for it. You do what’s good for your own benefit and I do what’s good for my own benefit. That’s how it works for us.”

Mikasa leaned her chin over her knees and hugged her legs. “You know, I’ve been thinking… I’ve been thinking about what’s the point in all this. I’ve done whatever dad asked me to do. But I don’t know what for anymore. I forgot why I wanted to take responsibility for the fact that you,” she glanced at Levi, “stood up for yourself from the very start. Why should I do anything for anyone who does nothing but disappoint me?”

Levi turned his head slightly to her. “Do you mean me?”

“God, no!” Mikasa hugged herself tighter. There was still some anger lingering in her eyes. “You’re the last person who’d ever disappoint anyone. I mean him, Levi! I mean dad!” A shakily sigh escaped her lips and she buried her face in her arms. “Why didn’t you say anything, though? Why did you leave me alone dealing with all that shit? I get it if you hate him, but do you hate me too?”

The answered came quickly in a strong, “No.”

At that, Mikasa lifted her head slightly. I noticed she was crying a little, but I had no idea about what to do or say. I was just sitting there, listening, wondering why in the seven hells I felt so useless.

“I love mom,” she muttered.

Levi nodded. “Me too.”

“I love mom, but I swear to god, sometimes I just want to—to do something. Do something other than swallow all this shit. Maybe I’m wrong too. But I just don’t want our family to fall apart. It’s enough as it is. I don’t need any more of this.”

I took a deep breath and decided to say what seemed obvious. “You two will always have each other, no matter what. That should be more than enough.”

With an empty, stunned look that took me by surprise, both of them turned to me. They already had a skill to make the exact same expressions from time to time but now they looked spot on.

“I guess,” Levi started, “we can always count on you to be lame.”

Mikasa laughed and I glared at my hands, making the utmost effort not to blush. “You said you wanted me to stay so suck it up, asshole.”

When Armin arrived I only had a few seconds to watch Jean sprint across the room and climb the stairs before he slammed a door. He’d never been there before so I was going to ask what his deal was when Annie stepped into the living room, but Armin shut me down.

“Oh, god. He’s been saying he needs to pee ever since he got out of the bus.”

Annie placed a good amount of plastic bags on the floor and bowed her head slightly at me. “You’ve got a really nice house, here.”

“Thanks,” I stood up and glanced at Levi but he was already looking away. I looked at Annie again, “I’m guessing those need the fridge,” I said, pointing at what seemed to be the champagne.

She smiled softly and started taking off her jacket. “You think they’ll be cold by midnight?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Armin helped me carry everything to the kitchen while Annie proceeded to make her own party and congratulate Mikasa and Levi personally. Jean was downstairs again, it seemed, making a fuss about it as well. Levi was really quiet, but considering Mikasa was laughing I felt a little relieved. Even if my morning stress upon waking up was still hanging over my shoulders.

“Hey, Eren! I brought Cards against Humanity!” I heard Jean shout.

I smirked at Armin and he just shook his head as if he’d expected that reaction.

The lasagnas were not ready yet. Fortunately, it was not much of a wait. Not more than 10 minutes later, I was trying to explain to Mikasa the reason behind the plastic tableware and Jean was stealing a full share of lasagna all for himself.

“What. I’m hungry!” He complained when I glared at him.

“If you don’t finish that I’ll shove it down your throat,” I groaned.

My nervousness was what compelled me to stay rather cheerful during dinner. Mikasa and Levi were still barely speaking to each other but I wondered if I was reading too much into it. It’s not like they spoke any more when they were relatively in good terms.

We played Cards against Humanity together and Jean kept losing all the time. Annie and Levi were collecting a winning strike that left us thinking there was witchcraft going on.

“Bitch,” Jean muttered after Annie took another win.

“Shut up,” she snorted, “I wear heels higher than your dick.”

I hid my face between my hands while Mikasa and Levi— _yes, Levi_ —laughed on their own.

Midnight wasn’t anywhere in sight and we had already exhausted more than half of the beers I’d bought. We were incredibly cheery, but still sober enough to hold a serious conversation. Jean kept telling us about his Christmas and how he would have to spend New Year alone with his parents if it wasn’t for this tiny gathering. Annie agreed and Levi and Mikasa just looked between each other in a _very_ compromising glance.

Thanks to Jean’s shitty choice of music we ended up listening to Cascada songs. _Every Time We Touch_ was Armin’s and my personal debut because that song was so middle school. And again, I had my own little ball of joy thanks to Mikasa’s and Annie’s sort of intimate little dance.

“They have it for each other, don’t they?” Levi muttered, his thumb absently brushing back and forth over my shirt as he held me and tried to stop me from wobbling to the rhythm of the song.

I looked at him, “Who?”

“Mikasa and Annie. You always look at them as if you’re so damn proud.”

“Oh! But I am proud.”

Levi raised his eyebrows and then rolled his eyes. “Alright. But Mikasa is not—”

“Yeah, yeah. My ship will never become canon.”

“What?”

“Never mind!”

After Cascada came Avril Lavigne and I sat down on the sofa watching everyone else make a little crazy display of the _Girlfriend_ MV. Levi sat next to me with a tiny paper in hand and started doing origami—or whatever you call those. Took me a while to realize he was faintly doing lip-sync to a few songs and I made a point of teasing him about it. He shoved me away, though.

Nagging Levi with little displays of affection was my new favorite thing. That and watching Jean make a complete fool out of myself and see Armin totally in love with that.

“ _Singing here’s to never growing up_ ,” both of them yelled.

Had these guys been part of my high school life, I was sure it would have been the best time of my life. As it was, we were on a schedule and it got me a little melancholic thinking that this could very well be the and last New Year’s Eve I spent with them.

“Let’s not think about our final exams,” Jean pretend to sob on Armin’s shoulder. “I think I’m getting an ulcer…”

I snorted, “You? An ulcer? You?! Give me a break.”

Levi side-glanced at me and smiled faintly.

“I can get ulcers too, you know?” Jean barked at me.

“Hey,” Mikasa called from where she was changing songs on my laptop, “have you guys listened to the new Danthology?”

I perked up at that. “No! Put it on!”

Again, the four of them made another dance show while I tried to pay attention and recognize all the songs. Levi was already working on his third origami bird. I had no idea where he was taking those papers from since they just seemed to appear in his hands.

“Ah, this makes me feel a twist in my stomach,” Jean sobbed again, this time for real.

I stared at him horrified and then snapped my eyes to Armin when I heard _Let It Go_ between a few other songs and cracked up laughing.

At 11:30pm we were watching TV and waiting patiently for midnight. Armin was tangled in Jean’s arms next to Levi and Mikasa was sitting on the floor between Annie’s legs. Levi had a collection of paper birds over his legs and seemed incredibly happy about it, between how happy he could seem.

At 11:48pm Jean was running around the kitchen and shaking one of the champagne bottle while Armin kept telling him he couldn’t open that inside the house. Levi was helping me separate the trash and Mikasa and Annie were on a New Year greetings texting spree.

At 11:55 we were already outside. Our neighbors were already outside as well, making their own personal parties—most of them were completely wasted. Jean kept shaking the bottle of champagne and we were all staying about two meters away from him for obvious reasons.

Mikasa hugged me to kiss my ear when the countdown started and then did the same with Annie. Levi grabbed my hand and kept giving Jean this rather dreadful stare because of how he kept shaking the bottle.

At 8 the bottle popped open and Jean got hit in the forehead while the champagne shot everywhere around him.

At 6 we were lost laughing too much to worry about counting.

At 3 some fireworks fired in the distance and we _woooed_ because it was still too soon.

At 1 Annie popped the other bottle open and shrugged at us because it had been a mistake.

And at the shout everyone gave to welcome the New Year, more than half of the houses around us lit up the skies with a firework display, like they did every single year, and Levi stood in front of me and gave me a quick kiss.

Maybe the show here wasn’t as good as it was in the capital. But watching it together with everyone made it warmheartedly better. Annie was waving her phone up in the air, filming the fireworks above. Jean had his arm over Armin’s shoulder and was contently looking up as well. Mikasa seemed rather thoughtful, but her eyes shone brighter than she’d been all night. Levi was just there, being himself and looking up as if he was watching a really boring show.

Deep down I wondered why I still felt so stressed. Maybe I felt uneasy because Levi still seemed a little off. And although I hoped it was only that, I knew there was something else as well.

It took me by surprise when Levi squeezed my hand and pulled me closer to say, “Next year I’m taking you somewhere. You like fireworks, right?”

I blinked, feeling a weight lift from my shoulders. “Yeah. Yeah, I like fireworks.”

Levi hummed in reply. “That settles it then.”

And that’s how it should’ve ended. That’s how I should’ve let it end. But getting up from bed that morning had been, indeed, a terrible mistake.

We went back inside after a few more minutes. Levi managed to get everyone in a cleaning mood, and we had our share of fun while tidying everything up. Jean kept singing a song I’d never heard of but that included the words _enormous_ and _dick_. I considered contesting to that, but Armin was there. It would be awkward.

Annie went to the bathroom to dress her jersey afterwards and then came down stairs to challenge Jean and Mikasa to play Cards against Humanity. Armin ended up joining as well, and I would have added up if I wasn’t so concerned with Levi’s urgent phone call that I could only assume was his mother by the way he answered.

He was sitting by the stairs of my house outside when I approached. Probably sensing my presence, as usual, he glanced at me over his shoulder right away and finished the call with a few, “Yes, yes. I get it. Bye.”

“Is everything ok?” I asked, shivering because of the cold. My jacket was inside and I had forgotten about it.

Levi stood up, softly patting his jeans of all the dust he’d caught in the process of sitting over the stairs. “Yeah, I guess so,” replied stoically.

I crossed my arms and tilted my head. “You guess?”

He walked up to me and I barely had time to react before he pressed his forehead over my shoulder. “Don’t worry.”

“When you tell me not to worry is when I worry the most.”

Taking a step back, Levi turned slightly to look at the street. “I hate having to get involved with shit I don’t like.”

I shrugged, “You always end up having it your way,” the manner in which he looked at me made me go on. “You always manage to set everything at your own pace. People end up having to wait for you. They also end up reasoning with you because you have that whole,” I grinned, “conversational manipulative skill.”

“Seems to work with everyone except you,” he complained.

“That’s not entirely true.”

“Perhaps. Still, I can’t help but overthink our situation,” he narrowed his eyes and then looked at me. “I’m not saying Mikasa is right, but if my mother goes through with it then there’s a lot changing. It might affect me…” He paused, “And indirectly affect you too.”

Maybe I was turning into an idealist. I knew better than to speak what wasn’t real, true. I knew I couldn’t lie to him. Giving in to false hopes, false expectations had never been my way. But I was on a roll, I wanted a breakthrough so my mouth moved before I thought about it.

I shook my head and took a step forward. “You can choose not to shoulder everything on your own. Aren’t we better together than alone? I want to be able to share your burdens too. Damn it, you already get your nose into my business all the time! Why won’t you let me do it for you as well? Why won’t you let me help you? I _love_ you! It’s only obvious I want to help!”

In my heart I knew it was too soon. But in my head I knew it was the outcome of buildup thoughts, emotions and feelings. Took me only a second to take conscience of it and it suddenly felt like it was hard to breathe.

I tried to shrug it off, play it off and pretend it didn’t happen. But Levi had heard it. I could almost pin point the exact moment his expression changed, turning into an unreadable mask of feeling nothing altogether.

His eyes searched my face while I worried about what he might say. I was mentally drawing all the possible outcomes, half of them more than heartbreaking, but it was better to have a step in advance. I thought I was ready for anything, even if the moment had come too soon. But I wasn’t. I would never be ready.

Levi’s lips drew a thin line and then parted. “I’m sorry,” he said. And my heart fell to a pit.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren seems to have a brain the size of a nut.
> 
> PS: The irony of writing about dicks is a problem. I can hardly take it seriously but I hope I didn't take the sexiness out of it.

When I woke up that morning over the couch I was drooling to the side like a freak. My head was pounding a little and I knew it wasn’t for the amount of beer I’d drowned myself in during the night.

Mikasa was curling over the other side of the sofa. Jean and Armin were tangled around each other above some pillows they’d set of the floor. Annie was on the bean chair. And Levi was nowhere to be found.

I went to the kitchen so I could heat up some water to make myself some tea and saw Levi sitting by the table. He was looking out the window, his eyebrows creasing in that way I already knew to be _worry_. I walked around the island, only taking my eyes from him when he noticed me and craved his on me. I took the tea packs out of the cabinet and poured some water into the electric kettle.

“Do you want tea?” I asked, giving Levi a quick look.

“Sure,” he replied in a gravelly voice.

The kettle heated up pretty fast so I quickly served two mugs. I knew Levi was watching me carefully as I drowned a spoon of sugar in his black tea. I was completely proud of myself for knowing that’s how he liked it, but I kept quiet about it.

“You look tired,” I said as I took the mugs to the table and sat down in front of him. “Did you even sleep at all?”

Levi took his cup between his hands and looked at it. “No. I guess I didn’t sleep.”

Part of me wanted to ask why. And I knew it was the same part that hoped he’d been thinking about last night. About what I had slipped out and he had heard. About how I’d completely shut him out when he tried to explain himself. About how unfair I was being just because I was suddenly scared of the reasons why he wasn’t ready to say I love you.

It didn’t really change how I felt about him. I was completely aware that eventually all those feelings would bottle up again and I would end up having another slip. And maybe Levi knew it too, in that strange way he had to _know_ things.

Recapping my last 18 laps around the sun meant remembering a lot of things that were better left forgotten. 18 laps from which I could only remember 10. I’d reached this conclusion before, that this was my year of change, my year of adventure—whether it was stepping out of my comfort zone to try new things or set my horizons a little higher, perhaps travel. It was with this mindset that I went to Trost and probably became the most inconsistent human being of all time, lost between who I was and who I wanted to be, lost between double standards I had no idea how to deal with. Overall, this past year had been a year of great loss but also remarkable gain—a year of change.

So what was the mindset for this year? Well, maybe become consistent again. Maybe try to regain myself a little and finally adapt to the new me. Someone who wasn’t afraid of failure. Someone who wasn’t afraid to take _no_ for an answer. Someone who knew where to stand and who to care for. That’s the kind of person I wanted to become this year. And so far, I was doing everything the other way around, cowardly acting like nothing had happened.

“Sulking?” Levi asked out of the blue, eyes boring onto me, startling me out of my thoughts.

“No, just thinking.”

“About?”

I rolled my eyes and took the mug to my lips, “Nothing worth mentioning.”

“You're not just being a little bitch about last night?” He said, glancing away when I snapped a glare at him. He should be the one mad at me, but somehow this was turning out to be the other way around.

I raised an eyebrow when he failed to go on. “Huh… No. Why would I?”

Levi blinked and went silent. Then, he slowly raised his eyes to the window and stared. If he hadn’t slept alright the night before and had neglected sleep again this night, I could only imagine how tired he felt. He already had a tendency to look tired and bored of life, but today he was the fucking king of boredom and tiredness.

“What about you? Are you thinking about something? Is that why you didn’t sleep?”

He took a sip of his tea and looked at me. “There’s a fucking shopping list, Eren.” His voice was so soft I couldn’t really discern if he was actually upset I’d asked.

My face dropped. “And what does that mean?”

“It means it’s tiring to think about things. It means I wish I didn’t have to think about anything at all and just live my life working on something I like. It’s way easier that way.”

For someone so emotionally constipated I had to agree it could be tiring to overthink every little thing. He still had his whole family drama to deal with and I wasn’t being the best of helps with that one. Instead, I was shoving my own little problems at him, which was basically backfiring at me.

“Hey,” my mouth moved before my brain, “do you wanna stay the night?”

Levi was in the process of taking the mug to his mouth but stopped midway to stare and blink _very_ slowly at me. “You mean stay here tonight?”

“Yeah, why not.”

“Well,” he looked aside as if he needed some privacy. “I don’t know. I already stayed last night so I don’t think—”

“No. I mean just you and me. So you can get some proper sleep. And so we can talk. So I can help you. And so you can go fix your damn life tomorrow.” I shrugged when Levi just stared blankly at me. “My parents will be home, meaning we don’t really have to worry about food, even.”

He frowned. “Your parents…”

“Yeah. I think mom would like to meet you.”

With a slight tilt of his head to the side, Levi stared at me completely dumbfounded. “Do… I mean, do your parents know?”

I thought about his question. “If you mean about my sexual preferences then yes, they know. If you mean about you then no, they don’t have the slightest clue.” It was easy to tell this was another subject that troubled him, so I added, “Although I can introduce you as my friend.”

Levi choked on is tea. “Yeah, certainly. As if they’d buy that.”

“Why wouldn’t they?”

He placed the mug above the table and glared at me. “Give me a break. It’s totally obvious in the way I look at you.” And that was something I would have never expected to hear him say.

“The way you look at me?”

Levi face palmed. “Jesus, bless his tiny excuse of a brain.”

“Hey!”

“You’re so slow, Eren!” He snapped.

I frowned, “What the hell do you mean?”

The face he threw at me was totally one of _why in the seven hells am I dating you?_ But before I could say something about that, Jean appeared by the door and walked to the table to sit next to me. I was still looking at Levi, daring him to explain. But of course that was not going to happen.

“Man,” Jean sighed, “I woke up with a bunch of songs inside my head and I don’t know how I managed to memorize so many lyrics last night.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, maybe because you listened to the Pop Danthology until you collapsed on the floor. Where’s Armin?”

Jean flicked his finger up, “In the bathroom.”

“Do you guys want tea? I also have coffee.”

“Yeah, that would be nice. And some toast, please.”

I was already getting up but was still in reach to slap my hand over his head. “I’m not your shitty butler.”

“Toast would be great, though,” Mikasa said from the door with Annie yawning loudly right behind her. I knew then I’d have to get my ass moving for these guys.

We ate in silence while Armin explained the weird dream he’d had. I knew his dreams were something he never really told anyone, for some reason, so watching him act so carefree around my friends and enjoying himself meant the world to me.

“By the way,” Jean started around a piece of toast, “it’s Valentine’s Day in a month or so… do you guys have any plans?”

“Yes,” Mikasa threw in vehemently, “stay at home and study.”

Annie nodded and added, “Probably order some pizza, considering everyone in that stupid apartment is seeing someone else.”

“Yes, only Marco, the betrayer, stayed single.”

“Maybe you should reconsider his status.”

Mikasa laughed a little, “Yeah, maybe.”

I pretended this wasn’t my subject. I still remembered the bit of information Marco had shared a few days ago regarding Jean. It’s not like that would change anything, it just complied me to keep my mouth shut with all the locks possible in case I felt like throwing in some imprudent suggestion.

“What about you?” Jean turned his attentions to Levi. “You two have plans?”

Levi locked his eyes with me while munching his toast and then looked at Jean. “Not really, why? Isn’t Valentine’s Day like any other day?” _Someone should really bless this guy for all the bullshit he endures._ “What’s with that face?”

Jean rolled his eyes and looked at Armin. “These guys are so prosaic.”

I snorted. “ _Ish_ , prosaic! It’s such a fancy word to use first thing in the morning.”

“Fine! Ordinary. You guys are a bunch of ordinary cynics.”

“Excuse you,” Annie interjected, “my name is Annie and I enjoy romantic walks to the fridge.”

Levi chuckled and, because he did, I smiled. Armin laughed and Jean just grunted something to himself before he left the subject alone. I didn’t really think I was that much of a cynic. I found myself romanticizing every little thing, and maybe that’s why each day that passed and I couldn’t get my feelings across just served to make them grow.

“When are you guys leaving?” I asked, eyes running between Mikasa and Jean.

“Annie and I have a bus at 11. We still arrive in time to attend our families’ lunch. Right?” Jean turned to Annie and got a nod in return. “When are you guys coming back to Trost?”

Again, Levi and I locked eyes, but I spoke first. “I’m going after tomorrow. I have to study for my finals. They start in five days.”

“Oh,” Jean patted my back, “then I’ll have you around. Nice!”

“I don’t know when we’ll get back,” Mikasa said, “Levi and I only start work in February so we’ll probably skip a week of classes. There’s some stuff we need to take care of.”

No one asked about it, but I noticed Annie perked up a little at that. Maybe she knew, maybe Mikasa had told her something, which wasn’t surprising.

When they left, Armin left with them. Only Levi and Mikasa stayed for a while longer but then Mikasa said she was going back home. Levi still hadn’t confirmed he’d stay over tonight, but I was selfishly hoping he would. We hadn’t started the year in the same foot and I wanted to make up for it.

My parents weren’t home yet so I decided to make the best out of it and pull Levi into a random hug right after Mikasa closed the door behind her.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asked. Everything about his posture showed how much he hated it, but I knew better. “I’m mad at you, this is not supposed to be happening.”

I pressed my lips on his forehead and sighed. “And since when do you always get things to flow the way you want them to, hm?”

“Since I was born.”

_Touché._

“Well, I’m trying to enjoy whatever we didn’t get to enjoy last night.”

Levi made a noncommittal noise and stretched, long and languid, his flannel lifting just enough for me to catch a glimpse of his hips and get a hold of him with my cold hands that quickly ran up his back, under his shirt.

He bent forward and crashed his face on my shoulder with a shiver. “I’m going to kill you,” he said. “Whatever you’re trying to do is not working.”

I laughed, “Oh, but I think it is.” And I said that because I could feel his hold tightening at the back of my shirt. “Why do you always smell so damn good?” I asked when I sniffled his hair.

Levi aimed an abysmal stare at me. “Because I worry about that kind of stuff. Unlike some people.”

I blinked, Wait… was—was that supposed to be an indirect comment?”

“No,” he scoffed to the side, “but seeing your face was worth the try.”

Cocky and teasing the life of me as usual.

The moments in which our roles reversed were rare and even though I didn’t really mind that, I was completely in heaven as I watched Levi turn into a strict statue the moment my parents arrived right after we’d finished cleaning the kitchen—somehow, cleaning was one of those things I didn’t need to talk Levi into. A look at his face and I’d know what was up.

I knew that for as much tired as he looked, Levi was still very pleasing to the eye. So of course I wasn’t surprised when mom got in the kitchen while carrying a bunch of plastic bags and stopped to stare at him the moment their eyes met. She completely forgot I was in the room.

“What are you staring at?” I asked, slowly moving myself into her line of sight. “Where’s dad?”

Mom awkwardly threw a thumb over her shoulder, “He’s parking the car—who’s this?”

“This is… Levi,” I muttered.

Levi bowed his head slightly with more politeness I’d ever seen in him and said, “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Jäger.” I wanted to laugh at the setup of this scene but I managed to contain myself.

My mother blushed slightly. I knew I could count by the fingers of one hand the amount of times she got called so politely by any acquaintance of mine so no wonder she was so moved by such an ordinary gesture.

She moved to place the plastic bags over the table. “College friend?”

“Well, actually, Levi is my—”

“Wow,” dad said as he got in the kitchen. I hadn’t heard him come in. “I’m amazed. The house is just as we left it.”

Mom rolled her eyes and started taking some stuff out of the bags. “Your father thought we’d get here and see the house burned to the ground.”

I glared at both of them. “Hey, I’m not _that_ irresponsible!”

Dad moved to sit by the island and stare at me over his glasses in that annoying way that needed to prove me wrong, and then looked at Levi. “Oh, you’re…” His eyes met mine and I just shook my head slightly. We both knew that meant he couldn’t _know_ who Levi was or mom would ask about it. If she knew who he was she’d start acting judgmentally, most likely. “Who’re you?” He quickly rephrased.

“I’m Levi,” was the quick answer. There was no _nice to meet_ you this time because they already knew each other, most likely, but mom didn’t seem to catch on that.

“Oh, isn’t he lovely?” She giggled to herself while Levi looked away. “Are you staying tonight, Levi?” Her eyes shone brightly with her question and I noticed Levi recoiled a bit at her overenthusiasm.

He still hadn’t told me if he was going to stay, but when he gave me a quick glance I knew his answer was, “If it’s not a bother…”

“Oh, pft, _bother_ ,” mom laughed, “not at all.”

Knowing someone else fully was strange and captivating. And even if Levi could be the biggest mystery crawling above the planet, I was aware of the essentials. From his favorite food to how he definitely didn’t have his future figured out but was still working on it. From how he liked his tea to how troubled his family was and how that had shaped him in a strange but alluring way. He was a good brother. He was a good son even if he had nowhere to direct that at. He was trying to be a good boyfriend, and despite all the little misunderstandings I knew it to be true.

Having Levi around was surprisingly funny. My mother was totally enchanted and he seemed to notice it and make his own little show out of it. He’d compliment her food, which meant the world to her, and offer his help while my mother kept asking me why I couldn’t be a little bit like him.

“That would be counterproductive,” I told her.

Levi raised an eyebrow at me but said nothing. He was being awfully quiet, just talking whenever he thought necessary.

We had watched a movie during the afternoon and then helped mom with dinner. When we went to take out the trash, the new common joke every night about me going to china and coming back was served and Levi snorted because he knew what they were talking about.

It had been nice. Mom asking him questions about college and about what he did. Feeling my pride swell and telling my parents how good at drawing he was and showing them the collection of origami birds I had now displayed above my desk in my room. Mom asking Levi if he could teach her and Levi promising he would. Dad commenting about politics and all those things I had no idea were happening and Levi agreeing with him, carefully enough not to drop his opinion harshly like he tended to do.

I liked when they gave him attention, for some reason. And although Levi seemed completely lost by being the center of the world all of a sudden, he wasn’t falling behind.

Everything had been nice.

Before we went to bed, mom pulled me aside to talk to me about the next college fee. She was worried she wouldn’t be able to make in time this month, and I told it would be alright, that she didn’t need to pay everything so strictly every single month.

“Are you sure, darling?” She asked yet again.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure. Don’t sweat it.”

“Ok. Oh, by the way, where’s your friend sleeping?”

I was already turning away but stopped. “In my bed?”

Mom blinked. “Eh? Really? Is he ok with that? Because we can—”

A flash of protectiveness swept through me, and as senseless and irrational as it was, I couldn’t help it. Mom stopped talking and stared at me for a moment, her expression slowly changing into one I barely recognized.

“Oh… never mind,” she muttered. “Have a good night.”

I blinked, completely out of myself because I had no idea what that was about. “Sure, you too.” Maybe she’d noticed, maybe I wasn’t as expressionless as I wish I’d be. Maybe Levi was right, my emotions were on max volume 24/7.

“No fooling around,” was the last thing I heard before I started climbing the stairs.

Fooling around, was it? If that was the last of thoughts I had at the back of my head, it didn’t lose time to leap over the rest and be the first thing I thought of after I reached the top of the stairway.

Yes, I could be really loathsome about some stuff.

“Your parents are wonderful,” Levi started when I got in the room. He said it rather jovially for someone who’s always so stoic.

I laughed, “They’re ok, I guess. I think they like you.”

“It’s pretty tiring too, though.” He melted willingly when I embraced him from behind and rubbed my nose over his hair.

“That’s true, but you haven’t slept properly either.”

He turned around slowly, his own arms linking around my waist and holding me tight. For someone who was supposed to be mad at me, he was definitely not looking it. As usual, though, he could probably read my mind because he said, “I’m still mad at you.”

Sometimes it’s best to just leave everything where it is and hope for the best in the morning. That’s what I thought and I knew Levi agreed. Maybe that’s why we were not talking about it, that tiny-big subject we knew we’d eventually have to discuss. Or maybe he understood I was trying to run away from whatever he had to say and he was letting me do it. I’d spoken so eagerly about his own cowardliness that I felt bad when he didn’t say anything about mine.

“Can I kiss you?” I asked.

“No.”

“No?”

He slapped my leg and looked up to glare at me. “Since when do you need my permission?”

“I _always_ need your permission.” Although we both knew that if I did something he didn’t like I’d probably end up completely broken on the floor. “Ah, by the way, I think my mother knows…”

Levi’s usually bright eyes grew dark quickly as his pupils dilated. He leaned back slightly to glare at me with an intensity I hadn’t seen in a while. “What.”

“She just…” I shrugged, “She _did_ something.”

“Did something?”

“A face or something… ok, maybe I did the face, I’m not sure…”

He frowned. “Wait, you’re losing me. What?”

I leaned back against the door and Levi took a step back to watch me properly. “Never mind.”

“Ok?”

“Just consider that if they know they’re ok with it.”

“Ok.”

“Ok?” I joked just to repeat the word again.

“Ok.”

Levi used the bathroom first. I was seconds, and almost slipped on the wet surface. Levi had taken a shower so it was obvious everything would be moist.

I looked at the tub for a moment and then decided I’d get in as well. Everything about the night before and that day seemed to be weighing down on me, making me feel heavier.

I thought about the upcoming exams but dropped it because of the uneasiness that quickly settled in my stomach. I thought about the bus travel back to Trost. I thought about Mikasa and Levi and the amount of time they’d stay in Shiganshina.

It occurred to me while I was under the rinse that it would be the first time I wouldn’t be able to see Levi for more than 3 days. Even when we lived under the same roof, we managed to avoid each other if really wanted to. Still, knowing he was still there, just a few doors away left me rather at peace because I knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Even if it seemed stupid, even if we were still at that awkward beginning and had no idea what was alright to do and when, I knew I was going to miss him. We would be apart for a whole month, basically.  And what I would have otherwise called _gross_ and _unwise_ , now I considered completely normal… to miss someone you like when they’re rather far away for a good amount of time.

When I got back in the room, Levi was already laying down on the bed. His back was turned to the door and his breathing was so even I thought he was already asleep.

I walked to the chair where I dropped my towel and then moved slowly to lay down as well. The moment I was under the covers was when Levi turned to face me for a second before he hugged me and buried his face on my chest.

The cold trace of the heavy winter bedcovers warmed up pretty quickly. My knee kept lightly rubbing up between Levi's legs because I just couldn’t stop touching him whenever I had the chance, and my hand traced small spirals in-between his locks.

He seemed completely unperturbed by all this, still breathing evenly, and my mind was surprisingly pretty far of however I could take advantage of this situation.

“What happens if your parents get divorced?” I asked softly.

There was a period of silence that stretched longer than I thought it would, but then he replied, “My mother gets half of our money, but she loses the house. Mikasa will want to help. She’ll probably try to graduate earlier so she can come back here to help. She’ll probably side with both of them but I know the slight trust she puts in our father is pretty vain and she’ll feel it too, eventually.”

“What about you?”

For the first time, I respected his silence. Especially when his hold started to soften and he sighed loudly. I realized I’d always be either acceptant or annoyed when he didn’t reply to any of my questions. But for the first time, I was being respectful. I understood that he wanted to talk about it but had no idea how. I understood he had no idea how he stood in this whole mess. And still, even knowing all that, he was still being himself and I respected that a lot.

Of course I was still too worked up about a lot of things to let the conversation die there.

“Can I ask you something stupid and unrelated?”

Levi shifted slightly, “You always have something stupid and unrelated to ask, don’t you?”

“Do you think we’d still be here tonight if I hadn’t ended up in the dorms?” The question was simple and it had just popped up. I wasn’t trying to be a little worry pansy, but I knew there were certain things I liked to know, even if they were mere possibilities.

He thought for a moment; less than that, actually. “No, I don’t think so.” And he went on before I could ask further. “Because if I hadn’t seen you that night I would have never wondered about how you could possibly fit in my life. If we hadn’t talked that night, I wouldn’t have found you worth the shot.” He rubbed his nose over my shirt, “It’s not like I was waiting for you or some shit… definitely not that. But if you hadn’t shown up then I wouldn’t have thought anything like, _eh, I guess I really like this person_. Even if I already liked you from before, it wasn’t what it is now.”

My hearted skipped more than one beat. “Pft, you thought that?”

Levi bumped his knee on mine. “ _What_. Am I not allowed to think I like someone?”

“No, you’re not. You’re just allowed to think you like _me_.”

“Oh?” He sounded amused but he also let the subject hang without being discussed because he knew getting down on it would only take us to that thing we were actively trying to avoid talking about.

When Levi let go of me to face the ceiling instead it was my turn to lean my head over his shoulder and quietly listen to his unfluctuating heartbeat. He was smaller than me, yes, but I liked the feeling of being held once in a while as well.

“I think that if you hadn’t been so intense about it from the very start, I would have never wondered about us or why you made me feel so weird,” I admitted.

“Weird?” he said, and leaned his head in to nuzzle my hair almost tenderly. “What do you mean by _weird_?”

“I mean that… Well, the way you stared at me and… how you said my name. How you paid me attention when I needed and tossed me to the side when I definitely didn’t need it and just thought I did. Yeah, those things fucked me up pretty bad,” I chuckled. “It was pretty unfair.”

“I have no idea… but if it worked then I’m glad. Watching you and Mikasa flirt wasn’t actually a good thing for my state of mind so… I’m glad it worked.”

I sat up straight at that and turned to look at him even if I couldn’t really see him in the darkness. “What?”

“What. It was pretty obvious that you were totally hanging over the border at the beginning.”

“Was not!”

He raised a hand to my face, stroking my cheek lightly with the back of his hand. “Eren, breathe,” he prompted. “You’re acting like I just shoved something down your throat.”

I thought about that, really, but not in the way he’d meant. Of course I had to push the thought away to manage to talk. “Well… I… I’m embarrassed.”

“Yeah, I’d noticed,” he stated with what seemed to be some kind of satisfaction. “And if it sooths your little heart then I should tell you it could have worked out. So not sorry about getting between you two.”

I threw myself back and collapsed over his arm. “Ah, shut it. You’re being obnoxious.”

“So we’re even.” His words were gentle, but his behavior was not. He scooted closer and quickly clamped his teeth around the line of my jaw. It hurt it also sent a weird electric vibe through my body.

I recognized his conduct from myself. When all I could think about was of how I believed wholeheartedly that now Levi was _mine_ , even if it could be a poisonous thought. I wasn’t even considering what could eventually happen, I just knew how I felt.

There was a hint of playfulness in his eyes when my sight finally adjusted to the darkness and I managed to take a good look at his face. _Yes_ , I thought, _I can definitely be an escape_.

Levi rubbed his nose with mine, his head then tipping back to regard me, his lips dangerously close to my own. Whichever restraint I still had was doing just fine so far but still…

“Can I finally get that kiss or what?” I asked, letting the question fall on a breath.

His lip quivered slightly but he didn’t move. I knew Levi to be the master of tension whenever he wanted, and I couldn’t help but enjoy all that teasing too much for my own good. “Depends,” his eyes lowered slightly, “will you let me do it this time? What you didn’t let me do before.” He rephrased when I showed confusion, “The first time. Ok, the _one_ time.”

It dawned on me so suddenly I couldn’t help the little “O” shape of my mouth that Levi mimicked just to mock.

I snorted, “Yeah… yeah, you can _definitely_ do that.”

“You’re so stupidly slow.”

“You keep saying—”

Finally, as if all the playfulness had broken the tension, Levi bent and caught my lips middle sentence. And no matter how delightful I found the tension before the indulgence, I wasn’t going to deny how _this_ , kissing him, was something I never wanted to stop doing.

He didn’t waste time, slowly crawling over me and smirking just slightly against my mouth when he felt my dick probably a little more erect than it should have been. He kissed my chin down to my neck and only stopped at the collar of my shirt. With his nose, Levi trailed all the way down, diving under the covers, the slightly pressure I could feel through my shirt acting like some sort of aphrodisiac.

Levi reached over and grabbed my hand, dropping it on top of his head. That gave me more power over the situation than I had planned to have, but I didn’t mind. This equal distribution of power, different in each situation was kept reminding me we were on equal footing. Just because he was slightly older, it didn’t mean he thought he was by any chance greater than me. He still got around calling me _kid_ or _brat_ , but I knew it to be more of a nickname than anything else.

I spread my fingers into his hair the moment he lowered my pants and boxers in one go. Being unable to see his face, or him at all, left enough territory for my imagination to wander. I probably grew a little at that too, even more when I felt Levi’s hot breath over my dick.

He slid his lips over my cock, catching the tip in his mouth and sucking. It was such a mischievous little thing that I had to throw my other arm over my eyes and take a deep breath. He went lower each time, and each time sucking harder, demanding more of me, probably more than I thought I could give.

When I tightened my hand over his head Levi took me all the way in and I knew then that I was a goner. I didn’t need to be guided up to and through this to know when to fist my hand around his hair and pull him from my dick to my mouth as I quickly tossed the covers away.

The bitter taste of Levi’s mouth made me recoil a little.

“It’s yours,” he said when I pulled back just enough to stare at him. He seemed pleased with himself, somehow. “Don’t look so disgusted.”

I rolled my eyes and kissed him again, proving him I was not even a little put off by that.

Maybe hand jobs didn’t make a _winner_ , but we would have to stick to that for tonight because if Levi kept acting like a sexy little fuck I wouldn’t be able to hold back, and we were still, after all, under my parents’ roof.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye! Here we are again.  
> I really don't know what to say about this chapter. The fic will now return to what it was at the begining, self-discovery and Eren and his little adventures throughout his first year of college.  
> If you get a feeling of closure about it, that's because the main deal that was Eren and Levi getting to this point is finally over. It also announces the begining of the end. It might sound sad, but there's still more to come.
> 
> Anyway ~  
> Enjoy the double POV.

_Levi_

 

I’d started to worry about the future. It wasn’t as if I had never worried about it before, it’s just that now I was keenly thinking about what I wanted to do with my life after the end of May.

Coming back to Trost was something Mikasa and I had kept delaying for the past month. Everything between the beginning and the ending of January felt like living a nightmare. Arguments and threats, and then mother was leaving the house. Obviously, we left with her, and spent the remaining two weeks at our aunt’s house— _damn, I hate my aunt; she cooks like shit_. We only stayed so long to give _mental_ support. It’s not like I was necessarily good at it, but I knew that my presence influenced Mikasa to stay in high spirits.

Now that we were back, however, there were a few things we had to take care of and, in my case, start worrying about.

Beginning in March, I would start receiving money from my mother to help me pay college. In fact, she suggested I stopped working, but I told her I liked to do it. Besides, I couldn’t just walk out on the people who’d been lifting my ass for the past four years. Anyway, this meant I’d have more money at the end of each month, and I could start saving up for real.

Mikasa had decided to ask for an early graduation, just like I had predicted. She was eager to talk to Erwin about it, and give him a three months early warning that she would quit at the end of May. They were currently talking about it in his office while I sat by one of the tables at the bar and courteously tried to keep my eyes on the book I was reading and not in the annoying way Hanji had her feet sprawled over the board.

“What the hell are you reading?” She asked for about the millionth time. “Is that book? Or are you studying? Ah, is it a diary? Damn, it looks like a—”

“Will you shut the fuck up?” I looked up at her. “Seriously, give me a break, woman.”

She gave me a toothy grin instead and then started checking her nails. I noticed she’d painted them pink—she supposedly hated pink. “Come on, talk to me,” she whined. “I haven’t seen you since last year.”

“Well,” I thought about it but then opted to roll my eyes and get back to what I was doing, “shit happens, I guess.” She was probably the last person I wanted to discuss personal affairs with. On the other hand, I knew that a good way to get her to stop asking about it was to ask _her_ about her life. “Are you seeing someone?” I gestured faintly at her hands. “You’ve painted your nails pink.”

Years later, I was sure, someone would ask me _“Levi, how did you and Hanji meet?”_ and my answer would most certainly be the ugly truth, “ _she was talking about bondage and I couldn’t hear any more of it so I started offering her drinks.”_ Eventually, she had decided working for Erwin was a good idea. Talk about priorities…

Sure fingers clutched my shoulder and I felt Hanji’s intense aura all over me. “Glad you asked,” she said. “He’s such a cutie.”

I turned another page of Eren’s book and hummed at nothing in particular. I’d been reading it for the past two weeks and I was finding it hard to deny it was a very interesting story with a fucking mind twisting plot.

“You’re still a bee, aren’t you?” I asked.

And seriously, I wasn’t even interested in the answer, whatsoever, so I couldn’t help but glare at the wall when she grabbed my wrist, and shoved my hand into her crotch. “Chubby-chubby!” She sang happily. “See for yourself.”

I removed my hand and sighed loudly. “Please refrain from doing that ever again.”

“Well, you asked.”

“ _Yes_ , but just an answer would have sufficed.”

“Anyway,” she clapped her hands, “he’s a cutie. His name is Moblit and he’s a sweaty boy.”

“Gross.”

“Shut up, he’s cute!” She sounded a little offended. “We’ve been going out for a while… hm, yeah. A month or so.”

“Still gross.”

“Whatever, Levi. What do _you_ know about relationships and gross boys?”

I couldn’t help the grin and the huffed laugh, really. I mean, surely, I wasn’t the most experienced person but I lived with a couple of guys and was dating a healthy teenager so I did have some vote in the subject.

“Waaaaaaaiiiiiit,” she withdrew her feet from the table and leaned closer to me, “what’s that cute little face for, oh god, what happened with Honey Bunch?” That’s what she called Eren. “Please, don’t tell me you’re pregnant.”

I leaned back on my chair and threw my hands over my face “ _Yes_. That’s it. I’m pregnant. _Wow_ ,” I looked at her, “How did you guess?”

She pointed a finger at me. “Saying that with a straight face... How do I know you’re not a woman in disguise, hm?”

“Is that your new technique to get to see someone’s junk? Is that it?”

“ _Lalalala!_ Bullshit’s over, now tell me.”

I hunched over the table and leaned my head over the book. “Why does it always come back to me, I wonder?”

Hanji smacked me on the back. “Because you’re young and I secretly care about you. So get out of that cute little ass of yours and talk to me. You’re like my son! I need to know!”

“That’s disturbing.”

“Shut up and tell me!”

I straightened up and regarded the book again. “Can’t do both at the same time.”

She seemed to be munching that one over so I took the chance to get back to reading again. No doubt, she read the expression on my face by the time our eyes met again for a few instants. It was something she was good at, in some way, reading people. Maybe it came with the job.

“Oh, no.” She started. “Levi you’re—oh gods!” A pause while she _dramatized_ and I allowed her some privacy, but then she was hunching over me again. “Have you told him?”

“Told _who_ what?”

“Have you told Honey Bunch that you love him?”

_Ugh._

I didn’t want to be too enthusiastic about it. I was finding it difficult to allow myself enthusiasm, actually. I didn’t want to be a liar and I had no idea what love was altogether. _Still_ , I’d figured, in the moments I’d allowed myself to think about it, that maybe I did love him. It wasn’t really about knowing what it is, but knowing how I feel. And maybe Eren had been right to shut me out back then and say he didn’t want to hear whatever I had to tell him. It made me think about it. It made me realize those words were something strong and precious, but still simple to comprehend.

My silence was probably a dead giveaway because Hanji was already surging without another question. “Does he love you?”

I took a deep breath and closed the book. Obviously, I wasn’t going to get any reading done with this aberrant freak of nature around. “He does.”

“Oh, my _gawd_!” Hanji threw her arms over my shoulders and gave me a squeeze before she quickly let go. “Oh, come on, don’t look so put off! That’s great news, right? You can act happy around me, you know.”

Again, I just rolled my eyes. “I _am_ happy. There’s just a lot going on.”

“Will have to agree with you there.”

I nudged the edge of the table and reflected on it. We hadn’t even returned to the dorms yet and, taking the daily small texts out of consideration, it had been a while since Eren and I had a conversation. I kinda missed him, to be honest, even if just the thought caused me an ugly cringe.

_Since when do I miss people?_

“What about you and your sweaty boy?” I gave Hanji a side glance. “Do you love him?”

She laughed, but something about the way she looked away told me this was an edgy subject. “You don’t just fall in love with someone when you’re their first everything.”

“Why not? Are you worried he doesn’t love you back?”

“Oh, no. He loves me,” her smile was little devious. “He loves me, alright. But I kinda feel you on this matter. I mean, people sell those three words for less than a blow job, nowadays, what the fuck!”

I face palmed and snorted. “Well, yes, that’s right. But it’s not like you’ll shoot your neighbor because his dog peed on your crops, is it? In a superficial way, it’s easier to trust people.”

Her eyes sparkled behind her glasses. “About thaaaaat, a girl gets killed because she tells no to a guy and you’re telling me that doesn’t happen? _Of course not_ ,” she grunted, “mentalities are the slowest needle in the evolution clock.”

“Wasn’t taking it _that_ far. But, wow, that’s fucked up.”

“Ugh, whatever. You didn’t know? Check last week’s newspaper. Front page.”

I perked up at that. “You’re shitting me.”

“Nope. It’s true.”

“For real? In Trost?”

Hanji flicked the end of her ponytail over her shoulder. “Don’t look so surprised, honey. All the boys around here know about it, so you better inform yourself before you get back to work.” She shrugged, “It’s like suddenly everyone wants to shape up. They’re just concerned for their own asses, if you ask me. But it’s a good thought. Protect your own, that’s what I mean”

I blinked. “Wait… so when you say _girl_ … you mean…”

“Yeah. Trans people have it hard.”

Now, _that_ shocked me. It’s not like I’d never considered my own safety before, but it was something I tended to take for granted. Which is stupid, and nothing like me. But if this meant I had to start worrying about, then I would.

I laced my fingers together and leaned over the table. “Did you know her?”

Hanji gave a slight shrug. “Just by name. But hey, I thought you knew. It was all over the news.”

I glared at her. “I’ve had other things to do than to worry about watching the news.” And my shitty boyfriend didn’t seem to think it was a good idea to tell me about it.

“Dang,” she threw her hands up and returned to the other side of the table. “Don’t look so upset, darling.”

“I’m _not_ upset. You’re just incredibly annoying.”

“You’re upset. It’s like if Simon Cowell and Ramsay had a kid, you’d be the offspring.”

“Yes, and the black hair comes from the gene deep in their asshole, I’m sure.”

She gestured at me. “See? This what I’m talking about!”

Mikasa and Erwin exited the back door and moved between the tables towards us. Mikasa had a rather lighter expression than I’d seen her carry all day, and Erwin looked as he always looks: smug.

He took his seat next to Hanji, while Mikasa sat beside me. Everyone was awkwardly quiet while Hanji hummed another Lady Gaga song and then Erwin cleared his throat.

“It seems things are changing a lot around here,” he said, voice firm. “I’m certain you already know about what happened a few weeks ago.”

Mikasa and I looked at each other. Erwin had probably told her so I decided to speak up for myself, “Yes. Hanji just told me about it.”

“Good,” he nodded. “I was just telling Mikasa we’ll be having security from now on.”

I tsked. “About time…”

Again, he nodded. “Also… if you know of anyone who’d like to come in for an interview, tell me about it. I’ll be needing someone to fill in your sister’s place.”

“Noted.”

Hanji drummed her fingers over the table. “Hey, Erwin, isn’t Simon Cowell’s hair black? Or is it dark brown? I’m not sure…”

“Oh, god,” I rolled my eyes, “shut up!”

Erwin chuckled softly. Mikasa gave me a faint smile and brushed her hand over mine in that reassuring way she’d been doing for the past few weeks.

It’s strange, in retrospect, how things had changed between us is such few time. She seemed to appreciate me better, instead of only looking at me as an _outside_ interference she felt obligated to love because we were family. I, on the other hand, seemed to crave more and more her opinion in the simplest matters of my life. She was the first and last person that I said I love you to. She was probably the only person I’d love all my life. But things were changing, weren’t they?

And that brought me back to Eren and his little poor confession.

It was probably under the influence of too many thoughts and also tiredness that I decided I’d give it shot. Because one of the things I was still thinking about was how I could possibly move Eren around in my life now that everything was starting to _change_.

I felt it was important to think about it. Not just think of him as someone I liked and wanted to have around, but think of him as someone who’s part of my life, part of me, and who takes an active part in how things process.

It was almost 8pm and the bar would open soon. I was startled out of my thoughts when Mikasa waved her hand in front of my face. It was rare for me to space out, that I knew.

“I told Annie to come,” she said, “and I told her to bring Eren.”

Hanji flashed me a smile and I rolled my eyes. Bringing Eren was both a great and a bad idea. Great because I missed that ignorant, hot blooded dumbass and his presence would certainly bright up my mood, not to mention we had a lot to talk about; bad because having Hanji around the whole time was something we had yet to experience, and I was already expecting the worst.

 

 

_Eren_

 

“It’s working,” I mumbled, eyes still craved on the glass.

Jean shifted next to me. “Are you sure? I think it’s still turning a little…”

“Nah,” Armin said, “I think we did it.”

Annie was by the door, watching _us_ while we watched our new family member: Sebastian, the goldfish. “Don’t you guys have anything better to do lately?” She asked. “Gosh, what a bunch of idiots.”

Well, she wasn’t that far from the truth, to be honest.

Jean had bought a goldfish after our first week of exams started. It was pretty cool because now I had something to talk to whenever I was alone in our room, which made me seem less crazy.

Unfortunately, Sebastian had been a victim to the swim bladder disease. I almost flipped when I found the poor creature swimming upside down that morning—and it’s not nice to test a person during their exams period, when they’re just having about 3 hours of sleep per day—I had to save Sebastian at all costs.

Thanks to Armin, we found out that Google was right. Green peas could in fact fix the problem. It had been a rush between the dorms and the supermarket to buy a full package of frozen peas just to unfreeze _one_ and feed it to the fish.

“Now I have a full package of goldfish _pills_ in the freezer. It’s a life time supply,” Jean nodded to himself and then looked at me. “Sebastian owns you its life.”

Annie snorted, “This is like a movie.”

“I’m still surprised, though,” Armin said as he sat down on my chair. “I seriously thought peas floated… I’m disappointed.”

I stared at him. “Were they supposed to float?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know why I thought they would. But I’m still disappointed.”

Jean poked his cheek. “You’re so weird.”

My desk was a mess, full of papers and dictionaries scattered everywhere, although I’d religiously pushed everything aside just so we could fit Sebastian’s tank in the middle of it.

“I hope you realize you look like you’ve been smoking,” Annie threw in again. She wasn’t talking to anyone in particular, she was referring to the three of us altogether.

Armin threw his head back and sighed. “I’m waiting for the results of my last exam and I’m burning inside out. Don’t mind me. I really need to keep my mind occupied.”

Jean shrugged. “I’m just tagging along.”

“I had my last exam today, bless the world,” I said because I figured it was my turn.

“Well,” Annie started, “you all look like shit.”

“College is hard,” Armin stated. We all agreed because he was _damn_ right.

This past month had been hell. I had two exams per week and a shitton of stuff to study. When I wasn’t studying I was being fed macaroni with cheese because Jean seemed to have a new obsession with that—it was making me sick, really.

The rest of the time was spent sleeping or doing mundane stuff, like cleaning. Even without Levi around, we all gathered around every Sunday to clean the whole house.

Still, Armin was absolutely right. College was hard.

Ten-page papers used to sound impossible, now they were a godsend. And let’s not even talk about how I always thought a 3 hours exam was too much. I’d been thinking 3 hours were nothing right after the Latin exam during the first week. I would need days to answer that whole thing properly.

In the past few months, I’d learned printers only break down when you desperately need them. Cereal makes a meal any time of day. In college people still cheat; it's just more technologically advanced. Ordering food at 1am is a common occurrence. You meet the type of people you only thought existed in the movies—and no I don’t just mean Jean. You learn to sleep with light, noise, extreme temperatures, and roommates snoring. Procrastination becomes an art. Love still sucks as much as it did back in high school, it doesn’t get better. Going to the mini-mart is a major treat. Card games never lasted for hours before. No one is ever alone. Boys will dance in college. And the list goes on.

Overall, college sucked. But I knew it would be unforgettable.

“Crap,” Jean muttered, “my stomach hurts.”

I instantly took a step back. “Stay away from me then, I don’t need to get sick.”

“I never said I was sick!”

“You look _very_ sick.”

“Shut up, Eren.”

Annie knocked over the door to regain our attention again. “Sorry to interrupt what seems to be the start of a lovely threesome,” she smirked, “but I’m supposed to take you out, Eren. So… can you hurry up and get ready? We have somewhere to be.”

I stared at her and she stared at me. And I swear, I was really tired so my brain seemed to be misfiring for a moment. “Are… are they back?”

Annie gave me a pouting, pathetic smile and was unable to suppress a laugh after a moment or two. “Oh, god. Really. You make the best faces.” She looked away while she tried to compose herself and then looked at me again. “Yes, they’re back. They’re at the bar, so move your ass.”

Armin propped over the table and watched me stress over which sweater to wear. “He didn’t text you?”

I shrugged. “He said he was coming back today but he didn’t tell me when.”

“Eh, you two are so odd.” Jean muttered. “Have you _even_ been talking?”

“Of course we have,” I grumbled while I struggled to get my head past the sweater’s collar, “We talk every- _fuck_. We talk every day. Although, we leave personal matters for later, I guess.”

I ended up pulling out a jacket as well. It had been really cold, lately. It’d snowed a few times in the past few nights, even, and I wasn’t ready to get sick right after my exams were over.

Armin and Jean didn’t seem upset to be left alone. Actually, I was mentally trying to scratch out of my memory the little looks they’d exchanged while I was telling them I’d probably get back a bit late.

The walk to the bar felt strangely long. I had no idea if that’s because Annie was dead quiet or if it was because I was both excited and nervous. Not that I was in a bad mood. Extraordinarily, even being as tired as I was, I felt rather ok. Even if my stomach was about to go scoundrel and jump right out of my throat and probably pull along all my other organs.

Just because everything seemed fine over the phone and each text had a tad of humor attached to it, I had no idea how things were. I had no idea if Levi and Mikasa had settled everything with their family. We were basically walking into the sea, blindfolded, not knowing if it was stormy or not— _great metaphor, great metaphor_.

The warmth of the bar was better invitation than any other, though. I certainly didn’t want to stay out in the cold. Annie was leading the way between the tables. I noticed only a few were occupied.

My heart did the usual flip flop when my eyes landed over _our_ table. Levi was absently twirling the straw of his drink around the glass and Mikasa was already eyeing us up with a nice-looking smile spreading on her face.

“Hey, there!” She greeted, making space for Annie to sit next to her.

Levi raised his eyes to me then, his eyebrow arching slightly when I failed to move and just stood there like the failure I was. “Are you paid to be standing up?” He asked. And _damn_ , I missed him so much. It only hit me hard after I’d seen him, but I really missed him.

I sat down next to him, unsure of what to do next. But while I struggled to take off my jacket, Levi reached over and kissed me. And it was a rather long kiss, and I could feel a few eyes on us, although I could only catch Annie’s and Mikasa’s in my peripheral vision.

“Nice to see you’re still the same flail boat as usual, _stupid_.” Levi muttered on my face.

I hurried out of my jacket and then leaned my head over his shoulder. “Ugh… don’t try to reason with me. I’m tired. And I’m hungry too. And too emotional for this shit.”

Annie gestured vaguely at me, “You have no idea how hard it is to deal with him, Jean and the blonde boyfriend all together. Like, _huh_. It’s been hell for these past weeks.”

Levi trailed his fingers through the back of my head. I could feel myself falling asleep right there, but something at the rear of my brain kept telling me to stay awake. “I already asked for your food too,” he told me in a murmur. “Are you fine with a cheeseburger?”

I rubbed my nose over the skin of his neck and breathed. “Yeah. That’s great. Thanks.”

We all knew there was a lot to talk about so we started with what should be addressed first. While Mikasa relieved their story to us and Levi added one or two comments whenever he felt like it, I thought about how everything felt so _fitting_.

Somehow, being here, with them, talking about whatever was troubling our lives, leaning on each other and _troubling_ each other… it felt right. It felt _fucking_ right and I was happy about it.

“What are you smiling about?” Levi asked quietly all of sudden. He wasn’t exactly looking at me, though. He seemed lost, watching some people a few tables ahead while he listened to Mikasa talk.

“Ah,” I shrugged, “nothing. I just…” I looked at him. “I missed you.”

His eyes flicked up at me immediately. It was one of those moments when I felt humility radiate from him. “I missed you too,” he said.

And that was something I wasn’t expecting at all. It filled me up with an enormous _need_ to tell him I loved him again, but recapping what had happened a few weeks back made the thought stop abruptly. It was while I searched for a way out that my eyes hit the black book over the table.

“Why is this here?” I was reaching for it but Levi cut me off with a precise karate chop. I looked at him in surprise but he seemed to be acting as if that was all normal.

“Leave it be. It’s there because I’ve been reading it.”

“What?”

“Eren, you magnificent bastard, I read your book,” he said as softly as he could over the loud music.

I stared at him, trying to keep my fluttery self from showing. “Wait, I have a feeling you’re quoting someone. Aren’t you?”

Levi rolled his eyes and kissed me, making Mikasa stop talking abruptly to stare at us—more like glare because we weren’t paying attention.

Our food came in and we ate in silence. It was a comfortable silence, somehow, and it was only when we finished that Annie threw out her opinion over the subject we’d been discussing.

“You know,” she started, “I think you guys did great. I mean, that whole matter with your dad… Just… that’s all on him,” she shrugged, “you should do what’s best for you and I think both of you dealt with the situation in the best way it could have been handled.”

I looked down at my empty plate and nodded. “Yeah, I agree. I think in this sort of situation it’s always best to avoid any sort of emotional-based decisions. You do what’s best for you and that’s it. Because when you start to _feel_ , people take advantage of you.” I leveled my gaze with Mikasa’s. “I’m not trying to be a smartass and say I know that’s what would happen but…”

“You’re right,” she said. “And I admit it feels less of a burden when you start seeing it that way. It’s more… it’s easier.”

“Yeah,” Annie leaned back and stretched, “and you know that if you ever need something, you have a bunch of kiddos ready to help.”

I nodded again, “Exactly.”

Mikasa threw her arms around Annie and brought her closer into a hug. “ _Aw_ , we know. You guys, all of you, are the best family ever.”

Come hell or high water, I felt incredibly happy about that.

We ended up moving from the table to the counter and I was internally thanking Annie for the suggestion because any more of that atmosphere and Levi touching my hair and I’d be dropping my head over my plate.

I sat by one of the stools and Levi stood by my side. Mikasa sat up next to me and ordered four shots for us. I hadn’t realized just how much I need that in my system until the liquid was going down my throat.

“By the way,” Levi elbowed me, “why didn’t you tell me about that girl who got killed a few weeks ago, dumbass?”

“What?” I blinked and then looked at him. “Oh! _Oh!_ Shit.”

He slapped the back of my head. “ _Shit_ is right, Eren.”

“Hey, I forgot, I’m sorry!”

Annie threw her arm over the counter and asked for another round of shots. “But hey,” she looked at us, “that’s some fucked up shit. I still can’t believe someone actually did that.”

“Yeah,” I eyed her up and then looked at Levi. “I kinda hope they catch the guy.”

“Wait,” He glared at me, “he wasn’t caught yet?”

Mikasa sighed. “Didn’t Hanji tell you that part? That’s the main reason why Erwin is contracting a security team.”

Levi gawked. “What the hell. That’s just wrong…”

I tilted my head to be able to look him in the eyes. “Are you scared?”

He scowled. “Of course I am, you idiot. I work here every weekend, I deal with _these_ people. What’s going to guarantee me that someone won’t enter through that door,” He pointed at the front door, “and make a mess out of this place? It could have been _you_ , it could have been me, and it could have been any of us, literally. So of course I’m scared.”

He was right. He was absolutely right. And it’s strange because it’s one of those things we tend to overlook and think it only happens to other people until it’s actually happening to us. Somehow, realizing how serious the matter was made me feel scared to.

“This is seriously fucked up,” he grumbled again, turning right in time to take his shot out of the tray and drown it down his throat.

Annie gave a loud sigh and eyed her shot before she drank it. “Well,” she slammed the glass down, “as if that was the only problem. It’s like, now everyone is hyper aware that there are people _like us_ walking around town. It’s 2015, but people don’t seem to open their eyes and think this shit is possible until it’s too late. I mean, just because it is 2015 doesn’t mean people are any more aware of how it _should_ be and not how it is.”

Levi slowly moved in between my legs and glared at my chest. “Hanji said something like that too. And you’re right… Time moves fast and people change slowly.”

“You know,” I muttered, bringing him closer by slowly sliding my hands into the back pockets of his jeans, “I feel happy today, but I also feel incredibly old.”

I didn’t mean it in the sense of age, but instead relating to how responsible I suddenly felt for my own safety and the safety of my friends. It had unexpectedly dawned on me that I wasn’t in that safe cage my parents had kept me in since I was born. And although this had a heavy impact on how I saw things, it felt nice to address a problem that didn’t have its origin in any of us. It was easier that way and maybe that’s why this subject wasn’t affecting my inner mood.

There was another round of shots in front of us. “Welcome to the club,” an unknown voice said from the other side of the counter. Took me a while to recognize her face behind those glasses. “And that is exactly why we, adults, drink most of this shit away whenever it gets too much to handle. Believe me, worry a problem at a time or you’ll crazy, Honey Bunch.”

_Honey Bunch?_

Levi scooted closer and then looked at _Hanji_. He seemed protective of me all of a sudden. “You’re still here?”

She winked at him. “Oh, I never left. Was having a nice chat with daddy.”

I looked at Levi, “Daddy?”

He rolled his eyes, “Erwin.”

_Oh! Ok._

“And well,” Hanji kept going, “if shit gets real you can always unleash the beast and throw a few punches.”

“Don’t preach violence, you aberrant fuck,” Levi grunted.

She waved the subject away and laughed. “Oh, come on, you know I’m joking.”

I was starting to feel a little light headed now that the alcohol seemed to be having its effect. “Joking or not, if needed I can swing a few. Bite my words.”

Hanji’s eyes sparkled. “Oh, see?” She looked at Levi. “ _Damn_ , I like him!”

He turned to look at my chest again. “Unfortunately for you, he’s taken. Go somewhere else.”

I snorted and nudged his forehead with my nose.  Seeing this side of him always managed to make all the shadows of doubt go away.

Hanji fisted her hands and bumped them together, “I’m a black belt so I can teach you some stuff, if you want.”

“God,” Levi rolled his eyes again.

“Really?” Annie threw in.

Well, that was surprising. I was still me, though, and the alcohol was making my shitty defensive-little-self come out. “I can definitely swing a few, I mean…”

“Yeah, sure” Levi muttered, “you’re like Peter Pan, or some shit.”

“What?”

“Your punches never land.”

I stared dumbfounded at him. “Did you just…”

Annie threw her head back and laughed, and Mikasa followed suit.

“Did you just… pun?” I laughed. I knew he had a tendency to come up with little puns of his own sometimes, most of them so subtle they went unnoticed. This time, however, he’d made a show out of it.

Hanji clapped and cackled at the same time. “Well, there are three things I know Levi loves.” She started counting with her fingers. “Puns, and with that comes his shitty humor. Music, and he has the biggest discrepancy in taste I’ve ever seen. And Josh Turner’s voice.”

I snapped my eyes to him. “Josh Turner? _Really?_ ”

Levi raised both his eyebrows and shrugged. “Admit it… his voice makes any guy hard.”

“And every women wet,” Mikasa added for much of my horror.

Hanji nodded. “Agreed. So yeah, if you need a startup pack for Levi, that’s pretty much it.”

“You forgot something,” he said.

She looked at him, incredulous. “ _What_. I’m pretty sure you hate about everything else.”

“Well, I’m telling you, you’re wrong.”

Annie called to the other side of the bar for another round of shots. She looked at Hanji and then at me. “Oh… I know. You forgot—”

“You forgot the brat,” Levi said over her voice.

Hanji smiled bright and I felt my heart speed up. Mikasa laughed a little, softly, but I couldn’t really react to that either.

From all the _bright_ reactions I could have to that, the only that came out was a stupid sound, “Huh?”

Levi rolled his eyes and stared at Hanji. “See what I have to deal with every day? He’s slow. So fucking slow… It’s annoying.” He turned to me then and glared right into my eyes. “I’m telling you that I love you, _idiot_.”

I felt ecstatic but I knew I couldn’t show it. Not where we were, as we were, we hadn’t even talked about it. But maybe it was something we didn’t need to talk about, after all. I had been debating with myself over when would be the right time to hear what he had to say, mulling over it, and _now_ that was all going down a whirlpool of emotions.

And Levi knew it, because he always knew everything. The corner of his lips twitched up slightly when he looked away and I felt him squeeze my hand to show me that _he knew_. He _definitely_ knew.

“Well,” Hanji shrugged, “Ok. That settles it, then.” She raised the shot glass that had just been placed in front of her and smiled. “Let’s toast!”

Annie raised hers, “To a brighter future, with money and all that amazing shit.”

Mikasa also raised hers, “To a healthy life, for all of us.”

“To us,” I said.

“ _To us_ ,” they all agreed.

Maybe things wouldn’t work out. Maybe we’d be toasting with different people and different friends come next year. Maybe we’d be doing it together and wishing for the same yet again. But that was ok. I was starting to learn that it was ok to let things follow their course, _hope_ for the best and _work_ for the better.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy (late) Valentine's day!
> 
> Ok, first of all... I'm sorry for the long wait. But life happens (?) More like, I need to let life happen, pfft. Secondly, I'm very uneasy about this chapter because - once again - it doesn't add anything to the story. It's a build chapter and a present of sorts to you guys because you're all epic. So yeah, I'm giving you some Ereri. A little of Levi's POV because it's necessary. Some insight of what's going to happen next. And they're all good things (?) No?
> 
> Weeeee ~ Lots of introspection on Levi's side. He's a deep shit.

Eren

 

There is something inarguably ironic about reading Catullus as a bed-time story.  It’s not like I enjoyed it, but the amount of poems we had to study before the end of February fit in a list that crawled from my hands to the floor.

“Holy shit!” Jean threw his headphones over his desk and gave a full spin in his chair. He looked at me then, realizing I was glaring at him because of his sudden outburst. “It’s just,” he paused slightly and pointed as his laptop, “the new skin for Jinx came out and the soundtrack is blowing my mind.”

I was actually curious about it. But instead of moving my ass from my bed, I just reached for my phone and searched it up on YouTube. I heard Jean chuckle and saw him shake his head as he slowly reached for his headphones once more.

“Are you on your manly period?” He asked as he placed them around his neck. “You’ve been awfully quiet lately.”

I connected my earphones to my phone and clicked the first video of the new Firecracker Jinx I found. The music was indeed pretty cool.

“No, I’m not on my manly period—whatever that is. You’re such a dick.”

Jean gave a small noise as reply and then pushed the headphones back to his ears. He’d been quite busy for the past week too. It was a little disarming to see someone so bohemian actually care about classes and homework. He was shaping up. So, maybe, that’s why watching him play League of Legends made me feel a little at ease. Like, _this-is-still-Jean_ kind of ease.

Because the damn soundtrack was indeed good, I ended up downloading the theme so I could put it on repeat on my phone. Damn games and their epic events. Lunar Revel, was it? I’d have to check the new update too.

And it was under the influence of pretty oriental music and too much Latin that I ended up falling asleep, only to wake up half an hour later with Jean climbing onto his bed.

“You’re so damn noisy,” I grumbled as I turned around and pushed all the papers over the sheets to the floor. “You disrespectful fuck.”

“You sounded like Levi just now,” he said.

I cursed at him, glad that he couldn’t see my little smile. It’s not like being compared to someone else was a good thing. Not really, even if it had something to do with Levi’s _charming_ attitude. Still, it made me incredibly happy on a subconscious level. A rather annoying subconscious level…

“Hey, Eren.”

“What.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Don’t judge, ok?”

“What is it?”

There was a long pause before he finally asked, “What do you think about distant relationships?”

I laughed breathlessly and raised to one elbow, looking at nowhere in particular. “What? Distant relationships?” I thought about it, even if I didn’t have much to offer because I’d never been into one. “I don’t know, I think… I think they’re as legit as any other kind of relationship. But they’re not for everyone.”

“Are they for you?”

“For me?”

“Like, imagine Levi suddenly had to go somewhere. Would you still keep trying?”

I threw myself back with a huff and glared at Jean’s bed. “What kind of question is that…?”

He moved a little. “Oh, come on, just answer me.”

“What?” I groaned and curled under the sheets. “You’re annoying. The hell I know! But of course I’d still keep trying. To me, distance is only a problem if you let it become one. I trust him, and I know he trusts me too. That’s it, isn’t it? The whole big issue… We’re both fine on that matter.” We wouldn’t be dating if we weren’t. Levi was _that_ complicated.

He paused, probably to think. It was a little awkward because I suddenly couldn’t hear him breathe. But just when I was about to check if he was still alive, he spoke again, “What if someone else came along?” I felt my stomach drop a little at that. “What if in the time you’re not able to be there for him… someone just… comes along and does that thing you do that he likes?”

I frowned. “That… that’s inevitable, isn’t it? The chances of that happening now are just as high. I guess the trick is to keep trying… to make sure that— _agh_ , this is depressing!” I pressed my face on the pillow. “Where the fuck did this come from, anyway?”

“ _Hey-hey_ , Jäger. Don’t get angry. It’s just a harmless question.”

I glared. “Nothing you ever say is harmless.”

“It’s a shame you seem to think so.”

“Good night, asshole.”

Jean snorted. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“Shut up!”

I must have drifted off completely because I didn’t hear much more of his teasing, and by the time I opened my eyes again it was already past 4am and Jean was breathing loudly but slowly. I turned around, noticing the lights from under the door but quickly falling asleep again.

Panic nearly took over, when I woke up in the next morning feeling like I was drowning in a fucking tsunami.

“ _Under the sea!_ ” Jean sang as he kept throwing water at me. “ _Under the sea!”_

“What the fuck?!” I shot up from the bed.

“ _Darling it's better_

_Down where it's wetter_

_Take it from me!_ ”

“Jean!” I threw the covers away, “I’m going to kill you!”

He started walking penguin-like all over the room and then ran into the corridor as he kept singing, “ _Down here all the fish is happy_

_As off through the waves they roll_

_The fish on the land ain't happy_

_They sad 'cause they in their bowl!_ ”

I looked around and slapped the wet pillow. “Shit…”

“Hey, Ariel!” Jean shouted from the kitchen, “Happy Valentine’s day!”

I blushed in spite of myself, although that was probably due to anger. “I hate you!”

The papers I’d thrown to the floor during the night were completely wet. I picked them up, grimacing at the thought of having to print everything again. There was no point in trying to save any of them. All of it was going straight into _Jean’s_ bin.

After changing into a t-shirt and pulling a hoodie over my head, I walked to the kitchen, eyes fixed on Jean while he kept giving me a little smirk from where he stood. I flicked him the finger when I got in and made to the fridge.

“Good morning,” Mikasa muttered from the balcony. “Why all wet, first thing in the morning?”

I paused. Straightened up, and turned my head _very_ slowly to glare at her. “You know what? Fuck you.” Then, I pointed at Jean. “And you.” And when Annie walked into the kitchen and snickered right after looking at me, I added. “And possibly you too.”

Jean exhaled. “Just ignore the little princess. She’s having a bad morning. Woke up in the wrong side of the ocean,” his smirk was so wide it almost turned into a _sneer_.

I passed by with my bowl of cereal and went to sit next to Mikasa, ignoring whatever he was saying _and_ snubbing his stupid face.

“Are you and Levi going somewhere today?” She asked me, not even a little bit bugged by my cranky expression. “For Valentine’s, I mean.”

I frowned. “We didn’t plan anything.”

“Figures…”

“Levi is not crazy about festivities.”

She nodded, “That’s true. But what about you?”

I took a spoonful to my mouth, munched and then stared out the window. “What about me?”

Mikasa laughed a little and then nudged my arm. “Come on, creature. Smile a little. It’s Valentine’s day! Flirt like a boss.”

I tried to contain a grin, still forcing myself to keep looking outside. “I have double standards about Valentine’s day, that’s all.”

“Well,” she slapped the table, “ _I’m_ going to get myself a Valentine’s cake in a few. If you want, you can tag along.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” I only agreed because maybe a cake would make today a little less shitty. And fuck Jean for completely murdering my good mood.

“Can I go too?” Said Jean barked from the door.

Mikasa turned around in her seat and crossed her legs as she leaned back against the window’s glass. “Don’t you have a date, big boy?”

He blinked for a moment. “Right, but that’s not until after lunch.”

“Alright, then you can come.” She grinned when she heard me groan, though. “But you and Eren must behave. Both of you.”

“Taking the kids out?” Annie threw in. “Bless your patience. You really are a mom, aren’t you?”

“Shut up or I won’t bring a cake for you.”

After breakfast I crept back into the bedroom, found my jeans and got dressed up fast, and then hurried across the hallway just as quickly just in time to catch up with Mikasa and Jean on the way down the stairs.

It was getting just a touch warmer during the mornings. Even though the wind was still cold, the sun burned like during those hot days of summer. The weather was nice, and thanks to that the streets were already a little more crowded than usual—at least for a Saturday.

The bakery Mikasa showed us was creeping with pink and red decorations and a bunch of cute cakes. And although the atmosphere was pretty inviting, I found myself stopping right in my tracks when I saw the _50 Shades of Grey_ poster on one of the windows. It brought me back an avalanche of high school memories. Most of which I didn’t want to remember.

I frowned and poked Jean’s arm. “Hey, _that_ … isn’t that the book girls were freaking over some time ago?” I remembered the uproar back at school. It was a little annoying, to be honest. It was kinda like the Twilight fever.

Jean looked between me and the poster and then shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah. They made a movie. Didn’t you see the commercial on TV?”

“Uhm… oh, wait. No, but I think I saw someone talking about it over Tumblr. Like, _blablabla,_ bad BDSM representation.”

He nodded. “I wouldn’t know about that. But I picked the book once from a colleague of mine and…” He laughed. “Worst pornographic description ever, man.”

Mikasa turned around very suddenly and placed her hands over mine and Jean’s shoulders. “ _My very own Christian Grey flavor Popsicle.”_ She said in a serious tone.

I shivered. “W-What?”

Jean swallowed and looked away. “Please, tell me you didn’t read the books.”

“I didn’t. But I’ve Googled about it. You know, just to be sure the rumors were true… and well, that’s one movie I won’t be giving money for.”

Gladly, for my own sake, I didn’t ask anything further. Honestly, I couldn’t see the harm in it. But I knew my sense of judgment could as well be a little biased. And I knew Mikasa would be the first to shower all her damn wisdom on me the moment I decided to open my mouth, so I just kept quiet.

Jean didn’t get a cake. He asked for a box of macaroons so he could share them with Armin later on. Mikasa asked for a large chocolate cake piece and I got a strawberry shortcake.

The two of them were still discussing the stupid movie on the way home. I had to admit, even without taking part in the conversation, that both of them seemed to have a point even if both opinions were a little different and the only thing Jean had to critique was the way the books were written.

When we arrived, Levi was standing in the doorway of his bedroom, eyes lidded with drowsiness, watching us get in and Marco slowly slide between us and exit the house.

“Happy Valentine’s day, guys!” He shouted as he ran down the stairs.

I tiptoed behind Mikasa and Jean and threw my arms around Levi, careful not to drop the box with the cake. “Good morning,” I muttered against his forehead.

“Ugh,” he groaned. “Smells sweet. What’s that?”

“Cake. Strawberry shortcake.”

Levi hummed in reply. After a few moments he spoke up, “Nice. I get the strawberries.”

For some reason, my moody self totally brightened up at that.

“Where did Marco run off to, by the way?” Jean threw over his shoulder.

“University,” Levi replied in monotone, grabbing me by my pinky as he started to follow after the other two and dragged me along. “He got a call a few minutes ago.”

“Was it serious?” I asked.

Levi shrugged. “How the fuck would I know?”

I sat by the tiny table in the balcony after stealing a fork from one of the drawers, and Levi swiftly came around and sat over my tight, between my legs. He buried his face on my neck, took a deep breath and just stayed dead quiet while I watched Mikasa carefully trying to divide her cake in two so she could share it with Annie.

Jean jumped to sit over the counter and spared me and Levi a look. “Is he dead?” He asked. “Despite your looks, you do sleep a lot don’t you, ghost?”

“The new security-man was there, last night” Mikasa explained. She grinned all to herself when she said, “He got all chatty with Levi so he only left when Erwin left as well. Which was pretty late. And that reminds me…” She turned slightly to look at us, “You haven’t told me what he wanted from you.”

Despite knowing it was an irrational feeling, I got a little jealous. There was no reason for it, really. It was a possessiveness I felt once in a while and had to tame on my own. But just as if he knew it, Levi started rubbing his lips over the skin of my neck and then raised his head slightly to look at me. “Did you shower?”

My brain kind of tripped all over the answer, my mouth however didn’t. “Nope. Not since yesterday.”

He frowned slightly. “Gross.” But contrary to what he said, he buried his face on my neck again. “You smell good, though.”

Whatever jealously I was feeling, it was already gone.

Mikasa brought half of her cake in a plate and sat in front of us. “So? What did he want after all? Mike, was he? Was that his name?” She took a forkful to her mouth and eyed me up first, then Levi.

Levi sighed and then straightened up, obviously bothered by the daylight. “You won’t believe me if I tell you…”

I started taking the cake out of the box and almost smiled at the curious look Levi gave the strawberries while he tried to hide his face in the shadow of my head.

“He was asking me all these _weirdass_ questions about Erwin and the bar. Which was cool with me, totally cool. But then he asked me if Erwin was seeing someone and I—”

“Oh my god,” Mikasa looked like she was torn between smiling and looking terrified. “Do you think he’s… do you think…”

“I’m pretty sure he is.”

She leaned back on her chair. “Oh, my…”

“He’s into Erwin?” Jean asked. His face actually lit up a little at the thought.

Levi scratched his ear. “I’d say he is.”

“That’s sick! But wait… wasn’t Erwin seeing someone else?”

“Uh-huh, Nile, that asshole… he still owns me money.”

Mikasa laughed. “For the taxi? Oh, god, that was two years ago.”

“Exactly,” he answered sternly. “He’s a dick. I hate him.”

I snorted and took a piece of the cake to my mouth.

Levi bumped his finger on my face. “I want the strawberries,” he muttered. And well, he got the strawberries. Actually, he only left me one.

Later on, while Mikasa and Levi prepared lunch, Jean and I decided to clean Sebastian’s tank. It was probably the one thing we could do without starting to argue over every little issue. Might sound like a miracle, but it’s actually true.

Somehow our trip came into the conversation and Mikasa started planning our visit to Shiganshina before we had to leave to Venice. I was really excited about it. To the point my stomach would hurt whenever I wondered too much. Not only it was my first trip outside the country, but it was also the first without my parents in tail. Also, the first trip with a boyfriend. I suppose those are enough reasons to be excited—and nervous.

Annie was watching me and Jean while she ate her cake at a painfully slow pace. “What’s for lunch?” She asked all of a sudden.

“You’ll see when it’s done,” Mikasa answered. “Can someone put on the table? Oh, also… someone call Marco and ask him if we should count him in.”

Jean said he’d call Marco, so he took the fish tank back to our room when he went to get his phone. Annie offered to take care of the table and I was going to join her if I hadn’t noticed Levi was sniffling.

I paused and stared at his back. “Are you ok?”

“Fine,” he answered with another sniffle.

Mikasa gave him a side glance and smirked. “He’s cutting onions… leave him.”

“Oh, god,” I scooted closer, “Are you crying? Lemme see!”

Levi squirmed away from me. “Eren, I have a knife…”

“So? I’ve never seen you cry! Let me see, come on!”

Annie poked her head into kitchen. “What? I wanna see too. What is it?”

“Aw, come on, Levi…”

He took deep breath and then turned around with a full scowl. “ _What_.” He would have looked absolutely terrifying, yes, if it weren’t for his red eyes, and his wet cheeks and the way tears kept running down no matter how many times he blinked.

I took all of that in and then just grabbed his face and buried him between my arms. “Too cute…”

“What?!”

_I’m never, ever, forgetting this._

Annie whined, “I didn’t see shit! Is he crying?”

“Eren,” Levi warned, “let me go.”

“Nope.”

“ _Eren_.”

Mikasa laughed. And she doubled with it when I also started feeling the effect of being so close to the damn onions and started crying as well.

In the end, I was kicked out of the kitchen because I was getting in the way. Or, as Levi said, _being a nuisance_.

It was half an hour after lunch—which, by the way, was strogonoff—that my stomach started hurting. In a way, I felt like I was hungry, which was why my first reaction was to go grab a snack.

“Why are you eating again?” Levi asked from the table. He’d just finished washing the dishes and was getting started on a new sketch. I recognized the sketchbook I’d given him on his birthday. “Are you even real?”

I moved to sit on the sofa. Mikasa and Annie were out and Jean was playing League of Legends— _again_ —right next to Levi, although he had his headphones on.

I pouted. “But I’m still hungry.”

Levi stared at me for a few and then arched only one eyebrow up. “What are you, a cow? Just how many stomachs do you have?” He scowled for a moment, but when I didn’t answer he sighed. “Are you alright?”

I finished eating the chocolate bar and dragged my hands down my face. “My stomach hurts… and I feel like I’m hungry.”

“Again? Didn’t the same happen last week?” Somehow, having him remember these little details made me incredibly happy. “What do you want to eat?”

“I could eat anything, really.”

He smirked. “Oh?”

“ _Tsk_ , you know what I meant!”

“The invitation is still open.”

I rolled my eyes. It was too monumental a conversation to be having with him and Jean, of all people, in the same room. Although, now that he’d mentioned it, not thinking about _it_ seemed to be a problem. _He_ was, again and suddenly, top priority in my head. And the fact that I couldn’t have him _right now_ only managed to make me feel even more aroused.

With a rather rough groan, I threw myself over the sofa and buried my face on the cushion. I thought of Venice, I thought about the plane travel. I’d never traveled by airplane before, and I hoped I didn’t shit my pants about it later on.

We’d be leaving on the 23rd March, which meant there were only 5 weeks left. Not much had been discussed, but Levi had suggested we’d share a bag since none of us would be taking much. And again, the simple thought of _sharing_ made me smile like an idiot on the cushion. It was a miracle I didn’t drool too.

Jean’s phone vibrated over the table all of a sudden and I perked up. In my mind, if this was a cartoon, I’d probably be the dog. Levi wasn’t wrong when he kept calling me _labradoodle_ from time to time, or decided to draw tiny dog faces over my work sheets. I could admit as much.

“Well, guys,” Jean said mid-stretch, “I gotta go.” He got up and then looked at me. “Don’t touch my computer.”

I threw my tongue out at him. “You have a password, idiot.”

“With guys like you around, a man needs to be prepared.”

“Shut up. I’d be nicer if you were good to me too.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Eh? Like what? Want me to pop your—”

“Jean,” Levi started in a soft voice without taking his eyes from his sketch, “don’t finish that sentence.”

And he didn’t. I watched almost proud of myself as Jean made his way out without a word, only stopping to give me the finger before he rushed away.

I was staring at Levi for the next 15 minutes of silence, and he knew because he gave me a few strange looks once in a while. He looked at his hands, casually examining a fingernail, and it was only when I was about to snap a nerve that he spoke, pale gaze surveying me, flicking from head to toe.

“Does your stomach still hurt?”

“Uhm, a little.”

“How much is a little?”

“Just a little.”

He hummed and then stared at me blandly. “Bed, pizza and movie and then you take me to work, or nursing?” His voice wasn’t as suggestive as usual, but it really didn’t need to be.

I was already standing up when I said, “Definitely the first.”

“Bed?”

I tripped on myself and hit my foot on the table. “Shit…”

Levi raised an eyebrow and shrugged, slightly rolling his eyes away, “You’re sending mixed signals.”

The next word came out rougher than I’d expected it to, “ _Bed_.”

 

 

_Levi_

 

There wasn’t much to reading him. I’d reached that conclusion before. Eren was simple and easy to understand to anyone with the slightest of interests. Emotionally, though, I wasn’t so far behind. The amount of feelings I found reasonable to deal with was probably the size of a grain of rice. We have different perspectives and we have unalike stories, but we weren’t, never were, that different from each other.

Up until now, Eren had shown me what was most important. The rest of the pieces would fit as necessary. I, on the other hand, still had a lot more to offer. It’s not easy, though, when the prospect of showing passion isn’t at all appealing, to the least. Nevertheless, I knew what I had to do. I knew that a word from me could light him up like a firework at night.

And having such power over someone can be a very powerful weapon. It’s exciting, but also scary if you know you don’t want to hurt them.

So when he threw me to the bed, pinning my hands over my head and kissing me as if it was the end of the world, I knew all too well he was being an affectionate little shit.

I wouldn’t stop being myself. I wouldn’t tell him all the stupid little things my brain kept spewing to the front of my line of thought whenever he acted like this. But I could show him I agreed. I could show him that I cared and that I wanted him to be all loving, _also_ today in particular. It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t complicated either. My only problem was how much of it I was willing to let go without taking this whole thing to a surrealist level.

Eren had to let me go so I could get rid of my shirt. And I mourned to myself the amount of clothes he was wearing because— _what the fuck is this, Siberia?_

“Is it cold outside?” I felt the need to ask because I was nervous. And it was all today’s fault. It was _his_ entire fault.

He seemed too occupied getting out of his clothes to give me a proper answer. So whatever he wanted to say just came out as an awkward, “N-yeah.”

I gaped, “What kind of answer is that?”

“No,” he paused and then looked at me, “No, it’s not cold.”

“Then why are you dressed like you just went north from here?”

Eren’s eyes widened slightly and then he slowly moved them somewhere else. He started fidgeting with the belt of his jeans too. “Well… I got drenched in the morning so I felt a little cold, yeah. But it’s not _that_ chill outside.”

I tilted my head, “Drenched?”

The noise he made had me frowning. “Yeah, _ugh_ , Jean… He woke me up while throwing water at me first thing in the morning and singing _Under the Sea_ —you know—that song from The Little Mermaid.”

Internally, I was probably banging my head against the wall and losing it. Because, come on, I would have loved to watch that. On the outside, however, I knew that was definitely not the reaction Eren should see. I’d always felt like being his emotional support for this sort of thing was my own responsibility. And I also knew he wouldn’t find that empathy in anyone else. Not even Mikasa. And now, perhaps not even his best friend.

“He went balls-out shitty with that one,” I said. “You should pay him in the same coin.”

Eren glanced at me, and then smiled a little before he leaned forward and buried his face on my naked chest. “I like how you always want me to plot revenge.”

I patted his head, “I know you do. I like it too. I mean, the revenge. Revenge is good. To a certain extent, that is.”

It was in moments like these, the scarce ones we could steal once in a while, that I considered the word _love_ and it turned into a tidal wave of emotion. A bunch of suppressed feelings that made me feel a little more annoyed than usual.

Why was it so hard? No fucking idea. I envied Eren, but I was way more comfortable with the way I am to even consider changing that much.

I ran my fingers through his hair and tugged at it just enough to raise his head so I’d be able to see his face. “Hey… why did we stop?”

“Ahm…” He seemed lost.

I knew it to be true, since long ago, that my emotional core relied on my ability to take action at any given moment of loss of words. Eren didn’t seem to mind. Actually, he seemed to appreciate the whole… _sexual attention_ he got from me. Even if sometimes that was not necessarily what he needed. At least, not from my point of view.

By the time he sat up on top of me, I had already studied him rather thoroughly. And even if that was always a nice view, I knew that today—fuck today, by the way—it had to be the other way around.

I grabbed his hand, pushed him away and sat up, making Eren fall on his back. He seemed even more confused than before but I kissed that confusion away.

He wrapped his arms around me and I was once again startled by how gentle he was, even when I expected him to be rough. _How good of him._

“Let’s try some next level shit,” I muttered while I absently undid his jeans.

Eren’s breath picked up a faster pace after that. “What do you mean?” He liked this, didn’t he? He probably liked it better than I did.

“I mean exactly what I said.”

Taking action felt amazing, especially knowing I was always the one being ravished with love and attention all the time. But the best part about it is that I knew I’d chosen well. Because Eren was responsive, Eren wasn’t afraid to let go—and I had that side of his just for me.

“Oh… Ok.” His hips rolled in their place. I could feel him getting hard. He tilted his head slightly and smiled, “So what? Are you going to ride me or something?” He bucked his hips up so I could move his jeans down but I paused in the process and looked up.

“Is that what you want?”

“Ahm, I’m fine with anything, really. As long as—”

I rolled my eyes. “Eren, you little shit, stop taking the sexiness out of it.”

He blushed but then threw both arms over his face before it got out of control. “That’s—I mean, that would be great.”

“What would? _Hey_ , don’t get hard just thinking about it.”

Getting rid of his jeans, boxers _and_ my pants and boxers was a nightmare because Eren decided kissing the shit out of me to hide his own embarrassment was a good thing. At least it got him going.

We kind of lost the dynamics of the whole thing for a while. Eren had his forehead pasted to mine and was too busy shamelessly watching my face and stroking our cocks together while I tried the utmost to reach back and plunge my fingers in and out of my ass as quickly and deeply as I could manage.

“You’re so pretty,” he whispered when he moved to bite my neck a little too forcefully.

It was impossible to not show a reaction. It had been at least two weeks since we’d actually fucked, and I’d been holding so much stress inside that I wasn’t about to falter for anything. I dropped my face over his shoulder and had to concentrate really hard to avoid clenching around my fingers too much.

The friction of his hand on my dick was also too distracting. I had no idea in which I wanted to focus the most, if my fingers if his hand. It was easy to lose track of what I had in mind when this felt so good, too good because it was _him_.

I pressed all my weight on Eren then, making both of us fall, me on top. And before he could say or do anything else, I crawled forward and grabbed his dick. It was slippery because of the lube, and the slippery- fishy joke was too good not to consider, but of course I didn’t say it out loud. I made a mental note to refer it later on.

The best part about sex with Eren—even though I had nothing to compare it to, like he had—was the whole the lack of pretense between us. So when he looked to the side and laughed a little, I knew he’d probably thought the same thing.

“You waste too much lube with me,” I told him, teasingly, while I grinded his dick between my ass cheeks.

His grin grew, “It’s for your own good, _baby_.”

“Please don’t call me that, it’s disquieting. Besides, who told you I don’t like it to hurt?”

“Well, do you?”

I tossed my hair to the side and sighed. “No. Not really. I’m not that much of a hopeless romantic, I’m sorry.”

He kicked his hips up a little to get some friction, “That’s cool. You’re sexy. To the point you make me reconsider my sexuality.”

That one made me laugh. “Oh my god… You kill me, kid.”

“I’m like,” he laughed, “ _Levisexual_.”

“Jesus Christ. Shut up.”

I raised to my knees, held his dick—and my breath—and started to lower myself, steady by the barest power in my thigh muscles as I felt the head of his cock sliding into me. We stopped laughing all at once and Eren’s face was torn between desperation and pleasure at some point.

He was so slick and I was so ready for him that I went down almost all at once. To the point I had no control over myself and let out a loud, “God!”

“Yeah,” Eren agreed with a moan, eyes shutting tight. “I was not ready for that…”

“Don’t you dare cum,” I muttered between greeted teeth.

“But oh my god, you tightened so much around me.” It was taking a lot from him to stay still like that. I could tell by the way he was glaring at the ceiling when he opened his eyes again. And I was going to say something, mostly in my own defense, but then he let out a breathy, “Totally worth it,” and I stopped myself in time.

I moved a couple of times and felt his cock sliding inside me. It was a different feeling from usual. Somehow, I could feel him going deeper at each thrust he couldn’t control that well while he tried to match my pace. His cock followed the angle of my body at each push, and at some point I probably stopped trying to control the speed of my own breathing.

Eren felt incredibly big when I was the one guiding the motions, not that size was something he could even dare to complain about.

He placed his hands on my hips and started controlling how much I dragged out of him. But we got so caught up in the momentum that I pulled off of him more than a couple of times. Half of them with me complaining due to the sudden change, from being so full to completely empty.

And then he arched up, wrapped his arms around me and moaned on my ear while I muttered a couple of things not worth mentioning over the skin of his shoulder. It was an awkward position but he went so far and so deep all at once, hitting just the perfect spot so many times that it didn’t take much longer until I was coming with a yelp and making him come right after me with the way I intentionally tightened around him.

When he let go of me, we sprawled in two different directions on my bed, gasping in recovery. I could feel the heat emanating from his skin and slapping mine, making my own temperature rise beyond tolerable.

_Can’t feel my legs and my ass feels like a meteorite crater._

“Best one so far,” Eren mumbled when he managed to calm down.

“I don’t want to go to work.”

“Don’t go.”

I threw a hand over my face and took a deep breath. “Stop tempting me. You’re a horrible person.”

He chuckled, “You still love me.”

_Yeah, I do. I really do._

“Shut up.”

I was totally dazed out, even while I showered. It was only by the time I was back in my room, waiting for Eren to get his phone so we could order the pizza, that I noticed the tiny-fat bottle on top of my desk. It had been there for a few days now, full of tiny papers.

With a sigh, I picked up my flannel shirt from the chair and started pulling it over my shoulders, still giving the bottle a scowl. “Eren, come here.” I called.

He almost stumbled into the room with how tired he was. Although he knew that if he complained I’d probably brain wash him with a rant of how much more tired _I_ felt and how my legs were not even working properly.

“What is it?” He asked, phone in hand.

I grabbed the tiny-fat bottle and stepped aside before pointing at my chair. “Sit down.”

He probably thought he was in trouble for some reason, the way his shoulders fell and his face softened into something hopeless and expectant. I just stared at him long enough to reconsider and for him to sit down

I didn’t reconsider.

“Happy Valentine’s day,” I placed the tiny-fat bottle over the table, right in front of him.

Eren frowned. Then, he turned the bottle around and, finally, he looked at me. “What is it?” Despite his confusion, his eyes were screaming feelings I couldn’t even put a finger on.

“A bottle,” I added the sarcastic tone because I couldn’t help it. But then I explained. “It’s cheesy as fuck… I’m not even proud of it. But… I wrote some stuff on those papers. Whenever you’re down and you don’t want to talk to me about it, or whenever we fight and are not up to deal with it yet just… take one of those papers out and read it. Think about it for 2 minutes and then move on with your life.” I shrugged. “I’m not really good at this, you know… but I’m trying. So until I’m good enough to my own terms, not just yours, I want you to use that.”

The silence that followed was the most awkward silence we ever shared. And then Eren got up so suddenly I found myself taking a step back, still not in time to avoid him when he pulled me into a hug.

“I love you,” he said. I tried not to let it overwhelm me but then he started rambling, “I love you so much. I hate you because I love you, does that make sense?” It made a lot of sense. I felt exactly the same way. “So just… thank you.”

I grabbed his shirt. “Hey, don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying,” he grunted. He was totally crying. And the way he rubbed his wet nose on my neck just served to prove it. “There’s just a lot of love in my eye, or something.”

I snorted and nuzzled his hair, “You’re so horribly cheesy.”

Eren took a deep breath and waited for a moment before he talked again. “I didn’t get you anything, though. I’m sorry.”

I pulled back, holding him steady and looking him in the eyes. “You kidding? You just fucked me into next year, been all sweet-ass for the whole day and you say you didn’t get me anything?” I scowled. “You get me _stuff_ every day, Eren. Not every little thing needs to be palpable, you know?”

He sniffled, blushed and looked away. “Uhm, does that mean we’re not fucking for a whole year?”

“Don’t even joke about that…” I walked past him then and grabbed the Converse that were sitting next to the bedroom’s door. “What pizza did you choose?”

“Peperoni.”

I looked at him and smirked. “Wow, ok.” It was awkward to put my shoes on in that position so I had to lean my shoulder against the wall. When I was done, and tossed a thumb over my shoulder in the direction of the hallway. “Come on. Stop being perfect and let’s go pick a movie.”

Eren smiled and moved out of that statue-position he’d been in for a while. “Can it be sci-fi?”

“I told you to stop being perfect.”


End file.
